Now that Ted’s officially a college professor, he’s decided that tweed is a good look. As a girl who may have had a harmless crush on a T.A. or two in her college days, I can tell you that it was a smart move (especially if the prof looks like our man Ted). Barney, doesn’t think so. He calls it “textile of the eunich.” Robin thought her tenth grade math teacher was very sexy. He’s supposedly in jail for tax evasion…among other things.
Marshall and Lily invite Robin and Barney over for a couples double date. As the only married people in a group of singletons, they’ve been looking for a couple to do this with for years. Small problem: the second they think they’re on a couples date, they start turning into “those people.” They try too hard, make their guests uncomfortable, and load ‘em up with cheese. They even tried it with the taxi driver and his wife and got rejected. Now that Robin and Barney are dating, hope springs again.
As you might imagine, it does not go well. Forgetting that these two are their FRIENDS, people they hang out with on a regular basis, they make all the mistakes they’ve made in the past with relative strangers. Lily and Marshall think they’re doing well, but when Robin and Barney leave, they decide it’s the worst night ever.
Meanwhile, Ted’s alone at the bar, and a girl is completely digging the professor look. She invites herself upstairs.
The next morning, Robin and Barney tell Ted about the “date” from the night before, describing it as like they were on a date with a “sad chubby girl that their mom made them call.” It was a disaster. Like if anything went wrong at all, they’d completely melt down. A broken egg timer was the death knell of the evening. Ted says that he’s convinced it wasn’t that bad, so Barney shows him the video Marshall posted. Here it is: http://www.itwasthebestnightever.com/
But Ted wants to know if Robin and Barney thought it was so bad, why did Marshall and Lily think it was so great? Cut to them giving the classic “I’ll call you” brush off on their way out the door. Robin says it’s what you just say at the end of a crappy date, and when the girl Ted met at the bar rushes out of the apartment with the exact same set of words, it’s more than apparent. Ted tells them about how she picked him up at the bar (tweed jacket was rocking), but she managed to fall asleep on the couch. When Barney learns that she lives in Westchester, he dubs Ted the “sexless innkeeper.”
Using a Dickensian/Clement C. Moore story, Barney spins the tale of how one New Years Eve, he found himself in Queens sans a ride home or a place to stay. The girl he met wasn’t attractive, but she was local. He let her take him home, but he “fell asleep” before anything happened. Just like Ted’s new friend, he had no intention of actually sleeping with her, so he faked being asleep.
Lily and Marshall run into Robin and Barney and tell them that they booked the couples weekend in Vermont. Barney tries to blow them off by telling them that he and Robin have been tapped to lead an expedition to search for intelligent life at the bottom of the ocean. Lily calls his BS, so Robin tells them that they’re just not into the coupley stuff. Lily and Marshall leave, and start reviewing the breakup. Marshall lets the photo montage slip. Apparently, it’s an addiction. No word on whether they’ve had an intervention yet.
Ted says that they haven’t been to the bar all week. Barney and Robin keep cracking sexless innkeeper jokes, but they realize that they need to give them an apology. When they stop by, Lily and Marshall are entertaining a couple who seem to get all their jokes and are actually having a good time. With that in mind, they’re sent away. Later, they bring the new people to the bar. Robin and Barney ask if they can hang out, but Lily and Marshall are on a double date. Wouldn’t want to have them feel like a fifth or sixth wheel, would they?
When Ted finds Barney wearing sweatpants (they’re Armani, though), he thinks things have gone too far. They head over to Lily and Marshalls and leave a trail of working egg timers. When Lily and Marshall follow the trail, they find a sad couple waiting for them in the rain asking for forgiveness. Lily and Marshall agree to take them back, over the two “very nice people upstairs who are perfect for them.” It’s like the end of Four Weddings and a Funeral with better comedic timing!
Bumper scene: Barney’s leaving Ted and Robin’s when Ted starts reciting a poem about how went out in the jacket, met a “comely lass” who took him upstairs and ended the tale of the sexless innkeeper. Barney doesn’t believe him…right up until she pops out of the bedroom in Ted’s shirt. Then Robin comes out of the bedroom asking if Barney’s ready for brunch with Lily and Marshall. Oh, Barney wonders, what has he done!!??!!
