Excerpts from This Morning's Alphabits: Cassette Tower

Party people, I hope all is well. Now, I am not one who is afraid of making fun of himself. In fact, if it gets so much as a smirk on someone else’s face, moderated self-deprecation actually blossoms pride in my midsection, sometimes in a visible glow. That being said, while going through some of my belongings that should have probably been destroyed eons ago, I came across a box full of tapes—yep, of the cassette variety. We’ll save the Betamax films that I still have access to for another entry, lest I digress (Fist of the North Star, Chinese Connection, 5 Deadly Venoms, et al).

My taste in music has progressed monumentally over time and I’m fully aware of the open-mindedness that I still currently lack. But the limitations I have now pale in comparison to the random acts of audio-sensory stimuli I subjected myself to during the ages of 10 to 15. Dear God. Only a few of these will bode well on a résumé that traces the heritage of my personal musical preferences during that time (late ’80s-early ’90s), while the rest will cause you to blush with shame due to your secret stash in the wall behind your Ultimate Warrior vs. The Undertaker poster (à la Shawshank) that also contains some of the following:

– Biz Markie single: “Doin’ the Mud Foot” – side 1, “Off the Top of My Head”; side 2, “Non Stop Rockin'”
– Tupac (dubbed album): Strictly 4 My N.*.G.G.A.Z.
– Kris Kross album: Da Bomb
– Color Me Badd single: “Color Me Badd” – side 1, “All for Love”; side 2, “Color Me Badd”
– Dru Hill single: “Tell Me”
– Mystikal single: side 1, “Yall Ain’t Ready Yet”; side 2, “Beware” (before he made it big on No Limit etc.)
– Queen Latifah album: All Hail the Queen
– Kid N’ Play album: Funhouse (cue LeBron James commercial, “That ain’t mine, man.”)
– Peter Gabriel/Fishbone single/soundtrack
– Heavy D & The Boyz album: Livin’ Large
Street Fighter soundtrack
– Young MC album: Stone Cold Rhymin’
– H-Town album: Fever for Da’ Flavor
The Lion King soundtrack
– Aaliyah (dubbed album): Age Ain’t Nothin’ But a Number

Simmer on that. I did.

Be good.

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