Quick News
The WWE Tag Titles were won by Miz and Morrison at a house show Saturday.
I would assume this is so Punk can defeat Regal tonight, giving him the claim of being the only man to have pulled off a triple crown in one calendar year.
Kurt Angle has been telling folks that he badly wants to return. Apparently, there is talk of giving him a reduced schedule.
Kurt is unhappy with his character, which makes sense, given that it sucks, but then this is a guy who has never been happy with his character anywhere. More though, Kurt’s matches are far better when his spots are laid out by the agents, as his TNA work has been far less consistent than when he had legends looking over his shoulder. For that alone, I hope Kurt returns to the WWE.
Joey Styles punched out JBL in Iraq.
Apparently JBL was doing his usual heckling when the tiny Styles knocked him on his ass. That’s absolutely priceless.
For more news on the WWE, including the Saturday Night Main Event DVD and Victoria’s potential retirement, check out This Week in E.
Wrestling the Issue: Armageddon Analysis
This is the fourth installment of the monthly feature where the week after a Pay Per View we look at each result, not merely for result, or even for match quality, but for what that result tells us about the WWE’s current mindset and view of their wrestlers. Working through this with me is our own
Paul Marshall.
Match 1: Kozlov defeats Matt Hardy
Marshall’s Take: Anyone could had called that from a mile away. The title was not on the line so you knew that Kozlov would make Matt pay for screwing him out of the WWE Title shot. Where does Kozlov go? Who knows.
Glazer’s Take: Apparently, this was essentially to keep Kozlov in the title picture after they decided that maybe his Triple H match wasn’t as bad as they remembered. They’ve made a mistake; the match was that bad. Kozlov will be pushed for the next bit, looking great before likely jobbing to Jeff. Ideally this will occur before Kozlov defeats Matt for the ECW title. If WWE liked money they’d let this lead into Jeff vs. Matt on a major PPV, but given their attitude towards Matt, that’s unlikely.
Match 2: CM Punk defeats Rey Mysterio
Marshall’s Take: This should had been the opening contest instead of Matt v. Kozlov. Seems that this is a sign that Rey is either hurt or has contract issues. I figured Punk would win since they seem hellbent on making him a triple crown champion, but maybe it is for the better. I’d love to see them face off on a regular basis.
Glazer’s Take: A few weeks ago, I noted this is what they should do with Rey. Using him to make future stars look good is perfect and hopefully, after Punk wins the IC Title, Rey can feud with both Punk and Regal for the title, with everyone elevated in the process. That’s the kind of feud that will help sell the IC Title DVD to the geeks and marks alike.
JBL and HBK are now business associates
Marshall’s Take: It took JBL two weeks to do something to Shawn Michaels that took months for Chris Jericho to do and that was to turn Shawn against the people. Is there any other way you can put that?
Glazer’s Take: So, turns out Jericho was pretty much right about Shawn all along, huh? I have no idea who could feud with these two unless they quickly turn Michaels back face. He could steal Batista’s title shot and occupy Cena until Wrestlemania or they could waste Jericho and have him turn face, having been right about Shawn all along. Either way this is pretty much the only way to make Shawn heel. Let’s hope they have a good plan for it and it’s not just to drag out JBL vs. Michaels, which I fear it is.
Match 3: Finlay defeats Mark Henry
Marshall’s Take: Mark Henry is an unstoppable monster that can be stopped all the time. When can he ever get back on the winning track, or has the shelf life of Henry expired?
Glazer’s Take: I can certainly live with this. Henry needed to be hit with a weapon to lose and so comes away protected, while Hornswaggle and Finlay got their revenge so we can all move on. Henry is actually still fairly effective at drawing heat and being big and dangerous, so he should be moved on to someone he can give a rub (Kofi?), while Finlay can go teach young guys how to work, which is supposedly his role in ECW, that he never does.
Match 4: Batista defeats Randy Orton
Marshall’s Take: No way was this supposed to happen. Randy was supposed to annihilate Batista with Cody and Manu to show Batista what “The Legacy” is all about. I feel like I died a little inside because now that Batista beat Randy, where do both men go from here?
Glazer’s Take: Well, now, strangely enough, Batista vs. Cena 2 is set up for the Royal Rumble. This could work one of two ways. Shawn or Randy or someone can out of nowhere cost Batista his shot, putting this off until Wrestlemania, or they can do a match where Cena wins here and have the rubber match at ‘Mania be a gimmick match. As for Randy, his protégé’s are all but sure to turn on him, making him a face. It’s the only logic behind him suddenly going full heel. Ideally, if Batista vs. Cena doesn’t need to happen yet (it does, Batista’s shelf life is running short), Randy and Dave can do a double turn. That’d draw massive heat and is what the fans seem to want anyway, so it remains to be seen if WWE is that clever or not.
Match 5: Divas nonsense occurs
Marshall’s Take: I have one question to ask. Why didn’t McCool and Maria tear each other apart? That would be more exciting than watching eight sets of boobs jumping up and down.
Glazer’s Take: This didn’t happen. Michelle McUndertaker didn’t use a Styles Clash. It was your imagination.
Match 6: John Cena successfully defends the World Title against Chris Jericho
Marshall’s Take: Despite all the conspiracy theories running around about how Stephanie was instrumental in getting Chris Jericho a title shot, the Superstar of the Year award, and this and that, John Cena saved the WWE from Chris Jericho. Sucks that Jericho tapped out to the STFU after being in the move for one second.
Glazer’s Take: If Jericho won, Cena and Batista are even up for their eventual rematch after Jericho loses the belt, so of course Cena won to continue to be Superman, being the first to kick out of the Codebreaker in the process. Cena gets to line up Batista and Orton for his money showdowns now, while Jericho goes back to the mid-card to play with Shawn Michaels or Rey now.
Match 7: Jeff Hardy wins the WWE Title by defeats Triple H and Edge
Marshall’s Take: Allow me to continue to brag about how I was right and most of the IWC was wrong for a moment. *brags* Now then, I can’t say I like it one bit because they ruined the moment on a Pay-Per-View that historically scores low buyrates. Also when you add the fact that Kozlov and Matt interfered and that chairs were used, you can almost guess that Vickie Guerrero will tip the balance to Edge’s favor. I also don’t like it because Jeff didn’t pin Triple H. How bad would it hurt Trips to take a pin once in a blue moon? It’s the little things like this that makes me happy that Trips isn’t on RAW.
Glazer’s Take: This was done so poorly it hurts. Jeff’s big moment is immediately forgettable in a hailstorm of bullshit run-ins and its placement on a third tier Pay Per View. This is a big to “build†Jeff, while hedging bets incase he self destructs. This half-assing it never works and the ‘net isn’t buying it, as judging by predictions that he be stripped of the title Friday. Hopefully they run with this until a huge win over Triple H at ‘Mania to establish Jeff, but likely a Christian debut will force him off the title before then.
The Smark Raw Ranty Short Forum Thing, 12/15/08
We start with Divas. Thanks for not working me too rough in your first match on my week back, ‘E. You’re all heart. Next!
Kane turns up to end the segment. Apparently he likes Kelly Kelly. I feel like we’ve done this already. Kelly runs, Kane chases her up the ramp. Apparently retreating behind the curtain with him chasing is like a safe zone in tag, so we cut to commercial.
After break Kane insists that they talk…. Intensely.
Match 1: Rey Mysterio vs. Deuce
Deuce decides he wants to go by Sim Snuka. Cody Rhodes and Manu watch from ringside, as Lawler had no idea that Snuka was Jimmy’s son. Right, that doesn’t strain credibility.
Snuka controls until Rey’s speed gives him an advantage… then Rey bumps Cody and takes a beatdown from the Legacy. Kno turns up to destroy an escaping Rey. You know, Rey getting the Legacy over would have worked. Rey vs. Knox? Not so much.
Rey and Snuka go to a no contest (Rhodes and Manu interfere, *)
If that’s all Snuka can do in the ring, then he really needs to not join the Legacy. He’s about as bad as Manu. Carrying two of them would drag the crew down.
Kane is mad that Kelly Kelly didn’t feel sparks when they presented the Slammy together. He says she can leave, then slams the door, insisting she felt something again.
Randy Orton gets a big face pop for his mic time. He calls Batista a coward, then Batista shows up and gets slapped in the face as Orton storms away. Batista comes out and is ambushed by Rhodes, Manu, and Orton. John Cena decides to save, even though Batista didn’t stop Cena’s recent beatdown. Orton simply walks away from Cena, avoiding the beatdown and coming off as too good for everyone, yet again.
Batista and Cena talk backstage when its announced they’ll team later against Orton, Rhodes and Manu.
Match 2: “Hacksaw†Jim Duggan vs. Chris Jericho
Wait, no… really? Jericho went from Cena to Duggan. That’s just sad… never mind, Jericho comes out in a suite. Apparently he agrees with me. He refuses to wrestle the bottom of the barrel, berating Duggan. Jericho walks away.
We cut back with Kane being mean to Kelly in the back as Kelly acts poorly, crying. Apparently Kelly has someone else. Kane wants to know who but she won’t say.
We come back and Kane knows who the guy is. Kelly Kelly asks Kane not to hurt him. Kane laughs.
Match 2: World Tag Team Title Match: CM Punk and Kofi Kingston vs. Miz and Morrison©
Miz and Morrison took the belts at a house show. This seems like the usual “make house shows seem important†drill. Regal is at the top of the ramp. After a long match, Miz and Morrison escape with the titles.
Miz and Morrison defeat Punk and Kofi (Pin, ***)
They went really heavy on near falls there and the crowd ate it up.
Kane comes out post match to attack the Miz to a huge face pop. Miz eats a chokeslam and a tombstone. I don’t think that went how they intended it to.
We run Michaels saying he’s broke last night and will work with JBL as a result. He whines about it, acting poorly the whole way through.
Next, Kelly Kelly is apparently not with the Miz.
Match 3: Dolph Ziggler defeats Santa Haas (Pin, **)
Ziggler looks pretty good. He’s athletic with a good look and since he won’t shut up about his catchphrase, it’ll get over. He destroys Haas post match to really good heat.
Cryme Tyme tell Hacksaw it’s time and take him somewhere with them. Stephanie McMahon confronts Jericho and demands he do what she says. Batista’s rematch clause expired, making the previous night’s match against Orton entirely pointless. There will be a number one contender’s tournament next week and the week after on Raw.
Manu and Orton argue backstage. Orton says they must be more successful or the group cannot be.
Match 4: Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes and Manu vs. Batista and John Cena
Really guys, a four match Raw? Great. The match didn’t finish. They wrestled forever for nothing to happen. Wait. Orton kicked Batista. In the head. Well, then, it’s okay now. Glazer out.
