Welcome Pulse Readers to tonight’s real-time coverage of WWE RAW! I’ll be here and on my Official Twitter Page all evening. You can follow me on Twitter by looking at my Twitter feed at the bottom of this live report.
RAW…IS…TRUMPED!
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We recap what happened last week on the RAW Three-For-All. That includes Randy Orton winning the WWE Title, Vince McMahon selling RAW to Donald Trump, Triple H winning the Battle Royal, and the announcement of Trips v. Orton in a Last Man Standing match on tonight’s RAW.
Gotta love the new RAW Video. It’s Trumped.
This isn’t RAW…it’s TRUMP RAW! Lillian Garcia introduces Donald Trump, who takes his time before hitting the stage. He welcomes us to the show and he loves owning RAW. It’s our show, not his show, however. He reminds us of the commercial-free jazz. He says the fans are getting better World Championship matches than Vince would ever dream of giving. After the show is over, Trump is going to refund everyone whatever they paid to see RAW. The price tag for that is around $245,000.
John Cena comes out to the ring and he STOPS THE PRESSES! He takes his hat off for Trump and he pimps our main event. He talks about how Trump put Cena in a match against the Big Show. Boooooo. But eh, free money rocks. In a couple minutes, he made a statement…which is more than anyone can try to do.
Cena directs us to the Tron where the Miz is mocking Cena day in, day out. He chalks it up to being an interesting person. So he wants him to come out and see what kind of garbage he can spew this week. The Miz has nothing else to say because Cena has done nothing and he is a coward. Cena turns it around for the Miz and he walks closer to the ring. Huge “You Suck” chants directed at Miz as he gets in Cena’s face. He calls him a coward to his face and Cena is loving this. He tells us that this is the part where Miz would be picking up his teeth. Hell, Cena is in a good mood tonight so he’ll give the Miz what he wants. The good news is that the Miz will main event his first pay-per-view against Cena. The bad news is the same thing. Cena brings up being booed out of Hammerstein and how he dealt with 80,000 booing fans at the biggest stage of them all. Love him or hate him, Cena is awesome. Six days…the Miz will find out that the real world has been canceled. The Miz goes from reality show has-been to a WWE never-was. Cena tells Miz to hope and pray that he makes it out of the Bash in one piece. The Miz takes a cheap shot at Cena and he runs away. Cena is smiling.
Earlier today, Vince McMahon is on his cell phone having car troubles. Vince is apalled that he’s a block or so away from the arena and he still won’t walk. He gets too close to the limo driver. Oh God…Vince gets on the limo driver and they try to piggyback, but that fails. Vince stares at the limo we go to our in-show advertisements from KFC. Pour some BBQ sauce on those, J.R.
Time for some action, courtesy of SmackDown.
Jeff Hardy, The Great Khali, & Rey Mysterio v. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, & Edge
Where’s Punk? Oh, nevermind. CM Punk comes out to ringside to watch the bout in progress. Khali and Ziggler come to blows and and Khali owns him, so he tags in Jericho and he doesn’t fare well. Neither does Edge. One by one, they all go out. Hardy goes up and over on the three men and Rey climbs on Khali to take his dive. They talk Khali to take a dive, but Jericho stops it. Khali tags out to Mysterio and he takes it to Jericho. Enzugiri by Mysterio and he goes for the 619. Edge stops it and Jericho covers Jericho for two. Punk samples the chicken and Ziggler takes it to Mysterio. Tag to Edge and he continues the assault. Mysterio catches Edge in the act and he hits him in the face. Ziggler and Hardy come in and Hardy takes out everyone. Atomic Drop connects and he goes for the Twist of Fate. Edge comes in and he spears Hardy. Punjabi Plunge is blocked. Codebreaker connects on Khali, but he does not fall. Spear to Khali! 619 to Edge! Rey hits the Asai Moonsault on Edge! Twist of Fate and Swanton Bomb connects on Ziggler, who takes the fall.
Winners: Hardy, Khali, & Mysterio
Grade: C+
Punk raises Hardy’s hand in the air and Hardy won’t have any of that.
Vince is here! He knocks on Trump’s door and hilarty ensues with Santina Marella. He slaps her and he is pissed off that Donald is giving the fans their money back. Vince asks if it’s his office, but it is infact Trump’s. Vince’s office is down the hall. He fires Santina! HA HA HA! Santino Marella overhears it and he runs, but he misses her. She had a good run.
We take a small break within the program as the chicken gets more attention than anything.
Time to get Cool.
Primo (w/Carlito) v. Cody Rhodes (w/Ted DiBiase)
They mock Legacy like no one else could. They talk something about oiling Randy’s body and being in a groupie. Cool. The bell sounds and they lock up. Rhodes gets the upperhand in the early going. Primo comes back with an arm wringer as well. They fight in the corner and we’re ensured that this match won’t be long. I hate those countdown clocks. Rhodes backs Primo’s head into the corner and he takes him down. Knee drop to the temple and the King is confused. More chicken jokes fly and Rhodes take Primo out of the ring. Rhodes gets a two count on the cover. Chinlock applied and Primo is reeling. Primo comes back and he sends Rhodes in the corner. Spinning elbow gets two for Primo. Jacknife Cover gets two as well and Rhodes kicks some teeth in. Side Russian Leg Sweep gets two and Primo gets a roll up for two. Crossbody connects and Rhodes rolls over, grabbing the tights for the win.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Grade: C+
Hornswoggle and Goldust play games with Vince and they give Vince a wig. They point him to his office, which is a bathroom stall. Seems that Festus just finished using the stall and he gives him a newspaper. Poor Vince.
We get a video hyping the next match…for the WWE Championship. Time for me to catch up.
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Triple H v. Randy Orton©
WWE Championship Last Man Standing
Orton goes emo on Trips, but Trips comes back and he schools him. Trips sends Orton to the ring post and he falls out of the ring. Orton goes head first on the commentator table and Trips hits a spinebuster. Orton gets up quickly and Orton counters the pedigree and he tosses Trips out of the ring. He was favoring his knee, but Randy plays the rool. Trips sends Orton rib first on the barricade and WE GO TO THE FANS! Orton gets up at five and he gets blindsighted by Trips. Orton begs foff and he sends Trips over the barricade, landing on the knee. Orton capitalizes on the knee and the ref starts the count. Trips is up at four, but Orton kicks the steps at Trips. Orton grabs the stairs and he hits Trips in the head with it. He is up at eight and Orton continues on the leg. They brawl in the corner, but Trips goes down again and Orton stomps away at the knee. Knee drop connects. A second go around is countered and Orton’s leg is hurt. Orton wraps the leg around the steel post and he continues the assault. Orton grabs a chair and he Trips kicks it in his face! Orton gets the chair again, playing hooky and he bashes Trips with the chair. Down he goes and the referee counts. Orton stops it at eight and he continues the attack. The announce table gets taken apart and Orton bashes Trips on the table. Orton looks for a RKO, but Trips hits a low blow! Trips looks for a Pedigree, but Orton counters to a RKO on the table! Shockingly, the table doesn’t break. Both men are down and Orton is back up. Trips rolls off the table and lands on his feet. Orton charges…BACK BODY DROP ON THE TABLE! Both men are down again. Both men get up, but Trips is ready with a TV monitor. He connects with Orton’s skull. No count there. They fight on the ramp. Trips bashes Orton’s head off the steel barricade and the knee gives out again. Orton kicks at the leg, but Trips PLANTS ORTON WITH A SPINEBUSTER! Trips is back up and referee is at eight. Orton BARELY makes the count. Orton counters ANOTHER Pedigree attempt with a Back Body Drop and Trips has to be dead. Trips rolls off the ramp and lands on his feet to break the count. They brawl on their knees in a cool spot. He bashes Trips’ head against the steel and he gets into the viper stance. RKO Attempt is blocked and Orton gets sent over the barricade and near the electrical equipment. Trips has a ladder? Orton DUCKS AND TRIPS TAKES OUT A CREW MEMBER! SICK SICK SHOT! Orton cares less and he goes after Trips. Orton moves the crew member out of the way so he can get the ladder. He uses the ladder on the injured leg and follows with a shot in the head. Orton looks to sandwich Trips’ leg in between the ladder. He repeatedly stomps the ladder and he looks to have taken Trips out for good. Orton asks the ref to stop the count at nine and he sets the ladder up. Orton gets on the ladder and he looks for a SUPER RKO, but Trips counters! He tosses the ladder at Orton and he hits the Pedigree! Both men are down! The 10 count rings and both men are not up.
Result: Draw
Grade: A-
Randy Orton Retains the WWE Title via default
Trips stomps on Orton for good measure.
Bash pimps.
Maryse gets ready for her match and Miz comes over. She tells him to not waste her time until he does something impressive against Cena. Miz will show just why he is awesome. She tells him again to do something impressive.
MONEY!
Trump is in the ring now. He asks if we’re having a good time. I have mixed reactions. He says again that everyone gets their money back and that everyone at home gets no commercials. He’s not going to appoint a GM, like Vince was going to do. Instead, we get a celebrity host to run RAW. Donald is going to spoil the fans silly and he talks about Wrestlemania 26 already!
Vince McMahon makes his way out to the ring. Vince says that a deal is a deal, but Vince had no idea about what Trump wanted to do. He’s upset that the fans got their money back. Vince says that if Trump did that, in six months…Vince would be bankrupt. He tells Vince that he’ll do whatever he wants. Vince says it’s not fair. Trump says he can easily double his money on RAW. Vince asks how he could be so stupid. Trump played Vince. Vince wants to make a deal. He admits to Trump being smarter than Vince. Vince wants RAW back for the same price Trump paid him for and a handshake. Trump declines. Vince gives him 25% more. Nope. Vince ups it to 50%. Not good enough. Trump won’t even take 75%. Vince offers double the money back and Trump agrees to it. Vince gives Trump a threat and we’re going back to the McMahon/Trump feud. Vince fires Trump and he does not back down. Billionaire bitchslap connects and the suits separate the two.
Vince is pissed off and he chases Legacy out of the EMT room. He tells Randy to just wait until Sunday. Orton says that if Vince had any decency…It’s going to be Three Stages of Hell match at the Bash. First fall is a standard match; second fall is a Falls Count Anywhere match; and if needed…the final fall is a STRETCHER MATCH! Holy almighty.
Kofi Kingston v. Matt Hardy v. MVP – Triple Threat US Title match on SUPERSTARS this Thursday!
Time for some Divas and the Trump logo disappears!
Mickie James & The Bella Twins v. Maryse, Rosa Mendez, & Beth Phoenix
Mickie James slaps Maryse, but it’s her and Rosa Mendez starting out. Mickie does a cartwheel and Rosa tags to Beth. They lock up and Mickie gets into a torture rack. She gets out of it and Beth shoves her down. Tag to one of the Bella Twins. Beth does nothing and she tags Rosa in. Hurrancurana connects and Rosa gets sent to her corner. The other Bella tags in and the heels take advantage. Rosa gets a cover for two. Maryse comes in and she tees off on Bree Bella. She bashes Bree’s head in the canvas and she gets on a sexy chinlock. Tag to Rosa and she hits a snapmare. More chicken jokes. Rosa gets a knee lift and Bree makes a comeback. Tag to Mickie James and she takes Rosa to school. Neckbreaker connects and Beth breaks it up. Stereo Dropkicks by the Bellas and Maryse causes a distraction SUPER KICK BY MICKIE! That is all.
Winners: The Bella Twins & Mickie James
Grade: C-
USA loves the idea of commercial free, so they’ll air National Treasure commercial free tomorrow night!
We get video of Cena at a Cubs game recently.
The King and Michael Cole are in the ring pimping the Bash.
Big Show v. John Cena
More chicken jokes. The bell sounds and they do a staredown. Cena piefaces Show and he takes it to him in the opening moments. Show gets sent out of the ring. Show scoops Cena up on the outside and drops him on his shoulder. Back in the ring, Show spears Cena off his boots. Show follows up by standing on his neck. Suplex connects and Show gets a two count. Gut shot connects and Cena is reeling. Chop in the corner and Show takes him to another corner. Cena comes out of it and Show looks for a one man electric chair drop! Show dissects Cena’s ribs a bit. Cena comes back and he has Show in a headlock. Show counters, as usual, and gets two. Show punches the gut and he looks to charge at Cena. He squashes Cena and he looks for the end. Cena misses and here comes SUPER CENA! Show extends his arm and Cena crashes into it. Big leg drop connects and Cena STILL KICKS OUT! Show chokes Cena out for a four count. Corner to corner we go and Cena comes back again with the Protobomb! Top rope Fame-Asser connects and it is time for Five Knuckle Shuffle! Show comes back and he hits a chokeslam…but only gets two! So Show steps on Cena and he looks for the Bonzai Drop. He connects and Cena rolls to his side. He looks for the Cobra Clutch, but CENA LOCKS ON A REAL STF! The Miz tries to interfere, but Cena decks him. Attitude Adjustment is countered with help of the Miz and Show falls on Cena for the three count.
Winner: Big Show
Grade: C-
The Miz comes in the ring and he talks trash at Cena. He mocks the You Can’t See Me hand gesture and he spits in his face.
Randy Orton takes his bags and heads to his car. Trips attacks from behind and he drops the trunk lid on the back of Orton’s neck. Trips tells Randy that he’ll go to Hell this Sunday.
Show over.
The WWE RAW Report Card
Big Show d. John Cena: C-
Mickie James & The Bella Twins d. Maryse, Rosa Mendez, & Beth Phoenix: C-
Randy Orton v. Triple H went to a draw: A-
Cody Rhodes d. Primo: C+
Jeff Hardy, Great Khali, & Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho, Dolph Ziggler, & Edge: C+
Penalty: Trump/McMahon diatribe
The Final Grade for WWE RAW: C
I had strong hopes for RAW tonight. For the most part, it was a slight disappointment. The Last Man Standing match was better than it had any right to be and it was better than the last Trips/Orton matches this year. I’m intrigued with the Three Stages of Hell match at the Bash, but the Trump era lasted as long as a bucket of Kentucky Grilled Chicken.
Have a good week.
