On tap this week:
— The wit and wisdom of the retail clerk
— Boldly going where this column has never gone before
And slightly much more!
One thing I’ve always found fascinating is to hear people when they let their guard down. We all have a certain wall we build up around strangers and if we think no one cares, we sometimes drop it in the company of people we think are friends. One group of people I’ve found this to be especially true around are foreign retail clerks in the U.S and A. If they think you’re not an American, the stuff that comes out of their mouths is priceless. Think of it as the “Wit and wisdom of the Pakistani 7-11 Clerk” theory.
About five months ago I was getting a sub at Subway after their rush hour. I was unemployed then so it’s not like I took a late lunch at work or was doing something productive. In fact I was putting off doing something productive because it was a Wednesday. It was a couple weeks after Barack Obama had been sworn in and Evanston was still in the midst of Obama Fever. I’m the only other person in the joint besides this older African-American couple who were complaining to the “sandwich artists.” Using that term totally makes me feel old, as that was a big marketing campaign from Subway when I was in high school.
Their main complaint, I guess, was that “things are still [messed] up” despite him being in office a scant three weeks or so. And the gentlemen, who were the owners I later found out, are just smiling and nodding. You’d be amazed the level of service you get from foreigners sometimes, even when you’re rambling on about useless stuff. I hadn’t decided what I wanted so I was waiting, and by coincidence when I stepped into line the couple were leaving. And the gentlemen looked at me and one of them drops the greatest line ever.
“Meet the new boss, same as the old one.”
The fact that a Pakistani immigrant can quote a Who song at the exact right moment is priceless on any number of levels. The follow up from him about how no matter who gets elected that somebody’s “going to get paid” was brilliant, as was his commentary about how no matter what country you live in every person in charge has someone behind the throne who has to be paid back. The other two guys just stopped making my foot-long Chicken Breast sandwich (with lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, pickles and onions with a combination of honey mustard and sweet onion sauces over Pepperjack cheese – trust me it’s awesome and you’ll never want to eat another type of sub again) and listened to this improvisational brilliance from their boss. And I couldn’t top it. Still haven’t.
I was in a 7-11 on the way to work, before I got canned, and was behind this good-looking blonde in a tight shirt who thought it was her job to point out everything horrid about the store, et al. Both dollars she paid for her water apparently gave her that right, I guess, and they were ticked when she stormed out. So my comment of “[freaking] white people, huh?” made their day I think. They laughed quite loudly in a genuine manner. But that’s as good as I’ve been able to come up with.
And it’s witty commentary like that, or the lack thereof, that kept me out of the good colleges.
Things like these make me realize why I didn’t get into the good colleges.
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s Film – The Devil Wears Prada
Ahh…the chick flick. Most times they’re awful, and sometimes they’re enjoyable. Consider this in the latter category. Based on the book of the same name, the film follows Andy (Anne Hathaway) in a year in her post college life as an assistant to fashion magazine editor Miranda (Meryl Streep).
And it actually works on a number of levels, mainly because Streep is sooooo good. Miranda is a bitch de jeur and Streep is having a wonderful time doing so. Nominated for an Oscar for the part, and rightfully so, she’s having a ball being as mean-spirited and catty as possible.
Recommended.
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
Fame – A remake of the ‘80s classic about artsy teenagers trying to make it big.
Skip It – The original sucked. This one won’t be any better.
Pandorum – Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster wake up on a spaceship to no crew and a monster devouring everybody.
Skip It – They cancelled the press screening out here, and we all know why that happens.
Surrogates – Humanity lives via robots. Bruce Willis is a cop assigned to investigate a murder.
Skip It – It could be a great noir piece like I, Robot with sci-fi sensibilities. That’s the vibe I get.
Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds..
