Iâ€™m sorry â€“ late again.. crunch time to get the magazine designed and finished, printed, and shipped to Florida.. ordering banners, business cards, making DVDs for the digital print, working with my own indie promotion for our next show, and putting up with a dead cell phone and smooshed skunk on my doorstep. Iâ€™m not in a pleasant mood so this should prove to humorous..
On to this Week in Indies with your suave host and expert basket weaver; Hack Johnson..
Letâ€™s start this weeks Gulliver travels in the swinger capital of the world, Indiana and the NWF (Northern Wrestling Federation)! Jesse Hyde came from behind the bushes and defeated the ever-slipper KY Jordan, Roger Ruffen over Ice in a barn burner, The Thugs went over Austin Meddler and inGe and later in the evening the losing half of the match issued a $500 challenge to wrestle The Thugs for the next event, Stamp Lickage (no joke needed â€“ he created it himself) put the postage meter to test on Muldoon as they went to a double DQ for inadequate postage. I guess you could say they went postal (feel free to groan, I did writing it) as they brawled from the back to the ring and had to be pulled apart and, if you are like me, pulling a stamp off an envelope is NOT easy! I have found mineral oil works well, however. Pompano Joe, 4th cousin to Samoa Joe, defeated the Fitness Machine (no news yet as to WHICH fitness machine it was though those in attendance feel it was a rower). The match ended as a fan interfered withâ€¦ push-ups. Christopher Michael Lotus and Matt Stephens over Jac Attackâ€™s Army, Jay Donaldon over Stewie Backlund and Samson in a triple threat, Mikey Nicholls and Ryan Stone over the Genuine Superstar and Jeremy â€œIâ€™m Your Hear not from Pearl Jamâ€ Hyde.
From the Swingerâ€™s capitol of the World to the â€œheâ€™s not boyfriend, heâ€™s my brother but we still kissâ€ capitol of the world, West Virginia for Championship Wrestling. War Machine (again, NOT Rhino) beat Jeff Jeckyl by DQ, Modern Profile (I ask.. MySpace or Facebook?) beat Travis Lee and Devin Carnage, Todd Austin and Kayden Phoenix over Diablo Sr. and El Guano (ok â€“ so is this guys intention to mock luchadores or is really the bat shi*t?), Super Bee swarmed and defeated Tom Sawyer by making him fall off his raft in panic, Billy Lit and â€œHustlerâ€ Rip Manson went to a time limit draw, Dr Roger Hamm defeated St Clair by DQ.
And from the dirty WV up to Penn and a newcomer to my round-up: Diamond Championship Wrestling. Jimi the High Flyinâ€™ Hippie (*blink*) over Fabulous Fred Flash, The Freak Doug Diggler got the 3-count on The Legacy â€œI canâ€™t make up my own gimmick and I really donâ€™t have a â€œlegacyâ€ because no one else in my family is a professional wrestlerâ€ Samuel Elias, Joe Dirt (so.. David Spade is working matches now? Maybe he could tag team with Arquette and take on the Dudley Boyz?) over Lewis, The PA Posse over the Powers of Darkness and Team Tap Out in a 3-way tag (usually found in motels in Indiana), Big Lenny over G-Raver to win the DCW Diamond belt. Zubov over Paul Atlas and Joseph The Hammer (not Greg) in a 3-way and Diamond Troy Justice over The Russian Bear in a flag match to capture the US Championship.
Now to the home of the crazy girl breeding ground, Edison, NJ and the NWS (National Wrestling Superstars). The NWS is a sort of throwback promotion as it does a lot of freebie shows at carnivals, fairs, and flea markets. Itâ€™s a great marketing technique because anyone will watch ANYTHING if itâ€™s free! They put on 2 free shows so letâ€™s begin with the afternoon run at the Edison, NJ â€œFall Street Fairâ€â€¦
The Half-Human Half-Ape Kong-a-Rilla (really? WOW) over â€œMr. Entertainmentâ€ J.D. Smoothie (is he inferring heâ€™s fruity or cultured? If you get the reference e-mail and youâ€™ll win a prize. Iâ€™m SERIOUS!), Paco Libro with his OVW/WWE never was interpreter/adviser â€œToo Cockyâ€ Kevin Mathews beat Jumpin Joey Janella, Sunny Boy Gulano beat Jack Spade (not the 1920â€™s fictional pop-detective novel character) by DQ, The former ECW Zombie (do we really have to keep referring to this dillweed as that? He didnâ€™t DO anything) along with George â€œThe Animal Steeleâ€ (as manager) defeated the never was OVW/WWE guy Kevin Mathews. Now for the evening festivities a few hours later. JD Smoothie and the resident luchadore mockery Manuel Manny Moore defeated Corvis Fear and Joey Janella, Indian Chief Draven over Jack Space, and the main event had The Zombie (again) with Nikko the Monkey Man (and Steele as their manager) defeating the has been OVW/WWE guy and Nicky Oceans (someone watched Oceans 11 one too many times maybe I can wrestle of Billy Mays). The next NWS show will be October 3rd (so â€“ tomorrow) with the Nasty Boys on the bill. October 10th theyâ€™ll have Sabu and the Sandman (assuming they can find them) and Julio Dinero. October 24th theyâ€™ll be having Superstar Billy Graham, Terry Funk, and Kevin Sullivan (you mean he isnâ€™t in jail? Damn.) along with NEW TNA Knockout.. Lacey Von Erich! I will try my best to get out to this show! If you like â€“ surk to their site â€“ nwswrestling.com
And letâ€™s finish this edition up in PA with the NWA East! Payton Graham (no relation to Billy) over Criss Crossfire (creative name!) in a.. wait.. what? In a DARK MATCH!? This IS an indie â€“ right? Since when do we have dark matches in indies? Color be boggled.. anyway.. Ryan Reign over Travis Fame in a.. wait.. ANOTHER dark match? Weird. Ok.. Jason Cage defeated the NWA Eastâ€™s brass knucks champ Troy Lords and Gregory Iron in a 3-way match to capture the belt (so I guess if Gregory IRON won the BRASS knucks title heâ€™d actually be downgraded as an inferior metal? â€“ just wondering), Lou Marconi over Robert Parker Williams, Da Munchies (no, I donâ€™t know which ones) over the champs Double Dragon and the Straight Jacket Mafia (I suppose enough time has passed to infer the trench coat mafia of Columbine as gimmicks), Shirley Doe over Chris LeRusso, Boomer Payne along with JB Destiny and Chris Taylor beat James Ross and his partners Patrick Hayes and Brian Anthony, Dash Bennet beat CJ Sensation in a lumberjack match, Phil Shatter over Ryan Mitchell, Excellence Personified over the Franchise Players, Jon Burton defeated Crusher Hansen and Ashton Amherst over Mad Mike in a last man standing match to retain his Heavyweight Championship.
Yes â€“ itâ€™s been a slow wrestling week. MANY shows happening THIS weekend though so, if you get a damn chance, get out there! Support the indies! Support ANYTHING that is away from the general whore mongers of industry. I may or may not have a column this coming week! I will be flying to Orlando this coming Monday for a vacation with my wonderful girlfriend (yes, wrestling geeks do get some â€“ you will too.. have faith!) then to Spooky Empire horror convention to debut The DarkerSide Magazine and if you pick up a digital copy youâ€™ll get to read a snippet of my interview with Woman Wrestling Legeng, Malia Hosaka! Next month I will have the full interview! And while Iâ€™m chilling in sunny Orlando with Daffney, Jake Roberts, Greg Valentine, Brutus Beefcake, and George Steele Iâ€™ll be twittering like a school girl at prom so follow me you slackers.. http://www.twitter.com/darkersidemag
Tags: Daffney, Greg Valentine, Jake Roberts, Lacey Von Erich, nasty boys, NWA, TNA