Ryan tells us that the power of the show is in the vote. “What have you done?” he asks America. I know what I’ve done. I ended up voting a dozen times for Normund/Nick. I didn’t want him to get Anooped. Oddly enough I didn’t get a busy signal. Has AT&T upped their phone line action or was this a bad sign?
Ryan once more breaks down how it’s the top boy and girl along with the singer remaining with the next highest vote. They mock Simon for his latest tan. Simon really needs a chest carpet. The man is about as hairless as a Ken doll. The clip show gives us one last time to see the plight of the dozen in this group. Nine of them will be gone at the end of the night. They won’t get to go on tour this summer unless 19 Management hires them to sell t-shirts at the arena.
They have the kids do another musical number as a group. Why? Is this supposed to be part of the competition seeing which kids have the ability to perform for the big show? They do Ne-Yo’s “Closer.” This sounds so much better than last night’s group. I get a sneaking suspicion that after last week’s mess the kids are lip syncing to a pro-tool pitch corrected pre-recorded track. A dozen dead microphones to make it a good show. Simon Fuller can’t be bothered to play it straight.
They give a strange exclusive peek at an unidentified person’s audition. What is the point of this? Rumor has it that for Wild Card night each judge gets to bring back 2 contestants for that second try. The contestants don’t have to be part of the 36. Maybe this girl will sneak back? Hmmmm.
What’s up with Gordon Ramsay throwing meat around Hell’s Kitchen. People are broke and this guy wants to pave his road to stardom with prime cut steak.
Another recap of last night including the pre-show. Then everyone wants to vomit. Why isn’t there a reality show about puking? They remind us how Nick/Normund stole the show. I forgot to mention last night that they got rid of the parents in the Red Room business after each performance. They just had the folks wave from the crowd. I guess someone in Simon Fuller’s office got the memos that it bit.
Ryan asks Nick what we’d expect from him if he didn’t make it through. “I’m looking for employment,” Nick responds. Nick ought to at least get a job as a cruise director. He’s a regular Ered Matthew. Plucky and ready to make sure everyone is ready to party. This talk with the kids isn’t quite working too well. Ryan isn’t quite building up anyone to think they’re doomed for stardom.
They have Danny Gokey, Michael Sarver and Alexis Grace sitting with three empty stools in front of them.
Ryan calls out Allison Iraheta, Jesse Langseth and Matt Breitzke. The group of three stands ready to be teased into an empty seat. Randy hopes its Allison since she sang her heart out. Ryan lets us know that Allison has made it through. I’m 1 for 1 on my predictions from last night. Now they have Allison sing Heart’s “Alone.” My wife swears her hair looks really fake tonight. Is it a wig?
I once hung backstage at a Heart concert. The Wilson sisters had a bodyguard called Lurch. The guy was about 7 feet tall, four feet wide and was wearing hospital scrubs. He wrapped himself around Ann and Nancy as they went from the stage to the dressing room. I never knew they made scrubs that size. How big do surgeon’s get? Recently I found a bootleg of that concert. I can hear myself as the guy who yells out, “Freebird!”
Normund/Nick is going to probably be the last to know if he’s in or out. They know America has Normund fever and they won’t give us the cure.
Kris Allen and Megan Corkrey are now brought down. Kris didn’t get to see the West Coast broadcast because he was working. But they have to wait longer as Ryan calls out for Matt Giraud and Jeanine Vailles. Jeanine is scared. Why not? She was horrible. Ryan assures us that one of them is going into the empty chair. It’s interesting since that means either Adam or Normund is out. Simon is pushing himself farther away from the other three judges.
Jeanine Vailles gets popped first. Matt Giraud is sent back to his dueling piano. It’s down to Kris Allen and Megan Corkrey. Kara says Matt’s done better than Michael Buble. Simon scoffs. Simon is giving her a lot of crap. “Kara, take your time.” She nearly bitch slaps him. Ryan cuts off the ugliness. Kris Allen is going through to the Top 12. What? Megan will be back for the Wild Card show. You can sense Simon will make her his pick. Now Kris does “Man in the Mirror” again. Did people really get that impressed by a second rate Michael Jackson song? It’s even worse this second night.
I fear poor Normund has been sunk by Simon for the “Sassy Pants” comment. Normund knows that he’ll at least have a guest shot on E!’s The Soup. Joel McHale be liking him some Normund. There’s only five people left fighting for that last bar stool: Jasmine Murray, Kai Lalama, Mishavonna Henson, Adam Lambert and Normund. And we get 24 more minutes of show. I smell another hideous duet featuring past losers. Or maybe they’ll have Clay Aiken discuss being dumped by his label? He’ll always have Broadway.
They break out the “Idol Retrospective” set to “What a Wonderful World.” This kicked off the season. Did the guest musical act canceled at the last minute? Did Chris Brown beat the mystery person up? Is this bit going to be their emergency time killer like Al Roker is on Conan? Oh wait, there is a guest. It’s Brooke White from last season. She’s got a piano on the stage. This is her new song that will be out on iTunes tomorrow. That just seems so uninspiring. It just doesn’t have the same impact of a vinyl 45 with a picture sleeve. That’s when you felt like you’ve really made a song that somebody might like. What’s the point of a computer file containing you song? “Hold Up My Heart” is the song. It’s a light country song. Kinda reminds me of a ballad that Olivia Newton John would have recorded in her Nashville phase.
More plugs for Dollhouse. When is Eliza going to be programmed to make me fried chicken?
Ryan calls down Jasmine Murray, Kai Lalama, Mishavonna Henson, Adam Lambert and Normund. There’s 11 minutes left on the clock. How long will this execution line last? Mishavonna says she did her best, but knows the judges hate him. Kai says, “I did what I do.” Jasmine has no idea what will happen to her. Jasmine Murray, Kai Lalama and Mishavonna Henson are sent packing. It’s all down to Nick/Normand and Adam.
Simon says he prayed for five hours that Normund doesn’t win. Before we get the showdown, it’s another commercial break. The Jonas Brothers in 3-D is coming! What is the point of these Defranco Family outcasts?
Since this season is all about looks according to Simon, Adam Lambert might actually lose. Have you seen the guy in HiDef? He looks like the before shots on a ProActive infomercial. Simon might want a more smooth skin.
We come back to the face off. Ryan drops the puck fast. America has spoken and Nick did not go through to the Top 12. Heartbreak! Distress! Why is America letting us down? You let through a man who sings a song by Michael “I Ain’t Got a Nose” Jackson? Adam’s version of “Satisfaction” comes off this night as an extra song from Hair.
Ryan reminds us of the Wild Card Show. Simon points out that they’ll give a second chance to those who picked the wrong song. He hints some from tonight will be back. There better be a second shot for Normund.
So now we have Kris Allen, Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, Danny Gokey, Michael Sarver and Alexis Grace as half of the 12.
Next week we have the final trainwreck left on the rails in Nathaniel Marshall. My hopes for him are low since America refuses to vote for real entertainers. We better savour the drama queen while we can. The other 11 are Alex Wagner-Trugman, Von Smith, Felicia Barton, Ju’Not Joyner, Arianna Afsar, Kristen McNamara, Jorge Nunez, Lil Rounds, Kendall Beard, Scott MacIntyre, and Taylor Vaifanua. It’ll be interesting to see how Ryan explains the switcheroo.
