The producers want to create intensity with the judges praising to smash cuts of the contestants. The military drums crank up the tension. Then in come Ryan’s voice to make us realize that it’s not the end of the world. There’s so little imposing about his voice. They flashed a crowd show with Alexis Grace in a seat. What’s she doing still in town? She’s not top 10. Did she compete in Vivid Video’s How Bad Do You Want to Stay in Hollywood reality show?
The crowd goes gaga when Ryan says Lady Gaga will perform for us. Also David Cook will help fill the hour. The judges are talking about what it takes. Paula says it’s about knowing who you are. It’s about conviction. Did Kenny Loggins have conviction to be the super wimp of pop? Simon thinks Anoop, Matt, Meghan should be worried. Really? Those were my pick for the bottom three. Maybe I should be eating at STK since Simon’s copying my vibes? I can wear a black t-shirt and look constipated.
We get the Ford commercial right off the bat. It’s a three layered body part swapping weirdness. “Mixed Up” is the song and it so didn’t sound like any of the kids. Have they just hired the folks who voiced the Archies. The Top 9 are doing the group song and dance to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” Hard to tell if it’s a lip sync. But then Scott MacIntrye blows the lid off the charade by not even coming close to singing near the microphone attached to his unplugged keyboard. The harmonizing at the end is too clean and has that just auto-tuned scrubbed feel. Way to fake it again. Will there be live singing when they hit the road? Or will it be another Britney Spears production? I feel bad for Scott, but it’s not missing the microphone will cause any children to go to bed hungry.
Ryan has our results. He promises that someone will have to sing for their life. But now we get to learn about the hectic life of being on the show. They do lots of promotions during the week while having to practice their songs. Scott gets to eat a quadruple chocolate cake. Mmmmmm. They come back to the stage and have Danny Gokey spoof Matt Giraud’s “Viva La Vida.” It’s nasty good. The rest of the guys start spoofing, but now it’s time for the death call. Megan Joy Cokrey, Matt Giruard and Kris Allen are asked to stand up and walk to the far side of the stage. Adam Lambert, Lil Rounds and Allison Iraheta stand up and are sent to the center of the stage. Scott MacIntyre, Danny Gokey and Anoop Desai stand close to the benches. Ryan teases us with the idea that one of these groups is the bottom three. But first we need a break.
It’s too weird of a set up since the middle group should be safe. But having Kris Allen and Danny Gokey in the wing groups throws things off. Or is this just a bigger tease so when we comeback Ryan will flip around one of the wing groups. Or did America get weird and not call as much for Gokey or Allen? They still have 40 minutes to tease us.
David Cook is brought back to sing “Come Back to Me.” He’s the reigning American Idol. Shouldn’t he have to wear a tiara and sash while executing his official duties? The song sounds like a rehash of a Goo-Goo Dolls b-side. “When you find you/ come back to me.” Nothing wrong with the sentiment, but normally when they come back to you after finding themselves, they’re twice as annoying. The person you fell for wasn’t the person they want to become. This song won’t be saving the record industry. David will be on the road until his hair falls out. So it ends thursday? Ryan brings out two women to present David with his first platinum album. He’s moved a million units. Did you know that there are bands which have lost all their profits off an album because they had to pay for hundreds of gold albums to give away to relatives, radio DJs and their old coke dealer?. There’s no group discount for having them made by the few companies that are allowed by the RIAA to make the framed awards. If you ever go to Graceland, you’ll be amazed at how Elvis’ old racquetball court is covered in his gold and platinum awards. If you want one, go over to eBay to bid.
The groups of three are now in the spotlights. Turns out they aren’t being eliminated as a group of three. Kris Allen is told to get back on the couch. He’s safe. Matt Giraud is told to take a seat and he heads to the barstools of doom. But Ryan tells him to get on the sofa. April Fools! Somehow he’s safe. Really? Megan Joy is next in the bullseye. Ryan asks what she thought of Simon’s criticism. “I love you, Simon, but I just don’t care.” She’s sent to the barstool. She flaps her arms and makes the cawing noise. Wow.
Lil Rounds is next. She’s safe. Allison Iraheta gets a recap of her hair and outfit. She’s sent to the barstool. Shocking! America must have hated that wardrobe. Adam Lambert is sent back to the sofa. He’s a star. Now we come to the last group. One will be sent to the bar stools. Danny Gokey is safe. Anoop and Scott stand together. Neither guy’s recap is overwhelmingly positive. Ryan asks Randy which guy goes to the bottom three. He says Anoop since Scott did his thing. Ryan pulls Scott to the sofa. Anoop is left to wander to the barstool.
Who will survive? We’ll have to wait for Lady Gaga is next. I kinda like how she’s become this freakish dance floor diva in an era where most women who perform like her are contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Lady Gaga has switched up her “Poker Face” so it’s her on an upright piano and a guy on the violin. Pretty damn daring although after a few lines it gets funky. She alters her costume and breaks out the dancing men. She’s taking it up a gear. At this moment she’s my favorite singer right next to the guy from Freecreditreport.com. Soon she’ll be doing a duet with Adam Lambert. I bet they could get really theatrical.
Before they go to break, Ryan asks Simon of the three people on the barstools of doom, how many are worth saving. “One,” Simon replies. I’m going to guess it isn’t Megan.
The bottom three are all lined up. Ryan decides to give one person the good news that they are safe. It’s Allison Iraheta. Megan and Anoop are left to be teased by the silence of Ryan. Anoop is safe. He’ll be watching UNC in the Final Four inside the Idol Mansion. Megan tells her loved ones that it’s OK. Simon declares they won’t even consider using the save on her. Her swansong is just for fun. She’s wearing really clunky bracelet that’s getting all over her vocal. It’s as bad as last night. But she’s on tour so she’ll be able to show her arm tattoo to all of America this summer.
Megan thanks all the people who work on Idol, the judges and contestants. But her strongest message is that she’s coming home to her baby. It’s sad to see her go, but Simon was sick of her. His toy bored him. Off she went into the discard bin.
Next week’s theme is songs that were hits from the year the contestants were born. Is anyone young enough to do “Nookie?”
