Spider Jerusalem: Edward Norton. We already know from American History X that he can rock the shaved head and the tats and I know he could bring the genius insanity that is Spider to life like no other.
The Smiler: William H. Macy. He always plays such a nice guy that hed make the character likable right from the start. And that would make it all the more effective when The Smiler reveals his true self.
Channon Yarrow: Angelina Jolie. Not that shed actually do it, although she might be into having barcodes for nipples. Yarrow is filthy assistant #1, a former exotic dancer who becomes Spiders body guard.
Yelena Rossini: Zooey Deschanel. Filthy Assistant #2. Deschanel is a good actress who seems to be getting stuck in the romantic comedy rut. This would be a good way for her to break out of that.
A 75-issue comic that was published from 1989-1998
Written by: Neil Gaiman
The Story:: The multi-award winning Sandman follows the adventures of Morpheus, the Lord of Dreams, one of the seven Endless, as he deals with the aftermath of having been imprisoned for 70 years by a cult. He has changed and the worlds around him have changed. He must confront past sins and learn how to adapt with the new times. He faces obstacles ranging from serial killers and demons to Lucifer himself as well as his own troubled past.
The Film: Several years ago I read a script that was written for a Sandman film and let me tell you how happy I am that that hunk of shit was never made. You could not do this series in one film. The first film could easily incorporate the main elements of volumes 1, 2 and 4 of the series. Morpheus escapes imprisonment, reclaims the property that is rightly his, tracks down the rogue dreams that escaped in his absence and finally goes to Hell to confront Lucifer and rescue his former lover, Nada, whom he condemned to torment thousands of years ago.
Morpheus: Johnny Depp. Maybe its just cause Im a Depp fanatic and think he could do anything, but he kind of has that lanky look and his voice would work very well. Grow out his hair, make him all pasty and youve got your lead!
A 55-issue comic that was published from 1991-2004
Written by: Jeff Smith
The Story: This multi-award winning series centers around three cousins: greedy, conniving Phoncible P. “Phoney” Bone, goofy cigar-smoking Smiley Bone, and, the hero of the story, Fone Bone. The three are banished from Boneville after Phoney Bone does something truly horrible. Theyre adventure takes them to a mysterious valley where they are hunted by evil, yet very stupid, rat creatures and receive protection from a giant dragon. They eventually wind up in a town called Barrelhaven and are befriended by a girl named Thorn and her feisty grandmother. However, a wickedness looms over the land. The evil Dark Lord, the Lord of the Locusts, thinks Phoney is the key to his evil success and the Bones must join in the final battle to save the Valley.
The Film: This would most certainly be an animated film and would be best broken up into a trilogy (at least) to maintain integrity of story. There are certainly little things here and there that would need to be trimmed down, but this story is so good it would be a shame to lose any of it.
Dream Voice Cast:
Fone Bone: Matt Damon: Fone is the heros hero and who better to voice him than Jason Bourne himself.
Smiley Bone: John Goodman: I always thought Smiley would have a deep booming voice and Goodman fits that bill perfectly.
Phoncilble P. “Phoney” Bone: Alec Baldwin. His deep husky voice would be perfect for this abhorrent character.
Thorn: Mila Kunis: Shes already proven she can do voice acting with her work on Family Guy. This would give her a chance to play a cute cartoon character.
Rat Creatures: Hank Azaria: Azaria is a man of a thousand voices, so who better to voice the many different Rat Creatures. To hear him have an argument with himself would be truly hilarious.
Dark Lord: Christopher Walken: Perhaps his very recognizable voice could detract from the film, but Walken plays evil very well.
A 75-issue comic that was published from 1995-2000
Written by Garth Ennis
The Story: Jesse Custer is a down on his luck preacher who is accidentally possessed by the supernatural creature named Genesis, the unnatural by-product of an angel and demon coupling, in an incident which kills his entire congregation and flattens his church. Now he has the “word of God” that makes people do whatever he says when he uses it.
Now Custer must find God, who has abandoned Heaven, along with his ex-girl friend and a vampire. Hot on their tails are a pissed off sheriff, agents from above and below and The Saint Of Killers amongst others.
The Film: Preacher has actually been in development hell since 1998 when Ennis sold the writes to Electric Entertainment. I read his script and it was okay, it lost a lot of the comic. For a while there were talks of turning it into an HBO series making each comic one episode but that was scrapped. Now Columbia Pictures has the rights, John August, is writing a script and Sam Mendes is attached to direct. Although I worry that many of the more controversial religious elements will be watered down for mass consumption.
Jesse Custer: Clive Owen. Owen seems to be turning into this decades action star, while still doing indie stuff. This would be a great role for him.
Tulip O’Hare: Summer Glau. Not a super well known name, but she kicked ass in Serenity and is currently kicking even more ass on Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles.
Cassidy: Colin Farrell: Its not just because Cassidy is Irish, but I think Farrell would be a very entertaining vampire and his personality would mesh well with Cassidys.
Saint Of Killers: Clint Eastwood. Remember, I said dream cast. I know hed never do it but Eastwood can be menacing just by raising an eyebrow and thats just what the role of Saint Of Killers requires.
A 40-issue series that was published from 2003-2006
Written by: Greg Rucka and Ed Brubaker
The Story: GC follows the day-to-day stories of the Gotham City Police Department, how the officers deal with living in the shadow of Batman and how they try to prove their worth by taking out the big bads all by themselves.
The Series: This would make an amazing TV series for Showtime or HBO. You wouldnt even need to follow the comics per say, but there is plenty of great material to pull from there. The show would play like a regular cop drama, except they have to deal with crazy people in tights all the time and occasionally Batman shows up. With Batman being in the show as little as possible it would make it that much more exciting when he does show up.
This would definitely be an ensemble cast with too many characters to list here, so Ill pick a couple of my favorite characters.
Renee Montoya: Michelle Rodriquez. Okay, so maybe this is a bit of type-casting since she played a cop on Lost already. But Montoya is one tough broad, and Rodriquez could play the hell out of this role. Besides, this would certainly be the lead character of the show and it would really give her a chance to shine.
Harvey Bullock: James Gandolfini. Weve seen him play the bad ass mafia guy, now he can play the bad ass crooked cop guy. Bullock is hell of a character and it would be great to see him in a series like this.
Batman: Christian Bale. He only shows up for a few minutes every couple episodes so it would make perfect sense to cast the current big screen Batman to play him. It would put the show in continuity with the films which would be cool.
Well there you have it, for better or for worse, my Top Five comics Id like to see as films or in some cases on TV. In the cold bitter reality of Hollywood, most of these will most likely never see the light of day and if they did they would probably end up just sucking really hard and making me sad. So, in conclusion, I think Id just like to say that as much as Id like to see this dream list a reality, I think Id sooner keep it a dream so as the greatness of it is not completely shattered.
Tags: Alec Baldwin, Christian Bale, Christopher Walken, Clint Eastwood, clive owen, Colin Farrell, Ed Brubaker, Garth Ennis, Gotham Central, Greg Rucka, Hank Azaria, Jeff Smith, John Goodman, Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, Mila Kunis, Neil Gaiman, Preacher, Sandman, Summer Glau, The Lounge List, Warren Ellis