I’m back after last week’s “Circuit Breaker Story” I had. Though really I worked extra because I’m nice like that. RAW 800 was a huge letdown, regardless of the nice fact more people watched it than RAW 799. Maybe if the WWE would had realized that last week’s Monday Night Football game would had sucked, they would had given Punk/Jericho on a better night. Tonight is the Ravens v. Steelers, so keep it to the Pulse and check up on your WWE RAW fix. Or DVR the game and watch RAW. I may be nice and provide the score throughout the evening. Your Welcome.
The World Is Watching….Something.
RAW video, pyro…it’s good to be back, even if I was gone a week.
Tonight’s main event is Shawn Michaels and someone of his choosing taking on Chris Jericho & Lance Cade. Also, as SmackDown gears towards going to MyNetwork TV (Not MyNetwork Television, Michael Cole, you goof), we’ll get a preview of Wrestlemania: The World Premiere later tonight.
Batista is stepping upto the plate as he is ready to put JBL through worse Hell than Wall Street. Santino Marella makes his presence felt, but he has a mic. The Manimal, he calls him. Before they fight, we get the HONK-A-METER! We are only a year and six weeks away. However, we get more visual aids. The BRAIN BAROMETER makes his debut. The average human brain has six cells, but Santino has 10 trillion. Batista has 12 and he’s going to take 10 of them. He is going to leave Batista in worst shape than the US Economy.
Batista v. Santino Marella
The bell sounds and Batista clotheslines Santino, powers him in the corner, whipping him to the opposite corner, hits the spinebuster, Batista Bomb, and he gets the pin. Can’t get easier than this.
Winner: Batista
Grade: F
Beth Phoenix talks trash to Batista, but that provides enough distraction as JBL sneaked out from Wall Street and leveled Batista with the Clothesline from Hell!
Todd Grisham has Shawn Michaels up for an interview. Shawn says that Lance Cade was good 10 years ago, but he was shocked that he proved himself at his expense. He gives Jericho a six day countdown. Grisham asks who the partner is. Shawn goes through some choices in Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, and Bret Hart. However, he wants a partner who likes him.
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 3-0 Pittsburgh
Last week, the WWE was in Europe.
Cryme Tyme makes their way to the ring as JTG has a solo match tonight.
JTG v. The Miz
So let me get this straight. This feud is developing from WWE.com. Check out the Dirt Sheet for more. The bell sounds and JTG locks on a waist lock. Miz gets out of it and he gets JTG in the corner. Shoulder tackle is followed by a dropkick and the elbow gets a two count. Knee thrusts to the midswection and Miz gets caught. He hangs JTG out to dry and he bashes his braincells on the turnbuckle. He collides with a clothesline in the corner and he mocks Cryme Tyme. Leg drop across the throat gets two as MC is being funny. Headlock by Miz, gets broken up and JTG rolls Miz up for two. Miz comes back with a lariat! Reality Check is countered and JTG gets the upperhand. Leap frog leg drop hits it for JTG, followed by a top rope leg drop….TWO COUNT! Front Russian leg Sweep connects for JTG, but Morrison distracts JTG long enough for JTG to get his reality checked for the three!
Winner: The Miz
Grade: B-
Backstage, Jaime Noble wants a favor from Jillian Hall. He picks fun of her vocal skills, however he wants her wrestling skills. He wants her to be his partner, but she blows him off. Enter Dolph Ziggler. Hilarity ensues and Jaime has no partner.
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: All tied 3-3
ECW is on tomorrow night at 8PM Central time!
Jamie Noble makes his way to the ring. Who did he get as a partner? Nobody apparently. King Regal & Queen Layla make their way to the stage. He sits on his throne. It looks like it’s a Handicap match, but Mickie James saves the day/
Jaime Noble & Mickie James v. Paul & Katie Lea Burchill
Burchill beats the Hell out of Noble to start. Noble uses his hard head and Burchill backs him to the heel corner. Katie Lea gets the tag and she takes it to Jaime. Jamie catches her leg and in comes Mickie! Katie Lea tastes a dropkck. Snapmare connects and Burchill drops Mickie James. Katie Lea gets two and another two count. Regal and Layla look on as Layla has Mickie’s arms locked in a Full Nelson like move. Mickie gets out of it and hits the neckbreaker out of nowhere! Both women are down and the next tag is key. Paul is in, Jaime is in. He takes it to Paul…TIGER DRIVER! Missile Dropkick hits and he gets two! Mickie James deals with Katie Lea as Paul hits headbutt. Twisted Sister is countered into the Northern Lights Suplex INTO THE ARMBAR! Paul Burchill taps out quickly!
Winners: Jaime Noble & Mickie James
Grade: B-
Later tonight: Who will tag with Shawn Michaels? Also: Rey Mysterio, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, & Evan Bourne take on Simply Priceless, Manu, & Kane!
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 3-3; 2nd Quarter
Interesting how on USA, WWE can say that they are going to MyNetworkTV, but they couldn’t say that while on the CW Network.
Backstage, Simply Priceless & Manu are hunting for Kane. Cody wants to do the talking. Kane is pissed off. Cody doesn’t know anything. Props on saying Kane is a 2nd Generation superstar, tough. Ted wants to be on the same page. Kane turns around and says that he doesn’t take orders from anyone. The way Kane sees it….Stay out of his way! That went well. He goes to find Adamle.
Last week: Lance Cade pins Shawn Michaels.
Lance Cade comes out to the stage bragging about beating Shawn last week. He learned more from Jericho than he did from Michaels. He doesn’t care who Shawn’s partner is tonight, but the results will be the same – Shawn will lose.
Time for the big eight man tag team match!
CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, Rey Mysterio, & Evan Bourne v. Simply Priceless, Manu, & Kane
But first: A Commercial.
Monday Night Football Update: Still 3-3
We’re back and it looks like Manu & Bourne will start. Manu shows us that being big has its advantages by making Bourne his b*tch. Tag to Mysterio and a nice double team move and Bourne goes AIRBOURNE on Manu. Everything goes to Hell and Punk & Kingston STEREO SUICIDE DIVES on the outside. Kane goes airborne on Kane and we go to commercials again?!
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 6-3 Ravens
We’re back and Evan Bourne is in trouble as Rhodes locks on a headlock. Rhodes transitions to a keylock, but Bourne attempts to get out. In comes Manu and Bourne gets tortured. Bourne looks for a tag, but he gets side suplexed for two. Bourne hits a timely droplick and IN COMES PUNK! Knee lift connects and DiBiase is in to cause the distraction. Manu SWEEPS THE LEG HARD and Rhodes takes advantage. Rhodes works on the leg, but Punk has two legs b*tch! Kane tags himself in and he kicks the Hell out of Punk. DiBiase wants in on the “Let’s work on Punk’s Leg” fun. Kane takes a cheap shot on the head. DiBiase continues to work on the leg as the fans try to rally behind Punk. Punk tries to fight out of the heel corner, but Rhodes/DiBiase hit a double suplex for two. Rhodes snaps the leg off the canvas and he tags back DiBiase. Double Axe Handle connects and Manu drops his weight and beats the hell out of Punk’s leg. Punk counters a leglock into a rollup for two. In comes Rhodes and this is writing itself. Punk does fight back, but he is DENIED! In comes Kane and he talks smack to the face corner. This allows Punk to get up. Kane grabs the leg…ENZUGIRI CONNECTS! Boot to Mysterio and Punk is dragged back to the heel corner. Rhodes comes back in and he slams the knee on the canvas. Enzugiri misses, so does Rhode’s elbow drop. In comes Kofi Kingston and he cleans up the ring. BOOM BOOM! Leg drop gets two, as Manu breaks it up. Bourne takes out Manu and Kane comes in. Mysterio dropkick’s Kane’s back. Kingston goes for a splash, but Kane is like “I DON’T THINK SO!” and he chokeslams him to Hell. The pin is academic.
Winners: Simply Priceless, Manu, & Kane
Grade: B
Kane sadistically laughs outside the ring.
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 6-3 Ravens
Mike Adamle is IN THE RING and he has a purpose…in life. Earlier tonight, Kane made a request to him. Mike would grant his request if he won tonight, so he’s a man of his word. So, If Kane beats Rey Mysterio at No Mercy, Rey will have to lose the mask. I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD!
Randy Orton w/ a lot of new ink on his arms makes his way to the ring. Mike becomes a smartass with the “May I Help You”? Randy Orton pretty much calls Mike Shane’s personal servant. Randy doesn’t like how Mike Adamle let Shane McMahon run over him. Orton runs his mouth saying that once he returns, he will OWN Monday Night RAW.
This just in: Wall Street kicked JBL out, so he walks down the ramp. JBL has lost more money than everyone and he talks bad about the government. He asks Randy what he will be doing next week. JBL wants Adamle to make a decree that if JBL ever becomes the champion, Orton does not get a title shot ever. Batista’s music enters and Batista sneaks up from behind and SPEARS JBL out of his New York boots. His week will get a lot worse come No Mercy.
Backstage, Santino is on the cell phone. Beth was listening. Santino was talking to “Frankie” Beth doesn’t want Santino to go to to the ring with her tonight. He calls “Frankie” back. The divas are up next!
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 13-3 Ravens at Halftime
Last week more people watched RAW than any other show on TNT, Fox News, MTV, Disney Channel, TBS, or Nickelodeon. So, basically every station except ESPN. Got’cha.
We’re back and it’s time for the diva’s tag match!
Kelly Kelly & Candice Michelle v. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall
Candice and Beth start the bout. Candice kicks the shins and nails a kick to the knees. Tag to K-2 and Double Dropkick to Beth and K-2 gets two! Candice gets back in the ring and Beth drags Candice to the corner. Tag to Jillian and she throws some bad elbows at Candice. Candices kicks Jillian in the face, followed by a Russian Leg Sweep. To the corner, Candice leap frogs, but Jillian drops her straight on her face. She may be hurt. Beth is in and she nails a double backbreaker for two! Tag to Jillian and she works on the face. She uses the hair upto the five count. Modified Bow & Arrow is applied for a moment. Jillian sends her to the corner, but misses the handspring elbow. Heel kick to Jillian’s jaw connects. K-2 and Beth are in the match. Airplane/Hurrancurana connects and Beth’s pants start to fall down. Beth gets a pin for two. Jillian takes care of Candice outside the ring. K-2 rolls up Beth, but she counters it to the Implant Buster for the three!
Winners: Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall
Grade: B
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update:13-3 Ravens; 3rd Quarter
Looks like Deuce still has his old music and a job. What the HELL? Khali is on SMACKDOWN! Oh wait…
Deuce v. The Great Charli w/ Runjin Singh
I’m surprised that Runjun is here. Tomahawk chop connects and Charli hits a headbutt. The Charli Bomb doesn’t go as Deuce is all “FTS”. Fist drop connects and Charli loses the hair and he goes back to Haas mode! To the top, Haas hits a flying clothesline…and wins?
Winner: The Great Charli
Grade: A for humor; F for presentation – Split the difference and we get a C-
The real Khali makes his way to the ring. Charli tries to scare Khali and he goes for a handshake. Tomahawk chop connects and Charli is in la-la land.
Up next is the MAIN EVENT!
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update:Still 13-3 Ravens.
We are back as we go through the WWE lineup this week:
ECW: Tomorrow Night at PM Central
Wrestlemania: The World Premiere on Thursday
SmackDown All-Star Kickoff on Friday
No Mercy next Sunday
We get a sneak preview of what will go down Thursday.
NOW….it’s time for the MAIN EVENT! Jericho has a microphone right now. Someone had the audacity to say Good Luck to him tonight at the arena. This OFFENDED HIM! He wants to demonstrate what will happen on Sunday. We get visual aids of what will happen to Shawn this Sunday. Shawn’s partner will be revealed NEXT!
Commercials.
Monday Night Football Update: 13-3 Baltimore
We’re back as Shawn makes his way to the stage….then heads to the back. DX-TIME!
Chris Jericho & Lance Cade v. Shawn Michaels & Triple H
Trips and Jericho start things off. Jericho tries to get some offense, but Trips is better than Jericho. Jericho tries the Walls, but Trips counters. Cade comes in and he takes it to Trips, only for Trips to show him who is boss. Michaels tags in and he beats some sense into Cade. Jericho gets Michaels distracted and it costs him nearly his perfect face. Jericho gets the tag and he pummels Michaels. Tag to Cade and they punish Michaels in the heel corner. Snapmare by Jericho, who tagged back in. He locks on a headlock. Michaels gets back to a vertical base and he chops away in the corner. Corner to Corner we go and Jericho hits the bulldog on Michaels. Lionsault MISSES and both men are down. In comes Cade, In comes Trips. High knee connects, whip to the corner…KNEE SMASH. IT’S CLOBBERING TIME! Big Spinebuster connects on Lance Cade. Pedigree try, but Jericho sneaks in and drops Trips with the codebreaker. Cade runs in and he hits a clothesline. It becomes 2 on one and the referee calls for the bell. Cade has Michaels and Jericho tees off. He leaves the ring and he pulls out a ladder. Trips sneaks in the backdoor with the sledgehammer. Jericho runs away, leaving Cade behind. SWEET CHIN MUSIC by Michaels. PEDIGREE by Trips. Trips sets the ladder up in the corner and Michaels putts on a visual of his own as to what will happen Sunday at No Mercy. Shawn splashes Cade from atop the ladder! DX stands tall tonight.
Winners via DQ: D-X
Grade: B
Show over.
FINAL Monday Night Football Update:17-13 Pittsburgh – the game has gotten interesting right now.
The WWE RAW Report Card
DX d. Chris Jericho & Lance Cade via DQ: B
The Great Charli d. Deuce: C-
Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall d. Kelly Kelly & Candice Michelle: B
Simply Priceless, Manu, & Kane d. Rey Mysterio, Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, & CM Punk: B
Jamie Noble & Mickie James d. Paul & Katie Lea Burchill: B-
The Miz d. JTG of Cryme Tyme: B-
Batista d. Santino Marella: F
Extra Credit: Better RAW tonight than the past couple weeks.
Extra Credit: Charlie Haas continues to be awesome
Needs Improvement: Jobbing your Intercontinental Champion in seconds, despite playing up the greatest Intercontinental Championship angle ever…not good.
The Final Grade for RAW 09.29.2008: B-
RAW just barely made the grade this week despite the show being a better one than the past couple weeks. This show really sold the upcoming SmackDown “All Star Kickoff” this Friday on MyNetworkTV. This also sold the upcoming Pay-Per-View, which is why the WWE always does good in that department.
Before you leave, check out my newest column that replaced The Marshall Report…The W-Files. Last week, I attempted to make some sense on TNA. It’s a good read, definitely – even if it looks like Kurt Angle’s shoot interview with the UK Sun was actually a worked shoot.
Catch Pulse Glazer in the morning with the Wrestling Analyst, Blatt with ECW tomorrow night, Norine getting the big job this week covering a big episode of SmackDown, and all the No Mercy coverage you can muster. Until next time, keep watching and always be a fan.
