On tap this week:
— Paul Newman is sooooo cool
— Anatomy of a punch
— The 3-D Experience
And slightly much more!
I admit that there are plenty of times in my life where I deserve to get punched. Ok, scratch that. There are an extraordinary amount of times in my life that I deserved that punch or kick to various parts of the anatomy, I readily admit, but sometimes it can get even funnier when it expands upon itself.
My friend Genevieve has this knack of hitting me. Translation: she throws a helluva right cross and a better spinning backhand. She has a black belt in kung fu and has fought professionally as a kickboxer, so she’s probably one of the toughest and most badass people I know. And unfortunately I have this knack of getting underneath her skin with my witty and incisive commentary on all things that come up in discussion. And by “witty and incisive” I mean “vulgar and insulting,” par for the course in my life. One such time resulted in her awesomely powerful spinning backhand right into my shoulder, which hurt a bit but was enhanced by the sting of her massive engagement ring leaving a slight welt where she hit me. But this is where the fun begins, of course, as the retelling of the incident has made for delicious cannon fodder.
According to Genevieve, it was a little tap that wouldn’t have killed a fly. She only slightly nudged me to show that the joke I had made, probably at her expense in some way, and she was just reminding me in a more physical way that perhaps my joke was not towards the best of audiences.
As I see it, Genevieve took an innocent remark and completely overreacted because it just happened to be funny (and no one upstages her majesty). She went all “Street Fighter 2″ on me and did a flying, spinning backfist ala Ryu and intentionally aimed for my heart. She would glow dark blue with her evil kung fu energy, learned from the guy who played Bruce Lee’s nemesis in Enter the Dragon. She missed and hit the shoulder, nearly reinjuring a part of the body I have already had surgically repaired. Then, while I’m nearly bleeding and in enough pain to make an average pain scream for his mother, she stood atop our table at the Buffalo Wild Wings and laughed ala Super Macho Man in “Mike Tyson’s Punchout.” After laughing loudly, she would then eat the rest of my Honey BBQ boneless wings and walk out without paying the check. Then she sent in anonymous ninja henchmen to finish beating me up, to enforce her point about the lack of humor she found in my remark before urinating in my gas-tank. Then she tops it off by using all the minutes in my cell phone (which she had stolen prior to walking out of BWW) to call other super-villains to brag about hitting me really hard. Then she would laugh maniacally, too, to complete her comic book villain motif.
But then again, thoughts like that kept me out of the good colleges.
Random Thoughts of the Week
Ahhh…. 3D. That’s the experience I’ve had recently. I decided this weekend that I ought to experience this thing, at least the new “Real 3d” version, at least once in my life. So, needing having two hours between films, I stepped into a showing of Final Destination 4 or whatever stupid title it had for a walk on the wild side. And I have to admit that I have learned one thing from the experience:
Bad Films Look Like Good Ones In The Third Dimension
As I kept watching yet another film where teenagers die in gruesome ways, and thinking “why doesn’t death just give them all fatal heart attacks if he wants them dead instead of elaborate shenanigans,” but one thing kept bugging me: I kept enjoying the ever-loving [stuff] out of it.
Don’t get me wrong, this film is an affront to humanity in terms of how bad it is. It’s on the increasing list of films I’d use as torture for inmates at Gitmo but in 3-D I kept getting sucked into how cool it was to see these kids die. From the stupid splatter to the overdone death scenes, I was almost enthralled. And for a while I could see why people love the 3-D and are more willing to forgive a film’s flaws because of it.
It’s still an awful flick, but the 3-D of today is significantly better then it was 20 years ago. I can only imagine what’ll happen when they make a great film using 3-D.
A Movie A Week – The Challenge
This Week’s Film – Cool Hand Luke
There are only a rare handful of films that can call themselves representative of a true “guys’ film” in the same manner that there are a similar number of true “chick flicks.” It’s why when Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle is asked to name the ultimate guy film, The Dirty Dozen is it. An acceptable answer would be Cool Hand Luke.
The film follows the prison sentence of Luke (Paul Newman), a man convicted of robbery and sentenced to a stretch on a chain gang. What follows is an epic battle of wills between the system and the man nicknamed “Cool Hand” as they try and make him a conformer like the rest. Eventually betrayed by a member of his inner circle, the film is a sort of Christ parable.
Why is it so iconic? Because it’s the tale of a guy who refuses to back down, even if it kills him, set against a machine-like system meant to break him down like the rest. We can identify with Luke because he’s the rebel we all wish we could be.
Highest recommendation.
What Looks Good This Weekend, and I Don’t Mean the $2 Pints of Bass Ale and community college co-eds with low standards at the Alumni Club
Whip It – Bliss (Ellen Page) is from small town Texas and discovers herself in roller derby.
See It – It was sneak-peeked last weekend, and I’m attending a press screening this week again, because it’s an excellent flick. This year’s Juno, on my top 10 of the year.
Zombieland – Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg and the little kid from Little Miss Sunshine kill zombies in a post-apocalyptic zombie comedy.
See It – Everything so far from it, trailers on down, has been terrific.
The Invention of Lying – In a world where everyone tells the truth all the time, Ricky Gervais is the one guy who can lie.
Skip It – This looks like Ghost Town was not too long ago; great premise, bad execution.
Toy Story / Toy Story 2 – This time they’re in 3-D!
See It – Arguably the two best Pixar films are out there in what could be an incredible format to watch them in.
Capitalism: A Love Story – Michael Moore unloads his leftist ramblings against Wall Street.
Skip It – Part of me thinks that this could be fun to see, as Moore launches his usual assault on the crooks who hoodwinked billions from the federal government. On the other, it sounds like another “George Bush is an evil, evil man who makes Hitler look like a good human being by comparison” netroots swamp-fest. The gut says Moore unloads on anyone not named Barack Obama in his usual 1/5 truth, 4/5 comedy routine.
Do you have questions about movies, life, love, or Branigan’s Law? Shoot me an e-mail at Kubryk@Insidepulse.com and you could be featured in the next “Monday Morning Critic.” Include your name and hometown to improve your odds.
