So Labor Day weekend is upon us and with it comes the end of the Summer movie season. While not the best summer ever, 2008 was a much needed improvement over 2007’s barrage of bloated disappointments. I’m happy to report that much of May, June, and July were even kind of spectacular at points, and August even held one gem among the plethora of wannabe blockbusters.
Again, as it was at the Mid Summer Report Card, I didn’t get to see everything I would have liked to. Also, I missed a lot of the stuff that I knew would be crap (Death Race, Babylon, A.D., Disaster Movie, and so on). I did catch up with one of the movies I missed earlier in the summer, but ended up wishing that I had just outright missed it. With that, let’s get on with it.
Rob’s End of Summer Report Card
The Happening
There was a point when M. Night Shyamalan was one of my favorite modern directors. Of his first four entries, I count amongst them some of my favorite movie going experiences of the last decade. The Sixth Sense was great, but is was Unbreakable that absolutely floored me with a movie I could watch over and over. Sure ghost stories are fine, but a superhero movie with so much intelligence and humanity (especially at the time) was very hard to find. Following that up with two solid entries, I was ready to blindly follow Shyamalan anywhere, until Lady in the Water completely rocked my confidence in him, and worse yet, really brought to light a lot of flaws I had put in the back of my mind about his previous work, especially the man’s worst attribute; hubris. With a solid follow-up piece though, all this could have been forgiven.
The Happening is not what I was looking for. Guys, every bad review you’ve read about this movie is true. Epically bad performances, scenes where people are literally running away from the wind, and a visual style that gets outmatched by most Direct to DVD Steven Seagal releases. I wonder if the film maker that thrilled me in Unbreakable and scared the crap out of me in Signs is gone forever. If he keeps making movies like this one, I would prefer that he was.
Grade: D-
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
While I love Guillermo Del Toro’s work, I feel like I’m not as big a fan of the original Hellboy as I want to be. The big problem is that I’m a gigantic fan of Mike Mignola’s Comic Book series (which is absolutely brilliant and recommended for anyone that loves comic books or fables or just good storytelling in general), and I felt like the first film just didn’t have enough of what I loved about the series; atmosphere, intelligence and wit. Sure, the first movie was funny, and I love Ron Pearlman’s Hellboy, but so much of the experience just seemed like Del Toro trying to shove this world I loved into an Action movie franchise.
On that note, I think that Hellboy II is a vast improvement in almost every way. While still not providing a lot of the atmosphere I’d like, the whole “Workin’ man’s blues meets Jim Henson” motif absolutely kept me glued to the screen for this entire flick. The Troll Market sequence alone was an absolute masterpiece of world building and the humorous tone of the whole movie keeps the proceedings fun and light in a way that I haven’t seen in a long time. Also, consider that this movie cost about half the price tag of The Incredible Hulk, Hancock, or the new Narnia, and it shows you just how awesome a Fantasy epic can look if you’ve got a supremely creative director at the helm.
Grade: A
The Dark Knight
I don’t know if you guys have seen this or not, but its pretty good. I guess I’ve really said all I’ve needed to say about it, but if you haven’t seen it yet, then shame on you.
Grade: A+++++++++++
Step Brothers
I’ll be the first to admit that Step Brothers isn’t going to be for everybody. The movie is mean, crude, and juvenile. It is also very, very, very funny. Honestly, with all the big Comedies that came out this summer, this one may have ended up the most quotable. Of course, every one of those quotes are profanity-laced and really vile at times, but man, I chuckle every time I go to a party and end up thinking to myself “F#%&@*! Catalina Wine Mixer!”. I don’t care if he’s making the same movie over and over, as long as Will Ferrell (and John C. Reilly for that matter) keep making me crack up, I don’t care how long his streak goes. Bring on Anchorman 2 as soon as you can (and find a role for Reilly in it)!
Grade: B-
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Ok, I love a big, stupid Action flick as much as the next guy. Heck, I probably love those flicks 30 times more than the next guy, but wow this movie is dumb. Here’s where the problem starts with this movie. The first two Mummy movies are stupid, big budget Indiana Jones rip-offs, but to his credit, I think Stephen Sommers had enough energy to make those movies do about everything they were supposed to do. On the other hand, Rob Cohen isn’t ripping off Steven Spielberg, he’s just ripping off Stephen Sommers, and copying the guy who did Van Helsing is just no way to be.
Even after setting this thing in China, everything in this movie is just so paint-by-numbers that it almost feels more like a remake of the first film than it does a sequel, only with (believe it or not) less atmosphere. This is just too bad, because I absolutely love some of the people involved here, including Michelle Yeoh, Jet Li, Maria Bello, and even on occasion Brendan Frasier, but this is just one lame “I hate Mummies” joke after another, and the same horrible special effects we’ve come to loath in this series. At least the first two had energy, this one should be buried, never to be seen again.
Grade: D
Pineapple Express
It wasn’t the reinvention of the wheel or anything, but Pineapple Express was solid as a rock when it came to getting me laughing and Danny McBride is an absolute revelation. This one had me rolling at times, and I loved the entirety of the blood-soaked-pseudo-Tarantino finale, but the real heart of this movie came during its quiet moments, like when Seth Rogen and James Franco are just in the woods trying to get a caterpillar high or running from the cops with Peter Tosh’s Wanted Dread And Alive playing on the soundtrack. Those are the moments when this movie really had me. Of course there were other moments when I was afraid it might lose my interest , but I can‘t say that it ever did.
Grade: B
Tropic Thunder
It took until we almost got to the very end, but the Comedy of the summer showed up on August 15th. I’ve actually been thinking about this movie quite a bit in the last week or so, and the more I think about it the more I love it. From Robert Downey Jr.’s brilliant spoof to Ben Stiller out Tom Cruise-ing Tom Cruise, this was absolutely what a big budget summer Comedy should be. In a lot of ways, this movie works in the way Steven Spielberg tried to make 1941 work almost three decades ago, but with the big sequences actually working toward making you laugh instead of against it. This thing is firing on all cylinders, and the laughs just keep coming.
Grade: B+
Clone Wars
I’d love to come on here and say that all the critics were wrong and that Star Wars fans should unite behind this fun Kid’s movie. If I did that though, I would totally be lying to you people. I know in this column I’ve defended George Lucas productions in the past, and maybe gotten into a lot of arguments over my love of anything Star Wars, but this thing is God-awful. Every time I’d try to fight back and win a battle for nostalgia, I’d get beaten down by Ahsoka Tano and Jabba the Hut’s gay uncle.
Right now I’d say that Jake Lloyd and Ahmed Best are thanking their lucky stars for Ashley Eckstein. That’s if this movie mattered one bit, which it absolutely does not. Her Ahsoka is absolutely the most grating, horrible Star Wars character ever created. Every time I heard her call Anakin “Skyguy”, I wanted to rip my ears off. Why can’t she say anyone’s real names? R2 doesn’t need another nickname, R2 IS HIS NICKNAME!! Is this the first mentally challenged Jedi? I know Harrison Ford complained about Star Wars dialogue before, but no where in those first six movies was the line “Good Job Stinky”, which I think is actually said several times during this movie.
Did I mention Jabba the Hut has an uncle that speaks English and speaks with an accent eerily similar to Truman Capote? I’m going to stop now before I hurt someone.
George please, this is coming from your most faithful servant, please don’t put out anything like this any more. Just stop. Please.
Grade: D
Well folks, that’s Summer 2008. It went out with a bit of a whimper, but overall it beat the crap out of last year’s offerings and we even ended up with one of the Blockbuster classics of our age. I hope that next year’s bunch is somewhere near as good.
