I don’t really have an opening monologue for this set, but I would like to take this time to plug Pro Wrestling Press, the free online wrestling magazine that was nuts enough to hire me. I was signed on before the first issue, but because I couldn’t quite get my article defending John Cena against smart marks worded the way I wanted it, it won’t appear until the next issue that I believe comes out in August. But if you like my stuff, check it out because I think I put together a very compelling argument on why John Cena does not deserve the hatred wrestling fans dump upon him. Pro Wrestling Press also features some pretty good interviews and features, including stuff from Scott Keith.
http://www.thewrestlingpress.com/
I’ll also be starting my first pod cast at Inside Pulse next month. The original plan for me was to do shows related to pay per views, but as you might have heard, I’ve stopped buying them in favor of the DVDs that come out about three to four weeks later at one third the price. Instead, the “Way Too Long Podcast” will focus on the ‘News item of the week.’ For those of you who like my stuff, I think you’ll enjoy the program I’m going to put on, plus I’ve already sent out requests for interviews, where I promise I will not pussy-foot around the issues like many interviewers do. I’ll ask the questions that fans want answered, and no topic will be too taboo. Look for it to start in August.
Brief reminder of my scoring system: *** = passing grade, anything less is not worth checking out. I get a lot of feedback on the subject, so I figured I would just say that my star-system is different from that of Scott Keith’s or Dave Meltzer’s. Oh and a correction, as some of the confusion stemmed from me giving Bull Nakano vs. Madusa **1/4 in my review of the Greatest Superstars of the 90s. This was a mistake on my part, as I meant to give it ***1/4, not **1/4. Thanks to Reg for pointing that out.
DISC ONE
We’re hosted by the Miz & Morrison, dating this DVD by several months right out of the gate. At least the bumpers should be entertaining. We get going by Morrison noting that Native Americans said the more nicknames a warrior was given, the more respect they had earned. Both then proceed to give themselves dozens of nicknames. This segs to the opening of the DVD, then they talk about the current state of tag teams, which sucked until they came along. Whoa, I didn’t know this was a shoot video. By the way, I’m ignoring the highlights of the tag teams and going straight to the matches.
Match #1
The British Bulldogs vs. The Hart Foundation
5/23/85 Madison Square Garden
Death Percentage: 25%. This is NOT the same match from Bret’s DVD. I’m still betting we hit at least three-and-a-half stars on this. Dynamite and Bret start, with Bret bailing to the corner before a lockup. They do lockup and Dynamite muscles Bret to the ropes for a break. Another lockup and back to the ropes in vicious fashion. Jesus Christ, it’s just a fucking lockup, Dynamite! Lockup and Dynamite gets a lockup, shot off into a shoulderblock, then a slingshot to the corner by Dynamite and a kneedrop that sends Bret out of the ring. Long, whinny stall by the Harts follows. Back in, lockup and Dynamite grabs a hammerlock, reversed by Bret, but Dynamite runs out of it and sends Bret flying to the floor. Bret finally gives up and tags in Neidhart. Lockup and Neidhart knees Dynamite in the gut and hits a stiff slam on him. Shoot off and Dynamite ducks a clothesline and hits his own slam. The Harts have another conference while Davey Boy tags in, then Neidhart and Davey have a test of strength. Neidhart kicks him and shoots him off, only to get dropkicked and Anvil bails again. Bret tags in after a stall and locks up with Davey. He takes him to the corner and slugs it out. Shoot to the corner but Davey gets away from him and fires off a victory roll for two. Lockup and Davey gets a headlock, shot off by Bret who hits a kitchen-sink kneelift. Elbowdrop and a legdrop by Bret, then a slam into Neidhart’s foot in corner. Tag to Jim who does nothing more complicated then a punch or a kick, then tag to Bret who hits a dropkick. Forearm by Bret and a stomp between the legs. Tag to Neidhart for some punching and then a bearhug. Davey escapes it and makes the tag to Dynamite, who rams the heels into each other. Sick clothesline to Bret, then stiff shots to Neidhart. Dynamite slams Bret by the hair (ouch!) then shoots Neidhart off but runs into a cheap knee from Bret on the apron. Blatant choke by Neidhart who then distracts the ref and allows Bret to drop an elbow off the second rope. Anvil dumps Dynamite between the ropes and then ties up the referee while Bret slams Kid on the floor. Davey comes over to check on him and gets stomped in the head by Bret. These guys are just all kinds of nasty stiff with each other. Back in where Dynamite eats a scoopslam and Neidhart grabs a chinlock. More referee distractions allows Bret to come in without a tag and slam Dynamite around by the face. Hard whip to the corner, and man are the ring ropes loose as hell. Hard whip to the turnbuckle and Davey distracts the referee like a moron. Bret returns the slam by the hair, then drops an elbow off the second rope for two. Backbreaker gets two. Tag to Neidhart for more brawling and a front-facelock. Dynamite tries to muscle his way to the corner while the Garden fans go nuts for the tag, but Bret comes in illegally and cuts it off. Davey has had all he can stands and can’t stands no more, so he chases Bret around while Neidhart beats the poopie out of Dynamite. Things settle down and Bret grabs a choke on Dynamite. Back to the front-facelock, which is a great hold for a power-guy like Neidhart to use to heat the hot tag. Dynamite goes to make the hot tag but Bret distracts the ref and Davey is sent back to his corner. Harts tie Dynamite in the ropes for some easy punches, then Bret shoots Dynamite off. Bret almost botches his end of a back-bodydrop but saves it by dropping Dynamite in front of him and quickly firing off a kneedrop. Backslide by Dynamite out of nowhere gets one as the referee is too stupid to count. Fans are getting pissed at the official. Bret ties Dynamite into the ropes again but misses a charge and wipes himself out. Super hot tag to Davey Boy. Dropkick to Neidhart, the heels get whipped into each other, and a hard whip to Bret in the corner gets two. Press slam gets two as Neidhart saves. Back-breaker and sledge off the second rope combo by the Harts, and Neidhart enters without a tag. Referee doesn’t care, and even Gorilla Monsoon is saying the ref is garbage. Hart Attack of sorts, only Bret comes off the top rope for the clothesline. Awesome. Bret covers but Dynamite comes off the top rope with a headbutt and Davey gets the pin off of it. Huge pop! Jimmy Hart is PISSED because the wrong guy got pinned.
**** These four guys were simply incapable of being anything but great with each other and this is no exception. And man alive, you want to talk about stiff. If you want to see four guys go out there and beat the ever loving shit out of each other just for the art of it, you can’t go wrong with Harts vs. Bulldogs.
Match #2: WCW United States Tag Team Championship vs. IWGP Tag Team Championship
(WCW US Tag Champs) The Steiner Brothers vs. (IWGP Tag Team Champs) Hiroshi Hase & Kensuke Sasaki
3/21/91 New Japan Supershow
Whoa. Seriously? For those who don’t know, this match becomes kind of a shoot at some point. Hase starts with Scott, who trips him up by the leg and grabs leglock. He twists him around on that but they end up in the ropes. Lockup attempt but Scott again takes him down by the leg. Circle and this time Steiner shoots a quick amateur suplex. Scott goes for a slam but Hase wiggles out. Scott goes for a clothesline but Hase ducks and smacks the shit out Scotty with a kick and dumps him with a clothesline of his own. Huge pop for these spots. Both guys tag out, and Sasaki quickly gets a headlock takeover on Rick. Shoot off by Steiner only to get caught in the full powerslam by Sasaki and a SICK seated bulldog. STIFFEST CLOTHESLINE EVER~!! by Sasaki and Rick nearly breaks his neck bumping off it. Hang on because now things start to get ugly as both Steiners are legitimately pissed off by the Japanese being all stiff and stuff and basically quit cooperating. This is something the Steiners are famous for: being the biggest assholes in the ring, always taking one on their opponents. But if someone got stiff with them, they got pissy about it and acted like total twats. In this case, Rick gets up from that nasty clothesline and comically shakes it off. Hase tags in and Rick sandbags him on a suplex attempt and pushes his way to tag in Scott, who’s almost shaking in his anger. Pump handle slam without protection by Scott. He then drags Hase to the corner and hits a Samoan drop off the top rope. Elbowdrop and then a tag to Rick. He slings Hase over his shoulder and rams him full force, stomach-first into the corner. This is just dickish stuff by the Steiners that most people wouldn’t catch, but this match is still fucking badass regardless. Shoot off and a clothesline to the lower neck by Rick. Jesus. Tag to Scott and things seem to settle down as Scott hits a swinging belly-to-belly for two. Slugoff is followed by a DDT by Scott, who then tags Rick. To the corner where Rick loads him up and hits a belly-to-belly throw off the top and an elbowdrop for two. Tag to Scott and Rick slings Hase into Scott’s clothesline for two. Tiger Driver ’94 for two. Tag to Rick, but Hase fights back by kicking Scott in the face and hitting side suplexes (Rock Bottoms) on both brothers. Tag to Sasaki. Dropkicks for all. Complete powerslam to Rick for two but Scott saves and takes this chance to pay back Sasaki for the stiff clothesline to Rick earlier by boxing his ears while breaking up the count. Listen closely and you can hear him say so. Sasaki no-sells Scott’s legit anger and hits a running slam on Rick. Tag to Hase, and then Sasaki superplexes Hase ONTO Scott Steiner. Hase then fires off a northern lights suplex for two. That was Hase’s finisher and so the fans are kind of stunned silent by it. Tag to Scott who comes in with a dropkick and a tilt-a-whirl slam. Tag to Sasaki, and Scott continues to be a total cunt and starts to slug at him as he gets in. Shoot off and Sasaki loads up for a DDT. Scott tries to either sand bag it or shoot off of it, but Sasuki swings it around into a weird, sick looking unprotected neckbreaker that Scott was NOT expecting. I’m sure his bell was rung for that one. Scotty is all buzzed from that so Sasaki loads him up for a top-rope bulldog, which is actually the finishing move of both teams here. But Rick prevents it and the Steiners hit their own version on Sasaki, with added stiffness. Scott could pin him but instead wants to hit the Frankensteiner and does for the pin and IWGP titles. So how on Earth does one rate a match where things broke down so spectacularly?
***1/2 Despite the Steiners’ dickery, if one didn’t know what was going on they would still be highly entertained by the sheer balls-to-the-walls stiffness of this whole thing. It’s too bad it was so short because despite the Americans acting like total twits the match had a nice pace and flow about it.
-Miz and Morrison mock the trophies and haircuts of the Steiners. This then leads to the “Outstanding Aerial Achievement by a Tag Team” award. Ricky Steamboat & Jay Youngblood are first and firing off crossbodies and leapfrogs, back when that was considered high flying. Greg Gagne & Jim Brunzell fire off a bunch of dropkicks and thus get to be included. Tommy Rodgers & Bobby Fulton, the Fantastics, are included. Then the Killer Bees, and if you want to see someone fly just tell Brian Blair that the Iron Sheik is looking for him.
Match #3: Best Two out of Three Falls
The Killer Bees vs. Demolition
10/9/87 Home Video Taping?
Interesting choice for the set. Bruce Pritchard, Mike McGruth, and Duke Dorthy are the commentators and although Pritchard is okay, the others suck. Smash starts with Brunzell. Lockup attempts go nowhere, then Smash catches Jim and drives him to the corner with some punches. Blair tags in and smacks his way out of a bearhug, then grabs a wristlock and makes a tag. Brunzell keeps the wristlock but Smash smacks out of it and tags Ax, who beats the crap out of Jim and slams him for two. Awww fuck, now I’ve got that shitty Demolition theme stuck in my head. Tag back to Smash who quickly looks like a bitch again as Brunzell takes him to the corner and tags Blair. Brian with a wristlock, but he gets taken to the heel corner and tags Ax. This somehow fires up Blair, who tags Brunzell. Brunzell fires off a wristlock and tags Blair who hits a sledge off the second rope, then schoolboys Ax for two. Ax rakes the eyes to break it up and then snapmares him into a chinlock. Tag to Smash and again Blair considers this a hot-tag for him and catches fire, tagging Brunzell. Smash places Brunzell on the top rope and punches the poopie out of him, leading to the ref pulling him off. Brunzell then hits a sledge off the top for two. Tag to Blair who works the arm, but Smash simply lifts him up and carries him to his corner and tags Ax. Front facelock by Ax, which Blair tries to fight out of it by punching at his leg. Tag to Smash who grabs a head vise. Tag to Ax who goes back to the front-facelock, and again Blair punches at the leg to try an escape. Tag to Smash who goes back to the head vise. This is weird. Tag to Ax who throws clubbing blows, but Blair kicks at the leg, then tags Brunzell and they do a leg-splitter. Brunzell begins to work the leg like a dirty-mofo, even though he’s a face. Tag to Blair and both guys do a step-over-toehold. Tag to Brunzell and they split the legs again. Elbowdrop and a legdrop by Jumpin’ Jim, then a tag to Blair for more double teaming on the leg. Ax should be crippled at this point, but the Bees are not happy. Why are the Bees getting what should be the heel offense? Ah that’s right, two-out-of-three falls. Texas Deathlock by Blair, then a figure four but Smash comes in to break it up and things break down. Blair comes off the second rope but Ax gets a knee up, then covers… for the pinfall. Okie doki.
Second fall and Ax goes back to the injured leg of Ax, then tags Brunzell for another leg-splitter and a spinning toe-hold. Smash tries to break it up but the ref stops him. Tag to Blair who goes to the toe-hold, then bridges for two. Hot tag (?) to Smash and Blair slugs it out, then makes a blind tag to Brunzell and the camera barely catches him hitting a dropkick for the pin. Bizarre.
Third fall and Brunzell grabs a sleeper on Smash, who rams him in the corner. Another sleeper and this time Smash rams him in the enemy corner. Ax in who pounds away on Brunzell. And credit where it’s due to Ax for having a never-say-die attitude when it comes to putting on that front-facelock, because he tries it again. And again, he gets punched in the leg. Poor guy. Tag to Smash who shoots Brunzell off but lowers his head into a kick. Tag to Blair who slugs it out. Elbow to Ax, but Smash catches a charge in the corner, then dumps Blair to the floor. On the outside, Ax tosses Blair into the apron, then tags in. Smash tosses Blair into the ring, where Ax… grabs a front-facelock. I think we should all give him a big hug just for trying. Blair punches the leg immediately to escape, but this time Smash saves and both guys beat on Blair. Snapmare for two by Smash, who’s in without a tag. Traphold by Smash, tag to Ax who gets caught in a small package for two. Smash in who hits a few two counts, then goes back to the traphold. Punch to the gut by Smash and a tag to Ax. Snapmare into a head-vise. Blair almost escapes so Smash tags in and drops an elbow for two. Punches to the chest gets two as Brunzell saves. Flying elbow by Blair and it’s a double knockout. Ax distracts the ref from seeing the tag, but Smash misses a charge in the corner and wipes himself out anyway. Tag to Ax who misses an elbow and Blair makes the hot tag. Clothesline by Jim gets one. Dropkick gets two, and things break down. Heels get whipped into each other, double elbow to Smash, but Fuji passes Ax his cane and Ax uses it on Brunzell to score the victory.
***1/4 Very weirdly structured match and yet I was kind of entertained by it. It’s very strange given that Demolition’s offense consisted of 45% face-locks and 45% head-vises. But it worked, and the stuff with Ax’s leg kept me amused. Maybe I’m way off, but I thought this was the best Demolition match I’ve seen. Not really saying much, because I’m not a fan at all of them, but this was cool to have.
Match #4
The Hardy Boys vs. Edge & Christian
6/27/99 King of the Ring
The Hardys had just taken on Michael Hayes as their mentor at this point. Only problem is Hayes had no credibility with Attitude Era fans and wasn’t given any mic time to get them over with anyway. Though his mentoring did help, and by time they split from him they were at least as black as The Rock. This is a rematch from the pre-show, as the APA came down and broke everything up. WWE Commish Shawn Michaels ordered a rematch and demanded a winner. The original Hardy music is replaced with their modern theme, and they even use fake cheering. Ugh. The Hardys were the heels in this feud, mind you… and they didn’t have any heat at all. Matt and Christian start and Matt gets a shoulderblock. Christian turns around with a dropkick and an armdrag. Matt takes Christian to his corner and tags Jeff. They kick away and Jeff tosses him into the corner, then another corner, but Christian gets an exploding gutbuster. Tag to Edge and they hit a double armdrag. Shoot to the corner where Jeff gets a head scissors. Edge rams Jeff pretty hard in the corner. Jeff goes for the head scissors again, but this time Edge catches him and slams him down with authority. Jeff gets a foot up on a sledge attempt and tags Matt. Poetry in motion by the Hardys and a clothesline from Matt. He misses an elbowdrop and Edge tags Christian. Charge in the corner doesn’t work, so Matt grabs a headlock. Christian fights out and goes for a reverse DDT, but Matt throws out of it. Reverse DDT by Christian and tags all around. Edge is the face so it’s clotheslines for all and a DDT to Matt. Michael Hayes in with a cheapshot to Edge, leading to Jeff hitting a northern lights suplex. Matt dumps Christian, then gets speared by Edge. Michael Hayes gets speared too, then Jeff gets speared trying Poetry in motion. Christian dumps Matt and hits the springboard plancha. Gangrel goes to spit blood in Jeff’s face, but misses and Edge gets blinded. The Twist-of-Fate makes it’s debut, and it didn’t look shitty here either, and that’s all she wrote.
**1/4 Wasn’t given anywhere near the amount of time it needed for this to be the star-making vehicle the WWE intended it to be. Both teams remained decidedly not over, but at least the Hardys weren’t being treated like jobbers anymore. Well they still kind of were.
-Cut to Miz and Morrison smoking pipes and talking in horrible English accent. They mock Michael Hayes’ overly tight shirt. This leads to the Freebirds segment, complete with Miz & Morrison singing their theme song.
Match #5: Country Whipping Match
The Fabulous Freebirds vs. Kerry & Kevin Von Erich
10/??/83 World Class Championship Wrestling
Death Percentage: 50%. More overdubbed music/heat here. Thankfully not for the Freebirds, but the Von Erichs get it and man is it annoying. Big wild brawl to start, with the Birds bailing. By the by, this is a strap match without actually having the wrestlers tied together. The straps are simply there for whippings. The ref gets pissed and tells the Von Erichs that only one can be in the ring at a time. Kerry starts the match proper with Hayes, and gets a whip in. Hayes makes a move but gets whipped down. Kerry ends up in the wrong corner and gets whipped by both guys. Gordy in but he gets whipped around as well. Shoot off by Kerry but he gets kicked in the face. Tag to Kevin who whips away and slings Gordy to the corner. Hayes gets some shots in, but Kerry no-sells it and totally whips him off the apron. Women are totally squealing for the Von Erichs. Good camera angles show the whelps on the backs of all those involved. Terry comes in but loses his strap and Kevin whips away. Gordy wants to wrestle and shoots Kevin off with a clothesline. Someone actually throws Terry is strap back, but Hayes comes in with a tag and goes to town on Kevin, whipping him and choking with the strap. Tag to Gordy who shoots off Kevin and clotheslines him with Michael Hayes’ strap. Tag to Hayes, but Kerry gets the hot tag and has two straps. Whippings for all. Things break down and somewhere in this Gordy dumps Kevin over the top rope and gets disqualified, but the brawl keeps going, with the Von Erichs winning out and whipping on Hayes.
No Rating, no point in doing so really. Just a big brawl with straps. Worth checking out but I’m glad they don’t use this gimmick anymore.
-Time for a segment on “Best Brotherly Duos.” Profiled are the Von Erichs, the Andersons (not brothers), Undertaker & Kane (not brothers), the Valiant Brothers (not brothers), the Strongbows (not brothers), the Smoking Gunns (not brothers), the Funks, and the Briscos. This leads to a clipped match featuring The Briscos vs. the Funks. It’s trimmed all to hell, so I’m not going to recap or review it except to say that it looked like it would have been awesome to watch in it’s entirety.
Match #6: WCW Tag Team Championship
(c) Harlem Heat vs. The Steiner Brothers.
8/10/96 Hog Wild
Booker starts with Scott. All the rednecks in the audience rev the motors on their bikes and honk their horns. It’s supposed to encourage the faces, but it’s really just annoying. At least it drowns out all the racial slurs being slug at Harlem Heat. Booker shoves Scott and then bails, but Steiner catches him on the ropes. Shoot off leads to double underhook slam by Scott, then a suplex to Stevie. Clothesline by Rick to Stevie and the heels bail. Back in, lockup and Scott grabs a headlock. Shoot off by Booker but he misses a side kick and Scotty press-slams him down. Just struck me that these two would go on to be in the very last, authentic WCW Championship match together. Weird. Ten punch by Scott and then a hiptoss and Booker bails again. Rick kicks at Sensational Sherri as she goes to comfort Booker. Back in, tag to Stevie Ray and he jaws with Scott. Shove by Stevie, then some clubbing blows and a slam. Stomping by him but he misses a big boot and Scott hits a t-bone suplex. Tag to Rick Steiner and he slugs it out. Snapmare and a chinlock. Shoot off in the corner but Stevie gets a boot up on charge. It matters not, as Rick gets a clothesline. Tag to Scott who headbutts Stevie in the balls. Tag to Booker with a sideslam. He charges but Scott gets a boot up in the corner and fires a belly-to-belly for two. Tag to Rick who slugs it out. Thumb to the eye by Booker but a suplex is blocked and Rick fires off his own for two. Shoot off and Stevie gets a cheap shot in Tag to Stevie with a kick and a clothesline. Kneedrop and he holds onto it. Elbowdrop gets two. Stevie’s infamous lazy chinlock follows. Christ it’s hard to concentrate on this shit with all the honking and engines revving. Rick starts to fight out so Stevie tags in Booker, who gets caught in a powerslam for two. Tag to Scott who shoots off and hits a dropkick for two. STF but Stevie saves. Rick comes in with a camel clutch. To a chinlock. Shoot off attempt but Booker reverses and Stevie low-bridges him and Rick lands on the elevated floor with a nasty thunk. Stevie gets some cheap shots in on the floor. Back in, Booker misses the Harlem Sidekick and crotches himself. Stevie comes in and drops a forearm for two. Blatant choke, then the equally infamous lazy rear-chinlock of Stevie Ray. My god, how pathetic it is. Shoot off and Stevie hits a big kick to the face. Tag to Booker who stomps away and covers for two. He slaps on his own chinlock and maybe holds it a little too long as neither guy works the hold. Scoopslam by Booker but misses and elbowdrop. He no-sells it and spinneroonis up for the Harlem Sidekick. No cover and Booker tags Stevie who hits a backbreaker. Suplex gets two. Nerve pinch follows, but Stevie bores quickly of it and gets a scoopslam. Tag to Booker but he misses an elbow off the ropes. Hot tag to Scotty. Punches for all. Clotheslines for all. Overhead belly-to-belly gets two. Col. Parker loads up some powder but accidentally hits Booker. Thankfully for Harlem Heat, Sherri is more accurate and she hits Scotty with the powder. Parker then breaks his cane over Steiner’s head and Booker gets the pin. Fans are pissed at that decision and pelt the heels with garbage.
** Wasn’t feeling it. Harlem Heat never did anything for me (and later Booker really bored me as a singles wrestler), and the match was just really basic and boring, and the rest holds were too lazy and under worked.
Match #7: NWA United States Tag Team Championship
(c) The Fantastics vs. The Midnight Express
7/10/88 Great American Bash
Special Stipulation: If the Fantastics win, Jim Cornette gets ten lashes with a belt.
Jim Cornette gets suspended via cage above the ring, and even placed in a straight jacket as well. Man, they weren’t going to fuck around with him. He throws a full sissy fit before submitting to it though, and offers the referee money to not go through with it. The ref tells him no. “This guy is a crackpot! An honest man!” But then the fun stops as this shit goes on for another ten minutes. Good lord. Finally the match starts with Eaton vs. Fulton. Lockup goes nowhere. Second lockup and Fulton gets a shoulderblock and a rollup for one. Lockup and Eaton grabs a headlock takeover. Fulton escapes and takes Eaton into the corner only to get smacked. Headscissors by Fulton, then a rana and a punch and Eaton bails to the ropes. Eaton bails and tags Lane, who eats a bizarre armdrag, but Stan kicks the crap out of Fulton and knocks him to the outside. On the floor, Fulton reverses a whip and sends Stan into the ringpost. Baseball slide and a tag to Tommy Rogers. Lockup and Rogers gets a shoulderblock and a pair of dropkicks. Armdrag into an armbar. Lane shoots off and hits a kitchen sink kneelift. To the corner where Lane sets up for a superplex but Rogers gets out of it and gets a rollup for one then a crossbody for one. Keylock by Eaton, blind tag to Fulton and the Fantastics double backdrop Eaton and hiptoss Lane. Heels try to whip the Fantastics into each other but they counter and kick the heels in the face. Comedy spot sees the Fantastics set up Lane to backdrop his own partner, and the heels bail. Back in, Rogers is in and drops his weight on Lane’s arm. Backdrop but Rogers lands on his feet, but Eaton tags in and hits a bulldog for two. Kneelift by Eaton and a tag to Lane who hangs Rogers up on the ropes. Big clothesline by Lane, which might have been better looking if the production crew would keep the fucking camera off of Jim Cornette and on the match. Tag to Eaton who shoots Rogers off and hits a back-elbow. Elbowdrop hits for two. Rake of the eyes by Rogers, but Eaton shrugs it off and hits a swinging neckbreaker for two. Tag to Lane who unloads his big kicks, while Eaton tags in for a huge backbreaker for two that pops the crowd. And again, they won’t keep the fucking camera on the match. Tag to Lane, then Eaton cuts off the tag while Lane hits a throat clothesline. Fulton in to bitch about the heels, which allows them to be heels and cheat for two. Facebuster and a tag to Eaton who hits the tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. Armbar takedown for two, then a grounded hammerlock. Rogers escapes and hits a face-buster for a double KO. Lane with the tag, who cuts off a tag and draws Fulton into the ring. Jack-knife cover gets two. Abdominal stretch with the added advantage. Fulton in to bitch about that, which allows more cheating, but Rogers sends Eaton into the post. Rogers hits an abdominal stretch on Lane for two. Tag to Eaton who scoopslams him and climbs and hits a big legdrop off the top for… nothing he hurts himself and tags Lane for the cover. It gets two. Abdominal stretch, then a Russian legsweep. Rocket Launcher but Eaton lands on Rogers’ knees. Huge pop for that. Hot tag to Fulton, who fights off both heels and rolls up Eaton for two. Heels end up power slamming him off the apron and onto the concrete. Sick. The ref gets bumped while Rogers tries to fight off both heels, but Eaton loads up his fist a chain, punches Tommy, and covers him for the pin and the titles. Huge pop for the heels on that one. After the match, the babyfaces lash Cornette anyway.
***1/4 Decent match, but these teams had much better encounters.
-Up Next: Honorable Mentions. IE the teams not good enough to be featured in this DVD. M-N-M is shown, and I think I might have rather seen them then the match they did pick for this section. Billy & Chuck (they like to fuck) gets a spot, along with gay loving music. The best part of that whole thing was the WWE actually got attention for their wedding, even landing both guys spots on major talk shows, only for the whole thing to be an angle to get 3 Minute Warning over. In retrospect, they should have kept them gay. The Hollywood Blonds are next, and considering how they were the first modern ‘cool heel’ team, they should have gotten a spot. APA gets a mention. Funny how they went from guys who helped sacrifice people to the dark nether gods to beer drinking, cigar-smoking guns for hire. The Nasty Boys are included in the “Not good enough for the DVD” section, and now I’m suddenly wondering what teams made the cut.
Match #8: Falls Count Anywhere
Public Enemy vs. The Nasty Boys
2/11/96 Superbrawl VI
Death Percentage: 50%. Oy, this has the potential to be shitty. Big brawl to start. Knobbs gets dumped in sick fashion, then Sags gets dumped onto the stairs. On the floor, Knobbs whacks Grunge against the ring post, and it looks like poopie. Rocko grabs a table but Sags beats the fuck out of him with a chair, then brawls him in the aisle. P.E. fights back with a chair. Rocko sets up Knobbs for a splash through the table, but Brain catches him and flings him off the apron and through the table for two. Sags grabs some a garbage can and pie-faces Rocko with the lid of it. Rocko beats Knobbs with the broken table while Sags takes it to Grunge in the ring. FUCKING SICK close-to-botched piledriver ‘on the garbage can’ by Sags. Grunge has the nerve to quickly fight back from that shit with the garbage can lid. Meanwhile, Knobbs suplexes Rocko onto a table. Grunge beats Sags with the can lid while Knobbs chairs Rocko. Both teams meet up with each-other and Public Enemy takes control. They prep a chair, then Grunge bulldogs Sags onto it. Knobbs tries to fight back and takes down Grunge, while Sags slams a table onto Rocko. Random brawling until Rocko sets Knobbs on a table then misses a balcony dive and crashes through it, and Knobbs makes the pin.
*** Stupid, dumb, and embarrassingly entertaining.
Match #9
Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson vs. The Rockers
3/18/89 Madison Square Garden
This is a rematch from the match featured on Shawn Michaels: Heartbreak & Triumph. That match was bad ass, so I’m hoping for more. Arn Anderson and Shawn Michaels start. Lockup goes to the corner and we get a clean break. Another lockup and Arn gets a hammerlock, reversed into one for Shawn and we end up in the ropes. Kick to the gut by Arn and a punch. Arn brawls Shawn and goes for a sunset flip, but Shawn sits on it and mounts some punches. To the corner where Shawn fires off a ten punch, turned into an atomic drop by Shawn. His balls had not yet dropped at this point and thus he’s able to no-sell it and fire back with a forearm. Things break down, leading to double rollups by the Rockers, but the ref doesn’t count. Rockers climbs and both hit fists off the second rope and the heels bail. We start again with Tully and Shawn. Tully gets a punch in but misses a charge in the corner and Shawn gets a snap armdrag. Tag to Jannetty who splashes the arm. Armbar by Marty. Tully tries to armdrag out of it but Marty floats through it and holds onto the armbar. Tully tries to his way to the corner, so Marty punches Arn off the apron then fires off another armdrag into an armbar. Tag to Shawn and a double hiptoss, then back to the armbar. Leg takedown by Tully but Shawn cuts off the tag and goes back to the armbar. Tag to Marty who hits a sledge off the second rope. Tully actually manages to get the tag and Arn looks happy. He shoulderblocks Jannetty to the floor, but misses a forearm and hits the post. Wristlock by Jannetty, into one by Arn, flipped into another by Jannetty. Arn tries to tag but Jannetty yanks him down and clamps onto an armbar. Anderson shoots Jannetty off into his corner, but things break down and the Rockers both fire off ranas into mounted punches on the heels. Back to back dropkicks and the heels bail again. Planchas on both heels, with Jannetty mostly missing his. Atomic drop by Shawn, an armdrag, then Shawn goes for a head scissors but Arn yanks him down and Tully turns it into a hotshot. Sick looking one too. Arn tags in to stalk Shawn around. He stomps the head, then shoots Shawn into Tully’s knee. Tag to Blanchard who shoots Shawn off and into a punch to the gut. Shawn is on the floor where Anderson plasters him with a clothesline. Tully bails for some mounted punches. Shawn tries to get back in only to get smacked around. Shawn does fight back and slams Tully into the apron, but still gets stopped from making the tag. Arn comes in and hits a diving elbow to the back of Shawn’s head. It gets two. Knucklelock pin gets two, and they work it around a bit. Shawn grabs a body scissors, but Arn slingshots out of it and sends Shawn into Tully’s fist. Blanchard with the tag and he slingshots Shawn’s throat into the bottom rope. Tully distracts the referee while Arn hangs Shawn up. Michaels tries to fight back and shoots him to the corner, but Tully blocks a charge and hits an elbow. Tully climbs but Shawn catches him and slings him off the ropes. Double KO follows. Shawn ducks a clothesline and makes the hot tag to Jannetty. Punches for all, dropkick to Arn, sunset flip to Tully gets two. Shawn in and he brawls with Arn, but still is pooped and gets casually dumped. Shawn yanks Anderson out of the ring while Marty rolls up Tully for two. Superkick to Arn on the outside, then an off the shoulders splash by the Rockers for two as Arn yanks the referee out and gets DQed. Booooo!
***3/4 Really good match, but not as good at the one on Shawn Michaels’ DVD or even close. Still worth checking out, but I think both teams had shot their wads with each other by this point.
DISC TWO
Match #10: World Tag Team Championship
(c) Strike Force vs. Demolition
3/27/88 Wrestlemania IV
Smash starts with Martel. He pounds the crap out of him. Smash grabs a crossbody attempt but Tito stops him. The faces take out Demolition. Double clothesline for two. Wristlock to Axe and a tag to Martel for more wristlocks. Axe fights out and tags to Smash. Martel shrugs him off and tags to Tito. Smash grabs a bearhug and Axe clotheslines him down. Tito gets beat up and down the ring. Tag to Smash. He hits a powerslam for two. They cut the corner in half.  He chops away. Suplex for two. Slam but elbow misses. Man, I’m bored stiff right now. Axe lowers his head and gets smashed in the face. Flying forearm by Santana and now he has a chance to make the tag. He does. Martel is a house of fire. Dropkicks for all. Boston crab to Smash while Santana takes out Axe. Mr. Fuji gets wiped out too, but the referee is distracted and Axe canes Martel to win the match and the titles.
1/4* So very boring.
-“Worldwide Attractions” showcases the Fabulous Rougeaus, the Koloffs, the Bushwhackers, La Resistance, Barry Windham & Mike Rotundo, and finally the Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff.
Match #11: World Tag Team Championship
(c) Mike Rotundo & Barry Windham vs. The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff
3/31/85 Wrestlemania
Rotundo starts with the Sheik. Shoulderblock by Sheik. Rotundo gets a hiplock, dropkick, bodyslam, headlock takedown. Barry in. Big chop off the top rope, legdrop to the gut. Sheik gets Barry to the corner for some double teaming, but Sheik hits Volkoff by accident. Nikolai in, but Rotundo takes him down for one. Wristlock, then a tag to Barry, for another big shot off the ropes. Mike back in, he hits an elbow smash off the ropes. Nikolai takes advantage and smashes Rotundo into the Sheik’s boots. Sheik in for a backdrop and an elbowdrop for two. Gordbuster for two. Rotundo counters a suplex with one of his own, but he’s out of it and can’t make the tag. Volkoff in, and he drops Mike on the ropes. Rotundo fights off with a keylock, which is shrugged off by Nikolai. Sunset flip for two by Rotundo, but Volkoff fights off with a knee to the gut. Sheik in with an abdominal stretch. Hiplock by Mike and he makes the hot tag. Dropkick by Barry on Nikolai, then a bulldog for two as Sheik makes the save. Blassie hands the Sheik his cane and he nails Windham with it for the pin and the tag titles.
**1/4 Fast paced, short, fun to watch.
Match #12: WCW Tag Team Championship vs. World Tag Team Championship Unification, Cage Match
(World) The Dudley Boys vs. (WCW) The Hardy Boys
11/18/01 Survivor Series
Just a bit overbooked here. Of course, we’re in North Carolina and thus they might as well advertise that the Hardys are on job duty tonight. Matt and Bubba start. It’s no DQ but tag rules are enforced somehow. Maybe magically. Bubba misses a charge in the corner and gets punched around. Whip to the corner by Matt, then another, followed by a clothesline and mounted punches. Tag to Jeff who shoots off Bubba and they hit the tandem elbowdrop/backsplash for two. Side slam by Bubba gets two. Tag to D-Von, who slugs it out. Dropkick by Jeff and a tag to Matt, and they kick away. Backslide by Matt gets two. Amazing Grace by D-Von gets two. Spinning elbow and a tag to Bubba who hits a neckbreaker. Elbowdrops get two. Tag to D-Von who slugs it out. Tag to Bubba who goes to lawn-dart Matt into the cage, but Matt wiggles out and gets a reverse DDT. Tag to Jeff. Punches for all. Clothesline to Bubba and a dropkick to D-Von, then a flying forearm to Bubba for two. Things break down the Hardys hit Poetry in Motion on both Dudleys. The Hardys both try to escape, but the Dudleys catch them. Russian legsweep off the top by D-Von, a stupid move that would presumably hurt him more considering that he’s swinging his weight down and only dragging Matt with him. Meanwhile, Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb off the top rope, another stupid move that would presumably hurt him just as much as Jeff. But we’re using wrestling logic here. Bubba climbs but Matt slings him off the top of the cage and covers for two and two. Shoot off and the Duds hot-shot Matt into the cage. They try to hotshot Jeff but he catches the cage and almost escapes, but ends up getting put on Bubba’s shoulders and eats a doomsday device. Double neckbreaker by the Duds gets two on Jeff. Matt tosses D-Von into the cage, then Bubba whips D-Von into Matt, then Bubba splashes Matt up against the cage. Crowd groans at that move. They ram Jeff into the cage, then do it again.  Both heels climb opposite corners, but D-Von misses a diving headbutt, then Bubba misses an elbow. Matt comes off the top and clotheslines both guys, then beats on D-Von, then rams Bubba into the cage, then hits a neckbreaker on D-Von for two. Bubba tries to break it up with an elbow and ends up hitting D-Von. DDT to Bubba gets two. Jeff is finally alive again and legdrops D-Von between the legs, then a double backdrop to Bubba. Air Carolina to Bubba gets two. Matt tries to escape but gets caught by D-Von. Matt’s foot gets caught inside the top of the cage. Wazzup drop to Jeff, then Stacey pulls out a table for the Duds. She seduces evil referee Nick Patrick to unlock the cage, then gets the table inside the ring. The Duds prep it and go for the 3-D through the table, but the Hardys stop them. Matt manages to escape, but this leaves Jeff all alone. Jeff fights off the Duds and is about to escape. Matt encourages Jeff to climb down, but Jeff wants to hit a big swanton bomb off the top of the cage onto D-Von through a table. He misses a crashes through the table, allowing Bubba to casually cover him for the pin and the titles.
***1/2 Pretty entertaining, though I think if they wanted something that was career defining for the Duds, they should have picked the tables match from the 2000 Royal Rumble, which I think made their careers the way the No Mercy ladder match made the Hardys and Edge & Christian.
Match #13: WCW Tag Team Championship
(c) Harlem Heat vs. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash
10/27/96 Halloween Havoc
Heat still has Col. Parker and Sherri with them. The Outsiders are clearly the favorites as a result. They even swipe the tag belts from Heat and hoist them up for a big pop. Booker and Hall start, with Scott tossing a toothpick in his face. Long stall follows while the fans all get distracted by a fight in the stands. Armdrag by Scott, and in a comical moment you can clearly see that NOBODY is paying attention to the match because the fight in the stands is vastly more entertaining. Shoulderblocks by Hall are followed by a side kick from Booker. Shoot off and Hall gets a shoulderblock and a couple punches in the mouth. Punch to the mouth but Hall gets a shoulderblock. Hiptoss by Booker sends Hall over the top rope, which should be a disqualification, but the ref lets it go. Clothesline by Stevie Ray on the outside and some kicking from Sherri. Back in, Stevie tags and gets spit on by Hall. Fans are finally paying attention. Tag to Nash who gets a knee to the gut and an elbow. Nash totally kills Stevie in the corner with various brawling stuff. Back elbow by Stevie on a Nash charge, then some shitty incredibly shitty punches in the corner. Stevie Ray has to be an honest-to-god contender for worst wrestler ever. Booker tags in and hits the scissor kick for two, with a big kick-out by Nash. Tag to Stevie who slugs it out in the corner. HORRIBLE ram into the corner by Nash on Stevie, which Stevie seemed to scared to actually take, leads to a sidewalk slam by Nash. Tag to Hall who slugs it out. Bulldog off the second rope by Hall gets two. Clothesline by Stevie and a tag to Booker. Forearm by Booker gets two. Chinlock follows. Sherri and Parker distract the ref on accident which leads to clothesline from Nash and one from Hall for a very close two. Nash comes in and hits a big boot. Snake eyes from Nash and a clothesline from Hall, who then tags in. Chokeslam gets two. Hall catches a crossbody and turns it into a fallaway slam. Sherri on the apron where she jaws with Hall and bitch-slaps him. Hall turns this into a Greco-roman lip lock. Parker gets pissed about this, even though it’s not like Sherri wanted to kiss him. Spin kick by Booker leads to a brief double KO. Hall shoots Booker off and grabs a sleeper. Booker turns it into one of his own to huge heel heat. Hall follows this up by crotching Booker on the ropes and covering for two. Malfunction at the junction and both guys are knocked out. Booker makes the alleged ‘hot tag’ and to Stevie. Punches for all. Clotheslines for all. Hall gets press-slammed into Nash, then Booker dumps Nash with a clothesline. Sidewalk slam by Stevie and the Harlem Hangover by Booker, but the ref bitches at Booker instead, allowing Nash to sneak in. Col. Parker goes to stop him, but chickens out and hands his cane to Nash. Kevin beats Stevie with it, leading to the pin for the Outsiders.
** Match was okay when it was Booker doing his thing, but anytime Stevie Ray came in the match became embarrassing to watch. Horrible ending as well but I rarely score against that kind of stuff.
Match #14: World Tag Team Championship
(c) Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard vs. Sting & Nikita Koloff
7/10/88 Great American Bash
Shitty choice for the set as this was already included in the Four Horsemen set. With so much stuff from the Horsemen out there, why go with a repeat? Booooooo! Big brawl to start, with the faces winning and the heels bailing. Heels try to sneak back in only to get punked out again. Arn and Koloff roll to the outside while Sting gets a small package for two. Dropkick to Arn who bails, so Sting does an no-hands plancha to Arn, popping the fans huge. Back in, Arn gets knocked down and Koloff gets the tag. He grabs an armbar. Arn breaks it and misses an elbow, so Koloff goes back to the armbar. Arn to his feet and he slugs out and kicks away. He then fakes a charge and clotheslines both Horsemen down, huge pop for that. Cover but the ref isn’t in position and it only gets two. Tag to Sting for a wristlock ringer, but he charges into Arn’s knee. Arn climbs but Sting walks away so Arn drops down and gets a sleeper. Leverage move sends Arn into the turnbuckle and Sting armdrags him down and into a top wristlock. Tully runs in but Sting flips out of it and dropkicks both guys, another huge pop. These fans are CRAZY for this stuff. Tag to Tully for a headlock but Sting armdrags the hell out of him. Tag to Nikita for some punches. Fans pop for Sting’s tags, do nothing for Nikita. He grabs an armbar then a wristlock and a knee to the head. He grounds it into a three-quarters nelson pin for a few two counts.  Tag to Sting (pop), who sidesteps a charge and Tully eats ringpost. Nikita boxes his ears and Sting knocks him down for two. Tag to Nikita and the fans go hatefully cold. Hard ram into the corner and a tag to Sting, which is the only thing Nikita can do to draw any heat, and he goes for Tully’s injured arm. Tag to Koloff for more armbarage as the video has problems. Atomic drop and then back to the armbar. Takeover attempt doesn’t work but he makes the tag to Arn. Nikita bails to his corner, pissing off Arn. Lockup between them. Drop-toehold into a half-nelson. To their feet for a full-nelson, but Arn breaks it and tags to Tully who tees off on the knee but Koloff hits a clothesline into a chokehold. Tully up only to get shoulderblocked down and a Cactus Jack over the top clothesline that should be a DQ in 1988 but wasn’t. Koloff with a suplex over the top for two as J.J. broke it up. Koloff tires to kill him with a clothesline into the ringpost but J.J. ducks and his arm eats the steel. Anderson rams him into the post for good measure, then Tully takes control with some shots. Arn in for a hammerlock scoopslam and a hammerlock. Koloff hulks up and no-sells the move, but walks into a super sick DDT by Anderson for two. Tully in for some two counts and a mounted armbar. Three minutes to go in the time limit. Anderson in. Snapmare and he climbs the ropes to go for a pump splash off the second, but Nikita gets his knee up and makes the super hot tag to Sting. Backdrop and a dropkick to Tully. Press-slam with two minutes to go. Bulldog to Anderson and a reversal sequence with Tully that ends in a dropkick. Noggin knocker and Arn tags only to walk into a sleeper. Elbows to Sting and he goes for a suplex with a tag to Tully, and they blow a sunset flip attempt. Stinger Splash to Tully and the Scorpion Deathlock, but time runs out.
***1/2 Honestly not as bad as some of the critics make it out to be. Super hot crowd… for Sting at least… helped this one out and there was some good psychology.
-Tribute to the Classics is up next. The Texas Outlaws (Dick Murdoch & Dusty Rhodes), Pat Patterson & Ray Stevens, the Wild Samoans, the Blackjacks, and finally Ray Stevens & Nick Bockwinkel.
Match #15: AWA Tag Team Championship
(c) Nick Bockwinkel & Ray Stevens vs. Red Bastien & Billy Robinson
12/??/72 AWA All-Star Wrestling
Bockwinkel bitches about having to wrestle these guys, but AWA President Wally Karbo says “you didn’t read the fine print” and thus it’s on with Red starting with Stevens. Bastien springs off the ropes with a head lock takeover for two. Bockwinkel comes in but gets slammed. Tag to Billy Robinson who hits a big uppercut for two. Stevens saves and knocks out Robinson. Tag to Stevens but Robinson hits a monkey flip and a kneedrop for two. Robinson goes after Bockwinkel, but Stevens cuts him off. Tag to Bockwinkel who hangs him on the ropes. Robinson fights him off and tags Bastien who hits a kneelift and a kneedrop for two. Criss-cross leads to Bastien hitting a hiptoss for two. Tag to Robinson and Bockwinkel bails. Robinson goes to the heel corner and pulls Bockwinkel to the center. He goes for a Boston Crab but Nick escapes. To the heel corner again and this time the heels actually gets some offense in. This leads to a knuckle test, which Robinson wins out by flipping out of and hitting a leg snap. Tag to Bastien who gets tied up and Stevens tags in. Stevens kicks Bastien around and grabs a front-facelock. Bastien fights out and hiptosses out of it. Stomps in the corner, then a tag to Robinson who hits a dropkick. Flowing hiptoss and a double arm suplex gets two. Robinson grabs a headlock but he’s in the heel corner so Bockwinkel tags in and punches him to the outside. The ref gets distracted allowing Stevens to slam Robinson into the apron. Bockwinkel keeps the ref distracted, but Stevens is a dirty asshole and so stomps at Robinson even if the ref is looking. Stevens tags in and fires off a blatant choke. Robinson fights back and grabs a stiff face lock. Yes, a stiff facelock. Ah, for the old days when guys weren’t content just to put their arm on a guy and call it a hold. Anyway, Bockwinkel reaches through the ropes and rakes away at Robinson’s face, leading to Stevens grabbing a headlock. Tag to Bockwinkel, a guy who Robinson was never big on selling for, so he fights back. Stevens tags back in and they knock each-other out with a shoulderblock. Hot tag to Bastien, who lands a backdrop and gets a dropkick and an atomic drop for the pin. Of course, this is 1972 when all tag title matches were 2 out of 3 falls. Thus…
Second fall and Bastien tosses Stevens around and hits a backdrop. Stomps and kneedrops, then both guys tag out. Robinson sends Bockwinkel to corner, then shoots him off and hits a sick chop to the throat for two. Tag to Bastien who punches Nick in the face for one. Scoopslam and a catapult into Robinson’s fist, then another one. Ram to the turnbuckle, then a tag to Billy who hits a skull cracker and covers with a jack-knife. It gets nothing because his feet are on the ropes. Bastien back in to slap on the Boston Crab, but Stevens breaks it up. Robinson comes in and hits a gut-wrench suplex for two with Stevens breaking it up. Stevens with the tag, and he man-handles Robinson, slinging him into the heel corner and choking away. Tag to Nick who just slings Robinson head-first into the canvas, then fires off a hard whip to the corner. Tag to Stevens, but it doesn’t count for some reason so Bockwinkel hits a backbreaker. Tag to Stevens but Robinson starts to fight back so Stevens quickly bails to tag Bockwinkel back in. High body slam followed by a piledriver, but Robinson counters out of it, then counters again and bridges on top of Bockwinkel. Tag to Bastien who hits a head scissors followed by three dropkicks. SICK ASS BACKBREAKER by Robinson and it gets the pin and the titles for the babyfaces. That backbreaker was just all kinds of nasty, offering Bockwinkel no protection on the bump. Fucking YIPES! BUT WAIT~! because Wally Karbo comes out and says the match actually wasn’t for the tag team championship. Whatever. I guess it must have been in the fine-fine print.
*** I always dug the 70s AWA style… which is odd because I was born in 1981… and this was pretty much what I expected. The scruffy first fall hurt my rating a bit as it seemed like nobody was willing to sell for any move.
-The Miz & Morrison finally get their spot on the DVD. Well that kind of sucks actually, as they should have saved them for last.
Match #16
The Miz & John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio & Shawn Michaels
11/17/08 Raw
I vaguely remember this being quite good. Shawn starts with John and gets a shoulderblock. Shawn stops before getting leapfrogged and chops away. Tag to Mysterio and they hit a drop-toehold into a dropkick for two. Kick to the face by Mysterio and a head scissors to set up for the 619, but Miz trips up Rey. Baseball slide by Shawn into Miz, followed by a plancha. Rey hits one on Morrison on the other side of the ring, and we go to a commercial.
We’re back with Shawn and Miz fighting over a headlock. Miz hits a scoopslam but misses a legdrop off the ropes, which we couldn’t see because miserable fuckwit Kevin Dunn shows us the rana Mysterio hit on Morrison during the commercial. Shawn tags Mysterio, who hits a seated senton off the top, followed by a rana. Mysterio ends up on the apron, fights off Morrison, but gets thrown hard into the post by Miz. Morrison in to mount punches. Tag to Miz and they double up on Mysterio with a gut buster. Miz grabs a side bow-and-arrow hold, then shoots off and goes for a sunset flip but Mysterio flips out of it and dropkicks Miz in the face. Tag to Morrison who cuts Mysterio off and whips him into the corner for two. Abdominal stretch by Morrison, but Mysterio escapes it. He goes for the tag but gets cut off and eats a tilt-a-whirl gutbuster from Morrison for two. Tag to Miz who kicks and stomps away. Legdrop gets two. Tag to Morrison who kicks away and slaps on a chinlock in the ropes. Referee forces a break. Springboard something is turned into a dropkick by Mysterio and it’s a double KO. Hot tags out. Michaels moves into the FOUR AND A HALF MOVES OF DOOM~! Flying forearm, nip up, atomic drop, scoopslam, and a flying elbow off the top rope. Pssssh, Bret Hart had five full moves that equaled doom. Shawn tunes up the band, but Miz drops down like a pussy, so Shawn goes for the figure four, but Miz kicks off of that. Hard whip sends Shawn up and down in the corner, but he recovers enough to clothesline both guys down for two. Mysterio monkey flips the Miz into the ropes and hits the 619, leading to the Miz eating Sweet Chin Music. Then John Morrison comes out of nowhere and hits his own superkick on Shawn, then dumps Mysterio while Miz drapes an arm over for the clean pinfall. Awesome finish. Morrison celebrates like he just won the Superbowl while the Miz remains out cold. Hilarious.
*** Pretty much a typical free-TV tag match the WWE would give out these days. Anyone hoping for them to pull out Benoit/Jericho vs. Trips/Austin or Austin/Michaels vs. Owen/Bulldog will be sadly mistaken. Ending was awesome though.
Match #17: World Tag Team Championship
(c) The Hart Foundation vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers
3/7/87 Boston Garden
This could be fucking awesome. The Harts have Dangerous Danny Davis with them. Neidhart starts with Jacques, but they focus on Danny Davis getting interviewed by Gorilla Monsoon instead, which means we miss the opening stall-off. Jacques goats Bret into the match to start, but he bails to the corner like a pussy. Bret bitches about a clinched fist, then asks for a knucklelock. Jacques is scared to do it, then finally does, and gets kicked. He should have known better. Jacques does get the better of him and flips Bret down, leading to the Harts bailing. Stall follows, and this goes on roughly forever. Back in, Neidhart gets the tag and locks up with Ray. He powers out of it, then powers out of another. A third attempt leads to a big fist by Ray, then a tag to Jacques and both guys torque on wristlocks. Jacques holds an armbar, then tags Ray who fires off a dropkick. Neidhart tags Bret, who hits a scoopslam. Elbowdrop misses and Ray fires off an armdrag into an armbar. Irish whip but Ray flips over it. He goes for a rollup but Bret holds the ropes. Bret thinks he’s won the day but Ray hits a mule kick. Snapmare and a tag to Jacques who hits a cannon ball on Bret’s leg. Quick tag to Ray and the Rougeaus hit a leg splitter. Another quick tag and Jacques stomps Bret in the ass off a monkey flip attempt. Tag to Ray and another leg splitter. Bret should be crippled by this point, but he rakes the eyes and tags Neidhart. Clubbing blows to Ray but a big clothesline misses and Ray knocks Bret off the apron. This was a mistake as Neidhart levels him with a punch, then drops him on the ropes. Tag to Bret with an atomic drop. Shoot off and a kick, then a blatant choke. Bret ties up the referee while Neidhart gets a blatant choke. Tag to Neidhart who hits a snapmare into a chinlock. Shoot off and Ray goes for a sunset flip, but Neidhart makes the tag while falling down and Bret kills Ray to HUGE heat. Ray gets a backslide out of nowhere on Bret for two. Stomp between the legs by Bret, who gets bored and dumps Ray through the ropes. Nothing really comes of it. Back in, Bret headbutts Ray to cut off a comeback, then rakes the eyes in the corner. Tag to Neidhart who grabs a bearhug. Ray tries to comeback and the fans get into it, but the Harts cheat and keep control. More stompery by Bret in the corner and a backbreaker gets two. Fans pop for the kickout. Shoot to the corner but Ray gets his foot up on Bret’s charge. He goes for the tag but Neidhart cuts off the referee. Head of steam by Bret misses and knocks Neidhart off the apron. Ray makes the hot tag proper. Bret begs off but it’s punches for all. Big chop and a fist drop by Jacques. Lazy hiptoss and a bizarre rolling body scissors leads to things breaking down. Heels are whipped into each-other. Flipping back-splash hits for the Rougeaus, but the ref doesn’t keep his eye on the ball. Small package by Jacques is flipped over by Danny Davis and the Harts retain.
***1/4 Not as good as I was hoping.
Two discs in and this set really should be called “Ho-hum. Wrestling’s Most Slightly Above Average Tag Team Matches”
We’ve got some special features. Normally I skip interviews, but there are some gems here.
“The Fabulous Freebirds: Badstreet, USA Music Video” runs about four and a half minutes. Just really surreal stuff, like most 80s music videos. I’m tone deaf so this does nothing for me.
“Animal Advice from the British Bulldogs” circa 8/31/87 runs 45 seconds. It shows Matilda saying the “headbutt, Dynamite.” Jesus wept, fucking horrible.
“Gene Okerlund Visits the Hart Foundation Headquarters” from 1987 runs a little over two minutes. Mean Gene gets pissed that their huge headquarters has no athletic equipment, so Jimmy Hart brings in some ugly chicks to offer the Harts a massage.
“Camouflage, Bushwhacker-Style” from 12/10/88 runs a minute. They Whackers go nuts and bury Mean Gene in dead leaves. Yea?
“Gene Okerlund Interviews Demolition” from 7/7/90 runs two minutes. Entire promo is designed to get new member Crush over. Huge heat for Demolition on this skit.
“Legion of Doom Returns to Chicago” from 4/11/92 runs nearly four minutes. Incredibly boring interview until Hawk starts to talk. I always laughed because his interviews were just as insane as the Warrior’s or Randy Savage’s, plus I mark out for his raspy, “WELL!” that follows every time Animal says “Tell ’em, Hawk!”
“The Cutting Room Floor: Los Conquistadors” run about a minute looks like it was cut from the feature. This is the Edge & Christian version, and it was hilarious if stupid. Not shown is that the night after winning the tag titles from the Hardy Boys at No Mercy 2000, the Conquistadors were unmasked and revealed to be… The Hardy Boys.
“The Rock ‘N’ Sock Connection Break Up?” from Raw 10/4/99 runs about a minute. Mankind goes into the Rock’s locker room and tries to break up with him, but the Rock is completely oblivious to Mick and is talking on his cell phone. The Rock is a total dick, and I’m still not quite sure why he was so over as there was practically nothing likable about him.
“D-Generation X and the Meaning of Controversy” from Cyber Sunday, 11/5/06 runs a minute and forty-five seconds. Shawn Michaels tries to figure out how to work a computer but just mindlessly pecks at the buttons. Triple H tells him that Eric Bischoff claims they don’t know the meaning of controversy. Shawn is all outraged at that. “I’m the one who put Bret in the sharpshooter you know. And you married… whatsherface.” Then, in the last moment that actually made me laugh during a wrestling show (unless you count Randy Orton being forced to sell Shane McMahon’s punches), Shawn asks a guy for his name. “Stan?” Shawn turns to Triple H. “Stan!” Then superkicks him. “See, I just kicked Stan!” That’s not good enough though, so Shawn storms out, superkicking a mailman and a referee as he rants and raves his way out of the picture. Triple H can’t even keep a straight face during this entire skit. Fans are heard laughing their ass off in the arena. I heard it got a standing ovation. Good stuff.
“The Miz & John Morrison: Misfits & Mofos Music Video” runs two and a half minutes. Hilarious, intentionally bad hip-hop that’s designed to mock Cryme Tyme. Good choice for being included.
DISC THREE
Match #18: World Tag Team Championship, TLC Match
(c) Edge & Christian vs. The Hardy Boys vs. The Dudley Boys
8/27/00 Summerslam
Boooooo! Great match, sure, but it’s already been on DVD, in the ladder match set. With so many options to use Edge & Christian, why have a repeat? Three way brawl to start. The Hardys grab chairs from E&C and beat up everyone. Jeff throws one full force at Bubba’s head, then hits a poetry in motion type move with it. Edge drop-toeholds Jeff into a chair, then brings a ladder into the match. These guys are wasting no time. Edge misses a charge and Bubba slings a ladder into him. Bubba climbs but the Hardys powerbomb him off the ladder. Jeff climbs but D-Von stops him. Edge gives both guys a Russian Legsweep off the ladder. Bubba gives Christian a Buh Buh Bomb off the ladder. Jeff climbs but Edge pushes him off that into another pair of ladders, wiping out Bubba too. E&C miss a conchairto to Jeff, then the Duds wipe out E&C. D-Von puts the ladder in the corner and Bubba sets up for a What’s Up Drop off the ladder. D-Von gets the tables, ignoring the ones set up and ringside and grabbing one from elsewhere. Christian gets 3Ded through a table. Fans are going apeshit crazy here. This must have been a blast to have watched live. The Dudleys bail to set up a stack of tables outside the ring. Bubba tries to powerbomb Jeff into the stack of tables but Edge goes crazy with a chair on Bubba. Twist of Fate to Edge, then Matt drops a leg off the ladder. Jeff does the leapfrog over the ladder with the legdrop spot from No Mercy. Matt sandwiches Edge in a ladder then tosses Christian off the top rope and into Edge. Jeff sets up a 20 foot ladder outside the ring and misses a Swanton Bomb on D-Von, crashing through two tables. Crazy shit from Jeff here. Just plain crazy. Matt sets up the 20 foot ladder in the ring and four guys climb the thing. Christian gives Matt a reverse DDT off the ladder while Edge simply knocks D-Von off. Everyone is out so Bubba starts to climb, but gets tipped over and he crashes through the stack of tables he previous set up. Edge & Christian look free to climb the ladder and win, but Lita comes out and pushes them over. Matt climbs but D-Von runs in a pushes the ladder over, causing Matt to crash through a table on the floor. Edge spears Lita on the floor to take her out of the match. Good bump by Lita, and certainly not the last time she would bump off of Edge. Jeff and D-Von climb and gets to the belts, but the ladder tips over and they end up chicken fighting. Jeff kicks D-Von off, but Edge and Christian whack him off with a ladder and climb to reach the belts.
***** Total insanity. Sure, it’s barely wrestling, but it’s one of the most entertaining matches ever. It’s amazing they could pull off all these stunts without blowing any spots. Highlight of the Tag set so far, even though it’s a repeat from the Ladder match set.
Match #19: NWA Tag Team Championship
(c) Ivan Koloff & Krusher Khruschev vs. the Rock ‘N’ Roll Express
7/9/85 World Wide Wrestling
Khruschev, aka Barry Darsow, is better known as Demolition Smash and later Repo Man. Krusher starts with Morton. Morton avoids a lockup to a huge pop. Lockup again and this time Ricky ducks a big clothesline from Khruschev. Another lockup and Gibson is able to get a punch in on the big Krusher. Lockup again and Morton gets caught in a crossbody and slammed. Elbowdrop misses for Krusher and Morton tags out. Lockup again and Koloff gets the tag, leading to Gibson bailing. Lockup and Koloff gets a wristlock and wrings it around, but Gibson kicks off of it. Test of strength, which Koloff starts to win until Gibson flips around. Tag to Ricky Morton who gets a sunset flip for two. Long stall and we get another knucklelock test. Koloff takes Morton to his knees, but Morton overtakes him and wrings him down. Tag to Gibson who goes after the arm and wrings in a wristlock. Hiptoss into an armbar, then a tag to Ricky who holds onto it. Koloff goes for the hair but Morton yanks him down and hooks in an armbar lock. Koloff escapes, misses an elbowdrop, and still manages to get Morton to the heel corner. Krusher in and he slugs it out. Whip and a back-elbow. Press-slam gets two. Barry Darsow as the evil Russian looks so perfect. Floating hiptoss into a cover gets two. Camel clutch as I ponder why Vladimir Kozlov doesn’t work. I think his wanna-be MMA style just isn’t suited for a bully, heelish wrestler. I think the potential is there but he needs to focus more on stuff professional wrestling power stuff instead of his judo bullshit. He should study tapes of these guys. The cold war might be over but he could still wrestle in a way that wrestling fans are accustomed to evil Russians using, updated for the new millennium. Instead of horrible, phony looking headbutts and shit, just use basic moves in powerful ways. Maybe fans will quit shitting on him and take him serious. Anyway, Krusher gives up on the chinlock and goes for a back suplex, but Morton flips off. Krusher quickly gets the tag and Koloff tosses him throat-first into the ropes for two. Neckbreaker gets two. Now to a front facelock as we head to a commercial.
We get back and Morton is still the face-in-peril. Khruschev is holding a double choke. Tag to Koloff who hits a snapmare, but Morton kicks off. Low punch, then another and Morton makes the super hot tag. Punches for all. He takes Koloff down and works the legs. Tag to Morton and they hit a leg splitter and then knock Khruschev off the apron for good measure. Tag to Gibson and another leg splitter. Gibson knees the legs, then tags Morton for a double leg-snap. They go to knock Krusher off the apron again but this time he bails and the crowd laughs at him. Good stuff. So they act like they’re leaving him alone, then knock him off as soon as he gets back on the apron. Fans love it. Tag to Gibson and he goes for a spinning toe-hold. Koloff fights off but eats a sunset flip for two. Tag to Morton who trips up Koloff and slaps on a leglock. Knees to the leg and a tag to Gibson who goes for the leg some more. Ivan kicks off and makes the heelish hot tag to Khruschev. Gibson gets the better of him and slings him to the corner, but misses a charge and wipes himself out on the post. Krusher ties his foot up in the ropes and yanks at it. Slam to the corner, then a tag to Koloff who hits a hangman. Stompery on Koloff, who’s still kind of selling the leg injury. He grinds in a grounded hammerlock as we go to another commercial.
We’re back with Koloff holding Gibson in a bearhug-hammerlock combo. Gibson tries to fight out but gets pounded down. Slam into the corner and a tag to Khruschev who snapmares Gibson down into another rear-armbar. Gibson takes him down but goes for the tag in the wrong corner. Shoot to the corner by Krusher but he misses a charge and hurts his own shoulder. Tag to Koloff who stomps away. Hiptoss hits but an elbowdrop misses. Ivan stomps away, then tags Khruschev. Ricky Morton loses his cool and comes in, which only allows the heels to cheat. Tag to Koloff who slings Gibson down and fires off an elbowdrop for two. Ivan goes after the eyes, then goes for a kneedrop off the second rope. It misses and the fans buzz at a potential tag. Tag to Khruschev, and Gibson can’t quite make it as Krusher goes back to the arm. Gibson is close to the tag and both guys reach for it, so Ivan comes in to draw the referee away, leading to Khruschev knocking Morton off the apron. Ricky is pissed now and comes in and allows the heels to cheat some more. Koloff in for some turnbuckle ramming. Gibson tries to fight back but gets clubbed in the chest. Koloff climbs and tries to bulldog Gibson off the ropes, but gets slug off. Gibson fights him off but Khruschev gets the tag again. Shoot off and Krusher lowers his head and gets kicked in the face. Even this isn’t good enough for a tag. Man, they’re really milking this heat spot. The pop for Morton’s tag will be incredible. Koloff back in and the Russians hits a double elbow. Kneedrop by Koloff gets two. Scoopslam but Gibson gets his knees up on a splash. He’s got no gas left for the tag, so Morton calls for the fans. It’s not enough, and Gibson is too gassed to tag out. Khruschev gets the tag and slugs it out, but Gibson blocks them. Double leg takedown by Gibson gets two. Diving clothesline by Gibson for a double KO and the fans are buzzing like crazy now. Ivan tags in, and Gibson still can’t tag out. Gibson fights him off and tries to tag again, but Koloff grabs a blatant choke. Choke on the ropes and Morton comes in like a fool again. More cheating, then a head-of-steam by Koloff gets two. Tag to Khruschev who stomps away and grabs an armbar. Gibson has nothing left to fight back, even after he grabs the leg, so Khruschev mounts on the armbar. Tag to Koloff who fires off a rolling armbar, with body-scissors, but gets caught biting. Mounted punches gets two. Gibson has no clue where he’s at in the ring and simply holds his hand out and hopes for a tag. Shoot off and a blatant choke, leading to a pin for two. Gibson tries to fight back but has nothing on them, so Koloff tags in and hits an atomic drop for two. Gibson kind of kicks out with authority. Tag to Koloff who gets shot off and both guys run into each-other for a double KO. Gibson lands nowhere near his corner. He slugs it out with Koloff but gets cut off and Khruschev tags in. Armbar, and I’m thinking if the faces don’t win at this point there might be a riot. Shoot off by Krusher but Gibson gets a kneelift and makes the SUPER HOT TAG WITH HOT SAUCE to Morton. Dropkick to Koloff, then Morton springs off the ropes… and gets punched in the gut coming down. God giveth, God taketh away. The heels shoot off Morton but he gets a sunset flip for… nothing because Gibson runs in and takes out Khruschev and the referee has the attention span of a housefly on crack. Gibson and Khruschev roll to the outside and take the referee out with them. Koloff tosses Gibson over the top and to the floor. In the ring, the heels set up for a double team, but Morton jumps on Koloff’s shoulders and victory rolls him for the pin and the title. Fans EXPLODE!
***** Tag team wrestling at it’s finest. The true highlight of the set, and just looking at the rest of the lineup I’m betting the farm that nothing is going to come remotely close to topping it. Proof that giving a team forty minutes to build up to the hot tags pays off. Big props to all those involved.
Match #20: World Tag Team Championship
(c) The New Age Outlaws vs. The Rock & Mankind
12/12/99 Armageddon
The Rock’s pop is incredible. It’s something that’s missing in shows these days, as nobody gets the loving pop that Austin or Rocky got. Oh, and just to be clear, the word “ass” is censored from Road Dogg’s opening spiel, but “Mr. Ass” is not blurred off of Billy Gunn’s shirt. We then have the rest of his opening speech cut because there’s no TV-PG way of saying “Bad Ass Billy Gunn” or “Suck it!”
…
Seriously, I’m about to lose it. The WWE is such a self-parody now that 24/7 is having blood white-washed out of it by filtering the image into black-and-white and the word ‘ass’ is being censored. Vince McMahon, you ignorant, washed up fool, you made your fortune because of an era where anything goes saved your company from collapse and now you want to revert back to that time in the mid 90s when you were pushing big fat asses and having comical gimmicks rule your ring? It’s time to hang it up, Vinnie. Hopefully someone close to you will accept that you’re off your rocker and put you out to the pasture. Even your hand-picked writers know the TV-PG rating is stupid and are ignoring you. Quit now while you still have a legacy. You’re heading down the Verne Gagne path of destruction. For all the bravado you show every time someone questions your operations, when it boils down to it, the WWE in 2009 proves that you are, in fact, a big fat washed up pussy. Censoring the word “ass.” Ladies and gentlemen, the bad boy of wrestling Vincent Kennedy McMahon is too afraid to let the word “ass” be heard. You sad fucking wimp.
And no, I probably don’t want to say that to your face.
To the match. Mankind and James start. Foley was pretty much broken down by this point, though he managed to pull it together for his retirement run the next month. Lockup leads to a clean break. Second lockup and another clean break, almost, as James slugs it out but gets stopped and head-locked. Shoot off into a shoulderblock and a legdrop for two. Now to a chinlock. Jesus wept, the match just fucking started. At least Foley made no bones about it, he was finished here. Dogg fights out and slugs it out. Tag to Billy ASS Gunn. Foley fights back but gets taken down for two. Foley has nothing to offer so he tags Rocky to a huge pop. Billy goes to take his shirt off so Rocky jumps him and whips him to the corner, then clotheslines him for two. “That was as stupid as anything I’ve ever seen” says Jim Ross. Tag to Foley who kicks Billy ASS Gunn in the head. Stompery by Foley some punches, but ASS fights back and takes Foley to the heel corner. Tag to Dogg who brawls Foley around. Mankind fires off some headbutts, only to eat the shake and rattle punches. He counts the roll part with the mandible claw and things break down. The brawl goes outside where Foley takes Billy ASSSSSSSSSS Gunn to the crowd. Billy charges at the Rock but gets hiptossed over the guardrail and back to the ring-side area. Slam onto the table by the Rock, but A-S-S fights back and returns to the ring for some stompery. More brawling, then Rock fights back with brawling. Diamond Cutter by Billy ASS Gunn gets two. To the corner where James gets the tag and slugs it out. Billy then takes Rocky to the floor and drops him on the guard rail. My mind tends to wander during a lot of these attitude era matches because 90% of them contained nothing but punching and kicking. So to be clear, I’m not advocating that we go back to the wrestling style of the attitude era, just the attitude part. Back in the ring, more punching, then a punch by James for two. Yippee. This match fucking ASS sucks. Big clothesline from Rock to fight back. James goes for the hump-handle slam…
OH COME ON, SO YOU WILL CENSOR THE WORD “ASS” BUT SIMULATED ANAL RAPE GOES OFF WITHOUT A HITCH? THAT’S HORSESHIT!
*technical difficulties*
*fives days and a trip to the psych ward later*
Let’s just pretend this whole thing never happened, shall we? James goes for the completely TV-PG appropriate simulated-gay-anal-sex slam on Rocky, as seen on such TV-PG shows as Boys Meets World (who will ever forget the time Corey fist-fucked Topanga in the ass?), but Rocky pushes off. The Outlaws both hit kicks to his head and Billy comes in for a chinlock. Billy, who’s done practically nothing in this match, looks like he’s close to a heart attack just from laying down on Rocky. Roundhouse DDT by Rocky leads to a double KO. Tags around, with Mick getting a cold hot-tag. Punches for all. Knee smashes for all. Billy misses a stinger splash and hits James. Foley goes for the Shake-Rattle-Roll punches and somehow hits the ref. DDT gets nothing because the ref is dead. Billy doesn’t help things by sandwiching the ref between himself and Foley. Gunn gets dumped, then Mick hits a double arm DDT on James. He pulls out Mr. Socko and slaps on the mandible claw, BUT WAIT~! because Al-Snow runs in and wipes out Foley with the head. James falls on top and covers for… two? Fuck me, you mean this shit is going to continue? Ugh. Rocky bails to kill Al Snow while the Outlaws knock Foley out with the ring bell… for two?? Good fucking god. Billy tags in and hits a sick piledriver, nearly losing his grip on Foley, and it gets two. Foley backdrops out of another and then wipes out James who was climbing to spike it. Foley climbs for the tag, and Billy can’t even make an effort to make his cut-off look good. Rocky gets the tag. Punches for all and a Samoan drop to ASS for two. Spinebuster to James and the Rock Bottom for to Gunn for two as Al Snow comes in the ring and draws a DQ. After the match, Road Dogg and Al Snow eat Rock Bottoms, and Snow eats the People’s Elbow. Likely the high-light of his career.
DUD I hated, hated, hated this match. I know a lot of people look back on the Foley/Rocky team with fond memories, but the truth is Foley was a broken man by this point and Rocky was about the least sympathetic babyface in wrestling history. The team had name value but the matches ALL SUCKED and the whole angle never led anywhere. Anyway, I thought the Wrestlemania IV Strike Force/Demolition match would be the low-point of the set, but leave it to the Rock & Suck Connection to prove me wrong.
-Blockbuster Teams is next. I’m going to try and guess them without actually watching it. I’ll pick five: Hogan & Savage, Rock & Foley, Sting & Luger, Triple H & Steve Austin, and Rated RKO. Okay, that was kind of cheating as Rated RKO is in the next match, but I bet I’m right on the others. Actual teams shown? Rock and Foley is first. I’m one for one. Sting & Luger is second. I’m two for two. Mega Powers are third. I’m three for three. Triple H & Shawn Michaels are forth. Damn, three for four. Rated RKO is fifth, making me overall four for five. I’m a little shocked that the two-man power trip got no love. And after the segment was done I realized if I gave myself another minute I would have guessed Cena & Michaels and missed another one. So yea for quick thinking.
Match #21
Shawn Michaels & Triple H vs. Randy Orton & Edge
11/5/06 Cyber Sunday
Guest Referee: Eric Bischoff
I think I’m just about the only smart fan who enjoyed DX’s reunion tour, though I think the WWE still missed the boat by not opening up the purse strings a bit and giving them Kevin Nash as well. Sure, Nash is barely mobile these days, but he would have fit in well with them and they’re all buddies and stuff. Either way, the juvenile humor mixed with Shawn’s “see, speak, and hear no evil” shtick were pretty entertaining. Oh, and censorship note: “SUCK IT” is not censored.
In what has to be a blow to Vince McMahon’s ego, Bischoff got sixty percent of the vote to be the referee here, more then Vince McMahon and Jonathan Coachman combined. The WWE really should bring Bischoff back and make him a manager or something. One day a week, two days on pay-per-view weeks, and I bet he can get anyone over. The WWE has a lot of hot prospects right now but some of them just can’t talk. A big problem with wrestling these days is that because they have ‘professional writers’ working for them, they think everything that is spoken in a promo will be gold. It’s not. Some guys just don’t have what it takes to get over on the microphone. Managers are due for a comeback, and Bischoff is about the best talker the WWE could get that isn’t on their shit list.
To the match. The angle is that DX is not taking Rated RKO seriously, complete with them using Rock-Paper-Scissors to decide who starts. Jim Ross freaks out about that on commentary. Shawn wins and he starts with Edge. Lockup goes to the corner where Edge slugs it out. Shawn seems to already be overselling a bit. Shoot to the corner where Edge goes to flip over Shawn, but ends up getting chopped. Volley-punching on Edge between the faces, then a sunset flip by Shawn exposes Edge’s bare ass. Randy Orton actually breaks character on the apron, laughing about it. The sunset flip gets nothing because Bischoff was out of position, so Shawn fires off some chops. I love Shawn Michaels… think he’s the best wrestler ever… but man, his chops suck. Another sunset flip by Shawn gets two. Drop-toehold by Shawn into an armbar, then a tag to Trips. He starts to climb but then changes his mind and punches Edge instead. Supposed to be a comic spot, but the fans don’t get it and it bombs. Big punches by Trips takes Edge down. Thumb to the eye by Edge and a tag to Randy Orton who slugs it out. Shoot to the corner but Trips explodes out of it with a clothesline. Suplex and a kneedrop (called a high knee by Jim Ross, who might be getting senile) by Trips and a tag to Michaels. Shoot to the corner by Randy but Michaels gets a foot up and tags Trips. Orton gets a kneelift and tags Edge. Shoot off and Trips has to leapfrog Edge only to get dropkicked by Orton. Trips fights back with some punches but eats the Edge-o-Matic for two. Tag to Orton who kicks and punches away, then to the corner where he stomps. Tag to Edge, who slugs it out. Edge comes off the ropes but Trips kicks him, then fires off a DDT for a double KO. They sell this like it’s the hot tag spot, and Shawn does get it. FOUR AND A HALF MOVES OF DOOM~! Flying forearm, nip-up, atomic drop, then an atomic drop to Orton to dump him. Trips slams Edge so Shawn can fire off the forth move of doom, the flying elbow. By the by, the ‘half’ part is the nip-up. Shawn tunes up the band but Orton trips him up then crotches him on the ringpost. Tag to Orton who drops several knees for two. Punches, including one potato that hurt his own hand, then a blatant choke. The heels try to get a ‘distract the ref’ spot, but Bischoff wasn’t ready for it, so they literarily have to pick him up and put him in a place to do it, then do the cheating. Ugh. Dropkick by Edge gets two. Front chancery by Edge, with Shawn reaching for the tag. Finally, he backdrops Edge and reaches for the tag some more, but Edge flips him down for a sunset flip for two. Sick big boot by Edge gets two. Tag to Orton who hits a standing dropkick for two. Orton then slaps on a chinlock, and holy fuck berries, he actually works the hold, using torque. I’m impressed. Orton grounds him down on it and gets a couple near falls out of it. Shawn fights out of it but Randy slings him around into the wrap-around backbreaker for two. Tag to Edge who calls for the spear, but Michaels side-steps it and Bischoff gets killed. Enziguri by Shawn leads to a double knock out. Hot tag to Trips. Punches for all. Flying knee to Orton and the face buster to Edge, followed by a clothesline. Spinebuster to Orton and the KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! but Edge hits the spear to stop it. Edge gets dumped by Shawn, who follows it up with a plancha. In the ring, Orton hits the RKO, botching it slightly and whacking his head into Triple H’s on the way down. Ouch. Orton covers and another referee comes down and covers for two. He sets up another RKO but Triple H pushes him off and into Shawn Michaels’ superkick. This would not be an example of what I call the “Worst Move Ever.” For a move to qualify as such, the person taking the move has to recover and immediately hit his finisher. In this case, Trips still sells the RKO and doesn’t hit the next offensive move. Trips crawls over and covers for two as Bischoff yanks the new referee out and knocks him out. Shawn gets pissed and goes to kill Bischoff, but gets smacked with a chair instead. In the ring, it’s a KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! for Edge, but Orton chairs Trips and RKOs him on the chair for the pin.
** They never got a good beat going. Everything was way too punchy-kicky, and none of the heat segments were very effective. Big disappointment.
-Morrison and Miz mock the Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas’ team name, but concede that they were both ‘technical masters.’ A bit of a stretch. They then go back to mocking the name some more, which had my sides splitting. Good stuff.
Match #22
The Self Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. Los Guerreros
12/11/03 Smackdown
Death Percentage: 25%. Eddie and Charlie start. Haas fires off some knees in the corner, but Eddie tosses him in the corner. Charlie tags Shelton, who has a knucklelock test with Eddie. Shelton gets him down to his knees, but Eddie recovers and flips up into a rana. Tag to Chavo who slugs it out. Chavo distracts with the ref while Eddie chokes with the tag rope. Tag to Eddie but Shelton hits a nasty looking armbar-takedown that Eddie didn’t look ready for. To the outside where they fight under the hood of Eddie’s low-rider. Shelton threatens to slam the lid on him, but Eddie escapes. Shelton won’t be denied so he tosses Eddie into the post as we cut to a commercial out of nowhere.
We’re back and Eddie is the face-in-peril. Haas tags in and starts to work the injured arm with a grounded hammerlock. Tag to Shelton who comes over the ropes with a knee stomp. Tag to Charlie who does the same. Eddie to his feet where he uses his good arm to flip Charlie off, but the heels keep Eddie isolated, then Haas knocks Chavo off the apron. Chavo gets back on the apron and makes the blind tag. Punches for all and a backdrop to Haas. Spinning head-scissors to Shelton, then a twisting senton to Haas for two. Haas goes for a press-slam but Chavo rolls him up for two. Armdrag into an armbar by Chavo to slow the match down. Eddie is still selling the arm injury on the apron. Charlie goes for a back suplex but Chavo flips out of it, only to get kicked in the pre-injured knee by Shelton. Good stuff, each babyface having a separate injury. Charlie grinds down on the knee, then tags in Shelton who comes over the ropes with a stomp. Half-crab by Shelton, so Eddie gets resourceful by yanking the tag rope off the turnbuckle. The ref goes over to bitch at him for doing it and re-attach the rope, giving Eddie the time he needs to slip into the ring, knock out Shelton, and drag Chavo to the corner so he can tag in legally. Fans get a good laugh at it. Eddie does make the tag, but the referee doesn’t see it. Fans are pissed, but what do they expect? He missed Eddie enter the ring. He missed Eddie kick Shelton. He missed Eddie dragging Chavo to the corner. Go figure he would miss the tag. Eddie complains, so the heels double up on the leg of Chavo. Sadly they can’t seem to come up with anything cool to do to him and just kick away at it. Backdrop attempt leads to Chavo flying up with a big dropkick. Chavo crawls for the tag, but Shelton yanks Eddie off the apron. Shoot off and an attempt at a double backdrop, but Chavo fights them off and Air-Jordans over to Eddie for the hot tag. Clotheslines for all. Dropkick to Shelton and a hiptoss to Charlie. Springing armdrag by Eddie, then he sidesteps a charge and the heels run into each other. Monkey flip to Shelton, who lands on his feet, but Eddie still dropkicks him into Haas. Back suplex to Shelton and Eddie feels froggy. He climbs but Charlie catches him and superplexes him. The heels hit the World’s Greatest Tag Team Maneuver (that leapfrog onto the guy spot) on Eddie, but Chavo saves at two. Chavo dumps Haas and planchas him while Eddie fights back with the three amigos, using his good arm to do it. He even backdrops Charlie Haas in the middle of it. Blind tag by Chavo and the frog splash… for two. Chavo is pissed. Haas dropkicks Chavo into Eddie, knocking him off the apron. Atomic drop by Charlie and a snap-kick by Shelton, but Eddie is the legal man. Eddie grabs an air-filter from his low-rider clubs Shelton with it and covers for the pin.
***3/4 Very good TV match with some really good selling from the baby-faces. WGTT could have varied up their offense a little more, but given the WWE limits some stuff on their television shows to save the good stuff for pay-per-view, that was to be expected. Overall, good stuff.
-The Crockett Cup gets highlighted. The rules are explained, some of the teams are shown. In a nut-shell: two day tag team tournament, winning team gets a million dollars. I think the gimmick is due for a comeback. Fans always got super into it, and it gave the bookers a break from focusing on the world champions.
Match #23: Crockett Cup Finals
Tully Blanchard & Lex Luger vs. Nikita Koloff & Dusty Rhodes
4/11/87 Jim Crockett Sr. Memorial Cup
Sad moment as Magnum TA, fresh off his career-ending car accident, limps to the ring using a cane, arm in a sling, and requiring a few people to hold him up. Huge ovation for him. It’s really sad because this *might* have been the night that he was to win the world championship. There is debate on exactly when they were going to switch the title to him, but make no mistake, it was set in stone that he was going to be the world’s heavyweight champion. He wasn’t the best worker by any means, but he had ‘it’ and would have been an excellent champion. And I think a lot of the problems that ultimately led to the creation of WCW would not have happened if Magnum TA had been champion. Dusty and Magnum tearfully hug before the match, and if you want a moment in wrestling that is completely real and emotional, this is it.
To the match. Oh, and as a fun fact, Tully Blanchard was in a foul mood here, being stuck on job duty for over-the-hill Dusty Rhodes yet again. Dusty of course, was the booker at this point. He told people he was booking the tournament as a means to get Nikita Koloff over, but the fact that he paired himself with him rubbed people the wrong way. Besides, Koloff needed no help getting over. Despite being pretty under-talented compared to most of the big NWA babyfaces, Nikita was VERY OVER here, and was already the United States champion. So really, this was Dusty booking Dusty to be the star and nothing more. Tully and Dusty start. Tully brawls but Dusty fires off the big elbow and some punches. Headlock by Dusty that goes on for a while. Tully gets both his feet on the top rope to break the hold, but Dusty uses this to yank on his head, then casually drop him. Tully tries to fight but Rhodes punches at him. Comedy spot sees Tully wanting to charge at Dusty, but getting scared off by a potential bionic-elbow. Tully gives up and tags Luger in. Luger doesn’t want Dusty and asks him to tag Koloff. He does and they lock up. Lockup and Luger shoves Koloff, who’s wearing a neck brace, to the corner. Another lockup leads to more of the same. A third lockup and Nikita finally overpowers Luger. Stall and circle leads to Luger punching Koloff in the gut and going for a suplex, but Nikita blocks it and shoves Luger to the corner. Five minutes in and this match sucks a big penis sandwich. Luger calls for a test of strength and we get it. Nikita starts to win it, so Luger kicks him in the gut and takes him down to his knees. Nikita gets up so Luger kicks him down again. Nikita fights back and this time monkey-flips Luger, who bails. Back in, Luger tags Tully, who spits at Nikita. Blanchard kicks away but Nikita catches a foot and atomic drops him out of the ring. He gives chase and they return to the ring, where Nikita hooks in a bear hug. Luger comes off the top rope with a sledge, allowing Tully to set up the slingshot suplex, but Koloff wiggles out and clotheslines him. Luger and J.J. eat clotheslines as well. Suplex by Koloff gets two. Clothesline into a choke by Koloff, which kind of befuddles the fans because he’s supposed to be the good guy here. I heard a lot of people in the office would give him hell because he would use too many heel spots. 360 Clothesline over the top rope causes both guys to fall hard on the concrete, where J.J. Dillon pulls off Koloff’s neck brace. Luger takes advantage by smacking him in the neck and slamming his throat into the guardrail. Back in, Luger goes for the neck and slams him around. Shoot off and a backelbow, then a choke with the foot. Slam into Tully’s foot and a tag by Luger. Tully comes in and covers for two. Swinging neckbreaker gets two. Luger in and slugs away at the neck. Dusty distracts the ref like a douche allowing the heels to cheat. It gets two. Hotshot gets two. Tag to Tully he slugs away at the neck. If you’re going to do nothing but punch, at least punch the injured spot, says I. Luger tags back in and stomps at the neck and hits a short clothesline for two. Tully tags in with some stomps for two and then a chinlock. Koloff snapmares out of it but Tully tags Luger fast enough to prevent Koloff from making the hot tag. Luger grabs a front face-lock and holds it for a while, then tags Tully, who dumps Koloff to the concrete. Dusty is all aghast at this and distracts the ref, which allows Dillon to smack Koloff with his shoot. Koloff gets to the apron where Tully clubs him in the neck and slingshots his throat into the bottom rope for two. Tully climbs for a sledge off the ropes, but Koloff punches him coming down. Hot tag to Dusty. Elbows for all, and these are some of the worst looking elbows of Dusty’s career. Three-point stance to Tully, then another which Tully kind of shrugs off. A third one is side-stepped and Dusty falls to the floor. Things break down as Dusty and Luger brawl on the floor while Tully accidentally hits J.J. with his own shoe. Tully goes to piledrive Koloff but Dusty comes off the top rope with a cross body to score the pin and win the tournament.
* Really dull and the heels were very much not into-it. Can’t blame them. Watching this, I can see why so many people in the business hated Dusty Rhodes’ guts by this point. He books this tournament allegedly as a means to get Nikita over. Nikita then gets to play the face-in-peril and get practically no offense in, and doesn’t even score the winning pinfall. Meanwhile, Dusty gets to relive his “John Wayne” role as the unstoppable hero who always comes back. I think Dusty is a pretty creative guy and actually a really good story writer, but he was just a little to into himself and should never have been allowed to be the booker while he was still active.
-The moment as arrived. Morrison and the Miz declare the Road Warriors the greatest tag team ever… except them of course.
Match #24
Road Warriors vs. Ted DiBiase & Mike “IRS” Rotundo
8/29/92 Summerslam
Another repeat, this time from the Road Warriors set. Booooooo! So many choices, and this is the one they pick. This would be the last match the Warriors had for a while, as Hawk had pretty much quit the company before the match started and had no plans of coming back. Hawk was in a bad place at this point in his life, and was about to have a nervous breakdown. Hawk starts with Ted, and the fans are absolutely rabid. Hawk whips Ted into the ropes, and he bails. Animal cheap shots him and throws him back in the ring, but Hawk dumps him back out. The Animal cheaps him out again with a clothesline. Good sequence. Animal tags in, as does IRS. Rotundo takes control in the corner, but Animal fights out. Animal steps on IRS’ tie, called “his tongue” by Bobby the Brain. Back in, and IRS manages to grab a sleeper on Hawk, while Paul freaks out a ringside with the fucking dummy Rocko. The ref checks Hawk twice, and he comes alive on the third. He rams IRS into the corner, then hits a clothesline. He goes up and misses a clothesline. Dibiase takes advantage on the outside, then rolls Hawk in. IRS drops some elbows for two. In comes Ted Dibiase, who does nothing, then back to IRS, who grabs a chinlock. Animal tries to come in, and the ref gets distracted, so Ted runs in and takes over the chinlock. They repeat that a couple times. The ref doesn’t see the tag but lets it go, throwing out the rule of you have to call what you see. Logic gap aside, Ted lets go and drops a knee, then rams Hawk into the corner. Hawk blocks a second ram, but IRS comes in to prevent the hot tag. They clothesline each other, and Ted makes the tag. Hawk still can’t get out. Ted jaws with Animal, which causes him to get angry. The ref calms down Animal while IRS comes in for some more double teaming. Hawk makes a hot tag, but the ref doesn’t see it. A double clothesline, and both guys are out. This time, both tag out and Animal is pissed. Shoulderblock on Ted, then a clothesline on both IRS and Ted. Atomic drop on IRS and he’s out of it. They try for the device on Dibiase, but IRS breaks it up. They dump him and Animal powerslams Dibiase for the win.
*** Good stuff, good story telling, but this was a basic tag team formula. It’s a formula for a reason, it works.
-Miz and Morrison end the DVD by talking about how great they are, and how we are cooler just by having watched them.
BOTTOM LINE: I’m going thumbs up just for the sheer volume of matches here. I think there were some bad choices and some really odd snubs. Where’s Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith? Where’s Sting & Luger? And even though the smark in me hates to admit it, but even some of the not-so-great teams like the Goddwins and the Bushwhackers really deserved a spot in this, since at the very least they are still remembered. A lot of people are calling this the best set in years, but they’re way off. There’s good stuff in here for sure, but many of the matches are mediocre and there were better choices up for grabs. So again, thumbs up, but there was room for improvement.
