Time to get RAW folks! Keep it here to the Pulse as I’ll give you the best RAW Coverage on the Internet today as well as some updates from tonight’s Giants v. Browns. Here’s a starting update right now, and if the score changes, I’ll let you know.
MNF Update: Browns 3; Giants 0 – 1st Quarter
Pulse Wrestling’s EXCLUSIVE Real-Time RAW Report
Venue: Anaheim, California
Commentary: Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
Coverage by Paul Marshall
Chris Jericho is inside Mike Adamle’s office saying that Mike had no right to make a Special Referee match for Cyber Sunday. Tonight, it’s Pick Your Poison! Jericho says that he will go over his head by calling Shane & Stephanie, but Shane & Stephanie keep their phones off. Jericho has another way.
So, Jericho walks down the ramp and wants to make something completely clear to them. Every referee choice is flawed, saying that Randy would screw him over. Shawn would also do the same thing. Stone Cold gets mentioned because Jericho beat Austin seven years ago that he would have retribution. It’s not fair to Jericho and it needs to change. It’s unfair if Shane and Stephanie does nothing.
Enter Shawn Michaels. Nothing would thrill him more that for him to tell Jericho that he would call the match down the middle that way Shawn could challenge him for the title down the road. But he can’t do that. If he gets voted in, Cyber Synday will be the worst night of his life. He wants to do what Obama and McCain want to do to each other…and he beats Jericho out fo the ring.
Jericho saves grace by informing Shawn that he’ll face Batista tonight.
Commercials.
WWE Rewind: Kane and Mark Henry beat Rey Mysterio & Matt Hardy
We’re back and Rey makes his entrance for an upcoming tag match. At Cyber Sunday, it’s Kane v. Mysterio in either a Falls Count Anywhere, No Holds Barred, or 2/3 Falls Match. OK, so FCA and NHB are identically similar, so I bet they’re hoping for a 2/3 Falls match. Oh joy, rematch from last week!
Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio v. Mark Henry & Kane
And Mr. Knoxville is in attendance tonight. The bell sounds and Hardy & Henry lock up. Hardy gets the upperhand as Henry no sells it and slams him down. Henry misses the elbow, but Hardy connects with a flying forearm. Hardy up top again and TORNADO DDT connects for two! Twist of Fate try, and Hardy gets distracted by Kane. Henry takes Hardy and nails him with a right hand then tags in Kane. He introduces Hardy to the corner and the referee breaks it up. Shoulder thrust connects and Kane takes Hardy to the heel corner. Henry is back in and he beats Hardy to a pulp. He twists the neck in ways the normal human can’t withstand. Boot Boot connects with Hardy and Kane comes in for a quick cover and gets two. Sleeper hold is applied, but Hardy tries to get out of iut. Kane sends Hardy to the corner. Hardy kicks Kane in the face and eats a jab for his trouble. Kanr looks for a running powerslam, but Matt counters to a ToF attempt, but settles for a DDT instead. In comes Mysterio, who drops the dime on Kane. Double stomp gets one. The “whatever move Michael Cole called it” that looks like a hurrancurana DDT connects for two. Mysterio takes care of Henry and Kane gets set up for the 619! It hits and Hardy jumps into Henry’s clutches. Rey bails on them both. Rey goes up and he flies into a kick to the gut for three!
Winners: Kane & Mark Henry
Grade: C+
Post match, Kane looks to hit a chokeslam on Mysterio, but he counters and sends Kane out of the ring.
Backstage, Batista is with T-Grish. He respects Shawn as a competitor, but if he tries to take him out, Batista will be sure to do it to Shawn first.
Commercials.
MNF Update: Giants 7; Browns 3 – wait a second: Browns 9-Giants 7 — 2nd Quarter
Pendulum’s “Propane Nightmares” is your song for Cyber Sunday and it’s pretty decent.
JBL’s limo driver still has a job and JBL is being mouthy to the fans and the driver. He should be in a better mood since the stock market was up 11% today. He has the microphone and he gloats about the economy and about the fact that he’s making bank.
Somebody played the wrong track…hey look, it’s Nick Hogan! Gotcha’…it’s actually Haas Hogan. You know what’s funnier? JBL getting that look again!
John Bradshaw Layfield v. Haas Hogan
JBL is in a mind of his own tonight. He takes it to Haas, beating him down in the corner. Corner to corner and Haas is Hass-ing up. Punch, punch, punch, kick! Leg drop misses, but the Bailout does not!
Winner: John Bradshaw Layfield
Grade: D-
T-Grish welcomes Johnny Knoxville and his friend. T-Grish posts some bad things found at jackassworld.com Knoxville had nothing to do with it. They’re here for midgets tonight!
Commercials.
MNF Update: 10-7 Browns.
ECW was the most watched show on Sci-Fi last Tuesday. HAHA!
We’re back and we get a clip of Cena. He’s coming back soon!
Randy Orton comes out and complains about the fact that nobody had nice things to say about Randy. Well, Randy…you have your fanbase at orton-forum.com. He doesn’t want people to vote for him because he doesn’t want to risk injury. He doesn’t care who gets it.
Batista walks.
Commercials.
We’re back and it’s time for our match.
Batista v. Shawn Michaels
Before the match, Jericho wants to toss a stipulation to the match. It’s now a lumberjack match and all the heels surround the ring.
Commercials.
We’re JIP as Batista takes it to Shawn attempting a Figure Four. Batista tosses Shawn out of the ring. Shawn gets quickly back in and he blocks a Batista Bomb into a Figure Four leglock! Batista turns it over and Shawn gets out of it. Batista tees off with Michaels and he sends him to the ropes. Swinging Neckbreaker connects and Michaels stomps Batista’s face. Knifeedge chops by Michaels connects and Batista sends Michaels corner to corner, sending Michaels for a loop! We go to another corner and Batista sends Michaels across and kicks him! Running powerslam gets two for Batista as the heels look on from outside. Batista locks on a rear naked choke, driving the air out of Michaels. Michaels gets out of it and he decks Batista a few times. Batista sends Michaels to the ropes and hits an elevated back drop for two. Batista nails a backbreaker and he gets closer to three, but Michaels is resiliant. Back to the rear naked choke, but Batista transitons to a bodyscissors. Michaels etches closer to the ropes and he grabs it. Batista stomps away and he picks Michaels up. Clubbing blow to the back connects and Michaels is on his knees. Another shot to the lower back hits and Batista sensa Michaels to a corner, but stops on a dime. To the opposite corner we go, Batista eats feet and Michaels gets a cover for two. Michaels can’t pick Batista up and he eats a lariat for a close two count. Batista gets kicked in the face. Bearhug is countered, so is the Sweet Chin Music. Batista sends Michaels out, but Michaels pulls himself back in…TILT-A-WHIRL CONNECTS FOR TWO! Batista stalks Michaels and he gets sent out of the ring. Henry sends everyone away and he applies a bearhug before being tossed back into the ring. Batista gets two!
Commercials.
MNF Update: 17-14 Browns – Halftime.
We’re back and Batista has a bearhug locked on Shawn Michaels. He thrusts his way into Michaels in the corner. Michaels tries to fight back and Batista sends Michaels to the corner, overselling as usual. Michaels sends Batista outside and Orton waves everyone off. He lines up for the Concussion Kick, but Batista escapes barely. Michaels takes Batista down and he kips up. He goes up top and JBL pushes Michaels off. Both men are down and they get back up at nine. SPINEBUSTER BY BATISTA CONNECTS! Batista is feeling it. He goes for the Batista Bomb and both men get knocked outside! The Lumberjacks go wild on them. It spills in the ring and we get the DQ. Michaels hits the Sweet Chin Music on JBL and Batista hits Mark Henry with a spear. It’s ruled a no contest.
No Contest
Grade: B+
Post match, Batista and Shawn Michaels stand tall and Batista offers a handshake. Shawn takes it and Jericho is not happy.
Commercials.
We’re back and Glamarella makes their way to the ring! Santino defends the Intercontinental Title at Cyber Sunday against either Roddy Piper, Goldust, or the Honky Tonk Man. We get the Honk-A-Meter this week! Santino has 53 weeks longer to catch Honky’s record. He runs down the choices of the opponents before taking his attention to Johnny Knoxville. He invites Johnny to the ring, but he isn’t interested. He’s goaded to do so though. We go back to the tally wacker discussion, and now he asks about Santino’s tally-wacker. Beth tries…and fails at hitting the Glamslam, but she drops the Jackass on his head. We get the midget as Hornswoggle hits the Tadpole Splash.
As if anything can’t get worse for the Jackass team, it has. Big Dick Johnson comes out and he shows his oily body on TV. It gets bad…as Chris from Jackass is showing more ass than is necessary. PG 13 my ass. Let’s throw in a returning Boogeyman hitting Chris with a clothesline and stuffing worms into his mouth. Chris was in Jackass, I’m sure he’s done worse than show his ass on TV and eating worms. Can we not get the visual of Chris in a thong, please?
Johnny Knoxville gets on the mic and says that wasn’t all that bad. My friend…it’s gotten worse for you. Khali hits the ring hard and he towers over Johnny Knoxville. Johnny laughs with Khali and he makes fun of his tallywacker. Johnny gets his head squeezed to a pulp and gets Khali-Bombed on the worms. It’s official, the jackass is dead.
Segment Grade: A+
Fun with AIM: Anthony says “at least knoxville sold better than steve-o”
Indeed.
Kelly Kelly is shagging with Cryme Tyme and they’re up NEXT!
Commercials.
MNF Update: Browns up by a touchdown – 3rd Quarter
Slam of the Week: Commentary gone to Hell
In the ring, Miz & Morrison are in the ring with Jillian, rapping a bit. Jillian sucks, of course. Kelly Kelly and Cryme Tyme come out to the ring.
Kelly Kelly & Cryme Tyme v. Jillian Hall, Miz, & John Morrison
The ladies start things off and Jillian gets the advantage over K-2. K-2 comes back and it looked that she slipped off the ropes, but she comes back with a stiff clothesline. Airplane spin by K-2 connects and Jillian tags to Miz and JTG tags in. Textbook dropkick connects and Jillian screams bloody murder and Miz gets in control. Morrison comes in off the tag and he gets a quick cover for two. JTG is in trouble as Morrison gets another two count. We go to the headlock, but JTG gets back up and he decks Morrison. In comes Shad Gespar and he military press slams Morrison for two, broken up by the others. It breaks down and JTG hits Morrison with the Ducks mask and Shad hits the Drive Off for the win.
Winners: Cryme Tyme & Kelly Kelly
Grade: C-
Commercials.
This Friday, Vladmir Koslov takes on Jeff Hardy!
RAW was the most watched entertainment program on cable television last week for the third week straight!
Big Show takes on Undertaker in two weeks and the voting details will be revealed this Friday!
TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT! Who is Jericho’s opponent? We’ll find out after our final break!
Commercials.
Chris Jericho’s opponent is…..CM PUNK! IT’S CLOBBERING TIME!
Chris Jericho v. CM Punk
But wait, Batista wants to add a stip to this match too. This match will have a referee and it’s Batista! Jericho is dejected, knowing what will happen. Batista is wearing an unique ref shirt tonight. The bell sounds and Jericho talks to Batista. Punk rolls him up for two and Punk takes it to Jericho. Jericho gets sent out of the ring and he walks. Batista decides that won’t work and he drags Jericho’s ass into the ring. Punk sends Punk to the cirner and Punk chokes out Jericho! Punk hits a cross body for two. OUCH…MMA KICK knocks Jericho’s lights out! Side slam connects and Punk goes back to the top, but Jericho SWEEPS THE LEG and Punk lands on his back. Jericho kicks away at Punk and decks him a good one. He has some words for Batista before hitting Punk with a suplex. He drops the back on Punk for a one count. Punk rolls Jericho up for two and Jericho hits an enzugiri! Takedown by Jericho and we get a headlock applied. Punk fights back, but Jericho tries the bulldog, but gets hung out to dry into the cornwe. Combination punches and jabs connect. as does a nice kick to the jaw. Dropkick connects and Punk misses the splash. Walls is attempted, but Punk ropps him up for two. Knee to the face and bulldog connects and Punk goes for the GTS, but Jericho gets out of it…CODEBREAKER CONNECTS and Batista gets to two before getting something in his eye. Jericho argues with Batista. BATISTA BOMB for his troubles! Punk is happy to take the win.
Winner: CM Punk
Grade: B-
Show over.
MNF Update: 27-14 Browns – 4th Quarter
The WWE RAW Report Card
CM Punk d. Chris Jericho: B-
Cryme Tyme & Kelly Kelly d. Jillian Hall, The Miz, & John Morrison: C-
Jackass Segment: A+
Batista v. Shawn Michaels went to a no contest: B+
JBL d. Haas Hogan: D-
Kane & Mark Henry d. Matt Hardy & Rey Mysterio: C-
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 10.13.2008: C+
I’ll admit, the Jackass Segment was funny as Hell, male ass aside. I wished there wasn’t any of that, but eh…it was fun and it brought Hornswoggle and Boogeyman out of the woodwork. The wrestling was ok, but it should be better. Thanks to everyone that followed through the report and have a great week! Don’t forget to check out Glazer for the Wrestling Analyst Tuesday Morning!
