Smackdown Crackdown 9-12-08

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Welcome to the Smackdown Crackdown! After essentially a month away, I am back and refreshed to bring you the best Smackdown review on the Internet today. Let’s get to the action!

We are not live from Milwaukee as Jim Ross and Tazz welcome us to the show. Tonight, Triple H’s challengers from Unforgiven wrestle a four way match to determine the #1 Contender. Meantime, Triple H is out for a show opening speech about nothing. JR referred to the Game as a 12 time champion, so this is not being recognized as a new title reign for Triple H, thank goodness. That’d be almost as moronic as being stripped of the title and winning it back in the Elimination Chamber in December 2004/January 2005. He said you need to see Unforgiven if you didn’t. Triple H said to buy the dvd because it’s great and he gets residuals. He said there were hundreds of title changes and thousands of pinfalls, Randy Orton punked CM Punk, Matt Hardy got his act together and won the big one (since, you know, the ECW title is important; yeah, I didn’t buy it either) and that Rey Mysterio came out with a crazy Mohawk. This is ridiculous. He said the Scramble was one of the most difficult matches of his life. Never mind he was the final entrant and didn’t have to wrestle that much. Jeff Hardy heard enough bullcrap and cued his music. He made the typical “Triple H is awesome” line that anybody who feuds with the champ has to say at least 7 times. Jeff said he did his best but Triple H is still the champ. The entire locker room looks up to Triple H (bullcrap twice) and they exchanged admiration and other mess. Triple H said Jeff Hardy puts his body on the line like no other person in the history of this business. Sabu called me up just now to say he disagrees vehemently. Trips said Jeff is always one step away, that it’s the story of his life. Jeff countered saying he never had the right people to push him along, no Kliq, no DX, no (McMahon) family. Trips said maybe he forgot about Matt Hardy. Matt Hardy is a champion but Trips said a lot of people thought Jeff was the better Hardy. Trips said Matt was the one keeping Jeff focused on wrestling instead of “extra-curricular activities.” The crowd is noticeably quiet through all this worked-shoot garbage. Trips said he wants Jeff to win the fatal fourway match and “prove me wrong,” to steal an old Chris Benoit catchphrase, because at No Mercy, Triple H guarantees Jeff will prove him right. Sometimes, I enjoy a little real life injected into a wrestling program, but this just felt angry and bitter without needing to, especially considering that both Jeff Hardy and Triple H are supposed to be faces.

Back from break, it’s finally time for a match.

Match #1: Victoria/Natalya/Maryse vs. Maria/Brie Bella/Michelle McCool – Six Diva Tag match

Result: Maria/Brie Bella/Michelle McCool won when Not Brie Bella rolled Victoria up for the win.

RPP’s Thoughts: Wow, that is one ugly title belt. Maria looks like she’s wearing pajamas instead of wrestling gear. Just another sign of how WWE interprets women’s wrestling. Natalya hit a very nice suplex early in this match. JR called Maryse “Pat Patterson’s favorite diva.” Take that as you will. Brie Bella went under the ring and came back out wearing a different outfit and rolled Victoria up for the win. See, WWE can get away with that with the Bashams because male wrestlers, especially those in tag teams, dress like each other with no concern about stupid fashion stuff. The Bellas obviously cannot, and that’s why this gimmick fails. Three minutes, fifty nine seconds.

Back from break, Ron Killings came through the crowd performing the “WHAT’S UP” rap he would perform in TNA. Kudos to WWE for letting him use that gimmick. Chavo Guerrero cued his music and we’ve got a match that might be good in any other promotion.

Match #2: R-Truth vs. Chavo Guerrero

Result: R-Truth won by disqualification when Bam Neely shoved him off the middle rope.

RPP’s Thoughts: If you told me ten years ago that in 2008, you could see a match between a former ECW champion and a former NWA heavyweight champion on free television, I would’ve thought you were nuts. Chavo Guerrero brought to mind memories of Jushin Liger or Low Ki with a rolling front kick. Given time and some build, this could be a strong midcard feud, perhaps for the US Title. Three minutes, twenty seconds.

After the match, Chavo yelled at Bam for screwing up the match, saying “I pay you.” Neely wasn’t happy and shoved Chavo down, but Truth hit the ax kick on Neely and briefly brawled with Guerrero. Maybe the bookers heard me already.

Backstage, Shelton Benjamin was talking to some girl until Triple H came back and blocked his cock. Trips bs’d about it not being fair that Shelton has to try again to earn a shot, seeing as he was the only man not pinned in the Scramble match. Trips tried to plant seeds of mistrust in Shelton about things Jeff Hardy said (spoilers: WINK), but Shelton didn’t put up with it, saying he doesn’t reach for brass rings, he reaches for gold titles. Nice showing from Mr. Benjamin, who isn’t really known for his promo ability. Being able to make the sniveling, sneaky Triple H back down is the kind of build a secondary champion can always use.

In the arena, Jesse cued the biscuit song and came out carrying a box while Festus pushed a mover’s dolly. Now there’s a profession these guys can do. The box was full of something. Did we go back to 2001 and Raven’s shopping cart of goodies? Kenny Dystkra came out to say he could be a star in any sport and has more potential then anyone. He whined about nobody paying him any attention, then proved he is the smartest heel in professional wrestling by attacking Festus before the bell.

Match #3: Festus vs. Kenny Dykstra

Result: Match was never official

RPP’s Thoughts: After Jesse rang the bell himself, Festus hit “his “ moves and duct taped Kenny’s limbs together. Back from break, Kenny was wrapped up a lot and moved Kenny onto the dolly and wheeled him too the back. Was this supposed to be a rib?

JR and Tazz talked about The Big Show’s apparent alliance with Vickie Guerrero. After a video package, Vickie, AT LAST free of the wheelchair, came to the ring. She said the Undertaker made threats against her before of Unforgiven and did not send her to hell nor take her soul. I hate this angle already. Vickie said she is still the GM of Smackdown. She introduced the Big Show, who after months of floating around not really doing anything, seems to finally have an interesting story to work with. Big Show said after Edge got destroyed in Hell in a Cell, and La Familia abandoned her, Vickie came to him for help. He didn’t want to do it at first, but Show realized that Undertaker thinks he’s above the rules. Everyone has to obey the rules, and Show knows what’s best for Smackdown and the fans. He said it was a true alliance, none of the craziness Edge tried to do. In order to get Big Show what he wants, the WWE Title, Show will extract what Vickie wants from the Deadman, namely an apology. If he doesn’t apologize, Show will see to it personally that Taker is punished.

Back from break, Funaki and Colt Cabana (called Scotty Goldman here) were already in the ring, and Vladimir Kozlov cued his music for this match.

Match #4: Funaki/Scotty Goldman vs. Vladimir Kozlov – 2 on 1 Handicap match

Result: Kozlov won by pinning Funaki after hitting the Zinedine headbutt as Funaki came off the top rope.

RPP’s Thoughts: Complete squash match, not much to it. Thirty-five seconds. Kozlov took the mic after the match and spoke in Russian. After that, he again demanded more of a challenge in the competition.

In the back, Ezekiel Jackson was reading WWE magazine. Triple H came in and stared longingly into Jackson’s eyes. The Brian Kendrick came in and said it was ridiculous he had to earn another shot, because he held the title for the longest period of time in the Scramble match. Trips said of all the losers that night, Kendrick was the biggest. I bet that comment is what the report of Triple H having heat with the young guys and the Undertaker came from.

Back from break, the tag champions Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder are headed to the ring. Again with the champions coming out first, blah. The Colons came out as their opponents. Those are Primo Colon and Carlito. The crowd didn’t react to until Carlito came out.

Match #5: WWE Tag Team Champions Curt Hawkins/Zack Ryder vs. Primo Colon/Carlito – non-title match

Result: The Colons won when Carlito hit the Backstabber.

RPP’s Thoughts: Carlito and Primo had a split screen promo during their entrance, but it was barely understandable. This is the first time the Colons have teamed together, at least on TV. I was surprised that the former Edgeheads spent much of the match singling Carlito out instead of Primo, as usually the more established member of a new tag team usually gets the glory and the hot tag. Primo did a cartwheel between moves for no particular reason. The team debuts with a win over the tag champions, where do they go from here? Perhaps a title match is in their future. Six minutes, fifty one seconds.

MVP met Triple H backstage, where H wondered why MVP was in the match. Someone accidentally hit an alarm bell back there during this promo. Call it a sign.

Back from break, it’s time for the #1 Contenders match. Shelton Benjamin cut a promo from backstage after MVP’s entrance saying he will show why he is the Gold Standard. All of a sudden, boom, Shelton goes from the interview area to the stage nearly instantly. Damn he has speed. The first three wrestlers came out before the commercial while Jeff Hardy came out after. That’d certainly suggest that someone had promo time during it.

Match #6: MVP vs. US Champion Shelton Benjamin vs. The Brian Kendrick vs. Jeff Hardy – #1 Contenders Fatal Fourway match

Result: Jeff Hardy won by pinning The Brian Kendrick after a Swanton onto Kendrick and MVP.

RPP’s Thoughts: In a fatal fourway match, there is one fall, it is not elimination rules. Kendrick showed that, at least in the WWE universe, it means you’re smart if you get the hell out of the ring during your match. Shelton and MVP stared at each other suspiciously after hitting a flapjack on Jeff Hardy, both men knowing the other would go for a cover. Hardy almost slipped off the top rope going for Whisper in the Wind, but held on long enough to hit the move. The majority of this match was MVP vs. Shelton Benjamin as Kendrick’s a wuss and Jeff Hardy kept getting thrown outside. Strong and competitive match, where there was a prize for the wrestlers to fight for. Quite enjoyable. Twelve minutes, one second.

After the match, Vladimir Kozlov came out and attacked Hardy. If he really wants competition, he’s not going to get it out of a tired Jeff Hardy.

Favorite match: The main event was very good despite it really being a two man, or three man affair.

Least favorite match: Kenny vs. Festus wasn’t really a match, but it was confusing enough where I didn’t really enjoy it.

See you again next week. Keep your teeth clean!