Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time RAW Report 09.08.2008

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Thanks to Norine for giving me a hand last Monday while I was working.  I’m back tonight and we’re coming off what many are calling the most unpredictable and shocking WWE PPV’s in quite a while!

We kick it off with your NEW World Heavyweight Champion.  I’ll give you four guesses, but none would be right as somehow Chris Jericho managed to leave Unforgiven with the richest prize in sports entertainment, and he did it while getting his ass kicked for nearly a half hour!  He gets a mediocre reception, but mostly boos.  He explains why he is the champion.  Last night, he faced a hypocrite by the name of Shawn Michaels.  Jericho takes his nice suit and dress shirt fof to showcase the lovely welts all over his chest and back.  He says that Michaels accomplished nothing last night.  However, Jericho made ten seconds of work pay off and he won the World Heavyweight Championship.  He has that nice sh*t eating grin on his face.  Good things do happen to good people.  Last night, CM Punk was a victim of the Concussion Kick by Randy Orton that took him out of the Scramble match.

Mike Adamle interrupts the party and informs us that CM Punk suffered a concussion and wasn’t medically cleared to compete.  Punk isn’t here tonight, so next week he will face Jericho for the title on RAW!  And to make sure that no one interferes, it will be a Steel Cage match.  Sure, Adamle…like that’ll keep people out.  Chris Jericho tries to leave, but Mike has more.  After what happened last night, we get Jericho v. Batista!

Up next, Mickie James FINALLY gets her Women’s Title rematch as she faces Beth Phoenix…NEXT!

Commercials.

We are back as Candice Michelle is on her way out to the ring and our first No Mercy match has been announced.  Candice will face the winner of the following match for the Women’s Championship at No Mercy!

Mickie James v. Beth Phoenix
WWE Women’s Championship

Here we go.  Mickie tries a waist lock, but Beth hangs her off the top rope and the match quickly goes out of the ring.  Mickie’s cranium meets the ring post and we head back inside.  Quick cover gets two as Beth goes to work on the arm.  She picks Mickie up and M<ickie uses Beth’s momentum against her to back her to the corner.  That didn’t pay dividends.  OUT OF NOWHERE MICKIE HITS A NECKBREAKER!  She throws some strikes, but Beth rams Mickie to the corner.  Mickie does the Mickie-Currana and follows up with a thez press!  Beth once again shoves Mickie to the corner, but she misses the charge.  Punch to the chest and Mickie is on the apron.  Beth flips her in the air and hits the powerbomb…that’s all she wrote.

Winner: Beth Phoenix
Grade: C+

Backstage, Layla and Jamie Noble converse and apparently he has a thing for Jillian’s singing.  Jamie wants his $5 back…I want my ears back.  Layla says that she’ll be out there when Jamie beats the tar out of Regal.

Unforgiven Recap

Commercials.

Last week, Jamie Noble beat William Regal despite being killed.

Jamie is out right now and let’s see this match go longer than the past two times they faced.

Jamie Noble v. Willam Regal

The bell sounds and they lock up.  Regal beats the hell out of Noble, tossing him around like a doll.  Noble comes back with a hurrancurana, but Regal hits the suplex and beats into Noble as we lose feed and go back to Layla.  We’re back and Regal is wrenching the arm of Moble.  Noble tries to fight back and he goes for the sunset flip, but Regal drops the knee and locks on a headlock.  Mark Neeley is already screaming MOTYC as we’re going along.  Regal sends Noble to the corner, but Noble kicks away and heads to the middle rope.  Dropkick connects and he gets two.  ENZUGIRI connects and Regal heads to the corner.  Noble looks for the cannonball, but Regal’s knee connects with Nobles head.  Regal kicks Noble’s head off for the win.

Winner: William Regal
Grade: B-

“What did you expect Noble?  Happy endings only happen in fairy tales!”

Regal looks at Layla as he extends his arm out.  Layla takes it and they walk away.

Later tonight…Jericho v. Batista!

Also, Evan Bourne & Rey Mysterio take on The Miz & John Morrison!  ECW’s talent exchange continues after a good last week!

Commercials.

The bells are sounding and that can only mean one man…JBL.

The hell?  JBL’s opponent is inside JBL’s limo.  Oh, it’s CHL!  John takes the mic as the fans chant CHL.  He complains that Charlie is mocking him.  JBL asks if he’s a ridiculous caricature…I guess he is.  Like him or hate him, he will respect JBL.

John Bradshaw Layfield v. Charlie Haas Layfield

The bell sounds and Charlie pisses JBL off enough that he walks.

Winner: Charlie Haas Layfield
Grade: N/A

So all it takes is to embarrass him to make him throw a fit?  Damn.

Commercials.

Backstage JBL walks and he is now the butt of all jokes.  Batista laughs.  JBL tries to reason with Batista in saying how Charlie and JBL have nothing in common.  He won his match and JBL didn’t.

T-Grish is with Rey!  He asks Rey why Kane brutalized him.  Rey won’t let that happen again.  He speaks Spanish a bit.  Rey’s spirit is still alive and he is nobody’s victim.

Time for our tag match!  No?  We gotta take a break?  Fine.

Commercials. – Check out Blatt v. ECW tomorrow night on the Pulse!

The Miz & John Morrison v. Rey Mysterio & Evan Bourne

Bourne starts off as does Morrison.  Morrison misses a punch and Bourne does a hip toss for one.  Bourne works on the arm and in comes Rey with a springboard for two!  Mysterio gets sent to the ropes and Morrison sends Mysterio to the corner.  Mysterio looks for a hurrancurana, but Morrison tosses him off and Miz comes in.  He wrenches the arm a bit and Mysterio kicks his way out.  To the heel corner we go and Mysterio hits a seated senton and Bourne drops the knees!  Double team by MYsterio & Bourne gets two and AIR BOURNE lands on Morrison!  Back in the ring and flying hip attack connects.  To the top and the SSP attempt is prevented as Morrison hits a nice shining wizard!  Morrison is back in and he gets a headlock applied as we talk about how Ricky Ortiz is undefeated…and he is too green.  Bourne counters a neckbreaker with a backslide for two.  Bourne gets dragged to the heel corner and the Miz comes in and applies a headlock.  Bourne fightsm but he gets picked up.  Morrison comes in and heel miscommunication costs the momentum.  Bourne tags in Rey and he dispatches Miz and gets a two count on Morrison.  Morrison is hung up, but Miz trips Rey up, stopping the 619!  Knee to the temple gets two and a half!  Springboard connects with the Miz and Rey hits the 619!  Mysterio tags in Bourne and HITS THE SHOOTING STAR PRESS!  That is all!

Winner: Evan Bourne & Rey Mysterio
Grade: B
+

Hellfire & Brimstone erupt as Kane says that he will face Rey next week and he has a reason why he’s targeting him – the mask!

Randy Orton makes his way to the ring..he’s up next!

Commercials – Catch Mark Neeley this Thursday for Real-Time coverage of TNA iMPACT!

Last Night, CM Punk got Punk’d!

By the way, I still love Orton’s music.  He’s in the ring with a bad mic!  HAHA!  He says that there’s no worst feeling than being unable to successfully defend the title.  Karma caught up with Punk as an one-arm man took him out.  Punk should be happy that Orton did what he did otherwise he’d be exposed.  He goes off on a tirade, saying that once he’s 100%, he’ll go after Jericho and beat him for the title.

Out come Simply Priceless along with Manu.  Cody Rhodes questions Randy’s facts, saying that if it wasn’t for the three of them, Orton would not have been able to take Punk out.  Manu says that Orton’s not the only one who was blessed with being a second generation superstar.  DiBiase talks a bit and Orton bitch slaps him before leaving the ring.  Six man tag is upcoming!

Commercials – Don’t forget to wrap up your week with Norine for her live SmackDown coverage this Friday!

Simply Priceless & Manu v. Cryme Tyme & Kofi Kingston

Rhodes and JTG start things off and Rhodes gets punched.  Moments later, Rhodes tags in DiBiase and Kofi gets involved, taking it to DiBiase.  DiBiase gets beaten in the corner and Manu distracts Kofi enough on the outside.  DiBiase tags in Manu and he slams him down.  Headbutt conntcts and he slams Kofi down again while DiBiase comes in and drops the feet for two.  Tag to Rhodes and they double team Kingston.  Rhodes locks on a stretch, but Kingston gets out of it.  They trade punches and Kofi goes for the cross body and misses.  Schoolboy gets two for Kofi!  Wraparound clothesline by Rhodes connects and both men are down.  Shad gets tagged in and he goes wild on the champions!  Military press for Rhodes and he gets dispatched.  Manu blind tags in and he hits what looks like a Reverse Diamond Cutter!  Is that even right?  Whatever that move was, that won it for the team.

Winners: Simply Priceless & Manu
Grade: B

Matt Hardy won the ECW Championship last night!  WHOO!

Commercials.

WWE 24/7 Moment: November 24th, 1983 – NWA Starcade – Ric Flair v. Harley Race in a steel cage for the NWA Title.

Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix make their way to the ring.  Santino has a match upcoming and he has the mic.  THE HONK-A-METER returns!  The Honky Donky Man held the Intercontinental Title for 64 weeks and Santino had it for three.  He bit off more than he can chew…SNITSKY IS BACK!

Santino Marella v. Snitsky

The match begins and Snitsky kills a bitch, so to speak.  Even Beth’s interference can’t save Santino.  Snitsky continues to kill Santino, tossing him like a rag child.  Snitsky gets his foot caught on the top rope and Santino rolls him up for the three?!

Winner: Santino Marella
Grade: NA

Santino and Beth kiss and make out.  He’s celebrating like he won the Olympics!

Kelly Kelly is talking with Mike Adamle…feeling bad over CM Punk.  Chris Jericho barges in and he complains about being fed to Batista later tonight.  Mike said that Jericho owes Mike for him placing Jericho in the Scramble.  The main event is next!

Commercials.

Next week on RAW: Kane v. Rey Mysterio & CM Punk v. Chris Jericho for the title!

Time for the main event!

Chris Jericho (w/Lance Cade) v. Batista

The bell sounds and Batista kills a bitch – sense the pattern?  Batista sends Jericho to the corner and hits a haymaker, followed by a stiff kick for one.  To the opposite corner we go and Jericho gets pummelled on the canvas.  Jericho rolls out of the ring and Mike Adamle comes out to the ring to stop the match.  He apologizes to Batista and he makes a new match.

Chris Jericho & John Bradshaw Layfield v. Batista

But before we get this match underway…we gotta take our final break!

Commercials.

We’re back as JBL takes advantage of the situation.  Remember when JBL and Jericho hated each other?  Jericho is back in and he takes it to Batista in the corner, but Batista fights back…until JBL tags in to stop that.  Jericho cheap shots Batista and JBL hits the short arm clothesline.  He follows that with a few elbows for two.  Neckbreaker connects and JBL covers for another two.  Tag back to Jericho and he kicks Batista, following by a slap that pisses Batista off.  Haymaker connects and Batista takes out JBL as well.  Batista bomb try, but Lance Cade distracts, which allows JBL to hit the Clothesline from Hell.  Jericho slides back in and he pins Batista.

Winners: Chris Jericho & John Bradshaw Layfield
Grade: C+ for the whole thing.

Post match, JBL barks some orders at Lance Cade and he piefaces Batista!  WHO YOU LAUGHING AT NOW?!  They send Batista to the corner and he explodes with a double clothesline.  SPEAR to JBL!  SPINEBUSTER TO CADE!  BATISTA BOMB TO CADE!  Told ya.  Jericho doesn’t care though.

Show over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Chris Jericho & JBL d. Batista: C+
Santino Marella d. Snitsky: NA
Simply Priceless & Manu d. Cryme Tyme & Kofi Kingston: B
Evan Bourne & Rey Mysterio d. The Miz & John Morrison: B+
Charlie Haas d. JBL via countout: NA
William Regal d. Jamie Noble: B-
Beth Phoenix d. Mickie James: C+
Extra Credit: Opening Promo; Randy Orton’s Promo
Needs Improvement: Two matches that lasted less than a minute

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 9.8.08: B

A decent RAW tonight as it seems that we’ve taken a turn for the better, so it seems.  Chris Jericho as champion might be a better thing than to contine to push CM Punk.  Perhaps if he wins the title back sometime in the future, he may be booked as a stronger champion.  It worked for Orton, it should work for Punk.  The promos were gold tonight, but they really need to either book matches that will have actual time….or don’t book them and give the ones that need it more time.  Hell, ax the CHL/JBL thing and add on that five minutes (4.5 minutes talk – 30 second match) to Regal/Noble.  That is a feud that needs time to fully develop.

I’ll be back Thursday for another TMR and who knows what I will be talking about.  I am also getting WWE Rebellion: 2002 from Netflix, so I’ll be content this week.  Until the next time…have a great week!

Paul Marshall has been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007. He currently does a weekly WWE Column titled "This Week In 'E". Follow him on Twitter here.