Of all the genres deigned to make a comeback in the new era of films, the biker film seems the least likely. But when Quentin Tarantino gets involved, miracles happen apparently as Hell Ride represents the first true biker film is decades. But that’s not a real solid statement, as the only great one was Easy Rider and everything else has been a pile of garbage. Which is the only way to describe Hell Ride.
It has a first-rate cast and focuses on the rivalry between the Victors and the Six Six Sixes. Pistolero (Larry Bishop) controls the Victors, seconded by The Gent (Michael Madsen) and Comanche (Eric Balfour). The Deuce (David Carradine) and Billy Wings (Vinnie Jones) command their rivals, who have killed several Victors as well as Pistolero’s old lady (Julia Jones), and the Victors have revenge on thier mind. That’s what it’s supposed to be about; it’s obnoxiously funny because it’s so completely awful.
Where does it start? The better question 10 minutes in is “When will this end,” but this film is an amalgamation of everything awful that can go into a film on a spectacular level. A completely awful script for starters sets the tone, as the dialogue is laughable and the story told by someone without much experience behind the camera. Bishop, who wrote the film as well as starring in it, makes a huge mistake by casting his character in the best possible line and trying to give him everything that is best. It’s a glorified vanity plate for Bishop, who seemingly gets to act out every fantasy about being a badass biker who women just throw themselves at because of his “sex appeal.”
He comes across as a third-rate Steven Seagal, a role and performance so bad that even the homeless man’s action hero would be embarrassed to be in this film. With a lot of good actors in this film, it’s interesting that so many of them are obviously mailing it in for the paycheck. Madsen, Carradine and Jones are clearly waiting for their paycheck to clear for this one, as Bishop seems to be trying to outclass a cast that’s clearly out of his league and knows it. So it’s a matter of winning an acting foot race by sprinting to the finish when the rest of the cast is seated.
The film’s true embarrassment is in how it handles its female roles. The women are written by a 13-year-old whose only experience with women is via the Penthouse letters forum, and Pistolero is the sort of sex god that is the star of every letter but needs a shave and a shower at the minimum. But when you’re the writer/director/producer/star, sometimes you get to do stuff like that. It gets embarrassing when the women writhe around in attempts at seduction, losing any erotic nature and making Showgirls look like a lesson in subtle, romantic seduction.
The film tries to pay homage to the old roots of the biker film and ups the ante by throwing in more profanity, nudity and violence, with some occasional drug use, than anything from three decades ago (the heyday of the biker film during the grindhouse era, if you will). It certainly doesn’t make the film boring, but it doesn’t make it good either as it is perhaps the only redeeming part of the film. The dialogue may be directly ripped off from Tarantino’s “style” (without the racial slurs) but lacks none of the cadence or rhythm, or the zing that Tarantino usually displays.
As a z-grade throwback and homage to the genre, one can see its appeal to a certain segment of film fan. Outside of that, it’s easily one of the worst wastes of screen time in 2008.
Presented in a Dolby Digital surround in a widescreen format, the film looks terrific. This is a colorful film with a wild assortment of colors, coming through wonderfully.
There are three rather unimaginative and boring special features focusing on a single aspect of the film. The Babes of Hell Ride has some gratuitous nudity and interviews from the women involving, but not much else. Same for The Guys of Hell Ride, focusing on the other side of the gender aisle to little effect. The Choppers of Hell Ride claims to focus on the motorcycles of the film but really doesn’t; it focuses more on what everyone thought of riding one as opposed to the choppers themselves.
The Making of Hell Ride is a brief and boring “making of” segment that sheds little light on the film. It is interesting in that the film’s origins start in Quentin Tarantino being a big fan of little known Bishop, who had been in several late ’60s biker films. QT is nowhere to be found to contribute, which is interesting because his name was a selling point for the film.
Commentary with Bishop and Director of Photography Scott Kevan.
The film’s Red Band Trailer and some Video Diaries from Michael Madsen are included as well.
Quentin Tarantino may have lent his name to the film, but didn’t lend much else to Hell Ride. It’s one of the worst films of the year with a DVD that isn’t that much far ahead of it. Recommendation to avoid.
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Dimension Films presents Hell Ride. Directed by Larry Bishop. Starring Larry Bishop, Michael Madsen, David Carradine, Dennis Hopper. Written by Larry Bishop. Running time: 87 minutes. Rated R. Released on DVD: 10.28.2008 Available at Amazon.
