Kris Allen versus Adam Lambert. The winner will be crowned the new American Idol. He’ll get to record an album for a major label. The loser will get to record an album for the same label. Ultimately the difference between winning and losing is who goes on last during this summer’s tour. Plus they get their face on the backdrop with the winners at next season’s auditions. But let’s forget about that angle and view this as winner takes all the glory. This is like a steel cage match with a microphone and band as the weapons. At the end of tomorrow night one man is bound for glory and the other will….see Clay Aiken and Daughtry as role models. At worst they’ll end up hosting the pre-show on the TV Guide Channel with Justin.
The show opens with Kris and Adam’s first appearance at the auditions. We get a non-musical montage of their earlier songs. Ryan declares this the final performance show. The Nokia Theater is packed. Ryan declares it the battle between the acoustic rocker versus the glam rocker. Randy wears a semi-plaid suit with a checkered shirt? What? Simon Cowell has decided to not wear my grandfather’s old white t-shirt. He’s got a suit jacket and white shirt. He must have had to take out a bank loan on a new Yugo.
Ryan brings out Adam and Kris. Kris won a coin toss and will go second. Each guy will sing three songs: a personal choice, a song picked by executive producer Simon Fuller and each does “No Boundaries.” This new song was written by Kara. How can a song with such a lame title not live up to the “Moment Like This” clones that have dominated the original songs?
Ryan runs tape of Adam Lambert’s parents talking about as a baby he screamed for hours. They have a Coca-Cola logo burned on the screen. For his personal pick, Lambert has decided to once more do Tears For Fear’s “Mad World.” He gets lifted up by a riser into a smoke covered stage. He walks down the stage. He’s got the Twilight look going with the black overcoat. He’s keeping it subtle. He holds back on nailing the Axl notes. The arrangement elevates the song better than the first go around. The risk of repeating pays off. Randy loves that he came out and showed his sensitive side. He rates in an A plus. Kara calls him an incredible artist. He rocked it again. Anthony Hopkins in the crowd. Paula is proud of him. The wife points out how she needs a little more tan. Simon thought it was over theatrical with a Phantom of the Opera vibe. Simon hates the Broadway even though Broadway loves American Idol alumni. But of course Simon doesn’t make that much coin when his clients hit the Great White Way.
Kris Allen didn’t like to sing in front of his family. His parents had to pay more than a quarter. Now they have coupons to get him to sing on demand. Kris Allen’s personal pick is “Ain’t No Sunshine.” He goes for the piano. They have the piano set up so he’s in profile to the crowd. He’s not making eye contact with the audience. Why couldn’t they angle it a bit so the folks could see both of his eyes as he plays and sings? He’s doing performing it well. But it’s almost too sweet and clean. I don’t think is woman has gone anywhere. They have “Kris’s Family and Friends.” Simon Fuller doesn’t want to point out that his wife is clapping too? Randy thinks it’s one of his best performances ever on the stage. Kara talks about being moved by a Kris Allen performance. Paula talks about him “Allenizing” the song. Is that like Simonizing? Simon admits he wasn’t sure if America had made the right choice when they picked Kris. But he takes it back after that performance. Simon calls round one for Kris.
I’m not sure which film is going to be lamer: Night at the Museum: Battle for the Smithsonian or Land of the Lost. There’s just way too many unfunny moments being hyped. Both of these films seem like they’ll be getting repeated way too many times on TBS in the coming years. Why burn $10 now? What could save Land of the Lost is a little Chaka on Sleestak love. I’d be there for the first midnight screening if they could promise that or Will Ferrell being eaten in a Cannibal Holocaust moment.
Simon Fuller has chosen Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Going to Come” for Adam Lambert. Is he trying to say something by this selection? Adam’s got the grey suit giving him that soul man appeal. He’s doing a little Axl action to take the song up a notch. This is not the range used by Sam Cooke. He really soars on the final “a change is going to come” line. Randy says it’s a great song. He declares Adam sang his face off. Kara thinks it’s his best mix of high notes and emotion made it a winning combination. Paula calls it the best she’s ever heard him sing. She makes a helicopter motion. He’s in awe of his talent. She declares that no matter the outcome, Adam will be iconic. Simon says Adam is 100% back in the game.
Katie Holmes is in the crowd. Where’s Tom Cruise?
Kris Allen does Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On?” He’s got the acoustic guitar at the foot of the stage with a few drums and the bass. The strings do kick in. He’s working the smooth Jason Mraz sound. Randy thinks this is a real live duel competition. He felt it was a little light for this big competition. Kara feels Kris has been true to himself. She says things Paula thinks he made Marvin Gaye proud. Simon felt it was three friends in their bedroom strumming along to Marvin Gaye. He was too laid back. Ryan says there’s a lot of symbolism in tonight’s song choices. Hmmm. Is that a hint about the subtext of Adam singing about that “Change?” Simon declares round 2 for Adam.
How much corn is inside a McDonald’s McCafe Latte? When did it become cool to hang out at McDonald’s drinking coffee? The only reason I ever hung out at a coffeeshop was to hook up with coffeeshop girls. I can’t imagine making it with a woman wearing a McDonald’s uniform. Although I once lusted for a lady in a Kenny Rogers Roasters’ jersey. Maybe that was the power of “Coward of the County?”
Ryan is hanging out with all the kids that were kids kicked off the show. They have all 11 losers from this season.
Adam Lambert comes out to sing Kara’s “No Boundaries.” The drum track sounds like he’s scrapping the microphone. This song is putrid. “Make it through the pain – through all the hurricanes” is just too damn inspirational. Adam’s doing his best to add emotion to a sloshy cliche ridden song. The lyrics are culled from every self-help book’s affirmation section. My wife thinks Adam might want to lose so he won’t have to sing this monstrosity ever again. Randy swears he can sing the phonebook, but at was not one of his favorite performances. Kara admits that Cathy Dennis also co-wrote this song. She’s moved by what he did to their song. Paula is in awe of what he sings and she’ll be a fan forever. Simon jokes about the mountains and the hurricanes. He won’t judge the song. He says Adam was one of the best. He feels he found a worldwide star in Adam.
Cathy Dennis sang D Mob’s “C’mon and Get My Love” back in ’89. She’s been signed to Simon Fuller’s management company for 20 years. She wrote Britney Spears’ “Toxic” and Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” “No Boundaries” is not nearly as catchy as either of those tunes. At least she’s making Simon Fuller a buck.
Kris takes a whack at “No Boundaries.” He tones the music down. He’s got the piece sounding like a Michael Bolton epic without the growl. A few times the words get jammed up. But the lyrics do suit his style of singing. Randy said the key was a little high. He is an amazing competitor. Randy thinks the song suited him better. Kara admits the song was the wrong key for him. She hopes people vote on the season. Paula thinks he did an amazing job and deserves where he is. Simon thinks the highlight was the first song. He’s impressed by how Kris has grown in confidence. Ryan asks if he did enough. Ryan declares that him and Adam weren’t competing. They were putting on a show for the people. They understand there’s no losers. There’s just one of them being stuck with “No Boundaries” as their first single.
The recap has Adam hitting the big high notes. Kris gets his mellow moments replayed.
Ryan tells us to choose carefully when dialing. Remember back in 1998 when America chose to give the crown to Biz Markie? Carrie Underwood is dragged out to do a live version of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home.” Couldn’t they get her to duet it with Vince Neil? There’s a montage of the folks who didn’t make it. There’s Nick Mitchell. And Bikini Girl. And that girl whose name escapes me and I’m too lazy to look up in my old posts. But she’s there.
Who deserves to win it all?
I’m picking Kris Allen since there will be more talk about why Adam Lambert didn’t win. They’ll blame Simon Fuller for having Adam sing “A Change Is Going to Come.” He spooked blue hairs into reading too much into the selection. Old people don’t want much change especially not that kinda change.
