Pulse Wrestling ECW Report 07.09.09

Pulse Wrestling ECW Report 07.09.09

The SYFY debut on Tuesday pushed our ECW broadcast to Thursday this week, and I’ll be filling in for the report tonight. Let’s get to it!

Tonight we’ll have a #1 contender’s match between Christian and Vladimir Koslov.

The Bella Twins come out to apparently cut a promo. They confuse us by introducing themselves as each other’s name. I guess I’m the only one who notices that one has a gigantic crotch tattoo that always sticks out of her pants. Oh here is Katie Lee Burchill with new music and face paint.

Katie Lee Burchill vs. Nikki Bella w/Bree Bella
Katie Lee dominates early on, tossing Nikki around. She fights back to some crowd reaction, so I guess the twins are face. The one with the vagina tattoo is on the floor so that must be Bree. Katie Lee goes back on offense, but the twins do the OLE SWITCHEROO and the fresh Bree pins Katie Lee with an X-Factor.
Winner: Nikki Bella

Matt and Josh take us back to last week when Shelton Benjamin channeled ultra racist Asian humor to do a wacky job to Yoshi Tatsu.

Commercial Break

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Shelton Benjamin
Shelton is all business this week and goes right to work on Tatsu. Shelton has almost all the offense, concentrating with punches, kicks and some clotheslines. Yoshi grabs a backslide and Shelton escapes at 2 and slips out of the ring leading into the

Commercial Break

Back and Yoshi hits a cross body block for 2. Shelton picks up Yoshi for a powerbomb then drops him Snake Eyes-style face first on the turnbuckle. Crowd starts with a Yoshi chant as Shelton continues on offense. Shelton just headbutts Yoshi repeatedly. This match plods along. Yoshi with a rollthru for 2, then some flips from the corner for another near fall. Yoshi with a springboard kick from the apron for 2. The duck each other’s roundhouse kicks a few times, then Shelton hits that jumping DDT thing for the pin. Yawn.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin

Video package highlighting Koslov brings us into the

Commercial Break

Raw Rebound with Ted Dibiase.

Ezekial Jackson vs. Jack Meridol
Ezekial is back! I wonder what the nature of his relationship with The Brian Kendrick was that JR always teased. I always assumed he was TBK’s bodyguard. Inset video promo from Ezekial. He kept it short and sweet but he still seemed a bit marble mouthed. Apparently Ezekial is from Ghana, and had a slight accent, but nothing overt. It might have been his first ever WWE mic time? Match begins with Meridol already in the ring. Ezekial tosses Meridol around a bit. You get the idea. Ezekial no sells some kicks and punches. He’s really not doing moves, he’s literally just throwing this guy across the ring methodically. Ezekial hits ROCK BOTTOM which is apparently his finisher and pins Meridol.
Winner: Ezekial

Some tech guys have a fake conversation and something nefarious happens offscreen. We briefly see the Hurricane before he wushes away, and ECW GM Tiffany comes over. Then it ends.

Commercial Break

Minutes ago we see a girl fall off a ladder, and the Hurricane caught her. So THAT’S what happened.

Abraham Washington is back for week 2 baby! Welcome to the Abraham Washington Show! The logo they made for him is really great, it has a Leno-like feel with a city background and a moon. He claims his ratings are higher than Leno and Kimmel and they are trashing talking him all week. He brings out his guest, ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer. Full entrance for Tommy, who shakes Washington’s hands and sits down on the leather couches. Abraham then just unloads fat jokes on Dreamer. Last week he had twins on the show, this week is a guy who is fat! He continues on with fat jokes and Tommy begins poking back. Tommy compliments the “decorum” on the set of the show, and I’m pretty sure he meant décor. Tommy lists a WWE-ified list of famous ECW alums including Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne, then name drops Eddie Guerrero for a pop. Washington asks Dreamer who he thinks will win tonight’s #1 contender’s match, and he picks his friend Christian. As bad as the content is on the Abraham Washington Show is, and it’s really bad, he has good promo skills and has some charisma. Dreamer choosing Christian prompts the Russian Music and the Moscow Mauler comes down to go face to face with Tommy. Cue the music, the segment basically just ends!

Commercial Break

#1 Contender’s Match
Vladimir Koslov vs. Poor, Poor Christian
Seriously, what did this guy do to deserve being left on ECW this long. Dreamer shifted to the announce table. We start this match at 55 past so I’m guessing its not going to be a long one. Lockups to start and Koslov gets the upper hand early. Dreamer says people say his body looks like a bag of milk but he has bruises anyway. Is bag of milk an expression? Christian creates motion around Koslov standing around. I’m getting a bad feeling here. Christian dumps Koslov to the floor and hits a dropkick thru the middle ropes to knock him back a second time. Koslov comes back and tosses Christian back first to the floor from the apron, and then goes back to the ring for a 2 count. Fallaway slam for 2. Dreamer puts over both guys on commentary, and the general theme is that he’s rooting for Christian because he cant beat Koslov. Dreamer spars with Josh who then calls his answers “lame”. Weird. Match moves to the floor, Christian knocks Koslov into the STEEL ringpost and rolls him in. Missile Dropkick from the top back into the ring for 2. Christian to the middle rope, pulls off a turnbuckle pad and gets pulled down into the rack thing again. Christian runs Koslov into the newly exposed turnbuckle, which knocks Koslov silly and into a Killswitch for the pin. Huh, I thought they were going with Koslov.
Winner: Christian

ECW is back at its normal time 10pm EST next Tuesday, we’ll see you then!

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