American Idol – Episode 8-27 Review

Shows

Tonight’s theme is “Songs from the Year the Contestants Were Born.” That’s pretty boring. How about changing it to “Song That Was Playing When Your Dad Knocked Up Your Mom?” That would be exciting since everyone knows I was conceived to Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades.” Ryan Seacrest was conceived to a dialtone. The weird news is that with the age limit, nobody on that stage should be singing anything pre-’80s.

Ryan talks about the 8 contestants being born with the dream of being a superstar. Really? What about the guy who dreams of impersonating a superstar? Where do Michael Jackson clones come from?

The creepy bald guy from Fringe is in the audience. He just stares and observes. Ryan doesn’t give him a shout out. They also have the judges sitting at the table. The year you were born theme makes them flash baby photos of the judges. Ryan jokes that Kara’s picture looks like she just made a poopie. Way to scat up a family show, Ryan. Maybe Fox needs to give him the Roger Friedman treatment. Paula Abdul’s picture seems to be from junior high. Simon’s photos has him in a Thunderbirds outfit. Simon is go!!! Ryan has rabbit teeth in his toddler pic. Joel McHale will have a field day with that clip.

Out come the 8 contestants. The oldest singer turns out to be Danny Gokey. He was born April 24, 1980. He’s doing Mickey Gilley’s version of “Stand By Me.” What a cheat. This song was released by Ben E. King in 1961. It’s a good rendition, but I don’t sense any Urban Cowboy vibe. This almost sounds more like Michael McDonald’s version of the song. Soulful with the congo drum beat keeping it moving. This is a loophole song worth the effort. Hopefully going first won’t cost him too much in the callers. Randy loves it. My wife just spotted Sara Gilbert of Big Bang Theory in the audience. Kara is impressed at how he stepped it up. Paula swears he’s set the bar high. Simon doesn’t understand what Paula said. He thought the beginning was good, the middle was lazy and the end was great. He calls it terrific. Danny’s pretty much set for a recording contract no matter where he finishes. 

Kris Allen is on the stool with Ryan. He’s enjoying the praise from the judges. He talks about going to the beach on his day off. He relates how the guy running the ferris wheel wanted him to say hi to Adam Lambert. Carnies are pulling for Mr. Dramatic. Allen is doing 1985’s “All She Wants to Dance” by Don Henley. It’s really….not sure if it’s a trainwreck. It’s got congas and horns, but not funky beats enough for me to feel it. It’s way too Jonas Brothers for my blood. It sucks away all the political ugliness that lurks beneath the song’s lyrics. Kara thinks the song sounded like jazz-funk homework. Paula likes how he changed up the one note nature of the song. Simon felt it was indulgent, boring and forgettable. He didn’t like how he came off as a guitarist who wants to be a singer. Randy lost listening to Kris’s voice in the arrangement. If he was the first person out of the gate, I could see him being cut off the show.

What’s the real story of Lil Rounds. Lil got the name from grandmother. She’s giving us Tina Turner’s 1984 comeback hit known as “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” She’s lacking the umph in her voice. She’s got no growl. It’s karaoke for what should have been a slam dunk. Even her big note at the end doesn’t run deep. It’s turning into a bad night. Paula says Lil looks hot tonight. She wanted her to go outside the box and take liberties to prove herself as an artist. She didn’t and came of as karaoke. Simon once more has to explain Paula. Simon mentions how it was a copycat of Tina. Lil needs to start becoming original. Randy said she has mad talent, but she’s not listening to them. Tina is not you, Randy said. Kara says she’s struggling making the leap from singer to an artist. She needs to work on her lower range. Simon makes a nasty quip at the end at the end. Lil promises to emerge as an artist if America invites her back.

The trailer of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is quite horrific. What is it about Matthew McConaughey that makes me wonder if he really has passion for acting or just makes enough films to afford hanging out with Woody Harrelson? This guy was supposed to be the next Paul Newman. The closest he comes to being the new Paul Newman is when he pours Newman’s Own Family Recipe Italian salad dressing in his bong.

Anoop Desai is stoked because the UNC Tarheels beat a fraud team in the NCAA finals. Anoop is upset at how he acted after the song last week. He wasn’t himself and apologizes to all. Anoop has plenty of baby pictures. Why has he chosen Cyndi Lauper’s “True Colors” from 1986? It starts light with just the acoustic guitar before the strings and back up singers slide in. This sounds timid enough to be performed on Dancing With the Stars. The wife doesn’t like his dorky sweater. Randy congratulates the UNC Tarheels. He thinks it was a nice, controlled vocal. Kara says Anoop controlled the song. She talks about how he brought soul to the song. Kinda like when Phil Collins covered it? Paula compares him to a rainbow. Simon thinks he’s a yo-yo going up and down each week. He liked it. He concludes by saying Anoop shouldn’t apologize since they get to give it to each other each week. 

We’re halfway through the show and only Gokey has brought his A game. Everyone else is Michigan State and Villanova putting up shabby three pointers without looking. Those McDonald’s chicken wraps look pretty lame. How healthy can it be if it’s deep fried? Does shredded lettuce and a wrap remove fat and calories from the mega-McNugget? This Fighting movie is stolen from my life. That’s how I supported myself while attending the United Nation’s Operation Gandhi Program.

Scott MacIntyre wanted to be a train engineer as a kid. He also liked to set up spooky moments. He’s going to scare us by dragging up Survivor’s “The Search Is Over” from 1985. Shocking to remember that Survivor had a song not called “Eye of the Tiger.” Scott is playing the guitar. He’s changing it up like Paula asked. He looks like Peter Frampton when he cut his hair short before he went bald. At least tonight Scott doesn’t sound like Bruce Hornsby. It’s not a solid vocal performance. Kara says he had good moments and off moments with the power ballad. Paula gives him credit for stepping away from the piano. Scott says it’s his punk side showing? In that case, he should have done Husker Du’s “Makes No Sense At All.” Simon tell him to go back to the piano. Randy thought it was OK, but that’s not what makes you a star.

Allison Iraheta is the only ‘90s baby. Her mom swears she talks too much as a child. She’s does Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me” from 1992. I’m not loving it so much at this moment. I just doesn’t feel connected. It’s not heartbreaking enough. The end gets a little better. Paula says that she hears one note and it’s undeniably Allison. She felt the tenderness in the song. Simon thinks it’s very good. He doesn’t think Allison’s personality is coming over. Simon doesn’t know too much about her. Should contestants fraternize with the judges. Randy compares her Kelly Clarkson.  Kara thinks she took the adult content in the song and made it believable. “Let’s go make a record,” she declares. Does seem like Kara is eager to put her in the studio. 

The X-Men Origins: Wolverine lost me at Ryan Reynolds. Has this guy ever been in a film where I didn’t want to hit him with a Toblerone bar? I don’t even want to illegally download this film. Although I’ll watch Wolverine when it finally comes to Hulu. 

Matt Giraud is up next. His parents talk about him singing constantly. We get to see him on star at a church performance. Matt goes Stevie Wonder with 1985’s “Part Time Lover.” He doesn’t have the piano although he’s sporting the Justine Timberlake hat. The slow funk beat makes him look puppety as he dances on the stage. Paula’s dancing on Simon’s lap. Is this a hint that they’ve been booty call buddies? It’s not too bad of a performance. He doesn’t do faux Stevie. Randy says vocally it’s one of the best of the night. Kara swears it’s incredible. Paula sums it up as a “Standing ovation.” Simon keeps it quick as better than last week. Seeing how lame the night has been, Matt shouldn’t be seeing bottom three tomorrow night.

What was Adam Lambert like as a kid? He had freckles. He’s in a Phantom of the Opera costume. What? He aspired to live theater. He’s going for the Donnie Darko fanatics with Tears for Fears “Mad World” from 1982. He stays seated on a metal chair in a white and tan outfit covered in cool blue lights. The man knows how to keep it theatrical. He stands up and the crowd roars. He yanks up the scale at the bottom. Simon says he’ll be the only one talking. He stands up and gives Adam a standing ovation. Adam is overwhelmed by the gesture. 

Basically tonight’s best bookend a bunch of folks who didn’t quite set the stage on fire. They show a clip of Scott nailing a bad note. Way to remind us who needs to focus on the tour and not next week’s theme. 

Top Adam Lambert & Danny Gokey 

Middle Matt Giraud, Allison Iraheta & Anoop Desai

Bottom Three: Scott MacIntrye, Lil Rounds & Kris Allen

The person who will be forced to sing for their life will be Scott MacIntrye. The producers including his bum note is a major hint for the folks at home to not waste their fingers dialing his number.

Joe Corey is the writer and director of "Danger! Health Films" currently streaming on Night Flight and Amazon Prime. He's the author of "The Seven Secrets of Great Walmart People Greeters." This is the last how to get a job book you'll ever need. He was Associate Producer of the documentary "Moving Midway." He's worked as local crew on several reality shows including Candid Camera, American's Most Wanted, Extreme Makeover Home Edition and ESPN's Gaters. He's been featured on The Today Show and CBS's 48 Hours. Dom DeLuise once said, "Joe, you look like an axe murderer." He was in charge of research and programming at the Moving Image Archive.