Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time Coverage of WWE RAW – 03.23.2009

THE WORLD IS WATCHING!

We immediately open up tonight’s RAW with Ric Flair in the ring.  WOOOOOOOOO!  He’s stylin’ and profilin’ in the ring.  He speaks on behalf of Piper, Snuka, and Steamboat and accepts Chris Jericho’s challenge at WrestleMania 25!  Ric is also honored to be in their corner and will be raising their hands in victory.  Chris interrupts via the Tron and he claims that he is a bigger star than those three legends.  He wants Flair to understand what he signed them up for.  He walks backstage and he says this is real and not a movie like The Wrestler was.  He is going to show us how dire his predicament has become.

Jericho makes his way out to the arena, saying he knew the legends would accept his challenge.  He gets inside the ring and he explains that they are afraid of being irrelevant to the wrestling world.  He says that he will beat the threesome and it will be nothing but a brutal beatdown.  Ric Flair and Mickey Rourke will both be powerless to stop the carnage.  After WrestleMania, Snuka, Piper, and Steam will be known for being beat up by Jericho.  Flair says that he is wrong.  They refuse to be judged by people like Jericho.  They refuse to be told when the ride is over.  Flair is proud to stand by his HoF brothers, friends, and the peers as they beat Jericho.

Flair wants to talk more freely.  He says that after the match is over, Flair will invite Rourke in the ring to celebrate with the legends over the broken body of Jericho.  Flair gets too zealous and he eats a fist by Jericho.  Jericho beats into Flair a bit before he rolls out of the ring.  Jericho busts him open and he continues the assault.  He tosses Flair over the announce table and he tears the top part off.  He sends Flair over the barricade and he nails the hard fist shot.  It’s funny seeing Jerry Lawler saying “stop this”, but not actively defending Flair.  Flair tries to make a comeback, but it is too little too late.  Flair gets introduced to the steel steps and we go back by the announce table.  He swipes a HD camera and he bashes the camera RIGHT IN FLAIR’S FACE!  HE IS BLEEDING BADLY!  He then takes the gold Rolex watch that Shawn gave him last year and he steps on it.  Flair is lying in a pool of his own blood and he is gushing from behind the head.

Commercials.

We are back and Jerry Lawler CONDEMNS what we just witnessed.  On lease from SmackDown, Jeff Hardy is LIVE on RAW!  We also have Edge v. Big Show and Trips v. DiBiase & Orton tonight!

Jeff Hardy v. Dolph Ziggler
Extreme Rules

The bell sounds and Jeff is the aggressor.  Ziggler comes back with a knee to the jaw and he beats on Jeff before taking advantage of the rules.  Jeff hits a drop toe hold and he takes the chair.  POETRY IN MOTION MISSES!  Ziggler takes the offensive and Ziggler brings in the trash can.  Jeff gets up and gets cracked over the head for two.  Ziggler picks Hardy up and he has him in the corner.  Superplex attempt, but Jeff HITS A TOP ROPE DDT and he follows with the Twist of Fate on the trash can.  He brings the chair in and he beats the hell out of Ziggler with it.  Twist of Fate hits on the chair and Jeff goes up.  Swanton Bomb connects and Hardy gets the win!

Winner: Jeff Hardy in 2:58
Grade: F (Squash)

Jeff has the microphone and he says that what happened was not extreme, but at WrestleMania…it will be EXTREME!

We go back to SmackDown and we get the battle over Vickie Guerrero, with Vickie getting hurt in the process.  John Cena stands by with a personalized Get Well card for Vickie Guerrero.  We get the pics of what the kids would look like with both Edge and Big Show.

Cena is on the Tonight Show tonight!

Commercials.

WrestleMania Recall: WrestleMania 21 goes Hollywood!  This is also where Money in the Bank debuted.

Eight Man Tag Team Match upcoming!

CM Punk, Kofi Kingston, MVP, & Christian v. Finlay, Shelton Benjamin, Mark Henry, & Kane

MVP and Benjamin begin things off.  They jockey for position and MVP misses a kick.  Suplex with bridge by Benjamin connects for two.  Benjamin takes control with a headlock.  MVP body drops out of it, but Benjamin lands on his feet.  MVP takes Benji to his corner and in comes Punk.  Kick to the back and he gets jaw-jacked.  Benjamin tags in Finlay and we seemingly get audio problems with Flair in the voiceover.  We go to break at 1:55.

Commercials.

We’re back at 5:04 and Kane has Punk in a headlock.  Kane jabs Punk in the throat and he sends him to the ropes.  Punk comes back with the kicks and in comes Christian and Benjamin.  Christian takes Benjamin down and sends him to the corner.  Benjamin misses a charge and Christian beats the hell out of him.  Reverse DDT and Finlay interrups the count.  BONZO GONZO ALL THE WAY AROUND.  The faces take the heels out and Punk hits the plancha.  Benjamin hits Paydirt on MVP, but Christian hits the Killswitch on Benjamin for the win!

Winners: Christian, Punk, Kingston, & MVP at 7:02
Grade: C

Finlay takes everyone out with the ladder and stands tall.

12 Rounds preview.

Orton is up NEXT!

Commercials.

We are back and we recap RAW up to this point.  We then take a trip back to last week where Triple H once again outsmarted Randy Orton and made Cody Rhodes his bitch.

T-Grish is with Randy Orton.  He claims that Trips gained psychological advantage on Orton, but Orton says the video didn’t show Trip’s promo on SmackDown.  Orton says that he fully knew what he was getting into and that Trips needs to know just WHO he is dealing with.  He will do something that makes the recent attacks tame in comparison.

Time for one of our two main events!  Before Show makes his way to the ring, Chavo wheels Vickie Guerrero out to the ring.  This match….IS NEXT!

Commercials.

We’re back and Vickie wants nothing to do with Edge right now.  She doesn’t even want anything to do with the Big Show.  That is harsh.  Cena pops up and says Good Luck to both men, HAHA!  He calls this segment a bad episode of Sex And the City.

Edge v. Big Show
Non-Title

The bell sounds and Edge takes the first shot.  He evades Show and he works on him in the corner.  Show takes control with a big clothesline.  Headbutt follows and Edge takes a powder.  Show does not allow it and he throws him back in the ring with authority.  Clubbing shot to the back as Show talks smack.  He hits Edge in the gut and out of the ring he goes.  The match spills to the outside and Show slaps the chest red.  Back in the ring and Edge hits a low dropkick to take control.  He kicks awaym but Show counters a neckbreaker.  Edge keeps on him and he hits a DDT on Show.  He gets in the mount position, but SHOW IS TOO STRONG!  Military Press and Edge is hung out to dry.  He ties Edge up in the ropes and he Vickie pleads with Show to let him go.  She throws Chavo into the fray and the referee calls the match.  There is no announcement as to who won, but since it is hard to determine if Chavo was going to hit Big Show or not, I’ll go with a no contest.

No Contest at 3:40
Grade: D+

Post match, Chavo pisses Big Show off and Edge goes for the spear, but he spears Chavo instead.  KO Punch connects on Edge and he leaves the ring.  He walks away from Vickie in disgust.

Commercials.

WWE Subway Moment: JBL wins the Intercontinental Championship two weeks ago!

Rey Mysterio makes his way to the ring for the upcoming match!  JBL’s limo comes out and Regal and Layla are with JBL.

Rey Mysterio v. William Regal (w/ Layla & JBL)

JBL is on commentary, raising this match up a notch.  The bell sounds and they lock up.  Rey takes it to Regal in the early going.  Enzugiri connects and the 619 does not start.  Rey takes his eye off Regal and that causes Regal to take the advantage.  Regal drops Rey  and waits for the countout.  Back in the ring, Regal has Rey in the corner.  Pillar to Post we go and Regal gets a cover for two.  Modified Full Nelson is applied before Regal tees off on Rey in the corner.  Knee to the jaw connects and Rey seems to be hurt.  Rey continues and Rey was feigning injury!  619 attempt connects!  He drops the dime and ballgame!

Winner:Rey Mysterio at 2:51
Grade: D

Rey takes out JBL before he can enter the ring.  JBL looks on in disgust.

Last week, Shawn Michaels steals the show and fires the first shot at Undertaker!  The Undertaker is up NEXT!

Commercials.

Random Commercial Observation: The Quizno’s Torpedo commercial is wrong on many levels.  I don’t think you need me to explain it to you.

Kid Rock will be performing LIVE at WrestleMania 25!

We’re back and The Undertaker appears in the ring!  He calls Shawn’s bold and brash behavior the upping of the ante.  He agrees that he has never beaten him, but the last time they faced off, he put Shawn on the shelf for five years.  He says that Shawn will question his fate, but he hath opened the gates to Hell.

Shawn’s entrance begins and we get a video of Shawn in the cemetary.  He is here on Taker’s turf in defiance and that he is not afraid of him.  We recap Undertaker’s victories.  He stands before an open graves, where the Streak will be buried forever.  He kicks the 16-1 tombstone into the grave.  Words cannot describe this video.  It was masterfully done.  The Undertaker looks on in disgust and anger.  Shawn has gotten inside his head.

Commercials.

The final inductee for the Hall of Fame will be announced tomorrow night!

Santino is in the ring with Beth Phoenix and Rosa Mendez, with new music, and one arm tied behind his back.  Santino Marella is going to be involved in the Divas Battle Royal, that is if he can beat Mickie James with one arm tied behind his back.

Santino Marella v. Mickie James
Santino must wrestle with one arm tied behind his back

The bell sounds and Mickie shoves Santino.  Mickie spanks Santino and she ties both his arms behind his back.  HE SWEEPS THE LEG and he fights with his knees.  He rolls over and Mickie falls down.  Dropkick gets a two count.  He takes Mickie downa nd he stomps away.  HE GOES TO THE TOP, or he tries to.  He frees one arm at the top, but Mickie strikes first.  She fends off Mendez and Phoenix before hitting a cartwheel kick to the side of the head.  Uno, dos, Adios!

Winner: Mickie James at 2:19
Grade: Hell, I was entertained, so B-

Commercials.

Tomorrow Night on ECW: The VIP Lounge goes EXTREME!

12 Rounds preview (Did we really need this twice during the show and once after RAW is over?)

WrestleMania 25 Card is pimped.

I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD! Randy Orton and Ted DiBiase make their way to the ring.  The Main Event….IS NEXT!

We recap the opening of RAW as we return from break.  Jerry Lawler MANS UP and he challenges Chris Jericho to a match next week!  EPIC AWESOMENESS!

Triple H v. Randy Orton & Ted DiBiase
Two-on-One Handicap Match

Triple H attacks before the bell and he takes it to both men.  The numbers game eventually get the best of Trips.  DiBiase gets sent to the ring post and Orton gets sent to the timekeeper’s table.  He looks for the sledgehammer and Cody Rhodes is lying in wait.  Trips gets handcuffs placed on him and they handcuff him to the ring ropes!  Trips is still fighting, but the trio decimate him.  Orton leaves the ring and he grabs a microphone.  There’s only one person that can save him now and she had better hurry.  Randy grabs a sledgehammer and he towers over Trips.  Trips kicks the hammer out of Orton’s hand and the beatdown continues.  He looks to tee off and Stephanie makes her way out to plead with him.  Trips begs her off and gets kicked in the face.  She begs him off and Orton stares face to face as Stephanie is cornered by Legacy. Orton has her in the DDT position and HE DROPS HER ON HER ******* HEAD!  Orton is frothing from the mouth as he flips an unconscious Stephanie over.  He picks up the sledgehammer and he looks at Stephanie.  Oh no.  He sets the sledgehammer down beside Stephanie and he looks Trips in the eye.  He lays a kiss on Stephanie’s lips.  He grabs the sledgehammer and they stare off face to face.  He shakes his head ever-so-lightly and he bashes Trips in the face with the sledgehammer.  He looks down at Stephanie and Mike Chioda looks enforcing trying to tell Randy to hit the road.  He finally leaves the ring as some fans beckon him to hit Trips again.

No Match.

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Mickie James d. Santino Marella: B- (on the fun scale)
Rey Mysterio d. William Regal: D
Edge & Big Show went to a no contest: D+
Christian, CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston d. Mark Henry, Kane, Finlay, & Shelton Benjamin: C
Jeff Hardy d. Dolph Ziggler: F
Extra Credit: Flair/Jericho Segment
Extra Credit: Michaels/Undertaker Segment

The FINAL Grade for WWE RAW 03.23.2009: D/C

I know I rated the intergender match very highly, but comedy does entertain me most of the time.  The wide range of the grading this week is attributed to that.  Normally I am usually borderline, but this week was all about the build to WrestleMania 25.  Everything in that aspect worked masterfully, but we all have to remember that we watch a wrestling show for wrestling.  The matches were all short tonight, with the longest match being cut in half with a commercial.  The main event beatdown was longer than the matches tonight.  Overall, not much to say about tonight’s show and I am still intrigued as to what will happen as we close in on the big show.  Have a great week and see you Thursday!

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