TNA iMPACT! Real-Time Coverage for 03.19.2009

Half a week removed from Destination X, the wrestling world waits in apathy to see the fallout.

As per usual we start the show with the Main Event Mafia. More interesting is that Steiner is wearing a hood, obstensibly to hide what Samoa Joe “did” to him at Destination X.

Kurt says everything he prophesized would come true. Sting showed his true colors, showing the world whose side he’s on. Angle claims he got screwed worse than anyone since Bret got got in Montreal. Angle gives Sting 10 seconds before the Mafia takes care of him. Sting snatches the mic at 7. Sting claims he’s been true to the MEM since day one. His only problem is with Kurt. He owes Kurt nothing.

Nash takes the mic and reiterates that Sting owes Kurt nothing. The crowd starts up a “Nothing!” chant. But Sting does owe the rest of the MEM something. Kevin doesn’t like Foley raising Sting’s hand two PPVs in a row. Nash doesn’t want to accuse Sting of anything but thinks it looks suspicious. Sting wants to know what he can do to prove himself. Before Nash can answer, Kurt jacks the mic and says he wants Sting as his partner against Jarrett and Foley tonight.

This draws Jarrett out. Jarrett, to a sizeable chant, reminds Kurt that he doesn’t have the authority to book matches. This upsets Kurt naturally who thinks Jarrett is only trying to protect Sting. Angle turns to Sting and says Sting has no integrity. Also, Angle likes to screw face to face. There’s my junior high school joke quota for the night. Sting says he wants nothing more than to be in the ring with all three people in Angle’s proposed match but can’t because Foley’s retired.

Foley, who must have been waiting right behind the curtain like Tony Wonder, comes out. Foley wants to know when Sting started calling shots on Foley’s wrestling schedule. Foley reminds him that he’s never said he’s wrestled his last match. Foley says that although he may have bought some stock in the company, his heart is as a wrestler. Foley says he’s all in for tonight. Jarrett tries to reason with him.

Angle thinks that the match is not about Foley not wanting to wrestle but Jarrett’s fear of getting in the ring. Jarrett says there are a lot of wrestlers back there that should get a chance to fight Angle. Angle doesn’t want to fight them, he wants Jarrett. Kurt points out that Jarrett only plays his “Inactive Wrestler” card when it suits him. Kurt challenges Jarrett to “man up.” Jarrett finally agrees. Jarrett: “One way or another, this thing ends tonight!”

We come back to Don West scowling and Mike Tenay looking Gollumesque. They remind us of tonight’s main event. After a Suicide pimp video, the Motor City Machineguns make their way down to the ring.

 

Motor City Machine Guns vs. Team No Limit

Dang. The Guns got themselves a pair of belts from one of those amusement park crane machines. Sabin and Yujiro lock up. Yujiro gets a headlock, followed by a shoulderblock. Sabin tries to leapfrog over his opponent but gets caught and Powerslammed for 2. Sabin hits a running knee to the gut. Tag to Shelley who comes off the top with an Axehandle. Tag to Naito who hoists Shelley up and sets him up for a dropkick from Yujiro. Yujiro back in.  Team No Limit rip off a hiptoss, sliding Dropkick, legdrop and Senton combo. This draws boos from the crowd.  Naito gets dumped. Sabin tagged in. A Sabin Dropkick leads to DDT. Sabin covers for two. Sabin slams Naito’s head into Shelley’s feet.  MCMG rattle off an Inverted drop, flipping necksnap, followed by a low dropkick to the face. Sabin tagged back in. Shelley runs into a boot. Yujiro clotheslines Sabin. Gets hit with a spear. Yujiro tags in Naito. He jumps in with a flying dropkick. Bridging back suplex gets two and a half on Sabin. Sabin with a springboard clothesline. Shelley face first driver. Naito with a flying shoulder block. Naito climbs gets caught double enzuiguiris. Sliced Bread-Powerbomb combination from MCMG is blocked. Sabin recovers and gets a top rope Hurricanrana but Saito rolls through and gets the three.

 

Storm and Roode ambush Team 3-D. Blast em with belt shots to put them down and out.

Roode, pissed off, calls for a microphone and demands Team 3-D come out. Team 3-D come out. Ray goes to say something but Roode stops him. Roode says he and Storm respect everything Team 3-D has done for wrestling. He concedes that they’re the “best that ever been.” Roode says that despite the fact they’ve beaten everybody and been TNA champs for a while, the fans still don’t respect them. Next month, Beer Money will put their belts on the line at Lockdown. Roode reasons that if they beat Team 3-D in Philly, where they got their career started, maybe Beer Money will get the respect they deserve.

Ray agrees to put the New Japan Tag Team Titles on the line too and guarantees Team 3-D will be the 22 time tag team champions. The two teams jaw as we go to commercial.

Borash is backstage with Foley who looks very unconcerned with his upcoming match. Borash has some crazy news that he’s not going to give you unless you text TNA some trash or other. Jarrett burst in pissed off. He thinks Mick backed him into a corner by accepting the match. Mick is still not taking it seriously. Mick equates wrestling with eating pie. He can abstain from pie so long as its not sitting in front of his face. Now that he’s been in the ring, he can’t resist eating a piece of that pie. Mick thinks this could be the greatest main event in Impact history, and that means its good business.

 

Raisha Saeed and Awesome Kong vs. ODB and Taylor Wilde

ODB and Saeed start out. OBD gets a bearhug that goes on for too long. Saeed fights out with elbow and lands punches and a chop. ODB catches her in a bodyslam. Taylor tags in with an axehandle from the top. Spinning headscissors puts Saeed down. ODB back in puts Saeed in a headlock. Saeed throws ODB into Kong who holds her in place for Saeed to smash her with an elbow. ODB with elbows but Kong cuts that short with a double chop. An avalanche kills ODB dead. Kong tags out to Saeed. A Surfboard Stomp from Saeed gets two. Saeed goes for some kind of submission move but gets kicked off. A double clothesline puts both girls down. Tag to Kong, tag to Taylor. Forearm and two dropkicks from Taylor don’t budge Kong so Taylor goes up top for a sweet missile dropbkick. A gorilla press is reversed into a backslide by Wilde for the three. Kong can’t be made to look foolish and puts both girls behind. Wilde gets dismissed. ODB gets Implant Busted. As Kong is ready to Awesome Bomb ODB, the loser from that ridiculous ODB contest runs into the ring. Kong walks away from this shit. I feel you on that.

 

Borash backstage with Kurt. JB took notes while watching Kurt’s match with Sting and he’s going to share them with Kurt. Kurt calls Jarrett an “a-hole.” As JB goes over all the times Kurt styled on everyone in the match (Jarrett got Kod and his face spit in, Foley gets the Angle Slam and a nut shot and Sting got hit with a chair). JB points out that maybe some of Kurt’s actions had something to do with him losng. Kurt thinks he did what he had to do to survive seeing as how he was outnumbered three-to-one. Kurt thinks we’ll find out where Sting stands tonight. Angle’s funniest interview in a long, long time.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Samoa Joe

Uh oh. Bashir’s dead. Joe runs into the ring and starts beating the shit out of Bashir. The ref tries to admonish Joe, so Joe punches him out. He rams Bashir into the announce table a few times before hauling him out by his neck. I guess that’s that.

 

 

Lauren is with the Beautiful People who have suspended Kip for thinking he’s better than the rest of them. Velvet gets pissed. Love says they are going to put Madison Rayne, acting submissive, through a rigorous initiation in order to be accepted as one of them. Skye doesn’t care so much about Rayne getting the win, they want her to leave a mark of The Governor.

 

From that incomprehensible nonsense, we go to a recap of AJ beating Booker for his Legends Title.

Jim Cornette is in the ring and introduces AJ. Jim wants to be the first to congratulate AJ. Damn, that fool Booker spent over $200,000 for that belt which, Cornette says, is now legally AJ’s. AJ takes the mic and gets a big chant. AJ admits to getting clowned by the MEM these past few months but him winning the title is a big victory for the TNA Originals. He promises to give everybody a shot at him because he’s a fighting champion. This brings out Booker and Sharmell. Booker shuts Cornette up and says that after all the money Booker’s paid for that belt, AJ’s not defending against anyone. Booker’s got the first shot. AJ says he has no idea what Booker just said. AJ reiterates that the title will only be defended against a deserving wrestling which Booker, the “paper champ”, is most certainly not. Sharmell accuses AJ of stealing the title and promises Booker will get it back in his own time. She then pulls Booker away. As we go to a commercial, AJ threatens to slap the weave off Sharmell’s head.

Madison Rayne w/ The Beautiful People vs. The Governor

No Ho-Entrance tonight. Rayne with a go-behind and rustles Governor’s head. Rayne bounces off the ropes, Governor rolls her into a sloppy Boston Crab. Skye kicks Governor to break the move. Rayne hits a DDT that gets her two. Rayne distracts the ref while Beautiful People rough Governor up. Rayne covers for two. Governor blocks a clothesline and counters with a neckbreaker. Spin kick and a vicious clothesline puts Rayne down. A dropkick drops Rayne in the corner. Governor hits the Umaga Ass Avalanche. Beautiful People try to interfere but to no avail as Governor reverses and front facelock into a pin for the three.

 

Beautiful People storm the ring as Governor stupidly celebrates. Love’s Lights Out knocks Governor out cold. The girls retrieve scissors and cut Governor’s hair in the middle of the ring.

 Samoa Joe has Bashir strung up from the roof backstage. The knife is back out. Joe puts the knife in Bashir’s throat and tells him to go back where he came from. He tells Bashir to hold his knife for him and goes to retrieve a Kendo stick. Joe beats the hell out of Bashir with the stick until it splinters. Damn.

Rough Cuts with D-Von. He goes over how he got into wrestling and how he met Brother Ray. These Rough Cut segments might be the best part of these shows.

 

Now to kill some more time, instead of actually having a match or extending the tag match earlier a couple more minutes, we get a recap of Sting and Angle’s beef.

 

Kurt Angle and Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley

Kurt’s got a MEM toque now. This MEM merchandise is off the hook. Too bad no one buys TNA merch. Foley looks to be in marginally better shape than he was when he came in. My eyes could be deceiving me though. Even though this will not be a workrate classic, I don’t see how this match won’t pull in their biggest rating yet. Which all but guarantees an infinite stream of more WCW Lite.

Kurt and Jarrett lock up. They give each other a clean break. Kurt with a kick and a shoulderblock. Kurt puts JJ in a headlock, dodges and back elbow and gets another shoulderblock. Jarrett trips up Angle after Angle dodged another elbow and clothesline. JJ legdrops Kurt over the middle rope and struts baby struts. A dropkock knocks Kurt down. Foley tags in. Foley gets the best of chain wrestling sequence. Kurt grabs the ropes to escape. Sting watches with a priceless look on his face. Foley gets a huge chant. Angel charges Foley but gets clothesline s out of the ring. MEM Security attack but Mick fights them off. Angle comes out of nowhere with a huge chairshot. Just to prove how gangsta Kurt really is, he Angle Slams Foley onto the concrete. Who knows where Jarrett was while his boy was getting beat like that.

Angle has managed to roll Foley’s carcass into the ring and is picking apart his knee. Foley’s knee gives out on an Irish Whip. Angle fakes a tag to Sting. Angle wipes out a dazed Foley with a clothesline. Kurt pulls Foley up at two. This brings Sting into the ring. He tells Angle to just pin him and get it over with. Angle grows tired of Sting’s lip and dumps him from the apron. Jarrett comes in and hits a Pedigree. Angle gets to his feet and gets hit with an enziguiri. The Stroke is countered into an Ankle Lock. In an inevitable spot, the ref gets knocked out cold. Angle gets a chair but gets kicked by Jarrett before he can use it. Jarrett retrieves his guitar. Right when he tries to use it, Sting takes it away. Foley chases Angle out of the ring and hits Sting with a gentle chairshot. Foley makes the cover for the three. Jarrett looks a little worried but Mick seems quite satisfied with himself.

Sting has a mic and is pissed. He doesn’t know what got into Mick but this has been twice that Mick has hit him with a chair. He thinks it’s ironic that a few weeks back Mick said Sting was responsible for kicking off his career when he’s going to be the one to end it. He challenges Foley to a match at Lockdown. Angle finds this prospect amusing.

JB is backstage with Foley and Jarrett. Jarrett still isn’t happy and JB wants to know what the hell happened. Mick jokes around for a bit and said he’s proud of his actions. Foley says that although Angle beat him worse than he’s ever been beat, he’s pissed at Sting for telling Kurt to have mercy on Mick and just pin him. He wants to know why Sting thinks he can talk for him. If Sting wants him in a cage, Mick promises to “tear (him) apart.

That’s the show. It was an average show by Impact standards. I wasn’t offended by watching it and I’m actually interested in seeing Sting and Foley in a cage. It’s happening ten years too late but I’m still pretty interested.

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