I have to start by saying that The Amazing Race is definitely one of my favorite reality TV shows. For years, my dad and I have watched this show and compete to see who picks the best teams. We want to apply to be on it – we’d make good TV because audiences would love seeing us get into heated arguments and wonder if we’re going to kill each other.
Anyhoo, this year starts at the LA Coliseum. Toni and Dallas are a single mother/son team from NoCal. Nick and Starr are a brother/sister team from New York and Texas, one of the good looking, but likely forgettable teams. Ken and Tina are a separated husband and wife team (he cheated on Tina) – my dad claims them as his team. Aja and Ty are dating long distance, and I choose them as one of mine because I have to support LD-relationships. Marissa and Brooke are the blonde Southern Belles, in other words, a team I’ll end up hating. Andrew and Dan are frat brothers from Phoenix. Anthony and Stephanie have been dating for four years.
Anita and Arthur are married beekeepers and total hippies – I usually choose the old people team, but I’m trying to think smart this year. You can’t really hate a hippie, though. Kelly and Kristy have both been divorced and are from Texas. Terrance and Sarah are a newly-dating couple from NYC. Mark and Bill are geeks from San Francisco. My dad got pissed that I chose them for my team, but one of them is the treasurer for Comic-Con, I have choose my fellow geeks! My dad chooses Terrance & Sarah as his 2nd team.
The teams go to retrieve their clue from their luggage at the top of the stadium. They find out they’re headed to Salvador, Brazil and have only two choices of flights: American Airlines 252, or United Airlines 843. Nick/Starr and Terrance/Sarah take an early lead, and Team Frat notes that the American Airlines flight arrives first. Aja thinks smart, and tells Ty to take the HOV lane, so they speed by everyone and get to LAX first. Team Frat follows the siblings in the wrong direction.
Team Geek realizes there’s another area to buy tickets, so they run off and are first to find the flagged area – with Ken/Tina right behind them. Everyone makes the same mistake. Terrance/Sarah, Nick/Starr, Aja/Ty, and Kelly/Christy make it onto the American flight, cutting off Team Frat and causing everyone to head to United. Nick and Starr talk about how they’re young, so they call Ken & Tina mom and dad since they’re older, and an alliance is formed.
The American flight is delayed in Rio, but they’re still ahead. The next clue tells the teams they must “become a barista, old-school style”, and take a taxi to O Rei de Pernil. There, they must choose a vending cart filled with goodies and take it to the plaza Praca Da Se and deliver the cart to Indio. Team Geek uses their geek powers, and covers their cart with a hoodie so nothing falls over. Good move, team, since every other team knocks crap off at least once.
Terrance/Sarah get to Indio first, and the clue tells them they will be heading to a military base, sleeping outside in mosquito nets (lovely) and will departing at either 9:00am, 9:30am, or 9:45am. They end up being the first to arrive at the base as well, so Sarah squeals something in a pitch that only dogs could hear. Nick/Starr are 2nd, while Team Geek is third.
The United Flight arrives and the back of the pack hurry to catch up. Anita says “Bees are calmer than this.”, and I just want to give Team Hippie a hug because they look hopelessly overmatched. Ken/Tina are the last group to make the 9:00 departure time. Aja/Ty, the Divorcees, and Team Frat make it in for the 9:30 departure.
Terrance is an insecure whiner, upset that Sarah’s off talking to the other teams and not him. Their next destination is Pelourinho, where the teams must locate a church to get their clue. Everyone scrambles to get a taxi, and Terrance whines about how Sarah always laps him. *rolls eyes* Will you man up already?
Nick/Star pass them and open the clue, which announces a Detour. Hard Way Up involves climbing up a stone staircase on your hands and knees. At the top, you get asked a question – get it wrong, do the whole thing over (why the HELL would anyone choose this?). Soft Way Down involves going climbing down a 240ft cargo ladder, which only three teams can do at a time.
Terrance and Sarah arrive at the Outdoor Elevator first, but don’t take the marked elevator. Nick/Starr get to the cargo net first, with Ken and Tina following them. Team Geek (Mark/Bill) is 3rd to the net, then Terrance and Sarah finally find the right way and are 4th. Nick/Starr are the first to finish and get the next clue, and its time to race to the Pit Stop – Forte Sao Marcelo.
Ken/Tina think they need to take a taxi, but it ends up the fort is running distance away. Their mistake allows Nick/Starr to secure the #1 spot, and they win a 5-night trip to Belize. They tell Phil that they think they’re a strong team because they have a good relationship. Meanwhile, Terrance/Sarah pass Mark/Bill and secure 3rd.
The second group of racers mobs the clue, and everyone’s headed off to Soft Way Down. Team Frat smartly realizes that Soft Way Down will be crowded, so they run off to Hard Way Down. Kelly/Christy are fifth to get to/finish the cargo net, Toni/Dallas are 6th, with Aja/Ty in 7th. Team Frat start up the stairs, while Team Geek arrives to the Pit Stop fourth. The question for Team Frat is – how many stairs did they just climb? They incorrectly guess 40, so it’s back to the beginning.
As Team Frat start counting, Kelly/Christy and Toni/Dallas come and 5th and 6th, respectively. Marissa/Brooke finish the cargo net, with Anthony/Stephanie right behind them (I have totally forgotten about them already, oops). At Hard Way Up, Team Frat correctly guesses 53 steps. Anita and Archie are last to finish the cargo net.
Andrew/Dan (Team Frat) get to the pit stop in 7th, while Aja/Ty come up in 8th. I want to give the hippies a Red Bull, because they don’t seem to get that they’re in a race and are walking slower than my old dog. Team Forgettable (Anthony/Stephanie) reach the Pit Stop in 9th, while the Southern Belles are safe in 10th. Sadly, this means Anita and Archie are the first team to be eliminated.
Kiera Vallone hails from Long Island, NY. She is currently a junior-year journalism student at SUNY Purchase.
