Todays a very special day on Josh Begley Reviews Stuff! I thought this would be a good time to take you behind the scenes to see where all the action takes place. So strap yourselves in as I take you through my typical process of writing a Redemption Review!
First of all I take at least a couple of days between watching the DVD and writing the review. I do this partly because it takes a day or two to properly form my thoughts, and also because two days is typically how long it takes the jibblies to go away.
The next step involves liquor—a lot of it in fact. If the movie is only partially disgusting and misogynistic then beer works just fine, but for others, like say Satanic Sluts II: The Black Masses, I need to go for the harder stuff. Since I was born and mostly raised in Kentucky, my go-to drink in this case is bourbon. (Side note: its a little known fact that when parents in Kentucky sign their kids birth certificate they are also signing a contract forcing that kid to make bourbon his/her drink of choice. This means that practically every Kentuckian is a subsidiary of either Makers Mark or Evan Williams.)
I find that playing Tetris or Freecell helps get those writerly juices flowing while I get liquored up. To the ignorant observer this may seem like Im wasting time, but trust me, its all part of the process.
After a half hour or so of “pre-writing,” as I like to call it, Ive reached a suitable stage of emotional numbness and moral flexibility required to write a Redemption review. This is called the drafting stage and during this phase I typically use the following outline template to write my review:
1. Tag line/hook: Try to write something pithy and sarcastic that will engage your readers while at the same time displaying your moral outrage (i.e. “Redemption films and the Marquis de Sade? Well played, Satan” or “Theres no redemption for this film!”).
2. Introduction: Start out by talking about your general hatred for Redemption movies (if its a Jean Rollin movie make sure you note the oddity that its an actually well put-together film) and your perplexity at their insistence on sending you titles every month. Mention how the movie has driven you to drink/want to claw your eyes out/shower repeatedly/go visit a church to pray for your soul. Try to write something funny thats only tangentially connected to the actual movie so as to make this whole exercise in futility somewhat enjoyable.
3. Body: Give a brief synopsis of the movie. Remark with surprise any moments where the filmmakers displayed some basic knowledge of moviemaking. Hypothesize on the mother issues the filmmakers probably have. If the women involved are attractive make sure to note how any pleasure in seeing them naked is eradicated by the scenes of rape and torture that are the hallmarks of Redemption movies.
4. Conclusion: Restate queasiness/moral outrage at the movie. Connect the movie with the general decay of civilization. Bemoan the fate of mankind.
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And thats how I do it. Hopefully now youll be able to enjoy my reviews on an even richer level than before.
Without further ado, on to the review:
Succubus: The Demon? Well, they got the suck part right!
Ah, but I kid this awful movie.
Succubus is the first US release from the Finnish film company Blood Ceremony, and leave it to the Fins to add just the right amount of darkness and brooding introspection to make an already soul-crushing movie make a person want to slit his/her wrists.
The film stars Markus Salo as Henri, a recently widowed salesman whos having difficulties coming to grips with his wifes mysterious death. In desperation he turns to the occult (which always works out well in these movies) and in doing so allows a demonic presence into his life. The majority of the movie consists of us watching Henri writhing sweatily in his boxer briefs while having nightmares about fetuses in wine glasses and mysterious chubby Goth women wandering around his apartment. Truly horrifying stuff indeed, all leading to a bloody orgy between demons and his coworkers in a smoky, black light-lit office building.
There are a few moments in this movie where the filmmakers use light and atmosphere to good use, but those moments of cinematic competence are few and far between and dont add up to anything significant enough to make this movie watchable. This is standard Redemption dreck thats not worth the plastic the DVDs made of. Its enough to drive me to drink more.
The audio and visual quality of this movie is serviceable but definitely sub par. The movie is presented in widescreen format with the sound in stereo. The only language track is Finnish, but there are English subtitles because the whole reason youd watch this movie is for the scintillating dialogue.
Diaries of the Mad Man (26:21)
Erotic Nightmares (16:03)
Sound World (20:41)
Making of Blood FX (6:40)
Making of Cine Photography (2:38)
Stills Gallery (7:08)
Premier Night
Redemption Trailers – The Nuns: New York Vampires;
Satanic Sluts; Requiem for a Vampire
Contact
If you want to watch porn this badly, go to the Internet. Its free and Im sure you can find what youre looking for with a minimum of searching. Dont give this company any more money. Let it die stinking and alone like the vampire it pretends to be. Not, not, not recommended.
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Redemption presents Succubus: The Demon. Directed by Sami Haavisto. Starring Markus Salo, Pekka Oinonen, Veera Toivanen, Maarit From, Mika Vattulainen, and Kirsi Vahomaki. Written by Sami Haavisto and Jari Mustonen. Running time: 93 minutes. Rated NR. Released on DVD: February 29, 2009. Available at Amazon.
