TN… Eh?! A Week in Review

Hello, all. Long-time no see. In case anyone was wondering, “Who the hell is this guy?!”, I used to write for Inside Pulse Music. I’m a bit of a curmudgeon, so if you’re a fan of TNA, don’t mind the anger and negativity. I’ll only be extra mean to those things that are really stupid. However, I still have hope for “The Little Promotion That Could,” and I’ll try to shine some light on those things as well.

Enough with the introductions. Let’s get on with the show.

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The News in Review
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-Well, I’d be remiss if I didn’t touch on the biggest story to hit TNA in the past few weeks, that being Mick Foley signing a short-term contract with TNA. To some, this is a sign that “business is about to pick up” in TNA. To others, it’s another washed up ex-WWE star looking for an easy payday. I’m in the middle, though.

On the one hand, will Mick Foley bring something new and interesting to TNA? Well, of course he will. This is Mick Foley we’re talking about, one of the best mic workers in the history of the business, and someone who’s willing to put over just about anyone. You stick him in the booth with Tenay and West, he’s golden. You stick him in a program with any of the young talent you want to put over, he’s golden. It’s a win-win situation for TNA… if they approach it right.

What TNA doesn’t want to do is build the promotion around Foley. They don’t want to hot shot the belt onto him, nor do they want to make him the new focal point of the program. They have run into trouble in the past bringing in “big names” from Up North, and then pushing them over their established talent, thus devaluing the future of the company to get some minor bump in the ratings that will disappear once the novelty of seeing a WWE star on TNA television wears off.

The correct course of action would be to integrate him into this new storyline, with the “future” against the “past”. Get him in the ring with Sting to play off of their past history, but then let him put over as many of the younger talents as you can before his contract runs out. Utilize him as a springboard for men like Samoa Joe, James Storm, Matt Morgan, and Homicide. Build up the future on the back of the past, and TNA will be getting value for their dollar. But if Foley is just another “name” they hope to garner ratings appeal with… TNA is going to be sadly disappointed.

-TNA’s legal problems with Konnan are thankfully coming to a close, as they are currently going into mediation to hopefully reach a deal that will satisfy both sides. I personally don’t think Konnan has a leg to stand on (or a hip), but TNA is smart to try and settle this rather than go into a lengthy court battle, where they’ll end up paying an attorney much more than they’d probably pay out to Konnan with a deal.

-Speaking of legal problems, Kurt Angle has been found not guilty of a DUI he was charged with in Pennsylvania. The charge itself was actually sound, but the police failed to corroborate the claims made by the woman who complained of his driving. So, basically, TNA dodged a bullet. How many more bullets have to be shot before one of them hits Angle square in the face, though?

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The Impact of Impact
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-The continuing saga of Kevin Nash’s on-again, off-again love affair with Samoa Joe continued, as Nash coaxed Samoa Joe into fighting three men in a gauntlet-like match. Joe ended up beating all three of them, finishing with beating Tomko with a Muscle Buster. Then Joe and Nash made out in the back of Nash’s ’57 Chevy. Awwww…

-There was a beauty pageant that very well may have sucked the life right out of the show. There wasn’t a single redeeming thing that came out of this, and the fact that it was an ongoing segment just made it worse. At least when the WWE does shit like this, it’s ten minutes of crap, then done. TNA proceeded to streeeeeetcccchhhhhh this out as long as they could, as if this was going to boost Impact’s ratings. Fucking please.

-Abyss and Christian Cage almost had a match, but then they didn’t have a match, but then Abyss and Morgan teamed together to have a match later, but it ended with a run-in. Insert Kurt Angle, Booker T, and Team 3D. Mix and serve. Hey, it still tastes like shit!

-AJ Styles and Frank Trigg are going to have a SLOBBERKNOCKER at No Surrender! Submissions only! Rounds! Run-ins! Lions! Tigers! Bears! OH MY!

-Awesome Kong ate Roxxi for dinner. Then ODB ran out to lower the workrate. Hilarity ensued.

-Sting MAD! Joe MAD! Jarrett SMA… er… STAND!

The End.

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TNA No Surrender Breakdown
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Here is what’s on tap for No Surrender, and my thoughts on each match.

The Rock and Rave Infection vs. The Prince Justice Brotherhood

-This… might be an OK match. But it doesn’t belong on a PPV. Please, can’t we just do a straight tag match, and not include Hemme in the mix? Please?

Team 3D vs. Matt Morgan and Abyss

-If they let these two teams go, let them brawl all over the place, and put Matt Morgan over hard, this match could slip under the radar and end up being quite good. Just don’t overbook it, and play to each man’s strengths, and you’ll end up with a pretty good match.

ODB vs. Awesome Kong

-I really don’t like ODB… at all. But if anyone is going to get a good match out of her, it’s going to be Awesome Kong. Hopefully Kong resigns with TNA, so she can continue to be the best women’s wrestler in the world today.

AJ Styles vs. Frank Trigg (Submission Bout)

-This has the potential to rule the joint. But, again, like the tag match earlier, if they overbook it, it’s going to fall on it’s face. Let these two go at it for fifteen, let them put on a great mat exhibition, and put over AJ strong. That’s all you need, TNA. GOOD, COMPETENT WRESTLING.

Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal (Ladder of Love match)

End this angle here and now, and never speak of it again. These two both deserve better, and to be having a ladder match over the love of a woman rather than the X-Division title is ridiculous. You don’t need stupid gimmicks and idiotic storylines to “give the little guys charisma”. You need to give them time on the mic, and maybe get them a coach to teach them to speak. The X-Division used to be the hottest thing in wrestling! What’s wrong with you, TNA?

Petey Williams vs. Consequences Creed vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir (TNA X-Division Title)

So… Dutt and Lethal, two of your top talents in the X-Division, are squaring off over the love of a woman. Meanwhile, Petey Williams has to carry a green-as-grass newcomer and a walking gimmick to a passable match for the X-Division title. Why do you try to make me hate you, TNA?

Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love (TNA Knockouts Title)

We know Taylor Wilde can go in the ring, and if Angelina Love is motivated she can go. It’s just a matter of allowing these two the time to put on a good match. This is actually the one match where I wouldn’t mind a screwy ending with Angelina Love getting the victory because of her Beautiful Cohorts. As long as the wrestling is good leading up to the finish, screw away. Giggity giggity.

Beer Money Inc. vs. LAX (TNA Tag Team Titles)

Beer Money has quickly become my favorite tag team in pro-wrestling right now. It’s not that they’re incredible in the ring, either. But the hilarious backstage promos combined with the take no prisoners attitude in the ring just works so well for these two. I wouldn’t take the belts off of Beer Money yet, but I wouldn’t cry foul if LAX regained them. Homicide and Hernandez are right up there with Beer Money, and are a bit more talented in the ring, so either way, we win.

Samoa Joe vs. Booker T vs. Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage (TNA World Title)

The booking is going to decide if this match is incredible or this match is garbage. Normally, these four could put on a good match in their sleep. But add in the Sting angle, along with Jeff Jarrett schlupping around, along with the debut of Foley, and this could very easily turn into one of the worst main events in TNA’s recent history. I beg you, TNA, let the shit hit the fan after the match is over. Otherwise, what looks like a passable (but underwhelming) PPV could turn into a trainwreck.

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… And Thanks For All The Fish
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That’s it for this week. Next week, we’ll look at the fall-out from No Surrender, any breaking news, and whatever else my sick little head can think of. Take it easy, kids.

This is Brian J. Blottie… over and out.

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