Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of TNA iMPACT!

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Join us tonight at 9:00 PM EST for our LIVE coverage of TNA iMPACT!

First of all, my apologies for missing last week. Long hours at crappy part time jobs suck. Anywho, you can blame my fellow Pulse colleagues for not picking up the slack. Actually, it’s this show, so not at all.

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– Taped from Orlando, FL

– Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Don West

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Awesome Kong v. Some Chick

Never caught her name, sorry, but she hits a pair of dropkicks to start. Kong barely sells however and dumps her to the floor for some brawling. Meanwhile Tenay mentions that Gail is gone. Back inside, she comes off the top but gets CREAMED (CREAM COUNT: 1) by Kong’s forearm. Some slaps only piss Kong off and she finishes with the Awesome Bomb.

Winner: Awesome Kong

– Post-match Saeed brings a couple chairs in the ring. During the replay, West exclaims how she was just CREAMED (CREAM COUNT: 2) by the powerbomb! Anyway, ODB makes the save.

– AJ Styles cuts another awkward interview with Borash. For God’s sake, just stick to putting the guy in the ring already. Anyway, he teases that he’s done something with Angle’s gold medal.

– TNA Roughcuts with Consequences Creed. Again I remind you, while not much better, at least it’s not Matt Morgan again (and again and again).

Petey Williams & Sheik Abdul Bashir v. Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal

The blacks go in control on Sheik to start with some double teaming. Good combo, adds trusty DW. Creed tries getting cute on the apron but Khan trips him up. Inside, Petey adds a jawbreaker and spin kick then tags in Sheik who goes in control with corner offense. Williams comes back in to add a scoop slam but misses a springboard setting up a desperate tag to Lethal, but the crowd doesn’t care. Rolling dropkick but Sheik breaks the count. Lethal plants them both with a double DDT. Lethal goes up top but Bashir knocks him off. Creed then knocks Bashir off the top which inadvertently interrupts the Canadian Destroyer attempt and Lethal rolls Petey up for the pin. This of course causes the heels to get into a shoving match.

Winners: Consequences Creed & Jay Lethal

– Backstage ODB talks about taking down Kong.

– Abyss is the guest on this week’s installment of Karen’s Angle. He begins the interview but knocking the table over. He then sits Indian style on the floor while laughing and talking about his troubled pasts while Karen watches on nervously. He then asks Karen, a single woman, what she looks for in a man. He asks if she likes someone who snarls, screams insanity, and whispers. He then reads her a poem he wrote: “Karen, you’re skin is golden, your eyes are brown, I can take you with me, but you can’t make a sound, not a cry not a whisper, not only a peep like a poor blood”, and I lost track at about right there. He then proceeds to yank out a lock of his hair to give to her as a gift.

– Meanwhile Kip James does some styling for the Beautiful People. They talk shit. Love adds in the fact that they aren’t lesbians. Damn. She says at No Surrender she’s going to pin Taylor Wilde’s “cottage cheese ass”. End segment.

– Borash interviews Kurt Angle and Frank Trigg. Angle is pissed off that JB announces him as a “former” Olympic gold medalist. He won it with a BROKEN FREAKIN neck. Trigg calms him down and says he has everything under control and just to focus on Nash tonight. Cheap shot on Tomko is inserted here.

Curry Man v. Jimmy Rave

Curry Man drives on him to start but Hemme seduces him on the apron allowing Rave to jump him in the ring. He CREAMED him with that (CREAM COUNT: 3). Curry Man comes back with a spin kick and decks him with a lariat and then springboard crossbody for two. Rave catches him with a knee but Curry Man quickly comes back with a backbreaker followed by the Spice Rack for the pin. Okay.

Winner: Curry Man

– Post match Hemme comes in to slap Curry Man, then goes low which allows Lance Rock to come in and add a powerbomb. Save is made by Shark Boy and Eric.

– In Jim Cornette’s office, Traci Brooks gets the position of “Knockout Law”.

– Backstage in Booker T’s pimped out locker room, Booker talks to Jeremiah about the title match at No Surrender. Meanwhile, Team 3D argue about who gets to wear which robes. Ray then takes good advantage of the royal refreshments table and they all toast until Ray spills some champagne on the Queen.

– Nash talks to Borash. Even worse than Styles, for obvious reasons.

Kurt Angle v. Kevin Nash – Four Corners Qualifier

Angle gets psyched out by Joe at ringside to start and ends up falling victim to a Nash side slam. Nash stretches him over the knee and stays in control with his sloooooooooooow “offense”. After commercials Angle is in control and working on the leg. He locks in a figure four but Nash makes the ropes. Angle then runs into another side slam resulting in a double KO. Nash limps his way into a Jarrett-esque knee into the ropes and takes him down with a shoulder for two. Nash clotheslines him to the floor and stops by the announce table to slap Joe. Joe nails a big boot back inside and sets up the Jackknife but Joe provides interference on the apron allowing Angle to go low and then nail the Olympic Slam for the pin. Kevin Nash controlling a Kurt Angle match is not pretty, nor is the screwy finish. Ah well, such is TNA. Afterward Joe yaps at Nash but he leaves.

Winner: Kurt Angle

– We now get a video package of Jeff Jarrett and all the various times his guitar has been used in TNA. We get various video footage of the start of TNA, Jarrett smashing the guitar on Hogan in Japan, Jarrett leaving, ect.

– Lauren is backstage with So Cal Val who now has a black eye from last week’s incident. Val says what it will come down to is that she will hang the ring over the ring and whoever gets it, gets here. Fair enough.

The Beautiful People v. Taylor Wilde & Roxxi

Roxxi starts with Love and grabs an armbar, then brings in Wilde and Love bails to get some hair straightening by Kip. Boy what his career has come to these days. Back inside Wilde jumps her, as West points out, she “really does have game”. During some mounted punches, Love hits Wilde in the head with the devastating plastic make-up case (provided by Kip), allowing Sky to go in control. Love comes in as they continue to isolate Wilde and we head to commercials. We’re back and Roxxi is on control of the blonds. Spinebuster on Sky gets two. Roxxi sets up something on Love but Sky sneaks in and sprays something in her face from the devastating plastic make-up box. That allows Sky to bicycle kick Roxxi for the pin.

Winners: The Beautiful People

– Post match Roxxi gets the brown bag treatment until Taylor comes in. Kip then retrieves some scissors but Rhino make the save. Yes, Rhino.

– Your main event is Sting talking. He asked what would happen if he gave the future of wrestling to the younger stars. He said that would have been a mistake and would have been the end of TNA. Take Joe for example, he could have had Booker beat 1-2-3 but he disrespected a legend. That draws a pop from the crowd in a cool spot. But instead he flipped Joe off … is that the way to respect someone who paved the way for him? He says when he was his age he was being taken in under the wing of Ric Flair who he respected. He says almost all of the young guys in the back are nothing but spoiled brats. AJ Styles comes out to disagree. He said he never disrespected Sting ever. Sting says you can’t respect someone and then say they owe them something. Kurt Angle/Michael Phelps comparison is made. Sting then gives Styles the bat to hit him over the head with. Styles hesitates so he receives the Scorpian Death Drop. Jeff Jarrett’s music hits as we fade out. I’ll leave you tonight with this quote from the August 7th edition of this very report: “The return of Jeff Jarrett to set up JJ-Sting pt. XVIII headlining Bound For Glory?! You heard it here first folks!”.

End of show.

Final Cream Count Tally: 3