More Reasons Why Being Deaf Sucks/Rocks – The Most Wonderful Time of Year?

Holiday music is a sad fact of life. It’s like Auto-Tune, songs by American Idol contestants and Kid Rock’s music—not everyone enjoys it but everyone’s got to accept it.

Still, every year at this time I’m subjected to the same “holiday” songs at work. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy them. They do affect me in a couple ways. First off, I get nostalgic for the last time I heard them—just under a year ago. I’m always happy to get new songs in the rotation at work and I’ve actually got some memories to the holiday music.

It also kinda gets me in the holiday spirit. I can’t lie; I sort of dig it. I mean, at least I sort of used to dig it. Now that I’m back in Baltimore, a “white” Christmas is a distinct possibility and the harsh reality of snow actually trumps the fond remembrance of it. So when I hear lyrics about cuddling up by the fire, the romantic notion is somewhat diminished because I remember why that fire was necessary—it’s bloody cold outside.

But I really do want to make a plea for some more diverse holiday music. Right now, I don’t mind the songs, but by next week I’ll be sick of hearing them. However, if some enterprising musician takes the advice I’m offering, maybe next year I’ll have a whole new batch of songs crammed into my ears for just over a month.

Thanksgiving Songs. There’s no reason why we’re lacking songs celebrating Thanksgiving. It’s a holiday that’s as much about family as Christmas, yet it’s got, like, zero songs. November is a chilly month, and there could be romantic fireside couplings on Thanksgiving, too.

Imagine a “Twelve Days of Christmas”-type song about Thanksgiving. Think about all of the various foodstuffs that people associate with the holiday. Now use that as a basis for a song. I’m telling you, whomever jumps on that first will have a new holiday classic on their hands. Thanksgiving is the new frontier when it comes to holiday songs.

I’d even accept a morose Neil Young-esque ballad about the plight of Native Americans. In fact, I might even prefer it.

New Year’s Eve Songs. Sure, there are a couple songs about the end of year, but not nearly enough. It’s a week after Christmas and yet no one is singing its praises. Where is the justice?

The way I see it, NYE songs have a few different approaches they can take. If you’re going for a nice romantic ballad, you just come up with lyrics about how magical the moment is, and how you’re waiting to ring in the New Year with a kiss. Or you have a song about all of the promise that a new year holds and all of the stuff you want to do with your significant other.

There’s also the slightly humorous approach that could be taken where someone recounts why they’re so anxious to put the current year behind them. And really, why isn’t there some sort of New Year’s Eve dance? You’ve got balls dropping and fireworks going off; it seems like someone would have jumped on that awhile ago.

Christmas Songs for the Club. Yeah, that last thing I wrote got me thinking. And even though a Christmas song for the club wouldn’t be on a work playlist, I’m still curious why there aren’t more. I want to hear Swizz Beatz in full Beyoncé mode making a beat for a Christmas song. Instead of whistles he can use sleigh bells.

In fact, I challenge all of the currently “hot” producers to come up with a new Christmas classic. I’m looking for a new standard that will be recorded by future generations of pop stars for decades to come.

But really, I’m just looking for something new. I don’t know how many more variations of people conspiring by fires I can take before I completely lose it.

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