Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time RAW Coverage – 05.18.09

Reviews, Shows, Top Story, TV Shows

Welcome Pulse Readers to tonight’s real-time coverage of WWE RAW! If you have AIM and would like to be in on tonight’s coverage, simply click the following link:

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Also, my Official Twitter Page is at the bottom of this report.

On Tap for Tonight

Divas Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contendership to the Diva’s Championship
MVP v. Matt Hardy
Fallout from WWE Judgment Day
Building to WWE Extreme Rules 
Ric Flair is at RAW tonight 

THE WORLD IS WATCHING!

We open up with fireworks and a sold out crowd from Louisville, Kentucky!  Your WWE Champion, Randy Orton makes his way out on the stage without fellow Legacy members Rhodes & DiBiase.  Orton retained the WWE Title due to a disqualification due to slapping the referee.  It quickly became a three-on-one situation for Batista until Ric Flair intervened.

Randy Orton mouths off that he is still the WWE Champion.  He wanted to not only retain the title, but he wanted to take Batista out for good.  However, Ric Flair stopped him from doing that.  Randy says how Flair didn’t like Randy during the days in Evolution.  He talks about how had he not kicked Ric Flair in the skull, he would had enough to beat Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 24.  Randy says that all Flair did was delay the inevitable.  He dares Flair to interfere again and WOOOOOOOOO!

Flair tells Randy that he may still be the WWE Champion, he did not beat Batista.  Flair tells it like it happened and Randy looks away in disgust.  Ric asks how Randy is still a man.  Ric says that while Randy was in Evolution, he was supposed to be the man, but Batista zoomed past him.  Randy may have his own group, but until he beats the man, he has accompolished nothing.  Randy continues to mouth off that he can beat Batista anytime…anywhere.  Flair cuts Orton off and Flair talks to Vickie and she is pissed off that Orton did what he did last night.  So, Flair gives her an idea and she makes it official.  It’ll be Batista v. Randy Orton in three weeks.  Randy won’t have to worry about being DQ’ed, counted out…he won’t have to worry about Legacy or Flair because the bout will be inside a Steel Cage!

Randy was happy to hear the message and he has a message of his own.  He beats Flair up and Legacy walks out to the ring.  Batista comes out while Orton owns Flair.  Batista gets beaten on for a moment and John Cena makes the save and Legacy leaves like the cowards they are.

Commercials.

We’re back and we relive what happens moments ago.  Cena is backstage and Josh Matthews asks Cena why he did what he did.  Cena says that his resolve has been questioned and he overcame the odds when he beat the Big Show last night.  He won’t let the fans down.  He says that no matter who wins, it will be a matter of time before the Champ is here.  Vickie Guerrero says that she’ll address him moving on later, but tonight it’ll be Legacy v. Batista & Cena.  Cena mocks Vickie a bit before saying he loves it.

Time for the Divas!

Divas Battle Royal – #1 Contendership Opportunity
Participants: Kelly Kelly, Nikki & Bree Bella, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendez, Jillian Hall, & Mickie James

It’s noted that Jillian receives a pop from the hometown crowd.  It’s balls to the wall from the get go and Mickie takes care of Rosa Mendez.  One of the Bellas is eliminated and everyone is looking for their spots.  Jillian splashes against Mickie in the corner and Beth fights out from the opposite corner. We’re down to three – Mickie, Beth, & Kelly Kelly.  Beth looks to eliminate Beth, but she puts her in the tree of woe.  Kelly takes it to Beth, but Beth gets eliminated by Kelly.  Maryse sprays hairspray in Mickie’s eyes and Kelly kicks her out of the ring, having no clue.

Winner: Kelly Kelly
Grade: C 

Tonight, we have MVP v. Matt Hardy for the US Title and the handicap match with Legacy v. Batista/Cena!

Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Santino calls Vickie a pig and Miz a jackass.  He eats a DDT and a Frog Splash for his troubles.

Chavo Guerrero v. Santino Marella

They jockey for position and Chavo takes it to Santino in the early opening.  Atomic Drop to Santino and Santino finds the ropes.  Santino takes a powder at the ropes, pissing off Chavo.  HE WALKS IT OFF AND WALKS INTO A CLOTHESLINE, HAHA!  Chavo opens up a can on Santino and the fight goes to the corner.  Snapmare takedown and Santino screams like a girl.  SANTINO DRAWS UPON THE POWER OF ITALY, but Chavo throws him down on the canvas.  Santino tries to draw upon the Divine Italian and he beats Chavo to the punch.  Big body drop connects and Santino runs into a boot.  Chavo goes up top and Santino moves too soon.  Santino ducks and Chavo hits the post.  Jacknife cover and Santino wins.

Winner: Santino Marella
Grade: A for comedy; C for the match = B overall

Chavo is pissed off and he announces Santina Marella v. Vickie Guerrero for the Miss Wrestlemania crown.  Oh God…

Commercials. 

Mr. Kennedy returns to RAW soon!

The Miz tries to talk to Maryse, pimping on how he is 4-0 against Cena.  He has something else for Cena tonight.  He makes Maryse speechless.

Josh Matthews is with Matt Hardy and he brings up the fact he cost Jeff Hardy the match at Judgment Day.  Josh assumes that the match against MVP is a reward, but Matt begs to differ.  He says that Vickie erased the loss against Kofi Kingston last week and he earned his title shot.

Meanwhile, Vickie Guerrero berates Chavo for booking her in a match.  Orton storms in the office and says that Vickie has no business booking him in steel cage matches without his permission.  Vickie fires back saying that Batista won last night via DQ and she needed a match that would promise a winner.  Orton says that Vickie needs to get on his good side.  OK…

Commercials.

We’re back and the Unified Tag Team Champions make their way to the ring.

Primo & Carlito v. THE Brian Kendrick & Goldust

You’re kidding?  Goldust locks up with Carlito and he holds his own, getting a quick one count.  Arm drags by Goldust and Kendrick tags himself in.  He goes to work on Carlito, snapping on a headlock, telling Goldust how it’s done.  Carlito gets caught in the corner and Goldust doesn’t get involved.  This pisses Kendrick off and he eats a dropkick.  Primo is in and Kendrick takes a Russian leg sweep for two.  Kendrick goes for “The Kendrick” and Primo has that scouted.  Springboard Cross Body hits and that’s the match.

Winners: Primo & Carlito
Grade: D

Kendrick blames Goldust for the loss and he slaps him.  Goldust comes in the ring and Hornswoggle comes in and humps on Kendrick’s leg.  Hornswoggle and Goldust take care of Kendrick and I am shaking my head at the latest Odd Couple.

The Miz heads to the ring dressed as Cena.

Commercials. 

Chris Jericho v. CM Punk – THURSDAY ON SUPERSTARS!

WORD LIFE

The Miz comes out to Basic Thugonomics and he increases his credibility tenfold.  He brags on being 4-0 against John Cena.  He wants to do a remix of Basic Thugonomics.  He talks Nerd Life.  Mix busts out the John Cena toilet paper, HAHA!  Miz throws down the challenge and he is….ignored yet again.  Jerry Lawler gets up from the chair and gets in the ring to talk to the Miz.  Jerry mocks the rap as being bad.  Jerry tries to explain logic by calling out Batista.  Oh God, Jerry is nuts.  Instead of wasting everyone’s time, Miz should talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Miz says that Jerry talks out of his ass week end and week out, but he will go to Vickie.  This brings out the Big Show.

Make-believe time is over, says the Big Show.  He is not done with Cena and at Extreme Rules it will be a Submission Match between him and Cena.  Until then, Miz will have to wait.  Miz will wait until Cena beats Show and he shoves Jerry at him.  Miz hightails it out of Louisville and Show makes an example out of Jerry Lawler.

Commercials.

Slam of the Week: MVP & Kingston beats Regal and M. Hardy!

Jim Ross is on color commentary!

Matt Hardy v. Montel Vontanious Porter
WWE United States Championship

 HAHA, Jim Ross ribs the owner of the Denver Nuggets by comparing him to Vickie Guerrero!  The match begins and they lock up.  MVP gets a one count via a rollup.  Hardy small packages MVP for one.  MVP takes it to Hardy in the corner.  Hardy takes to the ropes, but MVP is not budging.  Suplex back into the ring gets two.  Twist of Fate attempt is countered into a rollup for two.  Side Effect connects and Matt gets two off that.  He favors the hand and he undoes the turnbuckle.  The referee catches it and he takes MVP’s knee out with the cast, but gets two.  He focuses on the leg a bit, dropping the elbow on it and cracking it against the ring post.  Hardy gets back in the ring and he gets a two count.  Matt hits the body shots in the corner, but MVP comes back with a tackle.  MVP hits a side slam on Hardy for two.  Jawbreaker to Matt and MVP goes BALLIN’!  That gets two.  Matt begs off and he throws MVP out of the ring.  He goes back on the injured leg, but MVP moves out of the way, Matt cracking the cast on the steel.  MVP takes Matt down back inside the ring and he STEPS ON THE FINGERS BEFORE STOMPING THE CAST!  Yakuza kick connects and that is followed by the Playmaker.  Thanks for coming.

Winner: MVP
Grade: B

Up next, Vickie Guerrero takes on Santina Marella.  

Commercials.

We’re back and we relive what happened at the beginning of the show.  Ric Flair is in the locker room in all smiles.  He is going to call Orton out next week in a fight.  Batista says that Ric has nothing to prove.  Flair doesn’t want to be retired.  He then questions Batista saying that if he lost confidence in Ric, he can come out himself without him at his side.

Chavo lays down and wants Vickie to Frog Splash him.  Santina comes over and makes pig noises.  Chavo promises that everything will work out.

Commercials.

Tomorrow on ECW: Finlay takes on David Hart Smith!

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL TO ME!

Santina Marella v. Vickie Guerrero
Miss Wrestlemania Crown on the Line

Oh God, Jim Ross says that this is the biggest match he has ever called.  She comes out with Chavo, who assures her that everything will be fine.  The match starts and Santina wants the microphone.  She says that Vickie is jealous of the body she has.  Vickie slaps Santina and she laughs.  She is not just a lesbian…but a lesbian that likes it rough.  She kisses Vickie and she makes pig jokes.  Chavo gets in the ring and declares it a No DQ Match.  

The bell sounds again and Chavo attacks from behind.  Uppercut connects and he mounts Santina until she turns the tables.  Chavo takes control again, but Santina won’t be denied.  Chavo charges and he is tossed out of the ring.  She comes after Vickie and the ORIGINAL MAN IN DRAG, William Regal, attacks and hits the Regal Plex.  Vickie covers for the win.

Winner: Vickie Guerrero
Grade: No Comment

Vickie is excited and she… gets crowned while she giggles like a chubby girl.

Legacy walks.

Commercials. 

Next week, Ric Flair will call out Randy Orton!

The Legacy v. Batista & John Cena
Handicap Match

Sorry for the delay, but I am back.  Cena and Rhodes start things off.  They lock up and Cena takes it to Rhodes in the corner.  Pillar to post we go and Rhodes take Cena off guard.  Tag to Orton and Cena tags Batista.  Orton chickens out and tags in DiBiase.  Batista beats DiBiase to the punch.  Batista has DiBiase up and Rhodes comes in.  Batista has an answer and both DiBiase and Rhodes exit the ring.  The snake slithers in the ring, but both Cena and Batista look at him cold.

After the commercial break, Orton has Batista where he wants him inside the ring, scoring a two count.  Vintage Orton on Batista and the Galvin stomps work to the effect.  Orton tags out to DiBiase, who gets a one count on Batista.  DiBiase works on the Animal, locking the head driving the air out of Batista.  Batista gets up to a vertical base and SNAPMARE!  Batista charges and he eats the boot.  DiBiase tags out to Rhodes and Rhodes stomps away for two.  Perfect tag team formula between Legacy right here, folks.  DiBiase works over Batista.  Batista gets up to a vertical base, making the half nelson ineffective.  Both men crack heads and Cena & Rhodes come in off the tags.  Cody eats the shouldertackles.  Protobomb connects!  FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE!  Attitude Adjustment attempt, but Cody tags out.  The AA connects and Orton pounds away at Cena, catching him off guard.  Orton drops the knee on the surgically repaired neck of Cena.  Cena teeters on the ropes and DiBiase kicks Cena in the head.  Stomp to the gut and Orton works on what Big Show did to Cena last night.  Tag to DiBiase and Cena moves out of the way of the double foot stomp.  DiBiase drops the fists and gets a two count.  Michael Cole compares the fists to Randy Orton.  Way to go, MC…you win the Douche of the Night award.

Rhodes comes in and he has Cena in a headlock.  Cena won’t stay down though.  Cena charges in the corner and misses.  Rhodes hits the moonsault and Cena catches him, but still falls to the ground.  Orton comes in and he stomps away at Cena.  DiBiase hits another cheap shot on Cena, but he fights back again…TEXTBOOK DROPKICK BY ORTON!  Cena kicks out though.  Orton grips the head and he drives Cena’s air out of him.  Cena gets down to a knee, but the power of SUPER CENA COMPELS HIM!  Cena TAGS BATISTA AND IT IS BALLS TO THE WALL!  Orton gets squashed and powerslammed to the canvas for two.  Big Show comes out, but Cena is ready with the chair.  Cena leaves.  Orton gets drilled with the spinebuster.  Out goes Rhodes!  Out goes DiBiase!  Rhodes gets thrown in the ring!  Flair is out and Batista gets distracted.  Orton slithers in like the viper and BATISTA SPEARS HIM TO HELL!  That’s it! Decent main event.

Winner: Batista & John Cena
Grade: B+ 

The replay shows Big Show waddles out to the ring, but Flair runs circles around Show and passes the chair to Cena. Rhodes was on the top turnbuckle and Flair pushes him off.  That sets up for the spear.

End Show.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Batista & Cena d. Legacy: B+
Vickie Guerrero d. Santina Marella: No comment
MVP d. Matt Hardy: B
Primo & Carlito d. Kendrick & Goldust: D
Santino Marella d. Chavo Guerrero: A + C = B
Kelly Kelly wins the Divas Battle Royal: C

The FINAL Grade for WWE RAW 05.18.09: C+/B-

Well, some might argue that the show was just as bad this week, but I’m trying to think positive.  The Santino/Chavo match was pure comedy.  MVP/Hardy and Legacy/Cena-Batista was solid.  Kendrick picked the wrong partner this week and the divas portion was so-and-so.  I can’t complain about tonight’s show and I’m looking forward to next week.

I do apologize for not getting Total Nonstop Weekly posted last week and I apologize for missing two weeks of Superstars.  I had some weather-related issues and I’m just looking forward to start back on a clean slate this week.  So I’ll be back Thursday for Total Nonstop Weekly and your 10 Thoughts on WWE Superstars!

Enjoy the new Pulse Wrestling website because it is awesome!  Have a great week!

Paul Marshall has been with Pulse Wrestling since September 2007. He currently does a weekly WWE Column titled "This Week In 'E". Follow him on Twitter here.