Ultimate Fighter Preliminaries

Hurricane Ike was so powerful that it even made its presence known in the Ohio Valley region. Strong winds knocked down trees, rooftops, and more importantly to this story: power lines. I was without power for five days and as a result was unable to watch last week’s Ultimate Fighter opener. Since Spike doesn’t replay shit like it used to, I missed the episode all together. I’m sure I could track it down but that’s just not going to happen. Since it was just preliminary fights I figure I won’t be missing much and we’ll just move on knowing some guys fought their way onto the show. I’ll learn more about them when the season really begins.

A guy who claims he has ADHD faces off against a guy from England in a lightweight bout. Dana White comments that Lightweights are far more entertaining than the heavies. See, that’s funny because he’s sitting in between Frank Mir and Nogueira. Alright, it actually was pretty funny. The English guy almost got a footlock in the opening round but it was submission transitions for most of the round. ADHD knocks down English Guy before the bell and the Brit is having problems standing after the bell. He hurt his shin. A leg kick to open the second round was enough to tell the English Guy that he couldn’t continue and he gave it up.

Heavyweight fight between a guy that is wondering why they have fried chicken and a Forrest Griffin fan. This fight was way more boring so Dana White wasn’t joking, he was keepin’ it real. Fried Chicken won with a rear naked choke and pulled a swerve after the fight when he requested steak for dinner.

Lightweights are back at it. A nervous Israeli is taking on a guy that would rather fight for money than to fight in the streets. Well duh. I always imagined Noguiera speaking with an Andre The Giant style accent. I know Andre was French and Noguiera is from Brazil but that’s just always what I had in my head when I imagined Noguiera speaking to me.

Back to the heavyweights. A bounty hunter and part-time model takes on a guy with a bad haircut and even worse logic. He says he fights to eat so if he doesn’t fight then he doesn’t live. You mean to tell me this guy can’t find anything else to do with his life besides fight? Nothing? I just picked up Tiger Woods 2005 just last month from the bottom of my video game pile and I’ve been playing the shit out of it. I doubt this dude will die if he doesn’t fight. Good news. Bad Haircut wins so he lives to fight another day. More importantly, he lives.

Now it’s a clip show so I can’t even know what these guys like to do in their spare time. Two tall lightweights fight and the tall one wins.

Then two heavyweights go at it and it looks like one of the guys has a chest hair bib, complete with a neck hair wrap-around. I spend their fight trying to figure out if I’m right or not so I’ll take Frank Mir’s word for it when he says both guys looked good. The possible chest hair bib lost.

Back to lightweights and some guy gets credit from Nogueira as being one of the best lightweights he’s seen. So what’s he doing on this show? I would assume he is the guy that wins.

Off the clips and back to a full heavyweight fight. A jiu-jitsu guy takes on an Armenian. I bet the Armenian trains with Karo Parisyan. Dana says every Armenian he knows is crazy. This looks like a lightweight fight early with lots of transitions, counters, and ground work. The second round is mostly stand up and we get a third round. Maybe I missed something but these rounds are definitely not five minutes long. Maybe it has just been cleverly edited to look like a lightweight fight. The Armenian starts bleeding massively in the third. The Armenian won a split decision even after Mir told him to raise his hands because he made it into the house. Of course this was prior to the actual decision. Dana White thought the jiu-jitsu guy won. I’m sure he’ll be back at some point this season.

Antwaan Brit, from the first show I guess, broke his hand in victory and the jiu-jitsu guy is brought back. That didn’t take long. And according to the preview of next week’s episode, some other guys will be brought back too.

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