What can I say. This cycle of Top Model is definitely heading in the right direction.
I mean first we got rid of that demon ShaRaun, then that Dora-reincarnate (*shudder*) Nikeysha, the good-but-not-great Brittany, and now we get rid of two girls who didn’t really have any modeling potential in the first place (I know, I know, I love Isis, but it was her time to go. Are you sure this is Top Model we’re talking about here? Justified eliminations that make sense? Photoshoots that have actual relevance to the fashion industry? Wait, let me rephrase that. Are you sure this is America’s Next Top Model and not the super high-fashion spinoff in the land down under? I really have to say that this cycle, in terms of talent, shoots, challenges, and overall standard of quality in the work they’re doing is definitely a leg up on previous seasons.
I mean seriously, look at the progression we’ve had. We went from challenge prizes being a tennis raquet from Serena Williams in Cycle 4 to a freaking commercial on Walmart.com for CoverGirl. That’s quite an improvement.
Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself.
This week’s episode contained something we haven’t seen since Cycle 4…a double elimination! Well technically at least. To add some drama (or possibly just to fill the 13-episode contract in a cycle of 14 girls) an elimination was held outside of judging panel, one that would bring the worst walker of the week to their final stop on the Top Model train.
I’m happy to report that this season has some pretty bomb walkers. I really didn’t see it coming, but Analeigh totally kicked ass, as did Lauren Brie, McKey, Sheena, and Isis. Hannah, on the other hand, floundered like George Bush in a fine literature class, and pretty much Miracle-Jacksoned it down the runway (if you’ve seen that viral video, you’ll know what I mean), causing her elimination that felt better than when Ann Coulter totally got owned by Kathy Griffin on The Today Show that one time.
Aside from the exciting runway elimination, this week’s episode was a little on the uneventful side. The shoot was fantastic, the models were fantastic (well, aside from Analeigh and Isis), and the quality of the girls really showed in this week’s shoot, themed to “smiling with your eyes”. The girls were swimming around in their backyard pool, but only submerged up to the tips of their noses (in the “creeper” style) so that only their eyes could be seen above the surface.
Now, I have to say that I was a bit skeptical about the shoot. First of all, I knew Isis’ whale might decide its blowhole needed to come up for a little air, but she informed us that she’d been wearing three pairs of underwear and extra tape, so I felt a little bit better (god bless her soul, really).
Secondly, I started to wonder if the shoot was actually relevant…I mean yes, it’s important to “smile with your eyes” as Tyra tells us every ten seconds, but can you actually have a usable shot in your portfolio where half of your face is submerged underwater? In my opinion, no. But some of the girls did manage to pull off fantastic shots, namely the usually-unmodelesque Analeigh (whose face still killed it for me this week), my angelic Agynes Deyn reincarnate Marjorie, Sheena, Elina, and even Samantha did well. Clark, who received a first callout, did well simply based on the fact that her man-jaw was submerged beneath the water for her shot, which is kind of the equivalent to putting lipstick on Miss Jay. You know it’s a man, you know it looks like a man, but you can’t help but think it looks good (almost) when its worst assets are hidden.
However, by far the standout again this week was Lauren Brie. Her shots have been absolutely fantastic ever since the second episode, and this girl can do no wrong in my eyes.
Panel unfolded pretty predictably, with Isis being sent home for her lackluster photos. Although I was part of the militant Pro-Isis clan when the cycle’s cast was first announced, I’ve had to tell myself every week that she really isn’t a model. I mean, it’s not because of her pre-op transgendered status, it’s simply because her bone structure and body aren’t a model’s. She’s a pretty girl (most of the time, when she’s not lookin’ a hot tranny mess) but not a model by any standards. My vision only reaffirmed by the shot of Isis crying in her tiara and oversized earrings upon exiting the show. I’m sorry, but if that wasn’t the funniest moment to happen on the show since Dominique’s “Brazilia” stint last cycle, I don’t know what is.
Again, this cycle is playing out pretty well. Justified eliminations counterbalanced with an amazing group of six girls that are consistently good (Marjorie, Sheena, McKey, Elina, Samantha, Lauren Brie) intermixed with the mediocre ones (Analeigh, Clark, and Joslyn) is going to make for some interesting eliminations in two or three weeks. I mean can anyone seriously see the likes of McKey, Elina, Marjorie, etc. become part of the eliminated in the coming weeks? I know I can’t, but it’s going to happen sooner or later. It’s going to come down to who’s doing the worst of the best, and I’m thinking we may have to say bye bye to Lauren Brie soon, not because of her pictures (she’s taken the best so far), but her edit is pretty much nonexistent, meaning the producers obviously have no intentions of “playing her up” for the win. If the edits are consistent with last season’s, we should be looking at a Sheena/Elina top-two combo, with Joslyn or Samantha pulling up the third-place spot (I’m betting on Joslyn for that extra splash of diversity).
See you next week!
My Life as a Covergirl Scoreboard:
Saleisha: 3
Whitney: 0
Yeah, Whitney’s spots have definitely dethroned Saleisha’s as the worst. By this point last week, Saleisha had:
– Got her hurr did
– Went to the CoverGirl factory (hairnet, goggles, and all)
– Relinquished her “title” to a girl from the make-a-wish foundation for a day (essentially making her NOT a Covergirl for a day)
Let’s see what Whitney has been up to:
– Hung out with her mom (!)
– Told us about the correct positioning for lighting in her staged photoshoot
– And this week, she rode her bike around New York City!
Wow Whitney, keep up the great work.
PS – I love the fact that after Whitney’s spots, a legitimate, quality CoverGirl commercial is shown immediately following. Clever marketers. They know manatees can’t properly sell makeup.
See you next week.
Joey Nolfi is a model and aspiring Journalist in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. His film reviews have been published in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and are also found on IMDB.com and KillerReviews.com
