Pulse Wrestling’s Real-Time RAW Coverage – 05.25.09

Welcome Pulse Readers to tonight’s real-time coverage of WWE RAW! I’ll be here and on my Official Twitter Page all evening. You can follow me on Twitter by looking at my Twitter feed at the bottom of this live report.

Here is what is on tap for tonight’s RAW:

Mr. McMahon calls out Stan Kroenke
Ric Flair calls out Randy Orton
Ten Men “NBA Playoffs” Tag Team Match 

It’s Memorial Day here in the U.S. and RAW is LIVE from the Staples Center!  Meanwhile, I’m following NBA Playoffs coverage, so we’ll get some results from that game whenever I’m willing to do that.

The Staples Center looks full tonight.  Michael Cole says that we are at capacity, and he’s joined by Jim Ross since Jerry Lawler will be in the main event tonight.  Coming out to “Hail to the Chief” is E. Stan Kroenke, so this will be interesting.  The Laker’s owner, the NBA Commissioner, and someone else is also in attendance tonight. HAHA.  As you can expect, Kroenke is attracting a lot of heel heat.  Hell, this actor sucks.  Michael Cole would had been a better Kroenke.  He makes fun of the Vince v. Stan graphic.  

He’s interrupted by Vince McMahon, who walks like only he can.  He has an idea of a new basketball league.  Eat your heart out, XFL…it’s the XBA!  It’ll be a total failure since Vince will have Kroenke run it.  He says that all this would have been prevented had Stan called Vince up and admit to having a problem.  He starts to talk about his name.  Starting with the “E.”, Vince says it stands for En0s.  En0s jokes all around.  Enus rhymes with Venus and Genius.  He has “En0s envy”.  Welcome back to the inappropriate **** jokes.  Vince shoves Kroenke out of the ring and that segment is over.

Wait a second, not yet.  The Miz…of all people interrupts him.  He has something important to say to the WWE Fans.  He talks about L.A. and says that he resides in Cleveland, Ohio, where the Cavs will win it all because LeBron James is awesome.  He works in Cena in all this, comparing him to Kobe Bryant.  He’ll run Cena out of town and become 6-0 because the WWE is where the Miz happens.

John Cena has heard enough and he walks out towards the ring.  Legacy cuts Cena off in the past and it becomes a 3-on-1.  Batista comes out and nails spinebusters for everyone.  Big Show comes out and he takes care of Batista and Cena.  Jerry Lawler comes out and he gets creamed by Big Show.  Batista & Cena are up and they toss out the Big Show.

Kelly Kelly walks to the ring for the Divas Title match…UP NEXT!

Commercials.
Nuggets lead the Lakers 10-5 in the 1st quarter. 

WWE Rewind: Kelly Kelly wins the Divas Battle Royal last week on RAW!

Kelly Kelly v. Maryse
WWE Divas Championship

The bell sounds and we get a pose down to start.  Maryse is OFFENDED and she spears Kelly down.  Tilt-a-Whirl backbreaker and we get a non-chalent cover for two.  A proper cover gets two.  Maryse toys around with Kelly and she smashes her face on the canvas.  She goes back to the hair and Kelly is in trouble.  Kelly turns the tables and she takes Maryse down.  Handspring elbow connects in the corner.  Kelly gets two and WE GET A CAT FIGHT!  Maryse begs off and she takes a powder to adjust her top.  Maryse takes and she throws Kelly on the announcers table.  At the count of five, Maryse shoves her over the table and she gets back in the ring looking for the countout win, but the referee DQ’s her instead!

Winner via DQ: Kelly Kelly
Grade: D+

Kelly Kelly comes back in the ring and she takes Maryse out.  She rolls out of the ring, escaping from Kelly Kelly. 

Commercials.
Nuggets 17; Lakers 11 

We’re back and the Bella Twins hang out with Jack Nickelson.  Goldust and Horny are added to the segment and they want acting lessons.  We play the whole “You Can’t Handle the Truth” skit and Nickelson actually likes it.  Goldust goes crazy.

We recap the happenings with Ric Flair and Randy Orton from last week.  Meanwhile, Ric Flair is getting ready.  Batista tries to stop him, but Flair doesn’t want to hear it.  Batista wants Ric to call Randy out after Batista hurts him.  Flair is offended and he says that he is going to call him out in a matter of moments.

Commercials.
19-13 Nuggets – winding down the 1st quarter. 

RAW was the #1 show on cable TV last week, beating out its nearest competition by over a million viewers.  That’s good and all, but here’s our next match!

Matt Hardy v. William Regal v. Kofi Kingston
WWE United States Championship #1 Contender’s Match

The bell sounds and Kofi goes after Matt.  Regal stops it and he takes care of Kofi while Matt takes a powder out of the ring.  Kingston goes corner to corner and he eats a clothesline for a one count.  Regal with an uppercut in the corner.  Pillar to post we go again, but Kofi gets out of it.  Regal throws Kofi, but he bounces off the ropes.  He goes for the double leg drop, but Hardy pulls the leg and Regal & Kofi take each other out.  Hardy covers Regal for two; then Kofi for two.  Regal gets tossed from the ring and MVP makes his way to ringside.

Commercials.
24-19 Nuggets – 2nd quarter

We’re back and Regal has Kofi in a headlock.  Kofi gets up, but Regal hits a suplex.  Hardy gets a sunset flip for one and Regal works on the arm.  Kofi misses a sunset flip on Regal and Hardy tosses Regal out of the ring.  Neckbreaker on Kofi connects and Regal breaks the pin up.  Kofi and Regal get into a fight, and Kofi sends Regal to the corner.  Hardy comes back and Regal works on the broken arm.  Regal drops the knee on the cast and Hardy takes a breather.  Kofi gets elevated, but lands on the apron.  Missile Dropkick gets two for Kofi and Hardy gets back into the fray.  Kofi takes Matt down and he goes for the Double leg drop.  He gets the cover and gets two.  Kofi springboards on the turnbuckle.  Exploder suplex by Regal to Kofi and Hardy hits Side Effects on both men.  Twist of Fate gets countered by Regal and Hardy goes down on the cast.  Regal runs…TROUBLE IN PARADISE!  Matt breaks it up.  Matt with the cast and Kofi ducks it and hits the Trouble in Paradise earns the title opportunity for Kofi!

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: B

MVP approves.

Ric Flair walks.

Commercials
40-29 – Nuggets are stomping the Lakers!

Snickers Moment: Ric Flair gets involved and Batista pins Randy Orton last week!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ric Flair comes out and he talks on how Randy sucker punched him last week. He calls Orton out for a fight if he’s man enough.  Ask and you shall receive.  Randy comes out onto the stage with a microphone. Randy won’t come out to face Ric because he lowered himself to punching him.  Orton says that it is over.  He lays down the dirty saying that Trips kept Ric around cause he felt sorry for him.  Now everyone is feeling sorry for Ric and it is over.  Randy gets in Ric’s face and says it again.  Flair slaps Randy silly and Randy has his way with him.  Batista comes out to save Ric and Ric wants some of Orton.  It’ll be over for Batista at Extreme Rules…

Wait for it…

KENNEDY!!!!

Mr. Kennedy comes out on the stage and he looks up for his microphone. Randy is not amused.  Kennedy says that Randy looks surprised.  Randy thinks it’s over, but it is just getting started.  Tonight is the official return of Mr. Kennedy!  HE’S THE MYSTERY PLAYER FOR TONIGHT’S MAIN EVENT!  Randy walks away disgusted and he finishes it. 

Commercials.
Lakers close the gap; down 46-42 in the final moments of the first half. 

We’re back and we get a view of Vince’s star on the Walk of Fame.

Time for a mixed tag team match! Up for grabs is a stipulation for the Vickie/Santina rematch at Extreme Rules!

Santino Marella & Mickie James v. Chavo Guerrero & Beth Phoenix (w/Rosa Mendez)

Chavo wastes time in attacking Santino from the get go.  He gets a quick cover for two following a suplex.  Santino gets taken to the heel corner where Beth takes care of Santino.  Chavo goes for a splash, but Santino ducks and in comes Beth & Mickie, per the rules.  Mickie takes care of Beth, but Chavo stops it.  Santino takes Chavo out and Beth gets distracted.  Mickie rolls Beth up for the win.

Winners: Santino Marella & Mickie James
Grade: D 

Santino has a microphone and he is interrupted by Vickie Guerrero.  She wants to let Santino know that Chavo will be in her corner.  Santino doesn’t care as he makes some kind of pole match.  But, he has the best match…A HOG PEN MATCH!  Vickie & Santina will be with the pigs at Extreme Rules!

Backstage, Big Show lets Miz know that he doesn’t like him.  He’s okay if Miz wants to mix it up with Cena.  However, Big Show wants to make Cena submit tonight.  Miz gets a little smart mouth and almost pays for it.

Commercials.
Nuggets 52; Lakers 45 – Halftime

 We’re back and we recap what happened earlier tonight.  

Goldust makes his way to the ring for tag team action.

Goldust & Hornswoggle v. THE Brian Kendrick & Festus

Weird. The bell rings and Horny tags in to face Festus.  Festus is confused and Kendrick is pissed off.  Kendrick slaps Festus in for a tag and he swats away at Horny.  Small package gets two and Kendrick follows with a dropkick.  DDT on the reversal on Kendrick and Goldust cleans house.  Atomic Drop connects and so does the lariat.  Kendrick beats Goldust to the punch and he looks for a tag, but Festus is pissed off.  Kendrick SLAPS Festus and the ref does not count that as a tag.  Tadpole Splash connects and Goldust seals it with the Final Cut.

Winners: Goldust & Hornswoggle
 Grade: F

Kendrick yells at Festus and he brings a chair into the ring.  One of the Colons, who were at ringside, goes to ring the bell and Festus is enraged.

The main event is NEXT!

Commercials.
Nuggets up by three – 56-53 in the 3rd. 

We’re back to the show and the card to Extreme Rules is being shown.

I’m a bit behind tonight and I apologize for this.  I had something come up.  It’s 74-63 Nuggets as the third quarter winds down as I type this.

We get a voice of the Laker’s announcer for the main event..

The Nuggets: Miz, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, The Big Show, & Randy Orton
VERSUS
The Lakers: MVP, Jerry Lawler, Mr. Kennedy, John Cena, & Batista

The bell sounds and Lawler starts off with Rhodes.  Rhodes gets aggressive, but Lawler hits a scoop slam.  In comes Batista and he posts Rhodes.  Shoulder thrusts connect and Rhodes goes pillar to post.  Snapmare connects and that’s followed with a big boot.  Tag to MVP and he tees off on Rhodes in the corner.  Rhodes telegraphs MVP and that is the opening he needed.  Tag to DiBiase and DiBiase works over MVP.  Flapjack to DiBiase by MVP, but Orton gets a blind tag and hits the 3.0 Backbreaker.  Show takes out MVP on the outside before tossing him back in for an Orton two count.  We take a commercial break here.  Upon the return, DiBiase has a chinlock on MVP.  MVP tries to fight out of it and he hits a jawbreaker.  Miz tags in and he isolates MVP.  He locks on the head and he drives the air out from him.  MVP comes back, but Miz is ready.  Miz gets thrown across the ring and MVP tags in Kennedy.  Kennedy throws the rights and Miz goes down.  Roundhouse kick by Kennedy gets two and he sets Miz up for the Plunge, but Legacy takes out Kennedy, smashing him into the security wall.  Back inside, Miz covers for two.  Orton gets the tag and he beats down Kennedy.  He dissects Kennedy and Cena tries to rally the troops.  Cover by Orton and that gets two.  Big Show comes in and Kennedy is really in trouble.  Show sccops Kennedy down and drops the elbow for two.  Kennedy tries to fight back, but he is denied.  Rhodes gets tagged in and he continues on the punishment for a second.  DiBiase gets tagged and he does his own handy work.  Tag to Rhodes and they hit a double fist to the gut.  Kennedy kicks out at two and in comes Miz.  Back to the chinlock, but Kennedy gets out of it.  Miz shoves Kennedy into the corner and Kennedy tries to fight back.  DiBiase covers for two.  The Nuggets are running away with both the match and the game, leading 85-71 in the 4th.  DiBiase locks on the neck tightly and Kennedy gets up.  DiBiase gets a clothesline to stop the comeback.  Orton comes back and he covers for two.  Kennedy is not going to quit.  I’m losing count on how many chinlocks and headlocks we’ve seen in this match.  Randy gets a dropkick for two, interrupted by Batista.  Orton tries the chinlock, but Kennedy counters with a back suplex.  Orton tags in Rhodes and IN COMES CENA!  He cleans house, and he tags in MVP.  Stereo Ballin’ and Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Lawler gets a right hand as things go awry.  Playmaker connects and MVP picks up the win for the Lakers!  DiBiase comes in and he hits the Dream Street on MVP.  Kennedy answers with the Mic Check on DiBiase.  Orton comes in and RKO’s Kennedy.  Batista looks for the Bomb, but Big Show stops it.  Cena and Batista hits a double suplex on Big Show and the Lakers celebrate.

Winners: The Lakers
Grade: A (entertainment purposes)

The Lakers celebrate in the ring while the Nuggets are running away with it, up by 16 with 8:30 left in the 4th quarter.  That’s the last in-game update I’ll bring you tonight.

Show over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

The Lakers d. The Nuggets: A
Goldust & Hornswoggle d. Kendrick & Festus: F
 Mickie James & Santino Marella d. Beth Phoenix & Chavo Guerrero: D
Kofi Kingston d. Matt Hardy & William Regal: B
Kelly Kelly d. Maryse via DQ: D+

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 05.25.09: C

Tonight was rather enjoyable, well…if you enjoy the nice fact that while the WWE got one up on Kroenke tonight, the Nuggets are beating the Lakers.  We’ll hear this in the mainstream media tomorrow, so enjoy it while it lasts.  Catch you Thursday when I dissect TNA Sacrifice…on Total Nonstop Weekly!