The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – December 22 1997
I think it would be interesting if review the current and the next episode of WCW Nitro before WWE 24/7 gets taken off your system. The current episode is the infamous episode where the NWO takes apart the set and it becomes NWO Nitro. The next episode deals with the fallout from Starrcade 97.
Well even though I hate Nitro so very much, there’s only two left so I might as well.
– Live from Macon, GA.
HOUR #1!
– Your hosts are Tony, Larry and Mike.
The following bullet has been paid for by the New World Order.
– Eric Bischoff lets Larry Z know all the places he’s gonna hit him come Starrcade.
The preceding bullet has been paid for by the New World Order.
Fit Finlay v. Eddie Guerrero
Eddie attacks Finlay’s knee and goes to work on it, but misses a baseball slide and allows Fit to come back. Finlay stomps him in the corner and follows with a short clothesline before dropping him on the top rope. Neat move as Finlay catapults Eddie onto the top rope, and then holds him in a backbreaker position until Eddie fights out. They slug it out in the corner and Fit alley-oops Guerrero into the turnbuckle for two. They fight to the apron and Fit whomps on him out there, then back in for a stiff straight boot to the face. Eddie escapes a tilt-a-whirl and dropkicks the knee again, but gloats about it before going up and gets superplexed as a result. Finlay sets up for the tombstone, but Eddie goes to the eyes and he’s had enough of the match at 5:05 and walks out. Not sure where this was supposed to be leading, but it didn’t go anywhere, I know that. Fit was in the mood for a fight here and the result was fun. **1/2
THE MONSTER MENG v. Steve McMichael
They slug it out and Meng loses that one, allowing Mongo to get a corner clothesline and slug away. Meng no-sells a boot in the corner and comes back with a powerslam for two as Mongo is just awful here, blowing even simple stuff. Meng piledrives him for two. Flying splash gets two, but he picks Mongo up. McMichael gets all fired up and breaks a balsa wood chair over Meng’s head, but that gets nothing, so he tombstones him for the pin at 4:43. Staggeringly awful. -**
– DDP joins us to let Curt Hennig know that indeed bangs will be felt.
La Parka, Silver King & Psychosis v. Hector Garza, Rey Mysterio Jr. & Juventud Guerrera
King and Garza do some acrobatics to start and Garza gets dumped to the apron, but comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Juvy comes in with a missile dropkick on King, but Psy lays him out and stomps away on the mat. He drops an elbow and Juvy comes back with a rana, but can’t get the rare inverted rana. That would have been something to see. They keep the pace up as Parka comes in and pounds away in the corner, but misses a splash and allows Rey to fly in with a headscissors and then take Psy out with another one. La Parka catches him, but stops to dance and the rudos have communication problems as a result. Juvy hits a diving springboard splash onto Psychosis outside, but Parka puts him on a chair and does the same. Then Garza follows with the corkscrew plancha. In the ring, Rey actually DOES hit the inverted rana on Silver King, and the West Coast Pop finishes at 5:02. Another crazy highspot overdrive match. ***1/4
– And now, the suck begins, as the nWo chases off the announce team and takes over the show. And by that I mean they actually go through the trouble of forcing the entire crew to wear nWo shirts and actually rebuild the set. And they actually put this on live TV and expected people to keep tuning in? And this goes TWENTY MINUTES. With literally nothing happening! Finally, we get a new opening for Nitro to kick off the second hour, as they actually wasted money on this shit thinking that people would want to watch.
HOUR #2!
– And we begin with, who else, the New World Order! Bischoff kisses Hogan’s ass and brings him a new motorbike, as well as a limo filled with a hot tub and his own personal Nitro girls. Like really, why would I as a fan want to watch this? It does nothing to advance a storyline and nothing to entertain.
– So now we have Bischoff, Rick Rude and Kevin Nash on commentary.
Rick Steiner v. Scott Norton
Rick attacks and gets the Steinerline to start, but Norton comes back with a shoulderblock to put him down. They head out and Norton rams him into the post, then pounds away out there. Back in, Norton with a short clothesline and a delayed suplex, but Steiner fires back with a clothesline and an elbowdrop for two. They go up and completely blow a top rope belly to belly, and it’s Konnan for the DQ at 3:22. 1/2* Scott and Ray Traylor run in to save, setting up a six-man at Starrcade that no one wanted to see. Ted Dibiase putting the boots to Vincent is a nice little touch.
US title: Curt Hennig v. Disco Inferno
Hennig evades him and dropkicks him out of the ring to start, and they brawl in the aisle before returning to the ring. Hennig punts him, but Disco comes back and slugs away in the corner before Hennig levels him with a forearm. Kneelift gets two. Hennig puts him down with knees to the head and chokes away on the ropes, as this crowd has been beaten into silence by the changeover and neither of these guys cares enough to get them back into it again. Hennig goes to a stepover toehold. Disco slugs back and gets a neckbreaker for two, but NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A HENNIGPLEX at 5:55. Why bother with a match like this, where your TV champion is basically a jobber (well, he is anyway, but moreso here) when you’ve got a million other guys on the roster to use for enhancement talent anyway? *
HOUR #3!
– Bobby Heenan begs and pleads his way onto commentary, and he’s joined by Mike Tenay as well.
Harlem Heat v. Lodi & Scotty Riggs
Booker overpowers Riggs and hiptosses him into the corner, but Riggs to the eyes (oh, the irony) and pounds him down. Dropkick follows as I wonder why they never did the obvious team with Carl Ouelette. Booker comes back with a spinkick that provides an awesome somersault sell from Riggs, and Stevie Ray comes in with a slam. Over to Lodi, and he gets pounded by Stevie and hit with a backbreaker. Booker kills him with the axe kick and sidekick, and the Heat team up with a double suplex. They toss him and beat on him outside, and back in for the worst death valley driver ever from Stevie Ray. Riggs walks out and the Heat finish with a double-team sidekick at 7:08. Just a total squash. *
Buff Bagwell v. Chris Jericho
Jericho with a backdrop to put Bagwell on the apron and he follows with the springboard dropkick. They brawl out there and Jericho adds a high kick, but Bagwell jumps him on the way back in. Jericho comes back with a senton, but he goes to the apron and gets punched down by Bagwell. And we take a break. Back with them trading incredibly sloppy shots until Bagwell boots Jericho down and chokes away. Jericho fires back with chops, but runs into a boot and Bagwell gets two. And we hit the chinlock. Jericho fights back with a pair of dropkicks and a powerslam for two, but Bagwell pounds him down again and goes up. Elbow misses from there and they fuck up yet ANOTHER spot, this time either a leapfrog or a rana, not sure which. Anyway, Jericho gets a double underhook backbreaker for two and they fight on the top, allowing Buff to finish with the Blockbuster at 8:13. This was pretty dull and terrible. 1/2*
– More fun with the nWo as this show may be the most tiresome thing in the history of wrestling, and now Bischoff is giving Hogan a World title ring and showing posters to commemorate his life.
Lex Luger v. Randy Savage
Savage charges in and gets beaten up as a result, and Luger clotheslines him out of the corner. Lex stomps him down in the corner and chokes away, but a blind charge hits boot and Savage slugs him down. And now Savage chokes him down, but Luger fights up with his usual crap and the STAINLESS STEEL FOREARM OF DEATH bumps the ref by accident. Savage hides behind Elizabeth to draw Luger out, and Buff Bagwell runs in for the attack, and it’s nWo beatdown time. Savage drops the elbow to finish at 6:02. I don’t get this booking at all. Why job Luger here and then again to Bagwell at Starrcade? Why not build up Luger so you can make a bigger star out of Buff by having him beat a guy who didn’t just get his ass handed to him? This show is making my eyes glaze over. 1/2*
– Oh for FUCK SAKE, it’s more with Hogan and Bischoff. There’s yet another gift for Hogan, but this time it’s a prosthetic Hogan head in a box. Hulk’s acting job here shows why his movies made the money they did. As in none. Sting rappels to the ring and we’re done. Oh, and Bret Hart was there for some reason.
I am at a loss for words that someone would actually put this episode on TV and think people would watch and buy a PPV based off it. And Starrcade STILL did a massive buyrate! Can you imagine if WWE had done a show like this to build to Wrestlemania this year? Well, at least now I can say that I’ve seen it, much like the JFK assassination or the Hindenburg crash.
