The SmarK Rant for WWF Summerslam 2000

The SK Rant for Summerslam 2000
– To start, for those who aren’t aware, yes, I am writing a book about wrestling for Lebhar-Friedman publishing, and it’s being released February 2001. It’s called “Buzz on Wrestling” and it’s basically the same idea as the Idiot’s Guide to Pro Wrestling, but without all the crap and mistakes in it. Consider it kind of a beginner’s guide for smarts and a summary of the last 15 years of wrestling in 250 pages, as I give extensive biographies for 50 of the most influential wrestlers of the modern era, complete with best/most memorable matches and tons of pictures. I’m also including a rundown on the basics of booking, blading, the physics of breaking tables, how to rate matches, how to spit mist, and a bunch of other stuff. If you like the rants, you’ll love this book, trust me. It should be available in your local bookstore for about $20, and it’s also gonna be on Amazon.com for a little less, I think. I’m sure Wrestleline will probably figure out a way to sell it there too if LF makes it worth their while. And if you REALLY want to be a Keith completeist, I’m also gonna have my name on the Goldberg autobiography due out in October, as I’ve been doing consulting on some of the little details (match dates, continuity, stuff like that), which is how I got my own book deal. By the way, if Bill Apter is reading this, PLEASE contact me because the book publishers need to get a bunch of photos by October and I figure you’re the guy to talk to.

– I would be remiss in not mentioning the Worst Heat Ever preceding the show, which was essentially a one-hour selljob for the PPV.

– Live from Raleigh, NC

– Your hosts are JR & The King

– And tonight’s rating is LVN! Whoo-hoo!

– Opening match: Right To Censor v. Too Cool & Rikishi. Too Cool cleans house to start and Scotty controls Bull with his speed. Flying bodypress gets two. Goodfather in and he gets tossed, and takes out his anger on the hos. Back in, Sexay takes some abuse. Steviebomb gets two. Stevie goes up and gets superplexed off, and Rikishi gets the hot tag. He destroys the RTC and stacks them up in the corner for CHEEKS OF FIRE. Scotty tries the Worm on Bull, but a Steviekick prevents it and Richards gets the pin. Bad opener, but what else did you expect? 1/2*

– Road Dogg v. X-Pac. Mat sequence to start by X-Pac. X-Pac bails off a kick to the butt. That’s a pretty dramatic sell. X-Pac comes back with a quick broncobuster attempt, which misses. X-Pac goes to the sleeper, boring the crowd. Leg lariat gets two. Broncobuster hits this time, but Dogg no-sells. He comes back with the funky punches and boogie-woogie kneedrop for two. Pumphandle is reversed to the X-Factor, which in turn is blocked. X-Pac goes low and hits the X-Factor on the second try for the pin. Bleh. 3/4* Road Dogg punks him out, hopefully killing D-X once and for all.

– Intercontinental title: Val Venis & Trish Stratus v. Eddy Guerrero & Chyna. Slugfest to start. Eddy spins out of a powerbomb, but Val gets a kneedrop for two. Chyna comes in with a clothesline and a double-team flapjack for two. She lays in the boots, then clotheslines Val and goes after Trish. Val hits a backdrop from behind, as Chyna plays mamacita-in-peril. Yay, more Chyna. Lowblow from her, but Val escapes a powerbomb. DDT hits, however, and Chyna hot tags Eddy. Rana gets two on Val. Val alley-oops him into the turnbuckle and a Blue Thunder bomb gets two. They hit the double-KO spot, as the chicks brawl. Chyna tries the handspring elbow, but Val stops it, and Eddy hits the floor. I don’t like the looks of this. Trish tries a clothesline on Chyna-which does nothing. Yeah, that was real smart. Chyna casually press-slams and pins Trish to win the title. Whoopee, another Chyna reign as champ. PLEASE let this set up the return of Evil Eddy and CHEATING TO WIN tomorrow on RAW. Match was nothing you wouldn’t see on RAW. *1/2

– Jerry Lawler v. Tazz. Tazz comes out with a cowboy hat and does a blind man routine. King punks him out and we’re on. Lawler hits a dropkick (!) and a lariat, then chokes him down. A fistdrop hits, and a second misses. Tazz pounds on him. He tosses Lawler and taunts JR. Lawler comes back and Tazz headbutts him low and goes upstairs (?). A somersault senton (!!!) misses, and Jerry PULLS DOWN THE STRAP! Now he means business, baby! Piledriver is no-sold (it’s not Memphis, after all) and the ref gets bumped. Tazzmission gets hooked, and JR leaves his position to smash a candy jar over Tazz’ head, giving Lawler the pin. If I’m Tazz, I kill Lawler on RAW. * Again, nothing special here.

– Hardcore title match: Shane O Mac v. Steve Blackman. Blackman offers up a free shot, which he then blocks. Into the crowd, and back to ringside as Blackman hits the KICK OF FEAR from the guardrail. Into the ring, Shane gets kendo sticked under a garbage can. Blackman chokes him out with a strap for fun. T&A hit the ring and Test drops the big elbow on Blackman, then Shane uses the FLYING ROAD SIGN OF DOOM and they drag Blackman out to the entranceway. A dropped amp misses Blackman. Albert hits Test by mistake, and Shane flees for the scaffolding to escape. Oh dear, this can’t be healthy. Blackman chases him up there with a kendo stick-and when Shane gets to the very top, Blackman knocks him down and through a stage. Ho-lee Shit. Blackman then proves his manhood and testicular fortitude by JUMPING AFTER HIM and dropping a flying elbow from about 20 feet to get the pin and regain the title. Well, if Sting didn’t look like a total pussy for having a stuntman take his bump at the Bash before, he sure does now. Kudos to Shane for being Foley 2000, and hopefully Vince’s money can buy him some good medical care when he runs the WWF from a wheelchair. There was a pretty decent hardcore match preceding the bumps, too. ***

– Chris Jericho v. Chris Benoit, 2/3 falls: New tights for both tonight, as Jericho goes for the purple motif. Slugfest to start, and everyone rolls right out of the ring, including the ref. Jericho charges and gets posted. Back in, Benoit goes for the crossface, which is countered to the Liontamer, which Benoit counters, so Jericho catapults him into the corner. German suplex out of that gets two. Nice. Jericho hits a chop (only one?) and Benoit reverses a tombstone attempt into a shoulderbreaker. Jericho comes back with a Lionsault, which hits knee. Benoit locks on the crossface-and Jericho taps! Yeah! Benoit then proves he’s your god and mine by going right back to the move and holding on. Awesome psychology. Jericho doesn’t have another fall to waste, so this time he fights for the ropes. He makes it, so Benoit just absolutely KILLS him, hitting the most intense shots I’ve ever seen. God, Benoit’s so awesome right now. He rams Jericho’s shoulder to the post three times, wearing it down. Jericho comes back, but falls prey to pair of rolling german suplexes. He reverses the third to the Liontamer-and Benoit taps. One fall apiece. Jericho with more Canadian Violence and a flying elbow for two. They trade powerbomb reversals and do a pinning combo (with the crowd getting SERIOUSLY into it) and Benoit finally debuts the Dragon Suplex in the WWF, for two. YEAH! They fight on the top and Jericho hits a vicious superfrankensteiner, and gets a two count. Perfect form there. Jericho hits a pair of lariats and a leg lariat for two. Lionsault hits, but Jericho comes down on his shoulder, and thus can’t make the cover. PSYCHOLOGY! Jericho gets one last-ditch rollup for two, but Benoit does a crazy-ass reversal, hooking the legs and GRABBING THE BOTTOM ROPE for that last bit of old-school badass heel psychology, and gets the pin! Yeah! Markout city and yet another match of the year canadidate from the WWF. I can’t take much more of these, I’m running out of stars. ****3/4

– TLC Match: Edge & Christian v. The Hardy Boyz v. The Dudley Boyz. Chair-throwing exhibition to start. The ladders come in early and Buh Buh makes the first run at it. Edge legsweeps both he and Matt off the ladders. Christian climbs but Buh Buh takes him off with the full-nelson bomb from the ladder! OUCH! Jeff climbs and Edge pushes him off, onto another ladder that snaps up and smashes the prone Matt in the face. DOUBLE OUCH! Dudleyz hit the Wazzup Drop from the ladder, and D-Von brings the tables. Christian takes 3D through one. They stack the tables outside 2-on-2, but Edge foils that spot with a chairshot. Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Edge and a legdrop off the ladder, and Jeff follows with the leapfrog legdrop OVER the ladder. Edge gets sandwiched in a ladder and Matt tosses Christian off the top rope, onto that ladder, killing Edge. Oh man, these guys are INSANE. Outside, Jeff tries the swanton bomb spot from WM2000, but Buh Buh is onto him this time and moves. Continuity! Big ladder gets set up, and four guys climb. All four fall off. Buh Buh’s still alive so he tries, but the champs push the ladder over and he takes a dive through that table stack outside. Awesome spot. Matt tries it, but D-Von is okay now so HE pushes the ladder over, and Matt goes through ANOTHER table stack on the OTHER side of the ring. I fear for these guys’ lives, I really do. Edge & Christian climb, but now Lita comes out and pushes THEM off. She takes a spear from Edge moments later and rams her head into the mat. Man, even the people running in are bumping like freaks. D-Von and Jeff, the last survivors, race up the ladder and each one grabs a belt-and the ladder falls over, leaving them swinging in the air! Wild! D-Von falls off and the crowd explodes-but Jeff can’t loose the belts, and Edge & Christian smash a ladder into him to knock him off, then climb up and grab the belts to retain. Canadians SO rule. Gotta go the full monty here again. ***** No 37-second pose from the champs, though.

– The Kat v. Terri. Snow is with the Kat, Saturn is with Terri. I pray for nudity, and/or a quick finish. I’ll likely get neither. Kat goes for the stinkface early, but Saturn pulls Terri out. Back in, Kat hits something that might loosely be referred to as a spear and a broncobuster. She goes for the stinkface again, but Saturn pushes her over. Kat slams her, but a buttdrop misses. Terri goes for the finish, but Kat shoves her away, hits her with Head, and delivers the stinkface for the win. Did we need to see that instead of another 8 minutes of Benoit-Jericho? -****

– Undertaker v. Kane. Kane has a new sleeveless outfit that makes him look like Mortis. Taker tries to rip the mask off, which pisses Kane off. Kane grabs a chair, but doesn’t get anywhere with it. We stop for my birthday cake so I miss a bit of it. Taker rips off a chunk of Kane’s mask as we return, and Kane bleeds. Back in, Kane comes back and punches, but UT spears him. Oooh, feel the moveset! UT rips the mask off (!) and his music plays, but we don’t see Kane’s face clearly. No match.

– WWF title: The Rock v. HHH v. Kurt Angle. Kurt stakes his claim to Stephanie before the match. HHH comes out and kicks some righteous ass. Both men hit the floor, and brawl. Back in, HHH tosses Angle again and sends him to the stairs. Pedigree is attempted on the Spanish table, but it breaks too soon and Angle takes an ugly bump. HHH grabs his trusty sledgehammer and HEEEEEEEEERE’S Rocky. Samoan drop for HH and lariat, and they brawl on the floor. Everyone stands around for a bit as EMTs attend to Angle. They stretcher him off, but HHH stops them and drags him back. Rock & HHH brawl a bit more. Back to ringside, as Steph comes out to attend to Angle. In the ring, HHH USES THE KNEE for two. Steph retrieves the belt, but hits HHH my mistake to give Rock a two count. Rock goes after her, but takes a low blow. Rock gets a forearm, HHH hits the neckbreaker. He grabs Mr. Sledge and nails the Rock in the gut. He lays in some kicks to the ribs, and a facebuster gets two. HHH slowly works the ribs over. They must be improvising due to an actual Angle injury. Rock comes back with a swinging neckbreaker. HHH knees him down and goes upstairs, and they fight there. Rock wins and gets a superplex. Meanwhile, Steph talks Angle into coming back and helping. Rock belly-to-belly gets two. Steph drags Angle out. He trips up Rocky and HHH hits the Pedigree-but Angle pulls HHH out at two. He covers Rock himself for two. Elbow gets two. Belly-to-belly gets two. Rock comes back with a DDT for two. He whips Angle into the recovering HHH and hits Rock Bottom for two. HHH pulls Rock out and posts him, while Steph slips the sledgehammer to Angle. HHH charges-and hits Steph by accident. Uh oh. Angle KO’s HHH for two, then Rock dumps Angle, hits the People’s Elbow on HHH, and retains the title. Interesting booking there. A Rock-HHH match is pretty much an automatic ***, plus a bit for some good stuff with Angle at the end. ***3/4

The Bottom Line: Rock on. The WWF’s awesome PPV streak continues, as they’ve delivered the goods in 7 of the 8 shows this year, and this one is no different, boasting two legit MOTYCs and Shane bumping like he could die tomorrow and not care. Could they do it without Benoit? Who cares? They have done it, and that’s what matters, especially since I was worried about the booking leading into this one.

Thumbs way up for another awesome show well worth the $30.

This rant is part of Scott Keith’s extensive archive of reviews and rants! Check out Scott’s Rant Archive deal to buy all rants in one handy package!

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