For Your Consideration…ECW’s Last Stop on the Road to SummerFest
I heard you been lookin’ for me…
Yeah, I’m not exactly that hard to find. I did all Three main shows last week (though my SmackDown column got bumped and re-posted so if you missed it check out the link at the bottom) and did RAW last night, so my presence on the site has never been more apparent. So, I’m back for a little ECW as we head towards Summerfest. Oh, and if you have the time, head on over and follow me on Twitter at twitter.com/awheeler316. I made the mistake of following Jeremy Borasch just to see what was going on in Camp DisasTNAer and he actually sends every follower a Direct Message thanking them for their support. While it is a nice touch, if he thinks that’s going to overcome the fact that Matt Morgan main evented a PPV then he’s sorely mistaken. Lastly, brilliant move Taz. So glad you were fed up with just being a commentator in the WWE that you left to go make an Impact on TNA and now you’re…a commentator. On a lower-rated non network show. Awesome decision, buddy. Hope you and Foley can get together to write that joint apology letter to Vince when you realize how much you miss being relevant.
One quick little thing that needs to be fixed before we get onto the show. There’s a shot in the ECW opening title that shows Christian dropping Swagger. It’s nitpicky but the WWE usually is good about keeping non-branded talent out of the opening videos. Someone needs to get on that. More time making the show look good and less time on Abraham Washington.
It’s pyro-mania as we are five nights from Summefest, live from Kansas City. Wow, that is just one town that will always be associated with a wrestling tragedy. Few cities really have that effect on me, but KC is burned into my brain.
Tonight’s main event is Dreamer and Christian versus Regal and Kozlov. I love that Regal is getting a shot at the main event, and I think this is a great way to use your veteran talent, but can we drop this whole Dreamer/Christian longtime friendship nonsense. Christian and Dreamer were never on camera together until now, and there haven’t been any actions that make us believe that these two are buddies. The only time a company should create fake friendships is if one guys is turning, and since Dreamer is a permanent face and Christian is the champion, I don’t see either Superstar making the switch any time soon. Which sucks because I desperately want to see heel Christian rip the roster to shreds.
We open with a new Hurricane video package. Seriously? I liked the fact that ECW’s roster seemed grounded in reality finally, but now with the addition of The Hurricane I guess we’re destined to wallow in cartoonish characters.
Hurricane’s partner is Paul Burchill (with surprisingly hot Katie Lea), and while I might not like seeing kiddie characters, I like simple feuds. Strike that, I love simple feuds. This is the kind of stuff that made old school WWE work, not to mention made old ECW work. ECW was effective with a small roster because every match had a mini-storyline. The storyline here with these two is simple; Burchill feels that Hurricane’s shenanigans are overshadowing the accomplishments of real wrestlers. They don’t like each other. They fight.
Burchill pounds away on Hurricane for a bit until Hurricane hits the Hurricane Press (no I’m not making that up, that’s what Josh Matthews actually called it). Hurricane starts with his shtick, but Burcill’s disdain for it actually makes this match more fun. Helms with a giant leap off the top rope takes out Burchill on the outside and takes us to…
Commercial.
We’re back on a resthold as Burchill is choking out Helms. Apparently during the break, Burchill knocked Helms off the top rope and then threw him into the barricade. You know, they did this nonsense on RAW, where the heel’s big comeback was done during the break and all we got live was a chinlock. First Carl Ito and now Paul Burchill. If you want to get your villains over, you have to show them doing heinous acts to babyfaces.
Thankfully, the WWE saved Burchill’s version of the Elijah Express for live television, which is an impressive move. Ever since I saw Paul rescue a match against Yoshi Tatsu live a few months ago, I’ve come to really admire the guy. He has always been a great hand, and someday can fall into that role as a Val Venis or a Hardcore Holly who can be counted on to deliver decent matches that get their opponent over. Those, folks, are the people who have long and successful careers.
On a side note, I love that Striker pointed out that Hurricane and Gregory Helms have two separate bios on WWE.com. Synergy is key for the WWE, and nobody does it better than Matt Striker. Then, to continue the awesome, Matt says “if you will†and asks if he did it with a lisp, which is a great subtle reference to Dusty. Finally, Striker compares Helms to Barry Allen, to solidify the comic-geek-cum-wrestler angle. Love it.
Burchill then hits an incredible modified Pele kick for two, as he continues to show that he can go in the ring. Burchill goes to the top rope but gets caught in a Hurricane-canrana for two. Helms goes for the Shining Wizard but misses but hits the Eye of the Hurricane for the win. This was a solid match with some big moves, and you cannot fault either guy. ECW might not be the flashiest show, but they put together some competent and compelling contests.
In the back, our newest commentator is Courtney Taylor, and twenty seconds in she flubs her line. Ugh. She’s interviewing Tommy Dreamer, who swears that he and Christian are still friends. Dreamer then sends her away as Regal shows up to mock him. This leads to Kozlov ambushing Tommy and delivering some headbutts before holding him out for the Regal Knee. Now THAT is how you pull off a beatdown.
Commercial.
Did you know WWEClassics.com has 1,500 matches? Cause now I do. And I feel better about my life.
In the back, trainers and Tommy’s BBF Christian check on him to see if he’s suffered any brain damage. Oh fuck me, speaking of brain damage, it’s Abraham Washington. The audience thankfully is silent as Striker tries to convince us that he’s controversial.
Abraham hasn’t gotten better, but he’s gotten louder. Sadly, Washington is talking about the “Applause†sign, which was the best part of his gimmick until he mentioned it. Abraham calls the crowd illiterate to get the cheap heat, and I’ve yet to see this guy enhance any segment he’s been a part of.
Washington’s guest tonight is Goldust. Well, at least Dustin knows how to control a lame interviewer and can make the lamest ideas work. Abraham calls him strange. New and original. He then calls him “a lotta bit differentâ€, which makes no sense. Washington then trips on his words trying to talk about Dust’s feud with Sheamus. Goldust starts with the stuttering stuff, which is a commitment to a gimmick no one really remembers.
Abraham gets a cheap heel heat, but becomes so enamored with it that he breaks the momentum to point it out. Stop marking out for yourself, sir. Washington then thinks he’s being Punk’d, and I’m pretty sure is a show that’s no longer on the air. Goldust reminds us that he was zapped six years ago and the two of them ramble on in something that is going nowhere. Washington AGAIN stumbles on his words trying to introduce Sheamus.
On the plus side, I love Sheamus’s entrance music. Sheamus shuts Washington up and cuts a straight-forward promo, again showing that Abraham wasn’t necessary at all to the proceedings. The two of them stare each other down until Goldust stutters. Washington interject again to bring this painful segment to a lame conclusion. I think the funniest part of Abraham Washington is that he’s sweating despite doing absolutely nothing. If he works half as bad as he talks, he’ll break the neck of the first guy he wrestles. Since Ricky Ortiz is already gone, time to hope for a Washingon/Tyler Reks match.
The talentless vacuum continues as Courtney interviews Tiffany about Dreamer’s condition. If someone was flipping through the channels and stumbled upon this segment, they would swear they were watching porn. Tiffany can’t stop smiling as she talks about Dreamer being attacked. Tommy has a concussion and can’t wrestle tonight. Christian can pick a new partner. I would be intrigued if it was Ezekiel Jackson. See, that’s something I never thought I would say.
Commercial.
Woo, woo, woo. Zach Ryder will try to wrestle the human blown spot, Yoshi Tatsu. Guys like Ryder and Burchill are solid midcard heels who can move up and down on the card and still keep some heat.
Ryder is working the arm, showing that psychology in wrestling isn’t completely dead. Striker takes it one step further to point out why Ryder’s arm and hand attack is effective. This is the kind of synergy you don’t get on RAW. Nine times out of ten, Cole is hyping our main event. Look, I get that you want someone to stay tuned, but if they are willing to sit through a midcard match, they will watch the main event.
Tatsu leaps back into the ring and his leg almost gives out as he oversells his injured hand. Yoshi hits the rolling headlock and a kick for two. Ryder goes for the Zach Attack but gets hit with a rolling senton and Striker references Dick Togo. Love a little Kaientai. Yoshi goes for the springboard elbow but lands on his hand and Ryder gets the pin. So I guess Tatsu’s botched moves are now part of his gimmick.
Ryder takes the last few seconds to drop his catchphrases as Striker says he’s easy to dislike. Sometimes you need to remind your fans who to boo.
Commercial.
We get a Rise and Fall of WCW DVD, which looks awesome. I love that they interviewed Goldberg. Hell, I love that the commercial showed Judy Bagwell!
The WWE has a package on Floyd Mayweather as the Guest GM.
We get Striker and Matthews on camera to hype the DX package. AGAIN. This leads to a Summerfest pimping session.
Christian is in the back and vows to fight them alone. Tiffany tells him he has to find a partner, and the door opens on…who? Who is it? Damnit, I can’t take the suspense!
William Regal comes out and you really have to love the fact that he’s competing at Summerfest for a title. Regal then makes Tony Chimmel read off his accomplishments only to respond by politely holding up a finger. Kozlov is out next and shakes Regal’s hand.
Christian and his sharp haircut are out first. The mystery of his partner will be revealed, next…
Commercial.
And sure enough his partner is Ezekiel Jackson. I’m all for this guy getting a shot to be a face. His squash matches could get over like Umaga’s, not to mention the intriguing combination of Kozlov and Jackson will finally get some fan support. On a side note, Regal’s expression was priceless.
Christian and Regal start it out but Regal quickly tags in Kozlov and now the countdown begins until Kozlov and Jackson get in the ring. Vladamir charges Christian but gets dumped to the outside. He tries to climb back in but gets dropkicked. Regal distracts Christian and Vladamir jumps him from behind.
Kozlov now throws Christian out of the ring as we continue to delay the inevitable Jackson/Kozlov confrontation. Then again, the way this match is structured, they could be setting up a Jackson turn.
Regal’s in now but then he tags Vladamir right back. Striker points out that it seems like they don’t want Jackson in the ring, so at least if Ezekiel does turn, they planted the seeds here. Kozlov has a headlock synched in, hoping that the fans would rally behind him. Instead, they’ve been oddly silent. Regal is back in and showing some real intensity. I love motivated midcarders.
Regal hits some stiff shots but Christian does the springboard sunset flip and Jackson finally comes into the ring only for Kozlov to bail. Sure enough, when Christian had his back turned, Jackson hits the Rock Bottom. Regal then gets the pinfall. Well, the crowd desperately wanted to see Jackson attack Kozlov, so who wants to give them something that would get a reaction?
Kozlov and Jackson finally form the superteam I predicted last month, as Kozlov and Jackson both hit their finishing moves to end the show. So now building up to Summerfest we’ve seen DX laid out, Cena laid out AND Christian laid out. Original stuff, folks.
This has been for your consideration.
