Monday Morning Critic – 5.4

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On tap this week:
— Straying off the beaten path with Vin Diesel
— All we are is dust and yellowed letters
— Wolverine fallout?

One of the weird things about moving is cleaning EVERYTHING out. Being unemployed going on four months now, my lease was up and I had the basement room of my folks’ place was open so I opted to do something I never thought I’d do: move back in with mom and dad. It’s not all bad; I get to hang out with my dog Lucy more often now that we’re both in the same place. But the crappy side is actually moving everything, and an entire one bedroom apartment is a lot of stuff. I have half the space I once did and just managed to fit everything in. I’m up in the far northern suburbs, as opposed to living virtually in the city of Chicago, so it’s an odd feeling to be back here I readily admit.

So as I was loading everything up into boxes and crates, it was a bittersweet moment. On the one hand I lose the expenses of rent, et al, but I surrender a huge chunk of freedom for it. Tough pill to swallow, but it’s better than couch surfing or staying with other members of the family. My folks are able to better put up with the daily shenanigans and offbeat stupidity that makes up my life. So I was loading up my soccer gear, as I have about a closet full of jerseys and other gear from over the years, and I found something from the previous tenant. I tossed some stuff I didn’t think I need, and brought everything I did, but the one thing I didn’t bring with was what I found that night: a series of letters I found from the previous tenants a couple days before I vacated my old place for good.

Sometimes you miss stuff that was there when you moved in, like I did when I was cleaning out my old bedroom closet. A bunch of letters from the prior tenants, a couple who had lived together and left when they split, were in an upper level of my closet I had neglected to throw stuff into when I lived there. I double checked to make sure nothing was there of mine, so a series of written letters between a couple in this age is definitely worth checking out. I think the art of actually writing a letter has been lost since we invented the typewriter. It’s 100 times easier to type it up then to write it up; so when someone actually takes the time and energy to actually write something I GET INTRIGUED.

The letters told a story of a couple, Catherine and Joyner. They had been there for about two years or so, together for a bit longer, and the letters started when Joyner found out that his misses was stepping out with another man. And not just stepping out, i.e. sleeping with another guy. She’d been actively involved in a relationship with another man while living with Joyner and he took to writing to express his anger about the situation. And the next letter was her response, then his, et al, leaving me to think this was a situation where they stopped talking altogether to one another and the letters were their way of breaking up.

Reading through all this, and it took me a good hour straight of reading because it was probably like half a dozen letters, you really get to see the final moments of a relationship breaking up. And normally I’d be excited to read this; there’s something about the comedy in human misery I find fascinating. I know it’s wrong, and I’m probably goin’ to hell for it, but things like stupid human tricks, ESPN stories about the debauchery of sports stars and fmylife.com are an endless source of amusement for me.

But this was different.

Seeing actual, unrelenting human misery, as opposed to the 90% fiction that makes up a lot of internet stories about human misery, is amusing at first I admit but it has that comedy/tragedy aspect to it. At first, at least, because the guy’s letters were unbelievably funny in all the wrong ways. Men in this day and age have really lost their stones; I can see writing a letter to a girl because your mad if your like a teenager but once you cross the line into college that stuff should be done. So he had to “discuss his feelings” with her, et al, and the more I read it the more it was depressing that a guy had to write everything out as opposed to doing what any sane, rational guy would do: get drunk, plow through a series of one night stands, then move on. Instead he wrote everything down and inexplicably it stayed around long enough for an uninvolved third party to sit down and read.

That reminds me of a lot of things in my life. Of women who were right for me but came into my life at the wrong time, of missed opportunities and offbeat shenanigans I probably shouldn’t have engaged in. Of people who have come and gone, of things and people I’ve left behind and things I’ve taken with me.

Oh well. . .the paths we take end up making us the people we end up becoming. And mine apparently were designed to keep me out of the good colleges.

Random Thoughts of the Week

It’s always amusing to read Ain’t It Cool News; I’ve been reading it since right around when it launched. I’ve seen a handful of films at their Chicago screenings as well; they’re usually a good source of information and provocative content to say the least. It’s changed a lot, but a lot over the years as well; you can say a lot of the angst and rawness of it has been combed away due to success. I remember Dee Snyder once saying you can’t write a song about how much your life sucks when you’re worth millions and uber-famous in relation to the popularity and decline of Twisted Sister and I think in many ways success does that to anyone in a creative field. There comes a point when being angry is more manufactured then genuine emotion sometimes, and I read something that felt really fake to me this weekend.

The subject? The crappy Wolverine flick. You can read it, and the deliciously evil talkback that followed, here.

Harry wrote this obscenely long screed about the film, which at that point he hadn’t seen, and his opinion then was that you shouldn’t see it because a) he didn’t get invited to it and b) lots of critics said it sucked. I do get the latter point; if Peter Travers, who could find something good to say about Bratz, thought this film was lacking then you know it was pretty bloody awful. I put it at 1 ½ buckets and it might be the worst film I’ve seen so far in 2009.

One thing that always bothers me is when people say they refuse to see a film because of someone else’s opinion. There are plenty of reasons NOT to see a movie; I see about 140-50 a year of new releases and probably watch double that on my own on DVD, so it’s hard for me to find a good reason to not see a flick. So far this year I’ve seen something like 30-40 films in theatres, probably another 100 or so on DVD at home. If I don’t see a film it’s for a good reason. I didn’t see 21 last year because I didn’t think the book was all that, nor did I really want to see a film about card counting either. Blackjack is like the retarded cousin of Texas Hold ‘Em and frankly a bad poker film is better than a good blackjack film. It’s more about skill in Hold ‘Em as opposed to merely being the luck of the draw in blackjack.

To me, not seeing a film based on a critic’s opinion is perhaps the weakest justification out there. It’s the equivalent of saying you don’t like Howard Stern/Sean Hannity/Randi Rhodes/Mancow/Rush because everyone else says “x” about them despite never having listened to them. Or not watching a show, or eating a food, et al. It’s weak. If Harry didn’t want to see the film because it looked awful, then he should’ve just said “it looks bad, I see lots of films that aren’t this bad and will focus on them” and then continue to verbally fellate J.J Abrams over Star Trek.

The thing I love about cinema is that we experience individually but can share it en masse. It’s why people being rude in movie theatres drives me nuts; once I start watching I want to focus purely on what’s happening on the screen not three rows ahead of me. That’s a legit reason not to got to theatres; my buddy Jack and his misses don’t go because she’s not a fan of that particular aspect. I get that.

There are hundreds of other reasons, from not liking the actors in it or the genre to even whom you see it with, but a critic’s opinion should never be a reason why. I tend of critical opinion as an enlightened one that guides me through a film but ultimately because Roger Ebert likes it doesn’t mean I have to because of it.

A Movie A Week – The Challenge

This Week’s Film – Strays

strays

Before Vin Diesel became a big time movie star, he was struggling actor/bouncer looking for a break. It came when he directed and starred in Strays, a film about a drug dealer seeking a way out. It led him to a pretty sizable part in Saving Private Ryan, then to The Fast and the Furious. From there, the man with the fat neck would end up on the cusp of superstardom he has yet to fulfill.

But in Strays he’s a hustler bored with the life. When he hooks up with a gal who could be his way to a normal life, he is faced with the challenges of leaving that life behind for a normal one. It’s an interesting film, as it’s about a man trying to leave the life and having a hard time doing so. I can see why it launched his career, as it’s a gutsy decision to write/direct/star in a feature. Plenty of actors have pulled this off and

But it’s not that good. Diesel has a great screen presence but this is a film with a lot of amateurs plus Mike Epps. Not exactly the recipe for success. Can’t recommend it unless you’re a huge Diesel fan or you need something to fill out a “4 for 15$” deal at Blockbuster.

What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and Northwestern University Co-Eds with low standards at The Keg

Next Day Air – A wrong delivery of a massive load of marijuana leads to abject shenanigans.

See It – This actually looks fascinating; a good crime caper is hard to pull off and this has just enough of an off-beat cast to do it. The trailer looks like it’s the black version of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels but that’s not a bad thing. Lock, Stock is an excellent flick and there’s nothing wrong with aping a good movie.

Star Trek – JJ Abrams reboots the franchise with a bunch of unknowns and Simon Pegg.

See It – I’m interested to see how this plays out. The series was always more of a collective than singular; this seems like it’ll be Kirk’s story as opposed to mankind’s descent into space. I think the film it’ll compare to most will be Batman Begins. It’s the easy metaphor to make but probably the strongest; this is an origin story about how a man becomes the person of destiny he’s slated to be.

Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.