In Memory of Conrad Efraim “Special Delivery Jones.
The entire world is watching…..WRESTLING! NO! ENTERTAINMENT! *cues the STFU banner*
Recap of the World Heavyweight Championship from last night.
We’re LIVE from Tucson, Arizona! Tonight we have Batista & HBK taking on Chris Jericho & JBL!
But first, Chris Jericho is here and he is MAD! Lillian Garcia announces Chris Jericho like he told her to last week. Last night was the biggest Screwjob in WWE History. He bitches about Steve Austin and Mike Adamle. If he was Batista, he’d be embarrassed to call himself World Champion. He’s glad for the tag team match and next week he will use his rematch clause. There’s nothing anyone can do about this.
Except Mike Adamle. He’s alright with the rematch, but it has to be a Steel Cage match to prevent outside interference. This makes Jericho very pissed off that he inaudibly tells Mike so and he leaves the ring. While Jericho takes his cheese and whine, Randy Orton comes out and he hits the ring. He asks Mike if he’s satisfied. Mike sent Orton out as an emergency referee and he’s mad that Steve Austin hit him with the Stunner. He’s going to make sure that Mike can’t get away with this. He addresses Shane and Stephanie and implores them to come to RAW next week and fire Mike Adamle. If they don’t, he will walk. He asks Mike what he’s going to do. Nothing. He’s spineless. He talks down Mike and Mike jacks him in the jaw! Orton takes and he leaves the ring. Mike seemed shocked. We then go back to Unforgiven where CM Punk was ambushed by Orton and Simply Priceless.
Speaking of the tag titles, that match is NEXT!
Commercials.
We’re back and IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME!
CM Punk & Kofi Kingston v. Simply Priceless (w/Manu)
WWE World Tag Team Titles (Which should had happened last night)
Kofi and Rhodes start things off tonight. They lock up and Rhodes has a headlock locked on. Kofi gets out of it and the Jamican Flip connects. In comes Puk and Rhodes gets taken to school for two. Rhodes nails the jawbreaker and tags in DiBiase. However, Punk locks on a chinlock to which DiBiase powers out. Back and forth action by the two young stars and DiBiase sends Punk corner to corner…CROSS BODY by Punk! Dropkicks galore send Simply Priceless out of the ring. Punk gets elevated over the top and we go to break.
Commercials.
We’re back and it’s back and forth between Punk and Rhodes…wait, RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP by Rhodes. The knee drop follows this for two. Rhodes get cocky, which allows Punk to go for the GTS, only to be countered to a rollup. IN COMES KOFI and he’s on fire! Rhodes has the ref distracted, which allows DiBiase to ground Kofi on the outside. Back inside, Rhodes gets a couple near falls. DiBiase tags in and he mounts Kofi and punches him repeatedly. Niotice that there’s no “five counts” anymore? DiBiase covers for two after a cheap shot. Tag to Rhodes as the champs are effectively slicing the ring in half. Kofi mounts some offense, but Rhodes hits a drop toe hold and tag to DiBiase. DiBiase chokes Kofi in the ropes and the ref is all over DiBiase. Kofi hits an inside cradle for two, but DiBiase regains control and tags in Rhodes. Rhodes gets a lateral press for two before working on a standing chickenwing. Kingston tries to get back in it, but Rhodes slams him on the mat. Kofi takes Rhodes down and both DiBiase and Punk come in. Punk goes wild hitting the forearms and kicks galore. High knee connects and Manu gets distracted. DiBiase looks for the Million Dollar Leg Sweep, but Punk holds onto the ropes. GTS connects on DiBiase and we have new champions!
Winner and NEW World Tag Team Champions: CM Punk & Kofi Kingston
Grade: A-
The new champs celebrate and Simply Priceless blames each other.
Commercials.
We’re back and tonight’s already been a runaway train wreck! We have guest commentators?! Roddy Piper, Goldust, and Honky Tonk Man! I knew a Santino match was up next. Santino takes the microphone and he wants to talk. He has two things to say. He brings up the Honk-A-Meter makes its return! It’s 64-11, Honky! He calls attention to all the pregnant women in the audience and makes some ugly jokes. He talks bad about Santino Marella and out comes…OH MY F*CKING GOD! It’s Charlie Haas, the HAASZON!
Santino Marella (w/Beth Phoenix) v. Charlie Haas
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Santino really beats up Haas and Honky for good measure. Goldust and Roddy Piper block Santino’s escape and EL KABONG!
No Contest
There’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! NO! It’s aerial assault when Evan Bourne takes on Rey Mysterio TONIGHT!
Commercials.
Michael Cole is in the ring bringing out Batista! Despite all the hatred Batista gets from the IWC, Batista gets a solid positive reaction from the Tucson crowd. Batista is feeling good right now. He thanks the WWE Universe for being with him each step in the way. The title won’t go anywhere for a long time. Cole brings up the cage match next week. The cage is the Animal’s playground. Jericho has nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Batista celebrates and the ladies are up next!
This Friday on SmackDown, there will be a CASKET MATCH!
Commercials.
WWE 24/7 Moment: “Showdown At Shea”
Time for some divas tag team action!
Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, & Mickie James v. Jillian Hall, Layla, Katie Lea Burchill
Jillian starts off with Candice. Jillian puts Candice’s arm in the wringer, but Candice snaps Jillian’s neck off the canvas. To the corner, Candice makes Jillian crash for two. Tag to Mickie and NICE double leg takeover gets two for Mickie. Mickie ducks underneath Jillian and she takes her off. Mickie-curana hits and so does the low dropkick. Jillian pulls the hair and the five count is back for this match! Layla tags in and double clothesline gets two for her. Layla misses a corner charge, but gets kicked with a high leg. in comes Katie Lea and Mickie tags in K2. Airplane spin by K2 connects and she looks for a monkey flip, but Katie Lea hits a powerbomb. Everyone gets in on the action and K2 hits the Fame Asser, now named the K-2 (which means I need to call Kelly something else) and gets the win.
Winners: Kelly Kelly, Candice Michelle, & Mickie James
Grade: C+
JBL is on the Tron and he’s pissed off that Shawn messed up a business deal between him and Jericho. Tonight, Shawn will pay.
Commercials.
WWE Slam of the Week: Rey d. Kane.
Time for AERIAL ASSAULT!
Rey Mysterio v. Evan Bourne
Oooh, Evan Bourne plays the cheeky heel part during the mini-promo! Haven’t seen this in a LONG time, so this will be fun. Handshake to start and they jockey for position in the middle of the ring. Evan gets Rey to the corner and we get a clean break. Another lockup in the center and Rey locks the head. Evan ups over and flips over each other. Kick to the midsection and armdrag by Evan! Rey with a waistlock, countered to a waistlock by Evan. OH MY GOD, Flip Hurrancurana by Rey and we’re experiencing lucha libre at its finest!. Evan counters the whip and he flies off the ropes and arm drags Rey to the outside! Baseball slide misses and the two stare down as we go to break!
Commercials.
During the commercials, Evan gets physical on Rey, hitting an asai-moonsault. In the ring, Evan has Rey in a headlock. To the ropes and Rey uses his body to launch Evan TO THE ROPES and outside LOOPY! Seated senton lands on the outside. Back inside the ring, Mysterio gets a two count. Kick to the midsection…EVAN WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER for two! Stiff kick to the back gets two again! Modified bow and arrow submission move as the fans are paying attention to something else. Evan off the ropes, DROPKICK BY REY! This match is awesome! Both men are back up and Mysterio is in control. Rey slips off the ropes and Evan covers for TWO! Indian Deathlock is applied, but Rey is at the ropes. Rey gets the feet up in the corner and hits a low dropkick on Evan for TWO! Evan sends Rey to the corner, but the charge is blocked. Springboard senton connects, but Evan is right up…RUNNING ENZUGIRI connects! Evan goes for the cover…TWO! Powerbomb is blocked, Evan sweeps the leg and STANDING MOONSAULT GETS ANOTHER TWO COUNT! Evan goes to the top. Rey cuts him off at the past and Evan bails for a sunset flip, but Rey rolls through. Rey sends Evan to the ropes. 619 connects, but the Droppin’ Da Dime doesn’t. Okana roll by Evan is COUNTERED by Rey and he gets the THREE! WOW!
Winner: Rey Mysterio
Grade: A+
They shake hands and Kane makes his entrance. Evan offers to help Rey, but Rey tells him to let him do it. Rey runs into a clothesline and Rey tries to rip the mask off. Evan nails a kick. Kane goes after Evan, but is double teamed. Mark Henry waddles down the ring and Kane chokeslams Rey, while Mark hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Evan. At least they waited until after the match.
Commercials.
Survivor Series is coming up next month and it will feature the return of John Cena. To celebrate that, we get a video of Cena’s early years.
The night has gotten better! Miz & Morrison are on the stage! They talked about mocking DX last week and that they crossed the line. Miz & Morrison have evolved and they will prove it next week when they take on DX! Tomorrow night on ECW will be a live edition of the Dirt Sheet, and they will examine the rise and fall of DX. BE JEALOUS!
The main event is NEXT!
Commercials.
We get a review of Adamle jaw jacking Orton! Chris Jericho makes his way to the ring, but we go backstage as JBL is MAULING Shawn Michaels! Now he makes his way to the ring.
Chris Jericho & John Bradshaw Layfield v. Batista & Shawn Michaels (supposedly)
Shawn Michaels won’t be a part of this match according to the little voice in King’s ear. It looks like it’s a handicap match. Batista and Jericho start things off. Batista shoves Jericho away, so JBL comes in. Batista corners JBL, but he takes it to Batista. Batista comes back and he hits a clothesline, followed by a vertical suplex for two. JBL corners Batista and in comes Jericho, who kicks Batista in the corner. Kick to the midsection by Jericho. He runs the ropes and Batista kicks him in the head. Jericho targets the leg a bit and in comes JBL. Batista fights out of the corner and he shoulder blocks JBL. JBL gets sent outside and Jericho gets hung up to dry, before FLYING HEAD FIRST TO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE!
Commercials.
We’re back and surprisingly Jericho is in control for the moment. Batista explodes with a clothesline ad he sends Jericho to the corner. To the ropes and Batista takes care of Batista, but gets hit with the enzugiri for a Jericho two count. Tag to JBL and he posts Batista in the corner. Swinging neckbreaker, followed by an elbow for two. JBL sends Batista to the corner and Jericho takes advantage. Jericho comes in and he hits a dropkick to Batista in the corner. Baseball slide sends Batista into the barricade. Back inside the ring, Jericho goes up top and jumps into a clothesline! Both men are down. Jericho tags to JBL and he and Batista slug it out. Batista gets sent to the ropes. Sleeper attempt by JBL is countered to a Batista side suplex! Jericho tags in and Batista is on fire all of a sudden. Pillar to post we go and Jericho wiggles off the suplex attempt…BOSSMAN SLAM BY BATISTA! JBL gets knocked off. Batista Bomb is countered into the Codebreaker! Jericho covers and gets TWO!. Tag to JBL and he hits a big boot on Batista! He stalks him…Clothesline to Hell misses, but the spear does not! Shawn Michaels comes out to the ring. Jericho enters the fray to prevent the tag. Jericho looks to belt Batista, but he misses. SPINEBUSTER to JBL! Batista Bomb connects and that’s a wrap!
Winner: Batista & Shawn Michaels
Grade: A
Next week will be DX v. Miz & Morrison and Batista v. Chris Jericho in a Steel Cage!
Show over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Batista & Shawn Michaels d. JBL & Chris Jericho: A
Rey Mysterio d. Evan Bourne: A+
Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, & Candice Michelle d. Layla, Katie Lea Burchill, & Jillian Hall: C+
Santino Marella v. Charlie Haas (playing the Haaszon) never happened: N/A
CM Punk & Kofi Kingston d. Simply Priceless (New Tag Team Champions): A-
The Final Grade for WWE RAW 10.27.2008: A-
OK, so the show had four matches (not counting Santino’s segment), but three matches with A’s and an excellent Rey v. Evan encounter (yes, I know there were botches, but both men played through them and it still looked masterful) makes tonight’s RAW a very damned good one. Hell, Charlie Haas impersonating Beth Phoenix was very funny. Two thumbs up for this week’s show, let’s hope the three hour RAW is just as good next week!
I’m sure that I’ll be back throughout the week, so have a great week!
