Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time RAW Report – 03.16.2009

It’s MONDAY and you know what that means.

LET’S
GET
RAW!

Welcome back to the Pulse for tonight’s real-time Monday Night RAW Coverage!  Feel free to comment below the post and enjoy the next two hours.

THE WORLD IS WATCHING VICKIE GUERRERO CHEAT ON EDGE!

Sure enough, we recap the contract signing from last week.  Cena got in the match and he still revealed the relationship between Vickie and Big Show.  Cue the opening video!

RAW IS LIVE FROM SAN ANTONIO! 20 days away from Wrestlemania!  Tonight, Cena takes on Edge with Vickie Guerrero the special guest referee!  Also, we will have an update on Triple H, who was arrested last week.  Also, will Ric Flair come out of retirement and face Chris Jericho?

He’s just a kid…and he knows he’s sexy.  HBK Shawn Michaels makes his grand entrance as we are set to kick off RAW with the hottest tag team match in recent memory!  Undertaker decides to cut Shawn off in the past and it will be interesting to see if these icons can co-exist tonight.  Shawn doesn’t even get announced in his hometown.  Where’s the justice, Lillian?

Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker v. John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Koslov

Shawn and Vladimir begin the match.  Lock-up and Koslov shoves Michaels away.  HUGE staredown and he looks at Taker before he Shawn takes it to Koslov.  Shawn gets off Koslov and he gets Taker in the match.  To the corner Taker goes and he has a boot ready.  Lariat follows and out Koslov goes.  Commercial time!

Commercials.

We’re back and Shawn gets the tag and he goes after JBL.  JBL sends Michaels to the ropes and Shawn gets his token offense in.  Bodyslam connects and he goes up top.  The elbow connects and it is time to tune up the band!  Koslov runs the distraction, which allows JBL to superkick Michaels in the head.  In comes the Moscow Mauler and he takes Michaels to the limit.  Corner to corner we go and Koslov uses the battering rams before he hits a belly to belly for a two count.  Koslov tags out to JBL and he beats on him in the corner.  Short-arm clothesline connects for a two count.  JBL tags back in Koslov, who works a body punch on Michaels.  Bearhug is applied as Taker watches intently with a glare.  Michaels punches Koslov and breaks the hold.  CHOKESLAM ATTEMPT BY KOSLOV AND MICHAELS COUNTERS TO A DDT!  Michaels crawls and we get the hot tags all around.  Taker takes it to JBL…Corner to corner we go and back again with Taker squashing JBL twice.  OLD SCHOOL TIME!  Koslov goes down and Taker hits Snake Eyes on JBL.  Leg drop connects and he sets up, but Michaels BLIND TAGS IN…SWEET CHIN MUSIC!  That gets the three!

Winners: Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker
Grade: B

Michaels evades a big boot from Taker and he celebrates from outside the ring.  Undertaker walks after Shawn and he escapes to the back.  Undertaker is pissed off.  Taker turns around…Shawn comes back out…SWEET CHIN MUSIC TO TAKER FOR GOOD MEASURE!

Commercials.

The WWE Encyclopedia is available now!

We’re back and we recap what happened moments ago.

In her office, Vickie and Edge have an unusual gathering.  Vickie is speechless and doesn’t know what to say.  She is horrible.  Edge says that he had a week to think about this and he…FORGIVES HER!  This causes Vickie to say that the Big Show forced himself on her.  Edge says that’s ok.  Big Show used her to get himself a spot at Wrestlemania 25.  What he and Vickie have is real.  So Edge goes from Big Show to blaming John Cena foa all this.  Vickie says that if Cena even accidentally touches Vickie tonight…he’s out of the match at Wrestlemania.  They kiss.  If real-life relationships would be that easy, then there would be no need for divorce!

We go back to last week and we recap the Orton/Triple H epic saga.  Triple H posted bail and was released, but Randy Orton did not press charges.  T-Grish is with the Legacy and he asks why Orton didn’t press charges.  Randy calls Trips a homicidal maniac.  His wife may not be the same again.  Trips would have gone to prison with the charges he had, but Randy has other plans.  It will be Orton’s Law at Wrestlemania and he will be the WWE Champion.

Up next…a six diva tag!  The heels make their entrance as we go to break.

Commercials.

Jillian Hall, Layla & Beth Phoenix (w/Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) v. Kelly Kelly, Mickie James, & Melina

Mickie and Beth start things off.  Mickie takes it to Beth, but she slams her against the turnbuckle.  Mickie goes WILD until Beth takes control.  Snapmare into a cover; that gets two for Beth.  Beth works the neck and shoulder, but Mickie uses her flexibility to get out of it.  She runs into Beth and goes down.  Beth misses an elbow drop, not shown on TV (nice work, WWE).  Melina tags in and she comes back witha  handspring elbow.  Modified X-Factor gets two for Melina.  Beth shoves Melina in the corner and Melina hits a second rope Thez Press.  Backbreaker gets two, interrupted by Mickie James.  The heel divas distract Melina and Santino goes to help…and gets kicked in the balls.  Melina takes advantage of a distracted Beth and rolls her up for three!

Winners: Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly
Grade: D- (Kelly Kelly, Jillian, & Layla did not tag in)

12 Rounds promo.

Cena takes on Edge later, but up next…Trips takes on Cody Rhodes!

Commercials.

We’re back and it’s time to play the Game!

Cody Rhodes comes out alone, which is shocking.  Oops, I spoke too soon.  Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase makes their entrance as well.  Cody tries to take advantage, but Trips is too smart for that.  The bell hasn’t officially rang yet – for clarification.  Trips sends Rhodes to the stairs and he treats Cody like he was Randy.  Cody gets tossed in the ring and the sledgehammer comes to play, stopping Orton and DiBiase.  Cody gets up and gets Pedigreed for his troubles.  WHAT THE HELL?!  Trips calls to the heavens and DOWN COMES A STEEL CAGE!  Trips chases Orton and DiBiase away and Trips is alone with Cody Rhodes!  Trips drops the sledgehammer and the bell sounds!

Triple H v. Cody Rhodes
Steel Cage Match

Trips uses Rhodes to keep Orton and DiBiase out of the cage.  He continues to use him to keep Legacy out and Rhodes is out of it.  Orton stares at Trips face to face from the outside of the ring.  DiBiase almost gets inside the cage and Trips uses the sledgehammer to keep him at bay.  Trips lines up and he HITS RHODES IN THE HEAD WITH THE SLEDGEHAMMER!  The pinfall is academic!

Winner: Triple H
Grade: F

Trips sits on top of the steel cage and he looks down at Orton and DiBiase.

Commercials.

We get footage of Ric Flair’s arrival from earlier tonight.

Out comes Rey Mysterio!  He faces Dolph Ziggler, who gets no music.

Rey Mysterio v. Dolph Ziggler

The bell sounds and Ziggler asks for a handshake.  Mysterio slaps the hand and off we go.  Ziggler wrings the wrist and he follows up with a clothesline.  We hear that Rey has challenged JBL for the Intercontinental Title at Wrestlemania.  Ziggler drops the elbow a few times and he steps on Rey for two before hitting a big elbow for another two.  Ziggler toys around with Rey before locking on a Full Nelson.  Chris Masters calling, please don’t steal my Masterlock.  Rey breaks out of it by dropping to the mat – effective jawbreaker.  Ziggler is back on the offense…but Rey sends him to the ring post!  Seated Senton connects and Ziggler gets set up for the 619!  Off the top with a big splash and that is all.

Winner: Rey Mysterio
Grade: C-

Up next…will Ric Flair accept Chris Jericho’s challenge?

Commercials.

We’re back and Chris Jericho is out, dressed to compete.  He complains about Flair taking his chance to be at WrestleMania away last week.  Jericho calls Flair a coward and a pathetic washed up has-been.  He beckons Flair to come out to the ring.  After a little bit…Flair responds and he is NOT dressed to compete.  Even though he could beat him, he is officially retired as an active competitior.  He will ALWAYS be “The Man”.  He won’t tarnish the retirement send-off from last year.  Flair officially denies the challenge, but he found some “men” that can.  Out comes Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, & “Hot Rod” Roddy Piper!  The four legends head out to the ring, surrounding Jericho.  They slowly enter the ring and Jericho is in trouble, hahaha.  Jericho tries to run and he escapes the three legends, only to be punked by Flair on the outside!  Thanks for coming, Jericho!

WrestleMania Recall: 3-28-1999 – WrestleMania 15.  Pete Rose gets tombstoned again, we had Butterbean and Bart Gunn in a boxing match, and we had Austin v. Rock.

Commercials.

T-Grish has Jericho for a quick interview.  Jericho is pissed off tonight for being attacked by four men at once.  He wants the three legends to face him in a three-on-one handicap match at WrestleMania 25!  Jericho wants Flair to be in their corner and he’ll buy Mickey Rourke a front row seat.

In the ring is six of our Money in the Bank participants and Christian, Finlay, and Hornswoggle are on color commentary.

Kane, Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry v. CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston

Kofi and Shelton begin the match with Shelton taking early advantage.  Kofi uses a legscissors for a rollup for two.  Henry comes in and Kofi is being squashed.  Kofi tries to fight back, but is ultimately unsuccessful.  Tag to MVP and STEREO DROPKICKS TO HENRY!  Tag to Kane and MVP goes corner to corner, but he beats Kane to the punch.  Kick to the face connects and Shelton draws a distraction.  All hell breaks loose and we go to break.

Side note: NEVER let Hornswoggle be on commentary AGAIN!

Commercials.

We’re back as Kane has Kofi streched out like an accordion.  Kofi kicks Kane in the head, but he eats a sidewalk slam for two.  Tag to Benjamin and he tees off on Kofi.  Benjamin hits a Belly-to-Belly on Kofi and we take the action out of the ring and onto Christian.  Kofi flips Shelton over and he gets a tag to Punk anyway, despite Shelton blocking it.  Shelton gets owned as Punk hits the knee lift/bulldog combo for two.  It’s all out as Kane and Henry gets eliminated.  MVP distracts Shelton and this is enough for him to Go2Sleep.

Winners: CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston
Grade: C

12 Rounds promo AGAIN.  Talk about your hard sell for this movie.

Vickie Guerrero is now in her referee shirt and Big Show is sitting on the couch.  She confronts Show about using her to get in the title match.  Big Show says that she pursued him.  She is stressed out as Big Show accused Edge of what Edge accused Show of doing.  They kiss.  This is awkward.  I wonder what Eddie is thinking up in the high heavens.

Commercials.

We’re back and we run down the card for WrestleMania 25.

T-Grish is a busy man tonight and he asked how he got Vickie Guerrero to cooperate with him by lowering the cage.  He ignores him and we get a shot at Stephanie McMahon, so I think there is our answer right there.

Vickie Guerrero makes her way to thing.  The main event IS NEXT!

Commercials.

We’re back and it’s time for the MAIN EVENT!

John Cena v. Edge
Special Referee: Vickie Guerrero

The bell sounds and they lock up in the ring. Edge has Cena in a headlock, but he fights out of it and Cena works an armdrag.  Edge with a closed fist and Cena drops to the mat.  Edge continues the pressure, introucing Cena to the turnbuckle.  Suplex by Cena and Vickie does not even count.  Cena has words with Vickie and Edge takes control from behind.  Edge picks Cena up, but he fights back…Edge tosses Cena over the top and he lands on the floor hard.  Edge bashes Cena on the announce table and he sends him to the steel steps.  Edge pulls Cena back in the ring and he readies for the spear.  Cena dodges it and he hits the shoulder tackle.  Protobomb connects and he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Vickie covers Edge.  She gets off and Cena drops the fist anyway.  FU attempt, but Vickie saves Edge.  STF applied to Edge, but Vickie decides to get dirty before Big Show comes out to the ring.  Cena goes after Show, but the numbers game get to Cena.  They tie Cena up in the ropes and Edge hits a spear!  Vickie follows with a couple slaps and Big Show hits the ribs.  He finishes with the knockout blow.  Edge spears Big Show from out of nowhere and he celebrates.

No Contest
Grade: F

Show over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Edge v. Cena went to a no contest when the Big Show interferred: F
CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston d. Kane, Mark Henry, & Shelton Benjamin: C
Rey Mysterio d. Dolph Ziggler: C-
Triple H d. Cody Rhodes: F
Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly d. Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla: D-
Shawn Michaels & The Undertaker d. JBL & Vladimir Koslov: B

The FINAL GRADE for WWE RAW 03.16.2009: D+

As much as I want to give extra credit for the opening match and storyline continuation and Jericho being embarrassed by the legends, I’m not going to.  Edge v. Cena with Vickie officiating only served the purpose and it became evident that the match would end in a non-finish.  If you want a grade for how storylines for WrestleMania 25 progressed, I would give it a B+ because I feel the wheels were set in motion for a remarkable WrestleMania.

I’ll be back Thursday as I attempt to tackle TNA Destination X, where TNA proved that they hate money and that Vince Russo is alive and well.  I haven’t been negative about TNA in a long time, but it’s looking that that streak ends Thursday…unless something catches my attention on the news front.  Have a great week!

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