Oh sweet Jesus there are two leads now…run.
You know the episode of South Park when Mrs. Garrison decides she wants to be a man again so he gets a penis grown on a mouse, only the mouse escapes and runs around town so he has to chase the mouse through town. One of his first stops is at the playground where he runs into Butters and he tells Butters to be on the lookout for his penis running around. Butters responds to this with “Ow, that hurt my brains, OWWW”. Well after watching this movie, all I have to say is ow that hurt my brains OWW.
Now, to be fair, I am not in this movie’s target demographic so I’m probably not being expected to like the movie. But even with an open mind, I still couldn’t get into Legally Blondes. In part because they’re English, like UK English and holy crap do they have the accent to go with it. I suggest watching the first couple of minutes with the subtitles on just so you can follow along. After that it gets somewhat better. Although you may want to keep the subtitles on and mute the TV so you don’t have to hear the voices. You also have to “love” the dialog early on. The girls are walking around in a rain storm complaining about the weather when the sun is shining plain as, well, day. I realize this was probably a lower budget film that couldn’t wait around for a perfect day, but you didn’t have to make it so painfully obvious.
The story doesn’t get much better after you understand what they’re saying. Legally Blondes starts with the family of 3 moving to California for their dad’s new teaching job. And because they are just getting started in Cali and have nowhere to live, they stay their cousin’s house, a one Elle Woods, which after doing some research I deduced was Reese Witherspoon’s character name in the first two movies. That makes them all related and hence gives them a reason to keep up the legal sounding name of the movie.
The girls get enrolled in Pac Prep – the same High School Elle graduated from – and immediately draw the ire of the head mistress because they’re related to Elle. The second person they irritate is Tiffany who’s dad has paid for half of the school. The rest of the movie is Tiffany trying to take down the twins. And the movie eventually winds up with Izzy and Anna defending one of them, I honestly don’t know I have no idea which one was which, against cheating charges which gives them the required “court” scene and legal thought process.
I’ve been pretty hard on Legally Blondes, but to be fair, I did have to laugh at a couple jokes. So it wasn’t a complete waste. But for every joke that actually hits, there are a few that don’t and are still beaten into the ground. The gum on the bottom of tables was one of those. Every time they do an under the table shot, there are 4-5 pieces of gum stuck to the table. This seems odd since they are in a private school that probably doesn’t even allow kids to chew gum.
And nothing makes up for the sheer stupidity of the story. Tiffany is evil, and the twins know this. Tiffany tricks them into wearing swimsuits to a formal dinner. And yet the next day they are letting her split them apart and believing everything she says as if nothing happened. They are friggin twins, they sleep in the same room, and they are together 24 hours a day. Yet, it’s that easy to come between them? They wouldn’t talk about this at some point on their own and realize Tiffany was screwing them over again? I don’t see this happening.
Legally Blondes is presented in 1.78:1 Anamorphic Widescreen format and 5.1 Surround Sound.
A 13 minute Thinking Pink featurette.
A 4 minute Double trouble featurette.
5 Minutes about the clothing.
Pac Prep Yearbook, bios on the main characters.
A Marley and Me trailer.
If you’re a fan of the first two, you’ll probably like this one for reasons unknown to me. However, a vast majority of the population would be better off skipping this one entirely. In fact, if someone tries to make you watch this, I recommend faking a sickness. Or just leave and don’t worry about the other person’s feelings.
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MGM Presents Legally Blondes. Directed by Savage Steve Holland. Starring Milly Rosso, Becky Rosso, Brittany Curran, and Bobby Campo. Written by Chad Creasey and Dara Creasey. Running time: 86 minutes. Rated PG. Released on DVD: April 28th, 2009. Available at Amazon.com.
