Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time WWE RAW Report 01.12.2009

I’m back and it’s time to get RAW!

Thank you Norine for getting RAW during my absence.  We have a great show on paper this week, but how will it be when it shows?  Sit back and enjoy as I bring you real-time coverage!

WWE: The World Is Watching

The Longhorn limo shows as we open tonight’s RAW.  Inside, JBL and Shawn Michaels are having a heart-to-heart.  He tells Shawn that it could had been him if he wasn’t suffering financially.  Tonight will be Shawn’s “Wrestlemania”.  Shawn does not look too happy.

AND WE ARE LIVE FROM SIOUX CITY, IOWA! Stephanie McMahon makes her way to the ring.  She hypes the Royal Rumble match in two weeks.  However, that isn’t the big issue.  Next week, Mack Daddy Vince makes his glorious return to Monday Night RAW.  Stephanie is promptly interrupted by Chris Jericho, who has issues with her.  He calls her a liar.  Jericho owns because he says that Stephanie is scared that Vince will undo what she has done during his absence.  Jericho rattles off the Superstar of Year and how Vince knows how to run a show.  Stephanie says that it’s HER SHOW!  Stephanie says that her father supports her.  He brings up Adamle, she says that’s Shane’s call.  If Jericho would worry about his career, instead of Stephanie’s management skills, he’d still be the world champion.  He has a match tonight, but Jericho won’t face anyone unless it’s for a title.  Stephanie lays down the law saying that he’s not above anyone else.  He compares her to Bush, calling her a lame duck.  Stephanie says that next week is not here yet, so she makes his life a living hell.  Jericho doesn’t give a damn what she has to say.  Stephanie fires him on the spot!  Jericho is confused as she leaves the ring.

Commercials.

We’re back and we relive Stephanie firing Jericho.  During commercial, Jericho was being escorted out by security.  Michael Cole is speechless.  With that out of the way, let’s put some ‘rasslin on!

The Miz v. Rey Mysterio

The bell sounds and they lock up in the center.  Mysterio gets out of a side headlock, and he takes it to the Miz.  Morrison is injured following his match against Trips on SmackDown.  Mysterio is hung up on the top turnbuckle and Miz takes control with the knee lift.  That gets two and he focuses on the back.  The Miz has 32,000 friends on his WWE Universe page.  If he had that many friends on Facebook, he’d be banned for having that many friends.  Mysterio tries to fight back, but he goes splat for a two count!  Mysterio comes back with a kick and a seated senton for TWO!  Mysterio follows up with more kicks and Miz gets sent ot the ropes.  619 is well-scouted.  Mysterio goes up and over, but lands on the apron.  Sunset flip attempt is countered with a Miz pin attempt for TWO!  The Miz goes for the Reality Check, but Mysterio counters and sends him down with an armdrag.  The Miz is at the ropes…619 connects!  The big splash ends this contest!

Winner: Rey Mysterio
Grade: C+

And for the 10th week in a row, Mike Knox attacks Rey from behind, but this time Rey fights him off!

Candace Michelle tries to talk to Punk, but he was listening to his tunes.  The Intercontinental Title match is NEXT!

Commercials.

Mr. McMahon returns NEXT WEEK!

To further remind us, we get some footage of Vince in his early days.

CM Punk v. William Regal
Intercontinental Championship – if Regal gets DQ’ed, he loses the title!

Regal is pissed off and he makes it known to Layla.  The bell sounds and they try to lock up.  Punk gets a side headlock followed by a tackle.  Backslide by Punk gets a no count.  Armdrag connects and Punk has a headlock applied.  They get to the corner and we get a break.  Regal SWEEPS THE LEG, but Punk goes back to the headlock.  KNEE LIFT TO THE FACE CONNECTS!  Punk finishes the combo with the bulldog.  Punk gets dropped on the second turnbuckle and the ref orders him off Punk.  Punk hits a bodyshot, but the referee calls it a low blow and Punk gets DQ!  WHAT THE HELL?!

Winner: William Regal via DQ
Grade: F (BS ending)

Mickie James talks with Cody Rhodes about the blizzard in Iowa.  Manu and Sim Snuka bitch about Cody joining Orton.  They are going after Orton tonight and Rhodes is either with them or against them.  Sim teases a debut of someone later tonight!

Commercials.

Backstage Regal and Layla get confronted by Todd Grisham.  He asks if he is satisfied of his win tonight.  Regal is satisfied, but Stephanie is not.  Therefore, next week the title will be on the line in a No Disqualification match!

We have a huge announcement:  Stone Stone Steve Austin will be in the 2009 WWE HALL OF FAME!  WWE then proceeds to take CM Punk’s ROH theme music and add it to the Austin video!

Shawn is in the locker room with JBL.  He assures him that Stephanie can’t fire him, only JBL can.  Shawn doesn’t need JBL – he can do it himself.

Commercials.

We get some of McMahon’s famous fired lines.

IT’S A BLIZZARD OUT THERE, but it’s nice and warm inside!

Kane v. Randy Orton

This match is because Randy Orton had a one night stand with Kelly Kelly and he even said that she wasn’t good enough.  Cody Rhodes is with him as backup, just to keep Manu, Snuka, and our mysterious person at bay.  Orton takes it to Kane to start off but is separated by the ref.  This allows Kane to jab the throat.  Kane is on the offensive and he takes it to Orton in the corner.  Orton gets sent out of the ring and we go to break.

Commercials.

Tomorrow night on ECW:  Matt Hardy v. Jack Swagger for the ECW Championship!

We’re back and Orton is in control with a headlock!  Orton nailed the spike DDT to gain control as of right now.  Orton nails a haymaker that takes Kane down and Michael Cole reminds us for the 100th time that Jericho was fired.  We get it, ok?  Orton gets jabbed by Kane and he comes back with a sloppy kick to the side of the head.  We go Vintage Orton now and he follows with a two count on Kane.  Orton stomps on Kane’s ribs and he snaps on a headlock again!  Kane gets back up and he hits the side slam!  JAB TO ORTON and Orton eats a big boot!  Orton gets squashed in the corner twice.  Kane hits the sidewalk slam for TWO!  Orton gets sent to the ropes and he retaliates with a clubbing shot to the back.  Uh-oh….CHOKESLAM ATTEMPT is blocked!  Orton hits the neckbreaker and he has the viper like eyes!  RKO is countered!  Kane goes up top and he jumps as Orton hits the dropkick!  This gets three!  The referee didn’t see Kane’s right shoulder off the mat!  Kane gets pissed off and he goes after the referee!  We get a replay and the shoulder was up before three!

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: C+

Manu and Sim Snuka are out and they say that Orton will have to listen to them.  Here comes the backup AND TED DIBIASE IS BACK!  The trio make their way down the ramp and they surround Orton in the ring.  They all come in and Cody joins him inside.  DIBIASE TURNS ON MANU AND SNUKA!  That was short.  Orton, Rhodes, & DiBiase take it to Manu and Snuka.  Rhodes hits Snuka with the Roll of the Dice.  DiBiase talks trash with Manu and he hits the Million Dollar Leg Sweep.  The Legacy is now born.  Orton, Rhodes, and DiBiase!  Manu and Snuka are left lying in the ring as the Legacy walk up the ramp.

We are reminded that Jericho was fired earlier tonight.

T-Grish is with John Cena!  Cena is all smiles tonight.  Cena talks about the Royal Rumble and how anything can happen.  He talks how JBL bought him the best, that being Shawn Michaels.  Besides that, that’s all Cena has to say.

Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Beth’s favorite fan intervenes again!

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall are in the ring for the upcoming tag team match

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall v. Kelly Kelly & Melina

Melina is attacked by Rosa Mendez who was dressed as a paparazzi.  The distraction proves to work for Beth and Jillian as they wipe the floor clean of Kelly and Melina.  Beth takes and she takes a picture of Melina and it seems that we have no match.

No Contest – Match Never Started

What a waste of five minutes.

Commercials.

We get some more footage of Vince McMahon.  This time, he is on the famous Walk of Fame.

We go through the Royal Rumble card, broguht to you by “Let it Rock” by Kevin Rudolf.

Backstage, Orton talks to Rhodes and DiBiase.  They are all in the Royal Rumble, but they can only be one winner.

Meanwhile, the comedy circuit stands outside Stephanie’s office all wanting Jericho’s spot in the Rumble.  Santino comes out happy, so he seems to have the spot.  The main event is up next!

Commercials.

Next week in Chicago: CM Punk v. William Regal – No Disqualification!

TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT!

Shawn Michaels (w/JBL) v. John Cena

Cena offers a handshake to start things off, but Michaels is hesitant.  We get the handshake and we go to break!

Commercials.

We are back and they have just started the bell!  They circle the ring before Shawn suplexes Cena.  Cena gets a headscissors and we are at a stalemate.  Shawn gets Cena on the second exchange.  The third lockup goes to Shawn some more and Cena DECKS HIM TO THE CANVAS!  Shawn looks to the heavens before working on Cena’s arm.  Cena makes Shawn spit some chicklets out of his mouth and he hits a hiptoss.  STF(U) is blocked by Michaels.  Michaels goes for Sweet Chin Music, but Cena backpedals in the corner.  They lock up in the center and it goes to the corner.  Shawn doesn’t break clean as he chops Cena.  Cena returns the favor with some rights.  Shawn goes back to the chops and we go pillar to post, Michaels gets back dropped and tossed out of the ring!  Cena charges, but Michaels snaps Cena’s neck off the top rope and he goes to work.  Kick to the side of the head and Cena is reeling.  The Breaking News scroll runs across the screen again.  Cena is in the corner but he explodes with a couple clotheslines.  Michaels goes to the corner, oversells it as usual and Cena hits a bulldog for TWO!  The Throwback is attempted, but Michaels reverses to a rollup.  Figure Four is locked on!  Cena fights through the pain ane he attempts to reverse it and the hold is broken.  Cena gets posted and Michaels gets launched to the corner.  Cena KICKS MICHAELS and we get a Throwback attempt!  The move that used to be called the Throwback connects!  Flying FameAsser misses and Michaels locks on the CROSSFACE!  JBL looks on and Cena PICKS SHAWN UP, but Shawn’s momentum works against Cena and the crossface is still locked in!  Cena reaches the ropes and Shawn abuses the five count.  Cena gets kicked out of the ring as we go to our final break.

Commercials.

We are back and Cena has Michaels out of the ring.  Back inside and Shawn is reeling.  Side slam by Cena gets TWO.  Michaels oversold the corner whip again during commercials and that is why Cena is in control.  Cena hits a fisherman’s suplex for two!  He waits for Shawn to get up and the Throwback is attempted again, but Michaels is resourceful.  Cena locks on a bearhug.  Michaels drops to a knee, but the higher power within Shawn compels him to break the hold.  Shawn fires a couple elbows, but Cena relocks on the bearhug.  Michaels gets shoved to the corner…Cena rushes and EATS A BOOT!  They slug it out and Shawn gets the upperhand.  FLYING LARIAT CONNECTS!  Michaels kips up! Atomic Drop connects, but Cena interrupts the moves of doom.  Cena goes for the Protobomb, but Shawn counters and finishes his moves of doom!  Michaels goes up top, but Cena meets him there.  TOP ROPE THROWBACK ATTEMPT IS COUNTERED TO A POWERBOMB BY MICHAELS!  That gets two and Michaels goes up top.  The flying elbow MISSES!  Cena goes to the top and he connects with the leg drop!  Five Knuckle Shuffle follows and Cena gets Shawn in the Throwback, but Michaels counters!  Michaels gets a close two off that DDT and Michaels GOES TO THE TOP AGAIN!  The elbow connects and he tunes up the band!  He goes for it…Cena ducks and Cena hits the THROWBACK!  He goes for the cover…BUT MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Cena picks Michaels up…SWEET CHIN MUSIC FROM OUT OF NOWHERE!  Shawn covers, BUT CENA WILL NOT GO DOWN!  Cena powers up, the Throwback again, but Shawn rolls Cena up for TWO!  Drop Toehold, STF!  STF IS LOCKED IN!  Shawn inches closer and JBL inches the ropes closer and Michaels gets it!  Cena is back to his feet and he goes for the Throwback, but Shawn pushes Cena to the ropes, a moment of distraction from JBL…SWEET CHIN MUSIC!  That is all she wrote!

Winner: Shawn Michaels
Grade: A-

JBL comes in the ring and he stares at a fallen Cena.

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Shawn Michaels d. John Cena: A-
Randy Orton d. Kane: C+
William Regal d. CM Punk via DQ: F
Rey Mysterio d. The Miz: C+
Penalty: Two botched finishes

The Final Grade for WWE RAW for 01.12.2009: C

Tonight seemed to be kinda of an off week for RAW.  Four matches, two botched finishes, one match that never happened, and a good main event can almost wipe what was shaping to be a dismal RAW from the slate.  Next week remains a mystery with Vince returning.  What will that road bring us?  Tune in next week to find out!

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