TCWNN #5: A Confession

Columns, Features

Disclaimer: I’m writing this column a good week in advance, because I will be away for the week and have no guarantee of Internet access. So, much as it pains me to stay out of the fray, I will not be writing anything about Jeff Hardy and his recent arrest, because not only is there a pretty large chance that anything I write will be completely out of date by Friday, but I also don’t want to get caught up in the holier than thou hand wringing, mud throwing, gun jumping and doom saying that’s been going around this past week as a result of this story. I will say that I find it ironic that the only people I’ve talked to who seem to grasp that the pill amounts aren’t necessarily indicative of a return to a hard partying pill popping lifestyle, and who understand that the charges are most likely only so severe because of our nations obscenely over aggressive “war on drugs”, are all Straight Edge. I kind of get a kick out of that.

So I thought this week, I’d do something different. Instead of harping on something the WWE is doing wrong, or being critical, I’d confess my admiration towards a specific member of the WWE roster who week in week out, never fails to entertain me. A WWE superstar who actually does all those little things that can make a bad segment work, even if the segments are often so bad that it’s to no avail. A WWE superstar who has lasted longer than he ever, EVER should have given the limitations of the role he’s playing.

I am talking, of course, about Hornswoggle.

I’m sure most of you reading this hate Hornswoggle. After all, you’re probably above the age of 10. And given how he’s presented, I can’t blame you.  Yet, at one point, I’d wager most of you found him amusing. After all, when he started out, he was more of a weapon than an actual WWE Superstar.  One day in 2006, the internets favorite fighting Irishman Dave “Fit” Finlay started getting assists from a little man dressed all in green who seemingly lived under the ring. This apparent leprechaun would run out when the ref wasn’t looking and attack Finlay’s opponent, or Finlay would pull him out from under the ring, slam him on his downed opponent, and toss him back out of the ring as if he were a chair or the ring bell. And that was ok. It was silly, stereotypical, and nonsensical, but it worked.  It got regular crowds who could care less about the stiffness of Fit’s work interested in his matches. And it won the Little Bastard a following.

From there however, one could argue that this limited shelf life character was over exposed. We had tag matches pitting Hornswoggle and Finlay against the Boogeyman and a Little Boogeyman (ok, I got a kick out of that one, even if the matches were dreadful). We had the much hyped Vince McMahon’s bastard son storyline. We had the misadventures of Coach the babysitter. In a reversal of fortune, we had Finlay turned into a happy go lucky jig dancing Irish dad to help boost the profile of Hornswoggle. We had Carlito treated like Daffy Duck. A random pairing with Goldust. And of course now we have the never ending (as of this writing) embarrassment of Chavo Guerrero.

Chavo vs Hornswoggle wasn’t an entertaining sight once, yet alone multiple times over. The Vince’s bastard son storyline ended with a fizzle with the reveal that his child was a supposed “leprechaun” that lived under the ring, and the subsequent revelation that he was actually Finlay’s leprechaun child that lived under the ring was even less of a charmer. Sure he entertains the little kids, but everything he’s done ends up a go nowhere storylines that takes up valuable television time that could have actually gone to, you know… WRESTLING.
And yet…

Hornswoggle won me over.  Because he does the little things. He knows how to play the crowd. He sells each and every aspect of what he’s involved in, be it physically or facially. Look at the dreadful, DREADFUL cow costume match from Raw.  Before the commercial break, they showed Hornswoggle heading to ring in full cowboy gear. It was ridiculous.  A supposed leprechaun, dressed as a cowboy? And yet, right as the camera faded out, Hornswoggle spotted a female crew member, tipped his hat to her and said “ma’m”, just like any movie cowboy would. For that brief second, I actually smiled. I find myself doing that a lot when watching Hornswoggle’s work, because more often the not he seems to be the person most committed to the segment.In a strange way, it’s similar to how Shawn Michaels can always find a way to make me laugh in even the worst DX segments.

Some of the anti-Hornswoggle contingent maintain there’s no place for a midget in the WWE. Yet wrestling has often been described as a three ring circus, without the tent. The idea being, it’s got something for everybody. Giants, high flyers, strong men, tattooed men, pretty women, etc. So there absolutely is a place for midget wrestlers or characters, if done right. Hornswoggle, for a time, was done right. Has the character outlived it’s shelf life? Maybe. It does seem like that there’s no where to go with the character of Hornswoggle other than continued random pairings. But as long as Hornswoggle keeps working hard to be the best damn leprechaun bastard child he can be, I’m still going to enjoy watching him work, even when he’s working on something I can’t stand.

Next week: I defend the pairing of Doink and Dink.
Just kidding.