It’s a probably not a good sign for a show when my first thought after its sixth-season finale is: “Hey, is that Jim Edmonds??!”;
It was Jim Edmonds. It was also a very sad day for Entourage, friends. I was willing to give it one last, hail mary-esque chance with last night’s ep, and while it wasn’t as mind-numbingly awful as the show has been in recent weeks, it’s pretty safe to say the show we know and love is dead and buried. On to the highlights!
I suppose I’ll start with the lovebirds…if I must. First I’d like to say that Entouragehas always been a show for dudes. It’s about dudes hanging out, getting with chicks, doing general dude activities and I’m cool with that. But that’s also why I’ve always been a big fan of Sloan. She, along with Mrs. Ari, is a beautiful, likeable, well-written female character in this sausage fest of a television program. So you can imagine my rage when they pulled that waffle job with her last night. Oddly enough, I was actually on her side when she was reading E the riot act after his botched lunch date. He was being really unfair, and redundant, and generally acting like a prick. So we’re left with that ring cliffhanger, she looks pretty pissed off and then we come to find out…She accepted his damn proposal??! Really? What a complete joke. That’s the payoff we got after all that damn back-and-forth this season? A completely illogical engagement when it looked like she was ready to kill him? What a disaster.
Moving on..mercifully. I guess it’s fitting that the story arc with the most potential also had an anticlimactic flameout. I’m speaking of Ari’s hostile takeover of Terrence’s firm. We started out strong with a solid Ari rant in the shrink’s office (Although the anal-raping joke was a bit much, even for Ari). After Ari was given the financial blessing of his Mrs., we were led to believe that he actually is willing to call the whole thing off just because Terrence would keep the company’s name after the merger. I realize Ari is a prideful beast, but he is also a savvy businessman and he would have torealize the benefits of keeping the name. Lucky for us, he did! Literally 20 minutes later! "Spinning its wheels" doesn’t even begin to describe the awkward manner in which the writers chose to handle that little conflict. Ari and Terrence made nice in a scene in which both Piven and Malcom McDowell were trying desperately to make these words meansomething to me, but it just fell on its face. Something about working together for a long time? Always knowing they had the company’s interest at heart…or something? I’ve lost interest all over again. However, it was very nice to see Lloyd and Ari make nice, and to see Davies get his. But again, paintball gun? Is that the best we’ve got?
There was also Turtle, who couldn’t bring himself to consummate the deal with that smokin’ co-ed and decided to jet off to New Zealand to win Jamie back. But before his plane took off, Jamie got him on the horn and promptly explained that the long-distance thing just wouldn’t work and that she didn’t want to put him in that position, particularly when he is finally getting his life together. I thought this was actually pretty nice. A believable, tangible reason for two people not to be together. Unfortunately, this was notparticularly interesting for anyone to watch. I have two immediate thoughts: 1) Why was Jamie calling from a steel mill? and 2) Do people still think the "sitting between two fat people on a plane" joke is funny?
Vince getting hounded by Matt Damon for the charity stuff had its moments. Damon is just so damn funny, repeatedly saying “It’s for the children” and whatnot. I really enjoyed it. Lebron James, doing his best Pharrell impression, was pretty much unnecessary, meaning he gets the Michael Phelps award for “Most Random Cameo by a Superstar Athlete in a Season Finale” Award! Congrats, Bron. Put it on the mantle next to your MVP.
And then, we had Drama. Far and away, my favorite development of last night. I always though the idea of the elder Chase just taking a break to hang out with Vince was pretty awful, and he finally wised up and went to read for the new Melrose, but not before hitting us with the best monologue of the season, in which he recounted all his failures in TV, commercials, plays and show business in general. He was bitter, but had come to terms with the fact that he is the kind of actor who will always have to sing for his supper. Look at that, introspective, thought-provoking character analysis. Bravo on that front. And just when we thought we were headed for another failed Drama audition, the Melrose producer (played perfectly by the underrated William Fichtner) informed Johnny that he was getting a holding deal as a precursor to his own series. Drama. The lead. In a TV series. I was so genuinely happy for him. I can’t remember the last time I had that kind of emotional response while watching this show. It made so much sense, given all the meltdowns and failures we’ve seen Drama encounter. Fantastic.
But, ultimately, we’ve got a lot of uninteresting action going on here, am I right? This is what we have to hold us over until next fall. But I will have one more Entourage post this year. I promised you my theory to fix the show this week, but I’ve hit my word limit here and have decided it needs its own post. So, stay tuned!