“The next hour will change the lives of these 13 people,” Ryan declares. He teases us with the double elimination and the “new rule.” I’m hoping the new rule involves a lap dance challenge like they do on the VH1 Celeb-Skank-dates.
Thirty three million calls and texts were measured last night. Hmmmm. Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson are going to perform. They have to do something to fill up an hour’s worth of show with only two people sent packing. Simon gets booed when introduced.
A montage of famous Idol contestants who were kicked off flash on the screen. Their sad faces are the reason for the new rule. The judges can save one contestant. It must be an unanimous vote between the four contestants. They can only do this rescue once. Somehow they think that the careers of Jennifer Hudson and Daughtry would be better if they hadn’t been shockingly booted before the finals. Anyone think Daugtry envies Taylor Hicks?
They show off the mansion the contestants now live inside. It’s huge and looks like the cover of Hotel California. Even with such a huge house, the contestants are all stuck in the same rooms. Guess we’re going to see more home life. They do have a home theater and bowling alley. It’s going to be skanky in a week.
Here’s the Kids Incorporated moment as the 13 kids do a medley of Jackson 5 hits. The track is pre-recorded. These songs take me back to that time when Michael was really black. Tito was the star of the band at that time with his baseball bat and glove guitar.
They bring back a clip of Drama Queen Nathaniel doing “Proud Mary.” If he only knew the pain Simon would bring him.
Ryan ponders if two people will be leaving us or will one be rescued by the judges. Why would they burn this new override so fast? The thing is that as long as a contestant makes Top 10, they’re going to go on tour. Everybody can be signed to a label with the show getting a cut of their loot. This isn’t like a mulligan in golf.
They’re going to start the elimination at the 15 minute mark. But first we get to talk about the kids shooting their Ford commercial. Guess what we get to see now? Adam Lambert does look like he’s going for Twilight: The Musical.
Michael Sarver gets brought up first. He is safe. Allison Iraheta is safe. Jasmine Murray has to come down to the center of the stage. She’s told to hang tight. Guess they’re not going to cut people that fast. Matt Girad gets his name called and he heads down to the stage. But it’s not his time. He’s safe. Kris Allen and Megan Joy Corkrey are asked to stand up. Megan has to join Jasmine on the stage. Megan is safe. Jasmine Murray gets sent home. Ryan asks if the judges are going to save her. But first Ryan has her sing while the judges decide to burn their new toy right off the bat.
Ryan asks if Randy wants to save her. She’s declared DOA by Randy. No salvation. Now we get to see Jasmine’s journey. She’s crying as Ryan sends her off.
Time for Kayne West to do “Heartless.” Who gave this guy a Daft Punk record. Why must he sound Cher on “Believe?” He’s all in denim with a giant towel in his back pocket. He looks like an extra from Al Pacino’s Cruising minus the Crisco. The judges have left their table so goofy girls can go ape when he jumps up on it.
Another half hour before we discover the ousting of the second contestant. Wonder how many people called the phone sex hotline thinking they were voting for Alexis Grace? She was a nasty girl on the stage. At least Alexis know she has one company in Los Angeles grateful for her work on the show.
The top of the couch is safe. Now it’s time to go through the lower level. Scott MacIntyre is safe. He doesn’t try to give Ryan a high five. Alexis Grace is next up. Time to see if her number worked. She is safe. Wonder if they rated her number on a curve. Danny Gokey is next. Now we know the two people standing on the stage will be Anoop Desai & Jorge Nunez. There’s no way Adam Lambert and Lil Rounds are dead meat. Anoop doesn’t even need to be told he must go to the center of the stage. It’s Puerto Rico versus India tonight. Adam Lambert stands up and sits back down. As if that’s going to matter. Jorge Nunez and Lil Rounds rise for the verdict. As predicted, Jorge walks to the final execution circle at the front of the stage. They ought to just push the loser into the orchestra pit. The person with the lowest number of the votes has to wait for a commercial break, Kelly Clarkson and another commercial break. No need to not move some products.
Kelly comes out and does what seems like an hour’s worth of banter with Ryan. It’s like his morning radio show except with Simon. She sings “My Life Would Suck Without You.” This song wouldn’t work with anyone attached to their vacuum cleaner. It’s like a Juice Newton song.
We’re back with 4 minutes left to decide if Jorge and Anoop will stay. Ryan drags it out after saying Anoop’s name. What’s the answer? Turns out the UNC student will remain on the show while the Tarheels play in the ACC tourney. Jorge sings “Never Can Say Goodbye.” How fitting for a final number to America. I feel bad that his extended family won’t be gathering each week to see him. Maybe they can hook up to watch America’s Next Top Model? Ryan sets up Jorge with the judges saved card. Simon is asked about the save. “No. Sorry. Sorry,” is that gets said. Carrie Underwood sings Motley Crue’s Home Sweet Home as the kick off song this season. Her voice lacks the Jack Daniels and cocaine to Vince Neil.
A relief to see Anoop survive. But he better be more exciting next week. After the next cut, the remaining 10 will be hitting the road to pack arenas. It’s better summer work than taste tester at the waste treatment plant.
Tags: American Idol