Welcome Pulse Readers to tonight’s real-time coverage of WWE RAW! I’ll be here and on my Official Twitter Page all evening. You can follow me on Twitter by looking at my Twitter feed at the bottom of this live report.
THE WORLD IS WATCHING
We’re live and rocking as John Cena makes his way out to the ring. He’s out tonight because he is excited. We’re all excited as well. He gets serious as he talks about Night of Champions in what will be the greatest match of all time. He talks on how this was a past Wrestlemania main event and he’s interrupted by Randy Orton. Orton gets in the ring with Cena and he doesn’t know why he is so excited about because he kicked Trips in the skull and pinned Cena for the win. History will repeat itself come Sunday. Cena isn’t paying attention to Orton and he’s more interested with ZZ Top. He talks about Orton hearing voices in his head and that there are about 10,000 voices out in the arena wanting Cena to get a jump start on the fun tonight. It appears that it would happen, but Randy takes the cowards’ way out. He asks Cena that he may want to rethink that. In a moment’s notice, DiBiase and Rhodes surround Cena in the ring. Triple H comes out before anything happens. Orton walks around the ring and he grabs his title as Trips addresses him. Triple H is at a point where he doesn’t care if he wins the title this Sunday. What he cares about…is that Randy doesn’t leave Night of Champions as champion. We get Seth Green has balls joking session. We then get the Lord of the Rings reference about Green getting the last laugh. Randy asks if Cena and Trips wants to make the tag match a handicap match. Oh God, Cena is talking goofy and they talk about how it isn’t a good idea to do that. They end up accepting and that is that.
We go to ZZ Top who is ready to rock. Santino confuses ZZ top and they have something for Santino. They make Santino an honorary member of ZZ Top. I think I can handle this tonight. Santino rocks out while we go to break.
Castrol GTX Moment: Big Show eats Evan Bourne for lunch last week.
Our next match is sponsored by Dave & Buster’s.
Six Man Tag Team Match: Kofi Kingston, Primo, & MVP v. Jack Swagger, Carlito, & Big Show
Just announced: Carlito v. MVP v. Big Show v. Miz v. Jack Swagger v. Kofi Kingston at Night of Champions for the US Title!
The bell sounds and it’s Kingston & Swagger beginning the match. Swagger takes his amateur style to Kofi, but Kofi counters to a rollup for two. Tag to MVP and they double team Swagger. Carlito comes in and gets taken out. MVP goes Ballin’ on Swagger, who exits the ring. Break time.
We’re back and Swagger has his way with Kingston. We get a tag to Carlito who does some work before tagging in Show. He locks on a headlock and he gets a takeover, sending Kingston down. Tag back to Carlito and he continues the punishment. Kingston kicks out at two and Carlito works the neck. Kofi works a comeback and he eats a dropkick. Tag to Swagger who hits a double leg drop for two. Tag back to Swagger and the referee doesn’t catch another tag to Carlito. Kingston takes care of Carlito and in comes Primo. Primo takes it to Carlito, but he reverses a whip. Lariat by Primo and he takes care of Swagger and Show. Primo off the 2nd rope and Swagger breaks up the fall. MVP takes care of Swagger and Carlito is back up. Show has other ideas as he goes to spear Primo, only to spear Carlito. Kofi and Show takes each other out and Primo hits a springboard headbutt on Carlito for the three.
Winners: Primo, MVP, & Kofi Kingston Grade: C
Post match, Big Show takes care of everyone in the US Title match. This affirms that he is NOT winning Sunday. Thank you WWE for ruining that.
We go back to ZZ Top and Santino. Santino pimps the summer tour that ZZ Top is doing. Enter Chris Jericho, who is a big fan of ZZ Top. ZZ Top doesn’t know anything about Fozzy. They book him against Mark Henry. How is he supposed to do that? The music answers for him.
We’re back and we continue to pimp the ZZ Top summer tour. THE Brian Kendrick talks to Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole inaudibly. Lawler doesn’t care, so Kendrick mouths him. Lillian goes to introduce Kendrick’s opponent, but Jerry Lawler decides to do the honors and he puts himself in the match.
Brian Kendrick v. Jerry Lawler
Kendrick mocks King’s Hall of Fame ring and he eats a right. This pisses Kendrick off and he beats the holy hell out of him. Headlock applied and he sends Lawler to the corner. He locks on a rear naked choke and Lawler gets out of it. The King comes with the jabs and he SCORES A DROPKICK! Kendrick telegraphs Lawler’s attempt of a back drop. Kendrick hits a kick to the temple and goes for “The Kendrick”, but Lawler counters and hits the fist drop for the win. Who did Kendrick piss off?
Winner: Jerry Lawler Grade: F
Josh Matthews has Mickie James on the stage for an interview. She congratulates Maryse for beating her last week. However it’s Night of Champions this Sunday, not Night of Trampions. HAHA! She says that Maryse needs a reality check, and this brings Miz out. He kisses up to Maryse and says that in 10 years, Mickie will be in a waffle house. She asks if Miz gets his jokes on the internet and blows him out of the water by saying that she scored a pinfall on Maryse; but Miz couldn’t score at all. Maryse comes out and she sprays something in Mickie’s eyes and she gets the last laugh. Michael…it’s MARYSE, not MAURICE…you tool.
Mark Henry walks.
We’re back and we pimp the main event. Cena/Trips v. Legacy. It’s now time for Chris Jericho to take on Mark Henry.
Chris Jericho v. Mark Henry
The bell sounds and Jericho wants nothing to do with Henry again. Jericho plays cat and mouse, evading Mark Henry at every turn. We finally get a lock up and Henry tosses Jericho aside. Henry blocks an Irish whip and he military presses Jericho. He steps on Jericho and he enjoys the punishment he is dishing out. He looks to do a corner splash, but Jericho sweeps the leg and instantly takes control. Low dropkick connects, but it doesn’t faze Henry much. Jericho aims for the calf muscle and he mocks Henry. Jericho hits a dropkick and he goes for the legs again to no avail. Dropkick to the leg sends Henry down for two. Jericho goes for a chinlock, but he gets squashed in the corner. Henry charges, but Jericho takes the legs out. Henry comes back and he blocks a Codebreaker attempt and hits the giant swing! Jericho comes back again and hits the bulldog! He goes for the Walls, but Henry sends Jericho out of the ring. Jericho grabs a chair and he uses it on Henry for the DQ.
Winner via DQ: Mark Henry Grade: C-
Henry blocks another chair shot and he shoves Jericho OVER THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Back in the ring, Jericho gains his footing. Codebreaker attempt is countered to the World’s Strongest Slam. Henry tries the “crowd control” trick again this week and it is working.
Back to Santino and ZZ Top and Chavo Guerrero comes in and he complains about facing Hornswoggle the past couple weeks. ZZ Top agrees, so they book him against Hornswoggle again; this time in a Sharp Dressed Man match. The comedy ensues.
We’re back and it’s time for our next match. Kudos to Lillian Garcia for messing her lines up.
Sharp Dressed Man Match: Hornswoggle v. Chavo Guerrero
Chavo Guerrero comes out in his tuxedo and it appears that someone sewed the legs together. Wasn’t Chavo in some slacks before the match? This reeks of Jenna Morasca/Sharmell proportions. Hornswoggle chases Chavo around and he takes the jacket off. Out goes the tie and Hornswoggle kicks away at Chavo. The shirt is next to come off and I’m wondering which is the better match. Chavo takes Hornswoggle down and he takes the jacket off. Next up is the shoe, to which he throws at him. The other shoe comes off and that hits Hornswoggle too. Hornswoggle sends Chavo into the ropes and the pants come off and Chavo is in his Joe Boxers. That’s the match.
Winner: Hornswoggle Grade: Worse than Jenna Morasca/Sharmell last night.
Cena comes inside Trips’ locker room and he asks if he was serious about Trips not caring who wins the title. Of course he wasn’t serious. They are on the same page tonight, but at Night of Champions…all bets are off.
We’re back with ZZ Top. There is something missing. Kelly Kelly comes in and she has legs. She gets kicked off the set by Alicia Fox. She bumps and grinds and Gail Kim takes her turn. Rosa Mendez comes in and she dances. Santino rips off his pants and ZZ Top has had enough. Santino dances away.
We go to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler running down the card to Night of Champions.
We go to the backstage area where Jericho is about to leave. Legacy asks him who his partner is. They belittle him a bit. Jericho responds to them and says that he is better than them. DiBiase says that after they beat Jericho this weekend, Orton just may kick Jericho in the head. Jericho comes back with a witty response: Randy Orton could be his partner.
We’re back and the Shaq Attack is in charge next week.
“The ZZ Top ‘Legs’ Match”: Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim v. Mosa Mendez & Alicia Fox
Kelly and Rosa begins the match. Kelly avoids a charge and she chokes away at Rosa and transitons to a hurracurana. Rosa tags in Alicia uncerimously and Kelly brings her in the hard way. Rollup gets two and Kelly is still on the attack. Gail Kim comes in and she hits a hurrancurana of her own. Gail Kim takes Rosa off the apron and she dives into a kick to the knee. That gets two. Alicia works Gail over before tagging Rosa in. Snap suplex into a cover gets two and she is frustrated. Tag back to Alicia and she gets a snapmare for one. Alicia kicks Gail in the face, but she gets over to Kelly for the tag. Kelly takes Alicia down and she connects with a handspring splash. She drops the leg on the back of Alicia’s neck, but Rosa intervenes. She eats a double dropkick and Gail launches herself out. Alicia catches Kelly with a rollup for three.
Winners: Rosa Mendez & Alicia Fox Grade: D
The main event is next!
Legacy v. Triple H & John Cena
Cena and Rhodes begin the match. Cena punks out Rhodes in the beginning and he beats him to the punch again. Pillar to post we go and Cena makes Rhodes his bitch. Tag to Trips to punctuate the fact. Trips busts out the brainbuster and he drops the knee. In comes DiBiase. Out goes DiBiase. Rhodes comes back and he goes out. Orton comes in and he gets double teamed by Cena and Trips. Legacy comes in and they go out. Break time.
We’re back and as predicted Cena is in trouble. Both men hit clotheslines and we get the KO spot. Tags all around. Trips unloads on Rhodes and he eats the high knee. Then it’s the knee smash. Trips gets stuck in the heel corner, but he fights his way out of it. They toss Trips outside and Orton bashes his head on the steps. Back in the ring, Orton gets a tag and he beats on Trips. They tag each other in and out like wolves and they stomp away at Trips. DiBiase gets in and he kicks Trips in the back of the head for two. He tags in Orton and he stomps away on Trips. Knee drop connects for two. Tag to Rhodes and they continue the beatdown. Rhodes drops the fist for two. He drops the knee this time and gets two as well. Chinlock applied and Trips is reeling. Trips gets the power to get up. He gets close to Cena, but he is so far away as Rhodes prevents the tag. Trips tries again and Rhodes stops it with kidney shots. Trips tries again for a third time and he fails. DDT by Rhodes connects and both men are down. Rhodes tags in Orton and he rolls Trips on his stomach. Orton slithers like a viper, waiting for Trips to get up. it’s countered. Trips comes back and he hits a spinebuster! Both men are down. Cena gets the tag as does Cody Rhodes. Cena hits his moves of doom on Rhodes and takes DiBiase off. Five Knuckle Shuffle connects and Rhodes goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but he decks DiBiase. STF applied and DiBiase takes care of that. Trips comes in and he works over DiBiase. Orton gets the tag and he looks for the punt, but Cena rolls Orton up for the three.
Winners: John Cena & Triple H Grade: B
Cena and Trips stand tall as Orton and Legacy are livid. Cena and Trips shake hands as we go off air.
The WWE RAW Report Card
John Cena & Triple H d. Legacy: B
Rosa Mendez & Alicia Fox d. Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim: D
Hornswoggle d. Chavo Guerrero: F-
Mark Henry d. Chris Jericho via DQ: C-
Jerry Lawler d. THE Brian Kendrick: F
Primo, MVP, & Kofi Kingston d. Jack Swagger, Big Show, & Carlito: C
The FINAL Grade for RAW 7.20.09: D+
The main event was good, but it was the same as what we’ve seen for the past few weeks. Chavo Guerrero gets embarrassed again and Jerry Lawler wins a match. Some people might complain how I rated TNA Victory Road higher than tonight’s RAW, but some of the segments tonight sucked. Chavo Guerrero v. Hornswoggle is ranking as the worst match/feud of 2009. I’ll be back Thursday for 10 Thoughts on Superstars. Have a good week!