Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time SLAMMY RAW Report 12.08.2008

I JUST WANNA BE LOVED!

Pyros and fireworks galore open up tonight’s RAW!  Philly is rocking and we have Jericho v. Hardy, Triple H v. Batista, and John Cena v. Edge tonight!  We have commentators from RAW and SmackDown with us tonight.  We don’t waste any time as Maria and Festus will hand out the first award!

The 2008 Tag Team of the Year Nominees
Carlito & Primo
Priceless
Miz & John Morrison
Cryme Tyme

The Slammy goes to: Miz & John Morrison

Cue Miz & Morrison who celebrate as if they won the tag titles!  Miza wants his hand kissed, but decides to pick on Festus.  They kick them out and they give their congratulatory speech.  The fans are hating this.

Since John Morrison is out here, let’s get a match out of the way, shall we?

John Morrison v. CM Punk
Intercontinental Tournament Semi-Finals

They lock up in the ring.  Punk goes for a schoolboy for two.  Morrison gets a cover for himself and gets two.  Punk reverses a cover, but Morrison goes downstairs.  Punk tries the G2S, but Morrison floats over.  Punk gets two following a kick.  To the ropes and Morrison makes Punk eat a dropkick.  Punk gets a knee to the face and he nails a springboard crossbody.  Both men are outside and we take a break.

Commercials.

We’re back and Morrison is working on Punk’s right ankle, which during the break Punk landed awkwardly on it.  Morrison is back up and he stomps on the ankle before taking it to the high risk district.  It fails to pay off and Punk goes up to the top.  FLIP HURRANCURANA CONNECTS!  Punk is slow to cover and Morrison is up at two.  Knee lift connects, but the bulldog is countered to a inverted backbreaker.  Russian Leg Sweep gets two for Morrison.  Punk tries to come back, but Morrison ducks a Punk kick and scores a kick of his own…FOR TWO!  Morrison off the corner, POWERSLAM by Punk for two!  Springboard Forearm by Punk gets yet another two count.  Regal looks on in his posh suite.  Punk sets Morrison up for the G2S, but Morrison rolls him up for 2.99999!  Morrison eats a kick, G2S, that’s all folks!

Winner: CM Punk
Grade: A-

Punk goes to the finals!  Who will join him?  That will come later tonight.

We go back to last week when Cena was owned Mafia style by Jericho, Orton, Rhodes, & Manu.  Jericho breaks out the deadly Liontamer for Cena and the job was done.

T-Grish is with “Never Say Die” John Cena!  He wants a reaction and Cena says “Hustle, Loyalty, & Respect.”  Cena talks about his dog being a Chris Jericho fan and everytime he sees Jericho, he licks his balls.  I made that last part up, by the way.  Cena went over the scenario where had Cena killed Jericho, Jericho would be b*tching in the ring demanding Cena being stripped of the title.  Cena promises to teach Jericho respect tonight!

Commercials.

We are back!  Time to give out another SLAMMY!

The Best Finishing Move of 2008 Nominees
Undertaker’s Hell’s Gate
Randy Orton’s R.K.O.
Evan Bourne’s Shooting Star Press
Big Show’s Knockout Punch

The Slammy Goes To: Evan Bourne

Mike Knox comes out to accept the award on Evan’s behalf since he did take him out of action and all.  Afterwards. Randy Orton comes out and complains that he wasn’t nominated the 2008 Superstar of the Year.  He brings up Evolution and how Trips and Batista were jealous of Orton’s success.  He talks about Trips v. Batista tonight and he has a better idea.  Cody Rhodes, Manu, & Randy Orton challenge Batista & Trips to a 2-on-3 Handicap Match.  “Tonight, the legacy is born.”

Commercials.

Back and in the ring is Montel Vontanious Porter.  He is mad about his losing streak and it will end tonight.  He pokes at the Phillies for winning a fluke of a World Series.  His music plays and out comes Montel Vontanious Charlie Haas.

M.V.P. v. M.V.C.

The bell sounds and Porter complains that Haas is copying him.  The fans are behind Haas.  Porter gets serious with a neckbreaker for a one count.  He slugs away for two.  Cross-arm breaker is applied as Haas is in trouble.  Haas comes back, but Porter goes BALLIN’ for two.  Porter takes the trash out of the ring and he drops Haas’ head on the barricade before mouthing the local crowd.  Back in the ring, Haas takes it to Porter with a dropkick.  Haas goes BALLIN’ himself, but Porter had that scouted.  It’s his own move, right?  Porter goes for the Drive By Kick, but Haas ducks and rolls Porter up for three!

Winner: M.V.C.
Grade: C+

Up next is our Most Extreme Moment of 2008 SLAMMY!

Commercials.

We’re back and handing out the award for Most Extreme Moment of 2008 is Matt Hardy and Tiffany.

The Extreme Moment of 2008 Nominees
John Cena v. JBL – Parking Lot Brawl
Undertaker v. Edge – Taker Goes Through 4 Tables
Chris Jericho sends Shawn Michaels through the Jerichtron
Jeff Hardy plunging 25 feet on top of Randy Orton

The Slammy Goes To: Jeff Hardy

Jeff Hardy takes the podium and warns Edge and Trips that he will win the WWE Championship.

Jeff Hardy v. Chris Jericho

We are JIP and Hardy takes it to Chris Jericho!  Hardy takes Jericho pillar to post and he beats into him, but Jericho comes back with a side suplex for two!  Jericho slaps Hardy and Hardy explodes a bit.  Jericho sends Hardy over the top, but he holds on.  What does Jericho do? Kick him off anyway.  Hardy hits hard on the outside and the ref is up to six.  Hardy is in at eight and Jericho goes to work.  He works on Hardy’s neck a bit.  Hardy gets up, but Jericho beats him to the punch.  Jericho off the ropes, WRAPAROUND CLOTHESLINE!  Both men are back up and Hardy takes it once again to Jericho for two.  Front face suplex connects and Hardy goes up top.  Jericho crotches Hardy and he tries to take control, but Hardy shoves him off.  SWANTON BOMB MISSES!  Jericho hits the Lionsault for TWO!  Jericho tries the Walls, but Hardy throws him off.  A second attempt is countered with a cradle for TWO!  Spinning Heel Kick connects as does the Turnbuckle Dropkick!  Hardy gets sent to the corner, but he puts on his breaks.  Jericho goes for a bulldog, but Hardy finishes the Whisper in the Wind!  UNIQUE!  Hardy waits for Jericho to get up.  Twist of Fate is countered by the Codebreaker for three!

Winner: Chris Jericho
Grade: B

In the back, Orton and Priceless are up to no good.

Commercials.

We’re back and another SLAMMY is going to be awarded.  Kelly Kelly & Kane get to hand out this award.  Weird combination?  The last time Kane was involved in a relationship, he tombstoned a priest!  HAHA!

The Best Couple of 2008 Nominees
Glamarella – Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella
Edge & Vickie Guerrero
William Regal & Layla
Finlay & Hornswoggle

The Slammy Goes To: Edge & Vickie Guerrero

Vickie accepts the award on behalf of the couple. EXCUSE ME!  The fans give her HELL!  Kill me, please.

Vickie Guerrero walks by Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix.  They go to the podium and Santino turns face on us.  He says that Vickie is Cougar of the Year.  They will prove that they are worthy of Couple of the Year.  Santino did sprain his groin last week.  They challenge any of the nominees for couples and we will get that match NEXT!

Commercials.

Glamarella v. Finlay & Hornswoggle

The match starts and Santino yells at Hornswoggle.  The green hat goes on Beth’s head.  Beth slaps Finlay, so he slaps Santino Marella.  Beth wants Finlay, but Santino has it.  Finlay gets a waist lock, but Santino gets out of it.  Sadly, it’s all Finlay right now.  Atomic Drop connects and the groin is injured.  Santino is down to Hornswoggle’s size.  DDT by Hornswoggle connects and Hornswoggle goes up top.  Tadpole Splash connects, Beth is embarrassed, and Santino gets pinned by a midget.

Winners: Finlay & Hornswoggle
Grade: F

Beth consoles Santino and we get ready to hand out another SLAMMY!

The Diva of 2008 Nominees
Beth Phoenix
Mickie James
Kelly Kelly
Michelle McCool

The Slammy goes to: Beth Phoenix

Beth was holding Santino up, but she drops him like a bad habit and she races up to accept the award.  She stares at Melina and gives her acceptance speech.  She pushes Melina a bit and CAT FIGHT!  Melina pushes Beth’s head into Santino’s groin.  Make any and all random noises necessary.

Trips v. Batista is officially changed to Trips & Batista v. Priceless & Randy Orton!

Commercials.

The WWE Slam of the week: JBL makes Shawn Michaels lose his smile.

We’re back and we’re going to hand out another Slammy!  Alicia jokes at Style’s OH MY GOD’s trademark saying.

The OMG Moment of 2008 Nominees
CM Punk Cashes in Money in the Bank to become new World Heavyweight Champion
Undertaker Sends Edge STRAIGHT TO HELL
Mayweather breaks Big Show’s nose
John Cena Returns at the Rumble

The Slammy goes to: CM Punk

CM Punk says that he didn’t want to creep anyone out, he’s wearing pants.  He tells everyone that he will be the new Intercontinental Champion.  He thanks Batista for the assist and Edge for being in the right place in the right time.  He says thanks to a big list of names, including Scotty Goldman, aka Colt Cabana!  He leaves and drags Styles back out and Styles does his trademark.

Kofi Kingston comes out to the ring to face Rey Mysterio!

Kofi Kingston v. Rey Mysterio
Intercontinental Tournament Semi-Finals

The bell sounds and they lock up.  Kofi tries to armdrag Rey, but Rey hits a hurrancuarana, only for Kofi to do a cartwheel.  Rey is elevated up and over and lands on the canvas.  Kofi works on Rey’s wrist that was injured last week.  Rey gets close to the ropes, but Kofi drags him away and continues with the arm breaker.  Back to their feet, Kofi gets sent to the ropes.  619 time gets derailed with a dropkick for two.  Kingston runs into a foot.  Rey hits a low dropkick for two.  Kofi gets sent to the ropes and Rey dropkicks the air!  Kofi gets two and he follows up with the corner splash.  Kofi goes to the second rope and misses the cross body!  Mysterio rolls through to a cover and Kofi gets pinned!?!

Winner: Rey Mysterio
Grade: C

Kofi shakes Rey’s hand.  It will be Punk v. Mysterio to determine who will face Regal for the Intercontinental Championship at Armageddon!

The Match of the Year will be announced NEXT!

Handing out our next award: Eve Torres & Mr. Kennedy.  Kennedy says that every match is a match of the year with him involved.  HA!

The Match of 2008 Nominees
Money in the Bank Ladder Match – Wrestlemania 24
2008 Royal Rumble Match – Royal Rumble
Hell in a Cell – Summerslam
Shawn Michaels v. Ric Flair – Wrestlemania 24

The Slammy goes to: Shawn Michaels & Ric Flair

Shawn Michaels comes out to the stage to accept the award.  He talks about his match against Ric Flair.  He puts Ric over greatly, but as Michaels says that the award would look good on his mantle, JBL comes out and claims the award as if it was his own since he thinks that his match against Cena at the Great American Bash was the best match of 2008.  Shawn looks dumbfounded as JBL leaves.

Commercials.

Batista & Triple H v. Priceless (Manu & Cody Rhodes) & Randy Orton

Trips and Cody start things off and he quickly tags in Batista who works on the arm as well.  Cody gets sent to the ropes and gets powered down.  Tag back to Trips and they double team him.  Manu comes in and they tee off against him.  HAHA!  They send Manu into Cody over the ropes.  Randy slithers in and gets caught red handed.  The faces are alone in the ring as we take a break.

Commercials.

We’re back and Orton is going Vintage Orton on Trips!  He drops the knee onto the face for two!  Chinlock on Trips as we need to see that a few times tonight.  Trips powers back up, but Orton hits the 3.0 backbreaker before tagging Manu in the match.  Manu works over Trips before tagging in Cody.  Cody locks on a headlock.  Tag back to Orton and he goes back to his vintage chinlock.  Trips fights back up and he hits a side slam! Tag to Cody and he blocks the tag to Batista.  Bulldog attempt, but Trips slams him down across the ring!  Cody tags in Manu and Batista gets tagged.  Up and over goes Manu, down goes Orton and Rhodes!  SPINEBUSTER to Manu!  Batista Bomb is paused as Cody is on top!  He sends Manu in Rhodes’ path!  Tag to Orton, but Batista does not know it!  Orton goes for the RKO, but Batista sends him to Trips.  Trips takes care of Manu and Batista sets Orton up for the bomb.  Rhodes hits Batista and Orton lands on his feet.  RKO and that’s all!

Winners: Priceless & Randy Orton
Grade: B+

Commercials.

Mickie James and Ron Simmons get to present the DAMN Moment of the Year SLAMMY!

The DAMN! Moment of 2008 Nominees
Khali’s Kiss Cam
Punk Surprises Chavo Guerrero
Sailor J.R.
Santino’s Split goes Splat

The Slammy goes to: The Great Khali

Damn, Santino can’t even win for losing tonight!  He mumbles his speech and Runjin translates.  Khali goes to leave, but Mickie wants to make out with Khali.  Jillian Hall interrupts things and we all go deaf.  Kung Fu Naki comes out and so does Howard Finkel.  So does Slaughter and Dugan. They all dance with Jillian’s singing as Mickie and Khali really make out a bit in what has to be the longest kiss ever for Khali!  Poor John Cena…you could have tapped that ass.

Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Cena gets owned Mafia style!

We’re back and we revisit the situation between Cena and Jericho.  We then revisit the SLAMMY Awards from earlier tongiht. Here comes R-Truth, who won a SLAMMY for his entrance music. He’s facing Dolph Ziggler tonight.  He was impressive last week against Batista, so how will he fare tonight?

R-Truth v. Dolph Ziggler

He introduces himself, but R-Truth gyrates about.  Ziggler goes to the midsection to start off.  To the corner Truth goes, but Truth is athletic a bit.  SLAP to the face of Ziggler.  Ziggler drops Truth sickly at the ropes.  Ziggler gets two and he goes to work dropping the elbows.  He covers for two.  Chinlock locked on, but Truth gets back up.  He slams Truth’s head to the canvas.  Rear naked choke is locked on for a bit, but Truth tries to get out of it.  Zigger gets sent face first to the turnbuckle HARD!  Ziggler gets sent out of the ring and Truth hits a plancha out of the ring!  The referee starts the count and the fight ensues out of the ring.  Ziggler hits a knee to the side of the head, keeping Truth out of the ring and Ziggler gets the countout win.  Jim Ross: “This is worse than the BCS.”  What is he whining about?  R-Truth did not get in the ring as is required to break the count.  Oh well.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler via countout
Grade: C+

December 20th, Tribute to the Troops is on NBC.  I’ll should be there to cover this show.

Commercials.

We’re back and the final SLAMMY Award will be awarded now.  Stephanie McMahon will do the honors.

The Superstar of 2008 Nominees
Jeff Hardy
Chris Jericho
Batista
Edge
Triple H
John Cena

The Slammy goes to: Chris Jericho

What a shocker.  Everyone and their dog expected Cena or Hardy winning that award.  Jericho takes the podium and he keeps an eye out for Cena.  He gets three words in before he decides to go to the ring.  The fans hate this decision so bad it’s not funny.  He’s happy that the fans had no say in the results oncesoever.  Jericho proclaims himself as the best in the world today.  He promises to be the champion at Armageddon.  He lost an identity, the persona he created to please the fans.  Losing that persona was the best thing that happened in his career.  He degrades Cena some more and Cena’s music hits.  Cena rins in the ring and Cena runs away from Cena.  However, Edge makes his way to the stage.

John Cena v. Edge
Champion v. Champion

The bell sounds and Edge goes after Cena.  Cena fights back with a forearm.  Edge goes pillar to post and Cena hits a bulldog.  Cena tosses Edge out of the ring and the fight goes out of the ring, but we don’t get to see it.

Commercials.

We’re back and Cena is in trouble.  Cena was hung off the top rope and that is why Edge is working on the neck.  Spinning heel kick connects for a two count.  Edge decks Cena in the corner, but Cena is fighting back.  FLAPJACK by Edge and that gets two!  Back to the chinlock, focusing on the neck.  Cena gets to his feet and they brawl in the center.  The Throwback connects, but Edge is back up and he derails a Cena train.  He readies for a spear…Cena gets up and he EXPLODES with a shoulder tackle.  Protobomb connects.  We do some Five Knuckle Shuffle and Edge is about to get F-U’ed.  Edge counters with a Edgecution try, we go back to the F-U, but Edge tries for the Edg-O-Matic, but we go to another F-U try.  Edge rolls up and gets two.  STFU is locked on and Cena leaves the ring; he spotted a slithering Jericho.  The bell is rung.

No Contest
Grade: B

They fight outside the ring, but Edge gets beat down by Trips.  Hardy comes out and he takes it to both men.  Edge gets spinebustered on the canvas and sent out of the ring.  Hardy gets back up and he hits a dropkick on Edge!  No clue where Cena and Jericho went off to.

Show over.

I’ll have COMPLETE SLAMMY Award Coverage on Pulse Wrestling News.  Stay tuned!

The SLAMMY RAW Report Card

Edge v. John Cena went to a no contest: B
Dolph Ziggler d. R-Truth via countout: C+
Priceless & Randy Orton d. Triple H & Batista: B+
Rey Mysterio d. Kofi Kingston: C
Finlay & Hornswoggle d. Santino Marella & Beth Phoenix: F
Chris Jericho d. Jeff Hardy: B
Most Valuable Charlie d. Montel Vontanious Porter: C+
CM Punk d. John Morrison: A-
Extra Credit: SLAM-TASTIC – The SLAMMYS were a great addition to tonight’s RAW.
Extra Credit: This felt like a strong three hour RAW that also built Armageddon very well.

The FINAL Grade for WWE RAW 12.08.2008: B+

A New Feature:  The MVP of RAW

In honor of Montel Vontanious Porter, for now on until I get tired of this, I’ll pick a superstar that wrestled on the program as the Most Valuable Player of RAW.  They don’t have to compete, win a match, roll over, or anything.  It can be comedy acts, Goldust being freaky with Michael Cole, Khali and Mickie James in an awesome liplock, anything and everything.  Hell, if a RAW is unwatchable, Lillian Garcia may be the MVP or Michael Cole may be the MVP for not using mannerisms like “VINTAGE ORTON”.  Anything and everything goes with this.

This week’s MVP of RAW goes to: Santino Marella

Why Santino Marella: Let’s face it, the man is gold.  Sure, he got pinned by Hornswoggle, but the extra bits of his groin being targeted and he continued to prove just why he is one of the best talkers and actors in the company.  Honorary mention goes to Khali and Mickie for that kiss.

Keep reaching for those stars and I’ll see you Thursday!

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