Chikarticles: Gobble Gobble Gobble (11.26.2008)


Ninety-two percent of the 2008 Chikara Season may be over, but we still have eight percent to go! Two super Season-Ending shows are ahead of us in December and Chikara started dropping some announcements for the cards last week. Plus, we have results from Cibernetico Begins and Armdrags to Riches. All of this and more inside Chikarticles.

Cibernetico Begins Results

1. Team F.I.S.T. (Icarus and Gran Akuma) beat Robbie Ellis and Larry Sweeney
2. Escorpio Egipcio (Osirian Portal’s new bodyguard) beat Ultimo Breakfast with the Plancha de Cairo
3. Super Smash Brothers (Player Uno and Player Dos) beat 2.0 (Jagged and Shane Matthews)
4. Brodie Lee beat Hallowicked with the Big Boot
5. The Fabulous Two (Mitch Ryder and Shayne Hawke) beat Claudio Castagnoli
6. Equinox (Jimmy Olsen) emerged victorious from the Cibernetico after making Ophidian submit to the Chikara Special

Armdrags to Riches Results

1. The Sea Donsters (Tim Donst and Hydra) beat Team F.I.S.T. (Icarus and Gran Akuma
2. Helios beat Ultramantis Black with the Burning Star Driver
3. Super Smash Brothers and Up In Smoke beat Los Ice Creams and 2.0
4. Vin Gerard beat Worker Ant after making him submit to the STF
5. Brodie Lee killed Turtle Weiner
6. The Osirian Portal (Ophidian and Escorpio Egipcio) beat Lince Dorado and Equinox two falls to one
7. Claudio Castagnoli beat Eddie Kingston with the Ricola Bomb
8. Fire Ant and Soldier Ant outlasted The Fabulous Two, Incoherence and Colin Delaney and STIGMA in a 4-Way-Dance

Point Standings

***Only including teams who have wrestled in 2008***

Six Points
The Colony (Soldier Ant and Fire Ant)

Three Points
Mike Quackenbush and Shane Storm/STIGMA

Two Points
Team F.I.S.T. (Icarus and Gran Akuma)

One Point
The Sea Donsters (Tim Donst and Hydra)
Team FIST (Icarus and Chuck Taylor)
Incognito and Discovery
Los Ice Creams (El Hijo de Ice Cream and Ice Cream Jr.)
Lince Dorado and Helios
Demolition (Ax and Smash)

Chikara News

Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen Wins the 2008 Cibernetico
After one hour and sixteen minutes of action, Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen emerged victorious. Some interesting notes include Ultramantis eliminating Donst, STIGMA eliminating Mike Quackenbush and Equinox eliminating Lince Dorado with Eddie Kingston’s Backfist to the Future.

Soldier Ant and Fire Ant Currently Have Six Points
For the first time in Chikara History, six points have been collected by a tag team and that tag team is none other than The Colony. Though they do have enough points for two shots, once you lose a match you automatically reset back to zero. It’s going to be interesting to see if that rule comes into play since this has never happened before.

Sweeney <3 Claudio… and Claudio <3 Sweeney!
Ever since La Loteria Letal, Sweeney has been begging Claudio to be his partner against The Fabulous Two. The team worked well together at La Loteria Letal, but Claudio wanted nothing to do with Sweeney. It might’ve had something to do with Sweeney’s offer to go to the tanning salon together. But after some thought, Claudio gave in to Sweet N’ Sour’s pressure at Armdrags to Riches. After giving Claudio a t-shirt that said “SWEENEY + CLAUDIO” inside a giant heart, Sweeney dawned a t-shirt of his own. “SWISS n’ SOUR”. It’s official, at Duel and Duality, the last show of the season, Claudio and Sweeney will unite to take on The Fabulous Two!

Hardcore Meets Hard-Headed at Dual and Duality
Some call him the modern day Mick Foley. Some call him “The Psycho Shooter”. Some just think he’s straight up insane. One thing’s for sure, and it’s that Drake Younger is hardcore. But what happens when Drake Younger meets up with Chikara’s very own Eddie Kingston? Expect to see a ton of suplexes and some very tender knuckles at the end of this match.

Trios Action at Face with a View
After losing the Cibernetico two weeks ago, Vin Gerard and STIGMA are looking for redemption. With the powerhouse Colin Delaney at their side, it’s going to be hard for Jimmy “Equinox” Olsen, Lince Dorado and Helios to take them down at Face with a View. If anyone’s going to take down The UnStable, what better team to do it than their polar-opposites.

Hydra Gets Revenge at Duel and Duality
Hydra didn’t have a chance to get his hands on Ultramantis Black during the Cibernetico. The image of Ultramantis slapping the taste out of his mouth is still in his mind, and I’m sure the slap print is still on his face. Hydra will finally get his revenge on ‘Mantis when they go one on one at Dual and Duality.

Dual and Duality: What You Can Expect to See

A lot of blockbuster matches have been announced for Chikara’s Season Closer Dual and Duality. Ultramantis will take on his once ally Hydra. Sweeney has finally found himself a tag team partner by the name of Claudio Castagnoli. But with only three matches announced, you can expect at least another handful of matches. So, based off the results from this past month’s shows, here are the matches you can expect to see.

Vin Gerard vs. Equinox
This is the big ending to a lengthy feud between the man formerly known as Equinox, and the man currently known as Equinox. Vin and Jimmy have been playing mind-games back and forth for several months now, and it all leads to this. Jimmy won the Cibernetico, but that sure as hell wasn’t the last laugh. Vin Gerard will do anything he can to tear the mask of Equinox off of Jimmy Olsen’s face, and will probably tear a little bit of skin too.

Mike Quackenbush vs. STIGMA
These two have some unfinished business even though STIGMA pulled off a win with the help of Vin Gerard. Quack has had a bit of time to let his knee recover, and hopefully he’ll be 100% when the Season Closer rolls around. This rivalry is so full of hate and negative emotion that it calls for an extreme measure: Last Man Standing Match.

The Colony (Challengers) vs. The Osirian Portal (Campeones)
This match is inevitable. The Colony have proven themselves as worthy challengers for Chikara’s Campeonatos de Parejas as they’ve gathered six points, the first and only team to ever do it. While they’ve been clawing for this match for over two years, The Osirian Portal accomplished the same task in a little more than a year. It’s clear The Colony is deserving of this bout, but are they any match for The Osirian Portal?


In recent Mike Quackenbush interviews, Quack has stated that there is a chance there will be no 8th Season for Chikara. This is not a case of “The Ian Rotten that Cried Wolf”, this is the real deal. With the way the economy is, we cannot afford too much. But doing something as small as ordering one of their comic books can help this promotion survive. Of course, if you have enough money, it will help them out a lot more if you buy tickets to their shows and/or DVDs of past shows. Smart Mark Video has sales every couple weeks, and I will inform the Pulse Wrestling Community when they come around.

There is no better time than to spread the love of Chikara. Show one of your friends a DVD; invite them to the season closers; send them an episode of Chikara Podcast A-Go-Go if they’re not sure. It may sound goofy, but one of America’s most organized and most entertaining wrestling promotions is in danger. Help them out any way you can.

That’s it everybody. Go read another Pulse Wrestling column and enjoy your Thanksgiving! Gobble gobble gobble.

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