The Lounge List: Eight Characters You Just Want To Slap

Sometimes in a movie you come across a character that you just want to slap. It could be intentional, as in an actor who actively tries to be annoying for plot purposes, but most of the time it’s because you run across a character who does something incredibly stupid or just acts like a whiney crybaby. Here are some of the people that need a good slapping:

8.) Lex Luthor in Superman Returns
Lex Luthor has got to be one of the greatest villains in comic book history and there are years of diabolical schemes that Brian Singer could have relied on for Superman Returns. But what does he do? Goes back to real estate in one of the stupidest, short-sighted plans ever! Nevermind the fact that probably the other nations of the world would probably just invade his new continent instead of buying up chunks as he planned, but there’s also the consideration that he’s creating an alien land that could be teeming with all kinds of foreign bacteria that could potentially wipe out the human race. Also, I don’t think crystal provides a good place for growing crops and sustaining livestock. I’m guessing that the Kryptonian diet consisted mostly of geodes. For an alleged genius, Luthor really didn’t plan this well.

7.) The Entire Jedi Council in the Star Wars prequels
I think a pretty good case could be made that the Dark Side of the Force is stronger considering that the Jedi council worked side-by-side with the Dark Lord of the Sith for years and didn’t so much as get stomach cramps whenever Palpatine was around. Their lack of foresight is definitely their failure.

6.) Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels
Being the chosen one does not give you the license to act like a spoiled, whiney baby. Thanks to the prequels we get a cumulative six hours of Anakin screwing up, giving into his baser emotions, and blaming everyone else for all his problems. He came off as a perpetually sulky teenager and by the end of Revenge of the Sith we’re praying for him to become Darth Vader so he shuts up.

A special slap also goes to George Lucas for ruining one of the greatest cinematic villains of all time. Available At Amazon.com

5.) Sheriff Will Teasle in First Blood
Teasle deserves a slap just for his treatment of hitchhikers, but he really deserves one for his blind, stupid pursuit of John Rambo long after the ex Green Beret turned half of his deputies into hamburger. In fact, you could add every Rambo villain to this list, but Teasle gets special mention because he’s the first.

4.) Adrian in Rocky II and Rocky IV
Sticking with Sylvester Stallone movies, Adrian was a real bringdown in Rocky‘s II and IV. She obviously doesn’t understand the man she married and when he needs support she consistently cuts him down. Sure she usually comes around, but that usually takes something like her falling into a coma or Rocky running off to Russia.

3.) Hudson in Aliens
How did this guy become a space marine? Did his sergeant lose a bet or something, because I don’t know how in the world such a whiney, cowardly wiseass ever survived his first tour of duty. If I was in his squad I think I would make it so that he had an unfortunate “malfunction” with his weapon and then I wouldn’t have to listen to him scream “Game over, man!” anymore.

2.) Andy Dick in anything
I just don’t like him so let’s say, Inspector Gadet.

1.) Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby
Rosemary deserves two slaps for being so docile and stupid through the entire movie. First of all, on the night she and her husband set to conceive a baby, her husband drugs her and then takes her next door to their Satanist neighbors to be raped by the devil. When Rosemary wakes up she believes that her husband had sex with her while she was asleep and all she expresses is mild disappointment that he didn’t wait until she was awake! She doesn’t even care that her husband essentially raped her.

She also doesn’t do anything about the intense pain she experiences for months during her pregnancy. Her doctor, who was kindly recommended by the Satanists next door, tells her that the pain is normal, but although she doesn’t believe him, she also never takes action despite the real fear that something is wrong with her, her baby, or both.

And finally, at the end of the movie when she discovers the whole plot and sees that she’s given birth to the Anti-Christ, she once again does nothing! If that had been me I would have burned the whole damn building down around them, but then again I can be rather spiteful.

Special slap also goes to Guy Woodhouse as Rosemary’s husband who willfully allowed his wife to be raped by Satan just to further his career.

This, of course, is just a small list of characters that deserve slapping. Email me if you think I left anyone out.

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