Pulse Wrestling’s RAW Report
Written EXCLUSIVELY for Pulse Wrestling by Paul Marshall
Air Date: 08.31.2009
Venue: Detroit, Michigan
We’re LIVE from the Joe Louis Arena! Lillian Garcia introduces us to our guest host, Dusty Rhodes! Tonight should be a fun night with Dusty in charge. He has the mic and he goes for the cheap plug. He is proud of the blue-collar workers and is also proud of his son, Cody Rhodes. He hopes that Cody sees the light soon. He goes to shill the Breaking Point main event between Cena and Orton…oh wait, he books Cody Rhodes v. Randy Orton for the WWE Championship TONIGHT! To add on the fun, Dusty will be in Cody’s corner and the special guest referee is John Cena.
Here comes Orton and he is pissed off. He says that Dusty is jealous of him because Cody looked up to Orton more than his father. He calls the match made tonight a shameless act. Dusty defends his son’s honor and Orton asks him to give him a reason to not kick him in the skull. Out comes Cody Rhodes and things have gotten more interesting. Cody drives the point home that Dusty’s legacy is bigger than his own and Randy’s legacy. Cody says that he’ll be the youngest WWE Champion in history and that it is just business. Orton now complains of the unfair logic and Dusty agrees that the “fix” is in.
Backstage, the referee explains the instructions to six divas for the upcoming match after this…
Shawn Michaels v. Undertaker (from Wrestlemania 25) tomorrow night on ECW!
Time for the smart, sexy, and powerful divas!
Battle Royal for a Title Shot: Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes, Jillian Hall, & Alicia Fox
The bell sounds and it’s bonzo gonzo from the get-go. Beth tries to eliminate Kelly Kelly, but Alicia interrupts and gets dumped. I guess the elimination is over-the-top, which is rare for a women’s battle royal. Kelly Kelly gets dropped like a bad habit by Rosa and she’s gone by Gail. Kelly is next to go as Beth drops her out of the ring. Guess it isn’t over-the-top. Gail, Beth, and Jillian are left. Beth teeters on the apron, but Jillian distracts away. Jillian and Gail attempt to eliminate each other and Gail misses a springboard cross body. Jillian backs herself into Gail’s feet and they slug it out while Beth is still out of it. Gail gets close to elimination, but no dice. Gail goes for a hurrancurana, but Jillian drops her weight on Gail. Gail hangs on the ropes and she kicks Jillian. Jillian is gone and Beth reappears to kick Gail out of the ring.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
They have the graphic ready already for Mickie v. Beth later tonight. But first, Chris Jericho is set for action. He has MVP NEXT!
MVP v. Chris Jericho
Jericho takes MVP down to start, but MVP comes back with a waistlock takedown. They jockey for positon as Jericho sends MVP hard into the corner. Jericho mocks MVP a bit before hitting a back suplex for two. He slaps away and MVP cold cocks him in the jaw. MVP drops Jericho and he explodes out of the ropes with a monkey flip! Jericho counters a knee smash to the Walls, but MVP gets out of it. YAKUZA KICK TO JERICHO FOR TWO! MVP hits a clothesline for another two count. MVP sets up for the corner kick, but Jericho moves out of the way. Jericho hits a springboard dropkick that sends MVP out of the ring and we go to break.
We’re back and Jericho has MVP in a chinlock. MVP comes back and he sends Jericho to the corner. Jericho puts the boots up and he goes to the top. Gut punch from MVP and he looks to regain momentum. Not so fast as Jericho explodes with a bulldog. Jericho wastes time before going for the Lionsault. That misses and MVP hits a low dropkick before he goes BALLIN’! He covers and that gets two. Playmaker is countered to the Walls and MVP goes for the inside cradle for two! Out of nowhere…CODEBREAKER! That is all!
Winner: Chris Jericho
DX joins Dusty in the office and they talk about Cody Rhodes. Dusty promises both of them title shots if Cody wins tonight and they argue about who gets first dibs. Dusty wants DX to hang out with him and watch the WCW first. Dusty shills his own DVD before Trips shills the DX DVD.
Hornswoggle heads to the ring in the cowboy get up.
Last week: Chavo faced Hornswoggle again.
This week: Chavo faces Hornswoggle again.
Next week: Chavo faces Hornswoggle yet again.
Chavo Guerrero v. Hornswoggle
Oh God, not another handicap for Chavo… Yes, a cowhead. The bell rings and Hornswoggle takes care of a defenseless Chavo. He rides Chavo a bit and gets knocked down. Boot to the face and Chavk takes the cowhead off. Evan Bourne is here for a distraction and the cowhead goes on backwards. Horny ties Chavo up…
Chavo takes out Bourne, but Horny takes a bite out of Chavo. Bourne takes Chavo down and Hornswoggle hits the Moo Splash.
Tale of the Tape for Big Show v. Mark Henry is shown.
Did You Know: John Cena granted over 140 wishes for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Big Show v. Mark Henry
Show pie-faces Henry at the start and they lock up. Henry shoves Show away and they lock up again. No dice. Test of strength doesn’t seem to work, but Henry has the upperhand. Show kicks in the gut and follows with a headbutt. Another connects and Show is reeling. Henry hits a headbutt of his own and Show is loopy. Henry has a headlock on Show. He takes Show down to a knee. Show tries to get out of it to no avail. Show gets to the ropes and he gets a cheap shot on Henry. Henry sends Show to the ropes…SPEAR BY SHOW! Show is in control in the corner. Show charges again and Henry counters. Henry splashes Show in the corner and he hits a shoulder tackle. Big Splash connects for two! Henry charges and Show has an elbow for him. Show exposes the turnbuckle and he sends Henry right into it, drawing the DQ. Show counters with his KO punch and he leaves Henry lying.
Winner: Mark Henry via DQ
DiBiase is with Cody and he promises to make an impact. Orton reminds Cody that tonight won’t be personal, but only business.
US Title will be decided NEXT!
For a moment there, I thought I saw Hogan. Oh, it’s Dusty and DX. They namedrop Kevin Nash. There’s a subtle jab at TNA going on here. Shawn goes nuts and he leaves. Trips makes fun of Dusty’s booking of WCW and Shawn continues to go nuts. Classic.
U.S. Title Match: Jack Swagger v. Carlito v. The Miz v. Kofi Kingston
The bell rings and the Miz wants to watch the action. Kofi fends off his challengers in the ring, but Swagger takes Kingston down. Carlito sends Swagger out of the ring and covers Kofi for two. Miz takes care of Carlito and he works on the champion. Kofi leaps over a charging Carlito and Miz elevates him on Swagger. Kofi takes the Miz out of the ring and he hits a plancha to send us to a break.
We’re back and Kofi is in trouble with Swagger in the ring. Miz takes it to Carlito on the outside. Swagger has a half Boston Crab on Kofi. Miz hits the Reality Check on Swagger, but gets interrupted by Swagger. Miz takes it to Swagger and goes back on Kofi. Carlito hits a missile dropkick for two, interrupted by Carlito! Carlito goes to work on Kofi, but Kofi goes to the ropes and takes Miz and Carlito down. Swagger runs the corner with Miz & Carlito. Splash on Carlito gets two, so he goes for the splash on Miz, but he blocks it. Kofi suplexes Carlito on Swagger and he hits the “Boom Drop” for two. Miz sends Kofi out of the ring and he he takes Carlito out. Gutwrench Powerbomb by Swaggr attempt, but Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale! Carlito hits the Backstabber on Miz, but Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise on Carlito to survive!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Diva’s Title Match: Beth Phoenix v. Mickie James
It’s noted that Beth Phoenis is wearing a different outfit right now. The bell sounds and they circle the ring. Rollup by Mickie gets one. Mickie has a headlock, but Beth gets out of it. Beth picks Mickie up and she rams her back in the corner turnbuckle. Beth goes on the attack that sends Mickie out of the ring. Mickie struggles to get up and Beth explodes with a tackle. Beth hits a neckbreaker on Mickie for two. Beth drops the knee towards the shoulder and she wraps it around Mickie. Mickie tries to fight back, but Beth cuts her off. Mickie goes deep and she kicks away at Beth. Beth charges and Mickie has a counter. Drop toe hold by Mickie is followed by a dropkick to the jaw. Clothesline connects, but Beth reverses a whip to the corner. Mickiecurana connects and Mickie goes back to the top. Beth pushes Mickie off the turnbuckle and she is out cold! Beth sends Mickie shoulder first into the barricade. Back inside, Beth gets a two count. STIFF KICK TO THE RIBS BY BETH! Beth picks Mickie up, but Mickie counters to a high angle DDT for the win!
Winner: Mickie James
Back to the back with DX and Dusty. The WWE is doing everything possible to bury WCW for good. It seems that the Shockmaster is real…fake. The camera catches Arn Anderson doing the lines and he runs away. DX splits and the Shockmaster is Santino Marella. Dusty looks perplexed…
We’re back and Josh Matthews has John Cena up for the mandatory interview spot. Cena admits to hating Randy Orton and that if Cody wins tonight, the Legacy would be shattered. Cena won’t take sides tonight and it doesn’t matter who wins tonight…because Cena won’t quit. Yeah, he won’t quit.
Next week’s Special Guest Host: BOB BARKER!
WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton v. Cody Rhodes w/ Dusty Rhodes
Special Referee: John Cena
They couldn’t give Cena a referee shirt tonight? Oh…Dusty Rhodes goes heel on Cena and Cena is on the end of a three-on-one beatdown. Cena eats the Dream Street and they attack Cena until DX makes the save. Dusty takes his boot off and he hits Triple H with it, HAHA! CrossRhodes on Michaels and all three faces are down. Orton saves face by downing Dusty with the RKO! Cody is beside himself, but he doesn’t go after Orton. The fans are on Cody’s side as we end the show.
Result: No Match
The WWE RAW Report Card
Randy Orton v. Cody Rhodes never happened: N/A
Mickie James d. Beth Phoenix: C
Kofi Kingston d. Carlito, The Miz, & Jack Swagger: B-
Mark Henry d. Big Show via DQ: D-
Hornswoggle d. Chavo Guerrero: FTS
Chris Jericho d. MVP: B-
Beth Phoenix wins a Diva Battle Royal: C
The Final Grade for WWE RAW: C-
The main event was a bait and switch, but I can’t complain as it sells Breaking Point even better. Orton and Legacy got their heat back over DX and Cena and we’re heading towards a decent build on the RAW side. As always, avoid Chavo and Hornswoggle and you’ll keep your sanity.
Tags: Breaking Point, Dusty Rhodes, Raw, RAW Recap, RAW Results, WWE, WWE RAW