In the interest of actually doing one of these things again (and not having to watch the show to do so), here are ten knee jerk reactions to TNA’s latest 2 hours of advertising and occasional wrestling on the Spike Television Network before it airs! If I can actually get back to my PC between now and when no one cares at all, I’ll see if actually watching the show
I’d explain why I haven’t been around the last two weeks to do these, but I don’t even care, so why should you? Here are the thoughts already:
1. The Motor City Machine Guns job again, to LAX in a qualifying match for Monster’s Ball. After having just seen MCMG/Briscoes II this weekend, that annoys me even more than usual, even if it should be a solid match. At least they won’t be stuck in the Monster’s Ball, althought that probably means they’ll be in a reverse battle royal or some other overbooked, “let’s get everybody on PPV” nonsense if they even get on BFG at all.
2. Apparently LAX tells Cornette they don’t care about Monster’s Ball and want Beer Money instead. Way to sell that product, guys! It pays off later, but having one of your most over acts bury one of your biggest gimmick matches is dumb. It’s like having Shawn Michales qualify for Money in the Bank and then say “I don’t care about this at all and want to fight Jericho.” It does at least lead to Monster’s Ball becoming a four way for the tag titles, but that still strikes me as a dumb thing.
3. They’re turning Kurt’s interview at the UK Sun in to an angle. Or the whole “Kurt shoots on TNA” thing was a work. Either way, it’s a shoot! That’s a work! Or, as a friend of mine called in when Vince Russo did all this crap in 2000 in WCW, a “woot!” In other news, Russo has not had an original idea since 1998.
4. I like the angle with Abyss being forced in to hardcore matches against his will and his being really conflicted about it. It’s interesting. Of course, I found the underpinnings of his feud with Sting and Jim Mitchell interesting, too; the whole fighting over his soul aspect between born again Sting and pretty much the devil Mitchell, and we all know how retarded that became.
5. They’re building to a Christian/AJ match pretty well, it looks like; gotta give them that. That’s a relatively fresh singles match, at least on PPV, and one I could see watching BFG for.
6. Rhaka Khan was ODB’s mystery partner against the Beautiful People. What? I said spoilers! So, she’s getting a push? She’s imposing and everything, looking like the Great Khali compared to the other girls, but I have no idea if she can work or if this means she’s getting a push. Since these are spoilers and I haven’t watched the show. Really, with each week of Knockouts stuff lately, I just miss Gail Kim in TNA a whole lot. Hopefully she gets a good run in WWE, if she winds up there after all; she deserves it.
7. Drop everything! I just got to the part in the spoilers where it says that Foley and Angle are having a mic face off on tonight’s show! That’s a dream match they can actually pull off! Since you, know, they don’t have to wrestle.
8. Further interview off reaction! Kurt taxed even my limits of taste when he mentioned that Jarrett lost his wife too. I know this is a wacky Russo shoot, but come on now. It does help Jarrett maintain his sympathy, which is important, given how much X-Pac heat ushered him off stage in 2006. But totally tasteless. Of course, I didn’t think the Miz and Morrison promo on Cryme Tyme on Monday was racist, so my taste-o-meter is almost broken, I guess.
9. I’m sticking with the interview, because that’s really interesting to me. Well, it was, until I find out that Mick’s going to be the special enforcer at BFG in the Angle/Jarrett match. I fell asleep five times writing that, so underwhelming that is. So, yeah, that’s the TNA I know and am constantly lukewarm to. That makes me pretty much their biggest supporter here, where the poles are WWE Markdom and Skinny Indie Boy Cheerleading, doesn’t it?
10. Cursory X-Divison Title Match Mention: Sheik Abdul Bashir Mustafa Muhammad Hassan Skandar Akbar Davari, the Sheik of the Twin Cities (his full name) defeated Eric Young and Jimmy Rave in a three way, so he dealt a serious blow against America by defeating our two dorkiest workers. That’s like Al Qaeda targeting a double bill by Carrot Top and Paulie Shore at the Chuckle Hutt, but hey, he had to start his holy war somewhere, right?
Added Bonus Thought:
(Goes to)11. Was the X-Division seriously the hottest thing in mainstream wrestling a few years back? It seems pretty damn impossible that that ever happened now. I mean, I say that a lot, but TNA keeps finding new ways to create cognitive dissonance between the glory days of ’02-’06 and now.
So, I got the requisite bile at TNA out of my system, and I didn’t even have to watch it. This must be how Andy Wheeler feels all the time. It’s a pretty cathartic feeling, really.
