TNA iMPACT! Real-Time Coverage for 1.22.09

We open with a recap of Kurt’s promo last week, over shots of MEM’s archive of beatdowns. We then cut to footage of Brother Ray’s return. “End of the Originals?” appears on the screen as we hit the opening credits.

 

SONJAY DUTT v. SHIEF ABDUL BASHIR v. CHRIS SABIN v. ALEX SHELLEY – X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

 

Sabin and Shelley start out. Armdrag into a pin by Shelley for two. It’s reversed by Sabin into a pin of his own for two. As they give each other props on their oh so sweet smoothness in the ring, Dutt and Bashir attack. MCMG get the upper hand, dispatch Dutt, and double team Bashir. Dutt back in and jumps the MCMG from behind. Dutt works away on Shelley with punches. Dutt to the apron. Shelley with an attempted Asia moonsault but gets pulled down by Dutt, smacking his chin on the apron. Snap mare on Sabin, double back elbows on Sabin. Bashir covers for two. Dutt with choke on ropes. Bashir takes a turn choking Sabin.  Dutt sends Shelley back to the floor. Sabin fights back against both. Leg sweep by Sabin but Sonjay rolls him. Bashir then rolls Sabin up but So Cal Val distracts the ref from counting the three. Dutt drops Bashir out of ring. Kick from Sabin. Misses a charge, gets kicked. Slingshot legdrop by Dutt to Sabin as he hangs over the ropes. Shelley WIPES Dutt out with a clothesline out of nowhere. Sabin breaks up a pin. Sharmell comes out for whatever reason. Tilt a wirl DDT from Dutt on Sabin. For 2. Sabin reverses whip, gets kicked. Sabin catches Dutt coming off top rope. Shelley almost botches a legsweep roll-up for the pin.

 

Rating: *1/2 – Disjointed. Shelley spent most the time on the outside and Bashir did little. I’m not a fan of these four ways when they’re given six minutes.

 

Sharmell tells Ref Sewell that Booker wants to see him in the back.

 

We come back with Sewell in Booker’s dressing room. He tells him to chill out and have a seat. Booker tells him he doesn’t know where he comes from (Peurto Rico, Japan?) but around here they do things different. He says he put his hands on the TNA Legends Champ. Has he defended that yet? Booker says he likes Sewell so he’s going to give him a pass. But he wants a favor. He wants some alone time for him and Steiner with Petey Williams. He says he’ll hook him up with a job as his chauffeur if he can make it happen. Booker is completely out of his mind. Sewell leaves without saying anything.

 

Main Event Mafia come out to the ring. Kurt says things didn’t work out quite so well last week. “Where there are bad choices,” Kurt says, “there are even worse consequences.” He says although, the Dudleys are in Japan and Mick is in England, they will still get a measure of revenge against those who wronged them last week. Petey Williams and A.J. are in trouble. Petey and Eric Young are to take on Steiner and Booker T. He promises that after the match, the only people left in the ring will be Petey and the entire MEM. Like Mick Foley says, Petey. Have a nice day. Kurt blames A.J. as partly responsible for putting Kurt through the table. Payback is a bitch. Kurt vows to kick his ass in the tables match but just to add insult to injury, they’re going to put him out indefinitely. Kurt asks where Team 3-D get off making PPV matches. He says to take their challenges and stuff them up their fat asses. Kurt will not wrestle D-Von and Sting will not wrestle Bubba Ray. Sting calls Kurt Godfather and says he’ll speak for himself. He says no one will tell him who he can and cannot wrestle. Kurt is not happy. They whisper heatedly to one another. Uh oh.

 

Jim Cornette comes out and says Team 3-D does not, in fact, have the authority to book matches. But he does. He makes a 4-way match for Sting’s title. Sting v. Kurt v. Bubba Ray v. D-Von. Great. Another 4-way. Cornette says the best way to win a 4-way is for two combatants to work together but he doesn’t think the MEM will be able to. Sting looks perplexed while Kurt borrows a hole through him with his eyes.

 

 

 

Video package of the history between Scott Steiner and Petey Williams. I still don’t know why they whupped him so bad. They had a ready-made errand boy. Oh well.

 

More good news. The Steiner and Booker vs. Petey and Eric Young will be an elimination match. Convoluted booking is inevitable.

 

Petey’s still rocking the Steinerwear. He says this match is personal. He says Steiner has made a living off bullying people. From production assistants to Ric Flair. Hot Damn. He tells Steiner he should be worried about what’s going to happen to him tonight.

 

Team 3-D join us from Japan as new IWGP Tag Champions. D-Von says their 21st title reign proves they are the best tag team ever. Ray says it was “prestigious” and an “honor.” The Screamer brings up the changed match plans for Against All Odds. Ray says he will go through his own brother just to get at Sting. He reiterates what he said last week: why did he let Ray get beat down and left in a “dumpstah.” Team 3-D say it won’t be the first time they’ve fought and it won’t be the last. The sound cuts out. Great.

 

The always-punchable Jeremy Borash is backstage with MEM. He asks Sting about what went down with Kurt Angle in the ring. Sting accuses JB of disrespecting the MEM for trying to stir shit up. Angle is Sting’s brother and they’re going to move forward as they always had. They won’t stop until they get the respect they deserve. Sting tells 3-D to watch out. Steiner takes the mic and says one-on-one he’s unbeatable. He channels unmedicated Mike Tyson and says his offense is impeccable, etc. He’s going to tear Petey’s heart out and eat his children. Praise be to Allah. He says Petey’s going to pay for costing him the match last week. He refuses any responsibility for what happens in the ring tonight. Booker is still high as hell. He’s been too funny tonight.

 

SOJO BOLT v. ODB

Bolt looks surprisingly good tonight. ODB…not so much. ODB’s wearing a pink lunchlady’s uniform that’s three sizes too small. Sojo kicks her in the back to start. ODB almost pops out against the rope. Sojo works on her legs. ODB ducks a chop and hits some slaps on her chest. Clothesline puts ODB down. 2 count. Snap mare and a low dropkick. Bolt to the second rope, misses with a splash. ODB with punches as the announcers completely ignore the match to pimp out their house shows. Flapjack on Sojo, who subsequently quits. Thesz press by ODB. She mounts Sojo and lands punches. Awesome Kong interferes and we have a DQ. Roxxi and Taylor Wilde come down with bats to chase Kong away.

Rating – DUD. Sigh.

 

 

The chick that played Palin is backstage laughing about the stunt she pulled. Angelina Love and Velvet Sky jump her and beat her senseless. Palin tries to crawl away, after having a 2×4 broken over the back of her head but gets slammed into a mail box. Love chokes the living shit out of Palin. Agents try to interfere but Billy beats them off. He tells Love to stop as the Palin impersonator has had enough. We need more beatings like that if we’re going to take the women’s division seriously.

 

ELIMINATION MATCH – BOOKER T AND SCOTT STEINER v. ERIC YOUNG AND PETEY WILLIAMS

 

That Mafia Music hits and out comes Booker with Sharmell. Steiner sort of saunters out afterwards. Petey comes out next to the Terminator theme. Next out is Young. No pyro for him tonight. They hit the ring and Booker and Steiner scatter.

Booker and Young start. Booker with chops in the corner. Irish whip but Booker’s charge misses. Young lands some punches. Young tries to whip Booker into the ropes but it’s reversed and EY eats a knee to the gut. Steiner gets tagged in and slams EY. Steiner throws him into the corner and hits some chops. Hip toss out of the corner. Steiner rains down the clubbing forearms as EY reaches for the tag. More chops. He intimidates Sewell for daring to referee the bout. Young with a flying forearm. Steiner grabs EY’s leg and rolls him into the heel corner. Tag to Booker, who forearms him. Vertical suplex is reversed by Eric Young after a near botch. Young comes off the ropes but runs into a Booker T elbow. Young fights back but Steiner comes in without a tag to stop that shit. Axe Kick from Booker out of nowhere. That gets the three. Eric Young is eliminated and suitably buried for the near future.

 

We’re back with Steiner in complete control of Petey. He tries to toss Petey but he skins the cat and comes back with punches. Steiner into the ropes, Young backdropped onto the apron, slingshots back in with a facebuster onto his knees. Steiner tags out. Booker with knees to Petey in a Muay Thai clinch. He puts Petey down with a particularly viscious knee. The Harlem Sidekick ducked and Petey hits a dropkick.  Booker drills him with a spinebuster for two. Steiner tagged in. Petey starts coming back, using his quickness to overwhelm Steiner. Petey with an ugly looking Tornado DDT from the top rope. Booker just comes in the ring without a tag and Superkicks Petey’s head off. Steiner puts Petey on the top rope and hits a fallaway slam. Pin. He pulls Petey’s head up at two to continue the beating. Booker in, and he hits an Axe Kick. Booker also picks Petey up at the two count. Sewell starts to get agitated. Another Axe Kick from Booker, just for fun. This time Booker accepts the three count.

 

Rating: ** – It was a burial of the highest order but at least it followed a strategy (getting EY out of the way so they could beat on Petey in peace) and it had a clean pin. A TNA rarity.

 

Booker slaps Sewell. Sewell fights back and is whuppin on Booker before Steiner comes in. Book End! Booker mounts and chokes Sewell. Steiner and Sharmell are begging Booker to let up on Sewell but Booker is not having it. Eventually he lets him go. It’s about time somebody put that ref in his place. He’s been asking for a whipping for a while now. Commercials.

 

A video package on the relationship between Matt Morgan and Abyss. They basically show how incompetent Abyss has been lately. Last week’s post match brawl between the two is shown.

Morgan out first, looking guilty. Abyss comes out next. He knocks the camera man down for getting in his way. Interviewed by Lauren

Morgan admits to having a bad temper, saying it cost him NFL and NBA contracts. But worst of all, the lost his best friend last week. The crowd clowns on his sentimentality. I love it. Morgan admits to being wrong. He takes the blame for the southward trajectory their “relationship” has took in the past week. He begs for forgiveness from “Abby.” Morgan believes the two will be Tag Team Champions one day. In the meantime, he says, they should settle for Beer Money’s blood. They hug. Abyss accepts his apology. He says his temper is a problem for him as well. It’s why he’s in therapy. After laughing creepily he says he wants to go to therapy with Morgan. Abyss calls this a glorious day because he has his best friend Matt back and his girlfriend Lauren. He bearhugs her, possibly shattering some ribs. But all is well. The First Blood Match between Beer Money and Abyss and Morgan is up next.

 

FIRST BLOOD MATCH – ABYSS and MATT MORGAN v. BEER MONEY

 

They start a-brawling on the ramp. Morgan and Storm are in the crowd, Abyss amd Rppde at ringside. They have a double screen thing going. Storm ducks the Footprint, then comes off a wall onto Morgan. Morgan seems all right and tosses Storm back in the ring. Abyss and Roode brawl in the crowd. Roode with a chair in the ring. Abyss punches the chair into Roode’s face. And by face, I mean air. Abyss wedges the chair between the turnbuckles. But Roode takes control of the match before he can whip him into it. Eventually, Roode goes face first into it. Ref checks Roode and finds he isn’t bleeding. Morgan with a series of elbows in the corner on Storm.Storm’s selling makes it look like he’s being absolutely brutalized. Morgan gets cracked with a Roode belt shot. No blood. Abyss comes in for the save. Abyss catches The Last Call and hits Storm with a Chokeslam. Abyss finds a chair outside the ring but gets chopblocked by Roode before he can use it. Beer Money with a double suplex on Abyss. Roode has the chair but Morgan sneaks in from behind and steals it. Morgan teases hitting Beer Money with the chair but instead nails Abyss with it. Abyss is busted open and Beer Money takes the win. The self-satisfied looks on Beer Money’s face afterward is priceless, considering how the win was handed to them.

Morgan starts beating on Abyss in the corner. Abyss’ Asylum jumpsuit is quite stained. Morgan blasts him with another chairshot.

 

Rating :*3/4 – A lot of uninspired brawling in the crowd led to a pretty solid ending. Abyss did a pretty good blade job. I’m pretty into the Morgan / Abyss story. Match kind of sucked though.

 

We come back from commercials with Abyss going absolutely mental backstage. Good. Crazy Abyss is Good Abyss.

 

Another video package. This one of A.J. and Kurt. The storyline between the two was pretty dumb but the matches they had were money.

 

JB with Kurt Angle. Kurt says he’s given A.J. too many passes. All because he felt sorry for him. Kurt blames A.J. for ruining his marriage. Kurt will end Styles’ career. JB asks about the incident with Sting earlier but Angle stares daggers at him as we go to break.

 

TABLES MATCH – KURT ANGLE v. A.J. STYLES

 

Kurt’s entrance is as ill as ever. He comes down and flips over the table on the outside. A.J. Styles comes down next. The bells rings and the two lock up. They trade arm locks. Angle makes the ropes. I guess Tables matches have rules because A.J. breaks. Angle takes Styles down with a headlock. A.J. fights out and nails Angle with that sweet dropkick. Angle bails for a bit. He comes back in and they lock up. Angle puts AJ on the top rope and tries to push him off when they break but A.J. counters it into a hurricarana (kinda). Styles sails off the apron with the flying forearm. A.J. sets up a table but Angle bails into the ring. Commercial time.

 

We come back to see Kurt snap off a suplex. A.J. tries to fight back but gets hit with a sick belly-to-belly release overhead suplex for his troubles. Kurt brings a table in but A.J. knocks him down with a couple punches. Angle boots him and slams him face first onto the table. Angle with the sleeperhold. Kurt cut his thumb on something or other. Styles fights out of the hold but runs into an Angle knee. Angle sets up the table. He European Uppercuts A.J. before putting him on the top rope. A.J. fights his way down. They trade punches as the table gets turned on its side. A.J. drops Kurt crotch-first onto the side of the table. A.J. with a series of clotheslines. He slams Kurt and crushes him with a leaping kneedrop. European Uppercut from Kurt out of nowhere. A.J. nearly careens to the floor but comes back in with a springboard flying forearm. A.J. sets up the table. A.J. tries to Styles Clash Angle through the table but Kurt reverses out of it. Kurt cinches on the Anklelock but A.J. rolls out and hits Kurt with the Pele. Kurt laid out on the table and A.J. climbs to the top rope. Kurt pops off the table and tries for the top-rope belly-to-belly. A.J. pushes him down and comes off the top with a forearm. Kurt moves and A.J. nearly goes through the table. Kurt slips behind A.J. and the Angle Slam kills A.J. through the table, ending the match.

Rating: **1/4 – Not bad but not nearly as good as these two are capable of. For a TV match, you can’t expect more.

 

Kurt starts working over A.J.’s ankle. He wraps the chair around A.J.’s ankle and stomps the chair repeatedly. Angle, still not done, puts him in the Anklelock. He’s got his Krazy Kurt face on but leaves in what I think is an orderly manner. Kurt stops at the announcer’s table and takes a microphone. He says tonight is the beginning of the end of TNA. He says they are going to take everyone in TNA out. One by one. He stands on the table and yells for his ma to see he’s on top of the world. I love Kurt.

 

The show ends with the MEM music and Kurt Angle standing tall.

 

Good show, not great. The MEM continue to run roughshod over the entire roster. I don’t know how TNA’s going to claw their way out of this hole. Everyone’s been shown not to be in the Mafia’s league.  We’ll see what happens next Thursday.

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