Rewind – The Week in Reality TV – 03/16/2009

The Amazing Race – Episode 14-5
Teams were still in Siberia. First task was a Detour of Russian Bride (find a bride, drive her to her groom) or Russian Snowplow (drive a Lada and then complete a snowplow training course). Victor decided to act like an ass and ditch Teams Momma’s Boy and the Cheerleaders, which can’t be good for karma. The Roadblock was to run 1.4 miles to the Pit Stop – in their underwear. In -3C. Females were probably happy to see Phil in his boxer briefs. Males were probably happy to see Tammy, Cara, Jen and Christie run around in their bras and panties.

Team Momma’s Boy finished first, while Team Mile High finished last, but this was a non-elimination leg and the flight attendants will have to do a Speed Bump in the next leg.

American Idol – Episodes 8-19 and 8-20
We had the Top 13 perform, and they got to do the songs of Michael Jackson. And actually, most of the performances were pretty good, but there was a clear jobber class that emerged, consisting of Jasmine, Jorge, Anoup, Hippychick, Alexis and Michael (maybe). A twist was revealed where the judges could veto one elimination in favour of… well, we never did find out, and it didn’t matter, as Jasmine and Jorge were revealed as the bottom two and the judges didn’t bother to exercise their veto for either.

The Celebrity Apprentice – Episode 8-3
The task: sell wedding dresses. The method of winning: as usual, make more money than the other team. Tom was PM for the men, Brande for the women. If you’ve been watching, you know that Dennis could seriously give a crap about the show. This time around, he decided to hang out at a bar with a “Russian model” and never bothered to show up the day of the dress sale. Not that it probably would’ve mattered, as the women won by a tidy margin and Tom ended up getting fired.

The Chopping Block – Episode 1
Let’s just put it this way – I don’t think I’ll be giving you summaries of this show for much longer. For one thing, Marco Pierre White makes for a horrible TV chef – but anyone who’s watched the British Hell’s Kitchen would attest to that. Second, the show plays out like a second rate amalgamation of Top Chef and The Apprentice. Now granted, any cooking reality show is taking a back seat to Top Chef, but there, they made “Restaurant Wars” into something special. Here, every episode is “Restaurant Wars”, and it’s not really special. Anyways, two teams, four couples, and… one of the teams lost, and the Vietnamese duo quit in lieu of an actual elimination. When people quit right off the bat, it’s not a good sign, y’know?

Dancing With the Stars – Episode 1
It was made official that ex-Girl Next Door Holly Madison replaced Jewel and the chick from The Bachelor replaced, um, I don’t remember. Anyways, judges weren’t holding back and Steve Wozinak should probably stick to computers instead of dancing. Chelsie, by the way, looked a lot more healthy than she did on So You Think You Can Dance.

Hell’s Kitchen – Episode 5-5
Teams got to work a Bar Mitzvah as Ben (who is Jewish) had the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on this show. Men won the taste test challenge as the honouree liked their food better (although his mom and bubby seemed to enjoy the women’s fare). The prize – spa pampering, and more naked Robert than anyone (save his fiancee) should really have to see.

Punishment involved dealing with the Hell’s Kitchen party planner (who is apparently PARADE gay) and putting together a basketball court.

Dinner service was the usual, with the Red team losing. Andrea was named best of the worst, and sent up Coi and LA. Most of the women seemed to disapprove of Andrea’s status as best of the worst, but, you know, it’s Ramsay’s call, and he sent Coi packing. Next week, Giovanni joins the red team. It’s not actually mentioned, but that brief shot of him in red was a bit of a clue.

Survivor: Tocantins – Episode 18-5
Taj and Stephen find the hidden Immunity Idol, with Stephen holding on to it by virtue of having pockets. Reward Challenge was a variation of the Dizzy Dummy from Wipeout. Yes, they stole an idea from Wipeout. Sadly there was no Jill Wagner to laugh at the contestants when they failed. Jalapao ended up winning, and sent Brendan back to Exile. Brendan took Stephen, which made Tyson a bit suspicious. But then again, I’m pretty sure Tyson is suspicious of everyone. Reward Challenge featured food at the Product Placement Cafe. Yeah, whatever.

We found out for the first time that Spencer is gay. We also found out for the first time that Spencer talks, which in terms of editing probably was not a good sign for him. Immunity Challenge was a catch the launched ball challenge. Timbira came from behind to win, despite J.T.’s best efforts to win this on his own. Taj blew up at Joe, but despite this, Spencer was given the boot.

Next real episode is in April, as Survivor gives in to March Madness.

Kevin Wong is currently getting his tournament bracket ready – what about you?

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